I'm Not In Love
by Charmed Lassie
Summary: Nikki never contemplated this in her nightmares and particularly not in her dreams. Slash.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: My first multi-chapter TB fic in ages and it contains my new favourite pairing! The song is 'I'm Not In Love' by 10cc. All comments welcome.

* * *

_I'm not in love, so don't forget it._

What was it, fourteen days? No, fifteen because she'd taken that Friday off sick after the events of the Thursday. So, fifteen days since… it… had happened and Diane Noble had been off her mind for all of fifteen minutes in that time. That wasn't exactly what she'd intended- or wanted- to happen. A family holiday with Doug and the kids; it was supposed to wipe it right from her mind. Instead, her disgust and irritation had routinely multiplied and abated depending on her frame of mind at the time. Half of her holiday had been spent staring into the bottom of a glass recalling with contempt the moment in the empty briefing room when she'd finally confronted Diane for an explanation on her destructive mood throughout the shift. It had led to a complaint of police brutality being levelled at her by an assault suspect; one which had thankfully gone away when Gina Gold had a brief word. Still, Nikki had felt sufficiently annoyed to bring it up with the PC when she'd seen her alone.

It should have gone from her mind long ago. The fact that she was still contemplating what Diane Noble had done was telling: though of what she was unsure. Nothing but utter contempt, surely? It had been a game on the part of the constable, that much was obvious. Why else would she kiss her?

The trouble now, of course, was that she had to work with Diane on a daily basis. It'd be a constant tension, a constant worry that she'd bring it up in some inappropriate situation; and what would happen then? Nikki herself had no intention of saying anything about it. She wanted to forget it.

* * *

So far it seemed she'd been fortunate. Aside from accidentally finding her eyes wandering over to where PC Noble sat next to Emma Keane in the briefing room she hadn't had any contact with Diane all morning. Being posted on custody was a mixed blessing: it was a posting she liked, but if Diane and her partner for the day, Reg, brought in a prisoner they would be nothing to do except deal with it and converse with Diane. Nikki wasn't quite certain she could manage that yet, especially considering she'd only accumulated four hours sleep the previous night. Her mind hadn't wanted to stop, and it had frequently dwelled on the moment she would come face to face with Diane Noble and be forced to make conversation. The thought of that moment coming then kept her awake in itself and the cycle had continued through the night. Doug, luckily, was a heavy sleeper and noticed nothing. That didn't give her the relief she'd thought it might. If she was honest, she felt a little alone.

'Nikki,' Inspector Gold said briskly as she strode into custody. 'We've got a van coming in. Bunch of kids Reg and Diane caught on the Larkmead lobbing bricks at an old lady's head.'

She felt her heart plummet a little but tried to mask it with a curt smile. 'Right.'

'Could be trouble. Apparently when back-up arrived the kids were chucking the bricks at each other. The joys of Canley!' the Inspector finished with an exaggerated sigh.

Nikki nodded. 'Yes, Ma'am.'

Gina stopped short at her formality. 'Are you alright?'

'Course,' she answered, fairly unconvincingly, even to her own ears.

'Nice holiday?'

'Yeah, not too bad. Can't complain.'

'You know, people always say that, but I never understand why not,' Gina replied with a smile. 'You complain if you want to, that's what I always say.'

'Well, I'll bear that in mind, Ma'am,' Nikki said as the Inspector left. Looking back to the report she'd been trying to complete about an incident with a prisoner a couple of hours earlier, she tried to focus then put her pen down. She was about to come face to face with Diane; Mr Hoit throwing a shoe at Tony Stamp could wait for a little longer.

About twenty minutes later they arrived. Nikki had placed herself protectively behind the largest part of the desk; ridiculous, she knew, but it made her feel slightly safer. Reg came in first, leading a scrawny youth with a tongue piercing and a foul mouth. Glad to busy herself she booked him in (getting past the refusal to give his name by informing him his fingerprints would be put through the database anyway) then, as Reg went back to collect another one from the van, Diane entered.

Nikki immediately felt her palms grow slightly sweaty. It probably wouldn't be noticeable to the naked eye- no, it wouldn't be noticeable to a microscope- but she felt it within herself and she almost recoiled at the thought. She didn't want to give Diane any indicator that her ridiculous trick to out-manoeuvre her had worked. Even if it had.

'Alright, Sarge?' Diane queried as she approached the desk. Maybe she was just being sensitive, but Nikki could swear that the PC's voice was less than level. Did that comfort her at all? She wasn't certain. 'Good holiday?'

'Better than working,' she answered, not looking at the constable but at the suspect instead. 'Name.'

When she'd finished booking him in she thought Diane would leave. Yet as soon as he was safely in a cell the PC leaned over the desk. 'I want to talk to you.'

She shook her head. 'We've got nothing to talk about.'

'You walked out,' Diane hissed. 'You didn't say anything, what was I supposed to think?'

What was she supposed to think?! That took the biscuit, it really did! Nikki felt colour rise to her cheeks, before she pushed it back into her skin the best she could. 'I don't know what you were hoping to achieve, but it didn't work.'

Diane's mouth opened but the return of Reg with another struggling prisoner silenced her. Glancing once over her shoulder, the PC moved to help her colleague and Nikki took the opportunity to clear her face of discomfort. It was easier said than done though, as she realised the moment Diane looked back to her, green eyes probing. Swallowing with some difficulty, Nikki managed to get through the rest of the arrests without once looking directly at PC Noble. Then afterwards, as the two PCs moved off down the corridor her resolve crumbled and she looked over as they retreated. Diane chose to look back and their eyes met. Instantly alarmed, Nikki focused her eyes on her report: Tony Stamp and the shoe-sending fiend.

* * *

At the end of the day, fairly certain she'd managed to avoid Diane satisfactorily, Nikki finished changing in the locker room and threw various items from her locker aimlessly into her bag. She wasn't exactly sure why she needed her emergency phone charger at home but she wasn't really thinking. There was something remarkably soothing in just clearing space: organising.

'Hi.' Diane's voice startled her- she hadn't heard the door open and close- but she refused to turn around. Instead, she popped a few old envelopes into her bag. After a long silence, Diane went on, 'You not talking to me?'

Realising there was nothing else in her locker she could take without real difficulty she closed the door and bent down to zip her bag shut. Still not looking at Diane she put her coat on and then turned to leave. Unfortunately, Diane was in front of the door, leaning casually against it, arms crossed over her chest. Nikki got the distinct impression Diane had been in that position, watching her with unwavering eyes since she entered. 'I have to go,' Nikki said finally.

'You avoiding me, Sarge?' Diane asked, ignoring her statement.

'Course not.'

'Why won't you talk to me then?'

'Look, I've got to be somewhere…'

'Nikki…' Stepping forward, Diane checked herself, 'Sarge. I was worried about you.'

'Worried?' she repeated. 'Don't make me laugh.'

Diane actually had the gall to look a little hurt at that. 'What's your problem?'

'I don't…' Nikki hoisted her bag back fully onto her shoulder and moved further towards the door. 'I don't know what sick game you think you're playing but you can give it right up.'

'Oi, hang on,' Diane said, grasping for her arm. Nikki immediately backed out of reach and the constable let her arm drop. 'I'm not trying to mess with your head.'

'Well, you're doing a good imitation of it,' Nikki replied, glancing to the door with trepidation. Diane was practically guarding it, and the last thing she wanted was to have her hands anywhere… 'Will you move, please?'

After a moment, Diane shrugged and stepped aside. 'Sure.' She was surprised by her giving in so easily but she took the opportunity anyway and left the locker room. As she left she heard Diane add, 'Night, Nikki.'

* * *

'You look like you need a drink.'

Smiling briefly, Nikki placed her bag by the kitchen door and moved to kiss her husband. 'Where are the kids?'

'Andrew went bowling and the girls were watching telly in their room last I checked.'

'Liam?' she questioned, going to the kettle and flicking it on.

'Ah, now, he's sulking,' Doug answered, coming over and wrapping an arm around her waist. 'Don't think school went all that well.'

Nikki turned around and slipped her arms round his neck. 'You want me to have a word?'

'Do you mind?'

'Course not.' Clearing her throat at the recollection of having said those words already in the past hour, she let go of him and went to the door. 'Make me a cuppa.'

Doug mimicked a salute. 'Yes, Ma'am.'

Proceeding up the stairs she knocked once on her stepson's bedroom door and entered. Liam was sat on his bed, listening to some loud rock music on his headphones. When he saw her he pulled them down onto his neck and switched the music off. 'Alright?'

'Yeah,' she replied, sitting down on the edge of the bed. 'You?'

He shrugged. 'Yeah.'

'How'd it go today?' she questioned carefully. One of the main reasons they'd gone away just before the new year of school started was to give him a break. He'd been in some trouble the previous year, when he stood up for himself and managed to break a bully's nose. The school- and, thankfully, the parents of the lad involved- accepted provocation, they knew Liam was a good kid really but he'd just never fitted in. It hadn't exactly helped shipping from one school to another when he moved from living with his mum a few years ago to living with his dad, stepmother and half-sisters. Andrew had found it easier, but then he was a couple of years older and a bit surer of himself. Nikki sympathised with her younger stepson, and found it extremely fortunate that he seemed to trust her enough to confide in her.

'It was okay,' he answered, unconvincingly. 'You know, just normal.'

'Normal, eh? That's why you're sat here with a face like your Dad after he loses at Scrabble?'

He smiled slightly. 'It was alright. Couple of guys had a go but… I sorted it.'

Nikki raised her eyebrow. 'Not like the last time, I hope.'

'Nah, I just told them where to go. Reckon they're probably scared of me or something.'

'Well, your Dad's worried about you. Why didn't you tell him it went alright?'

Liam shrugged. 'Didn't think.'

Nikki pulled him up. 'Come on. You can help me with the tea.'

'Oh, do I have to?'

'Yes.'

* * *

That was the last time she invited one of the kids to cook with her. Or at least if she did it again she'd do the blending herself- custard all over the worktops was not an experience she was eager to revisit. Still, he'd been alright and that was what mattered. He'd even managed to distract her mind from Diane Noble for the evening.

Still, that particular worry was back with a vengeance now she was walking back into work. Conscious of the fact that she was uptight, she made an extra effort to hide her discomfort while she got changed and made her way to her office. Once in there, and finding it thankfully empty, she sat down heavily, however; feeling like she hadn't been properly rested in a month.

Her peace and quiet didn't last long. There was a knock at the door and Emma Keane entered. 'Sarge?'

Dragging a polite smile onto her face, she questioned, 'Emma, what is it?'

'There's a woman in reception kicking up a bit of a fuss, claims she's been assaulted. But she won't let us get near her so…'

Nikki stood. 'I'll give it a go.'

'Thanks, Sarge. Diane might've calmed her down already, you never know.'

Diane was there? It struck Nikki to be a little odd that the constable hadn't jumped to inform her of the problem herself. It would've been, after all, a perfect opportunity to make her feel even more uncomfortable.

When she followed Emma into reception the woman, in her late forties, dishevelled and more than a little manic, was rebuffing Diane's attempts to get her to sit down quietly. The PC barely glanced over at their arrival. 'Come on, if you just sit down we can talk about it! We're not getting anywhere like this!'

'He hit me! He hit…' One of the flailing arms caught Diane in the face, knocking her backwards.

'Grab her,' Nikki instructed, kneeling down beside the injured constable, whose lip was bleeding. 'Are you okay?'

Diane struggled to her feet. 'I'm fine.' As Emma and another officer dragged the woman into the back, she continued angrily, 'I was getting through to her!'

'She just whacked you!' Nikki answered, standing herself.

'Careful, Sarge, you're sounding like you care,' Diane retorted before storming into the depths of the station.

Nikki stood uncertainly for a few seconds. Whatever reaction she'd been expecting from Diane, that wasn't it. She'd felt a little burst of anger: one of her team had just been injured so of course she was a little annoyed, and she'd thought Diane would… Well, Nikki would've guessed that she'd be gloating a little, if she was honest. But it hadn't happened that way. Diane seemed angry with her. Why though?

She managed to locate the PC in the ground floor toilets, tending to her split lip. 'You alright?'

'It's only a bust lip,' Diane said dismissively. 'I've had worse.'

'Right.' Recognising she wasn't wanted, Nikki moved to leave.

Diane sighed. 'Nikki, I'm sorry.'

She turned back, frowning at the look on Diane's face- she couldn't quite decipher it. 'For what?'

'Well, what I…' She went to back to dabbing her lip with some tissues. 'I shouldn't have kissed you.'

'No,' she agreed, leaning against the wall. 'You shouldn't have.'

'It won't happen again.'

That should have been enough for her to walk away but she couldn't. It had been on her mind too much recently for her to let it go just like that. 'So why did you do it in the first place?'

Diane's eyes flickered left and right and she moved to get some more paper towels for her lip. 'I don't know.'

'Come on, you can do better than that.'

'Nikki,' Diane said finally as she moved to leave. 'You're not stupid, work it out yourself.'

As the door clicked shut behind the constable Nikki closed her eyes. That was the last thing she'd wanted, or expected, to hear.

* * *

'You alright, love? You've been quiet since you got home.'

She glanced guiltily up at Doug, whom she was resting against on the sofa. 'I'm fine.'

'Sure?'

His concern was only making her feel worse. 'Yeah, course. Just had a bad day that's all.'

'Ah, see, when you were at Barton Street I'd know that.'

'You miss me, do you?' she asked quietly.

'It's a bit strange,' he admitted, shifting his weight slightly so he could look at her. 'Why, do you want to come back or something? Is Sun Hill that bad?'

'No, it's…' She sighed and shook her head. 'No, I love it. Just had an off-day, that's all. Need to put it out of my mind.'

'Well, it's easier said than done sometimes.'

'Mmm,' she agreed, reaching for her wine glass. Doug refocused his attention on the television but she couldn't. Her mind was swimming.

If she'd interpreted Diane properly earlier- and she still wasn't completely certain she wasn't just on the receiving end of some ploy to annoy her- but if she had understood right and Diane had kissed her for the same reason that everybody kissed anybody then she was absolutely lost. For starters, she'd never had an inkling the constable was that way inclined- she had a son for God's sake! Still, she wasn't naïve enough to believe that meant it couldn't occur but she certainly hadn't anticipated it. A few pieces were beginning to fall into the jigsaw that she hadn't expected a few months ago. Perhaps this had been brewing for a while and was part of the dislike Diane had for her in her early Sun Hill days. Yes, they were different types of police officer, and Nikki had thought that had been the basis of it, but what if it was only part of it? That idea was unsettling. The thought that Diane had been watching her for months and only just… Well, it was concerning. It put a different slant on every insignificant conversation they'd ever had.

Doug chuckled at something on the television beside her and she tried to focus back on the screen herself. It was easier said than done sometimes.

* * *

Another night with very little sleep had given her a headache when she awoke and dragged herself out of bed. Then a mild disagreement over breakfast with Daisy had led to yet more irritability. So when she finally arrived at work Nikki had already had her fill for the day; however, the sight of Gina Gold standing by her office door to greet her gave sharply reminded her that the day was just beginning.

'Nikki, morning. Need you down at the Trager Street Post Office. We've got a young lad and two unconscious females.'

She frowned. 'What?'

The Inspector shook her head. 'I've no idea. It looks like the women might've been trying to rob the place and the customers didn't like the idea or something. Don't know where the boy fits in though.'

Nikki nodded. 'Well, I'll get down there, Ma'am.'

* * *

Walking into the Post Office ten minutes later Nikki surveyed the scene. One of the counter windows had evidently been attacked by the chair that lingered legs up on the floor a few metres away. One smartly-dressed man being talking to Tony obviously worked there; the two unconscious women, both in their mid-twenties by the looks of it, were being moved by paramedics. Emma and Will were each talking to witnesses and Diane Noble was kneeling beside a young boy who was refusing to look at her.

Quickly composing herself, Nikki walked over to them. 'Hello, there,' she said, directing her smile first at the young lad then, as an afterthought, at Diane.

The PC met her eye, albeit very briefly. 'Hiya, Sarge. This little man won't give me his name, will you, mate?'

When the boy shook his head Nikki crouched beside him and Diane. 'Well, you don't have to tell me your name if you don't want to. But you could do me a little favour, if you don't mind.' He shrugged and raised his head a little. 'You can just nod or shake your head, okay? Alright. Those two ladies that the paramedics are with- is one of them your mum?' Immediately, he shook his head. Exchanging a look with Diane, Nikki then went on, 'Thanks. Now, if it's okay with you, my colleague here's going to take you back to the police station with her and you can stay there till we find your parents. How'd you like that? You can even have a ride in a police car,' she added. 'And if you ask nicely she might even put the siren on for you.'

The youngster grinned slightly and, pleased with herself, Nikki glanced at Diane whose eyes were fixed on her, a smile playing across her lips. Then the constable suddenly stood and took the boy by the hand. 'Come on then, mate.' As Diane was leading him to the door she looked over her shoulder. Nikki tried to smile, but recognised she probably failed.

'Erm, Sarge,' Tony said, drawing her attention away from the door. 'That's the owner,' he continued, nodding to the suited man he'd just been talking to. 'Now, he reckons that the women were arguing when they first came in and he doesn't think they planned anything.'

'What, so they walked in here and just decided on the spot to rob the place?'

Tony nodded. 'He also said the way one of them was talking, he wouldn't be surprised if she'd taken something. She was definitely agitated.'

'Okay,' Nikki said thoughtfully. 'CCTV?'

'Yeah, he's getting it for me. Covers the counters and the entrance so we should get something pretty concrete.'

'Right, cheers, Tony. Anything else? How did they end up unconscious?'

'Ah, well, this is where it starts to get interesting,' he answered with a seasoned smile. 'The blonde apparently flipped when she couldn't break the window with the chair and started hitting her mate with it. Then that man over there, the one with Will, tried to restrain her and she fell and hit her head.'

Nikki frowned. 'Alright. Listen, can you and Emma follow the women down to St Hughes, and let me know when they wake up. I'll take this CCTV back and try to get a couple of names for us.'

* * *

Having procured two fairly good screen-grabs of the women Nikki was on her way to collect the prints when she decided to stop by the soft interview room and see how Diane was getting on with the boy. The door was slightly ajar and since Diane had her back to it, her presence wasn't noted. Nikki watched for a few minutes as the PC tried to coax the boy out of his shell.

'Bet you've got a computer at home, haven't you?' Diane said. 'My boy's never off his. He's always playing football games. You like football?' The youngster nodded. 'Well, I'm not a big fan myself and I don't know much about it. Could do with a teacher. What team do you support?'

Finally, the boy muttered, 'Arsenal.'

'Really? Now, they're good aren't they?'

'Yeah, they're brilliant,' he agreed.

'Have you ever been to a game?' Diane asked after a second. Nikki crossed her arms, wondering where this was going.

'My Dad takes me sometimes,' he answered.

'Oh, right.' Diane paused. 'Do you live near the ground then or does it take ages to get there?'

He shrugged. 'Just round the corner.'

Nikki smiled as she recognised the fruits of Diane's questioning and she was just about to turn and leave unnoticed in order to make a couple of phone calls when her foot clipped the bottom of the door. Diane turned, saw her standing there and then, rather ambiguously, smiled and refocused her attention onto the boy. Nikki watched the back of the head for a moment more before she left.

It was strange that Diane always distanced herself from this kind of work and yet she could actually do it when she got the opportunity. Perhaps her strengths weren't just chasing and arresting; there were other things in there. The question that itched at Nikki's mind was why was she so afraid to show them? Defensiveness was always a possibility.

* * *

'Right, you lot, listen up,' Nikki said loudly, causing the briefing room to gradually fall silent. 'We've got two women in St Hughes, suspected of attempted robbery and abduction of this little lad here.' She directed their gaze to a screen-grab of the child then proceeded, 'Now, we haven't got his name yet but we do know he lives just around the corner from the Emirates Stadium. We've got officers in Holloway looking into possible connections. But at the moment we're trying to find out who these women are and what they were doing with this young lad. Sergeant Smith is coordinating a door-to-door around the Post Office; Will and Reg, if you could help with that. PCs Stamp and Keane are still at the hospital, neither of the women have woken up yet, doctors have detected some anti-depressants present in the bloodstream of the blonde.'

Briefing finished, she went back to her office, wanting to be close to the phone. She was surprised to find Diane sat in there with the young boy next to her. 'Hello.'

'Hiya, Sarge,' Diane replied. 'Me and Tyler here thought we'd drop in.'

'Tyler, eh?' Nikki said, smiling.

'Yeah, Tyler Sharp,' Diane continued. 'He lives with his Mum, his parents are separated and he loves raspberry jelly.'

'Really? Well, if you go to the canteen and ask nicely we might be able to rustle up some of that for you.'

Tyler smiled bashfully and Diane stood. 'Will do, Sarge.'

'Diane,' Nikki said as she passed her on her way out of the office. 'Well done.'

The PC shrugged. 'Thanks, Sarge.'

* * *

'Mr Sharp?' Nikki questioned when she walked into the front office early afternoon.

The businessman turned to her, worry etched on his face. 'Yes, hello.'

'I'm Sergeant Wright. We've got Tyler here, I'll be happy to take you to see him. But I wonder if I could ask you a couple of questions first?'

'Of course,' he answered.

Nodding, she led him into the front interview room and indicated he should sit down. Putting the two screen-grabs of the women on the table, she asked, 'Do you know either of these women, Mr Sharp? These are the women your son was found with.'

'Yes,' he said immediately, pointing to the blonde. 'This is an old neighbour of mine. Erm… Lydia Johnson, I think her name is. She lives on the same street as Tyler and my ex-wife.'

'Right. So, could she have been babysitting for Tyler today?'

'Well, I doubt it. Caroline doesn't trust her, or at least she didn't when I lived there. Sergeant Wright,' he went on, 'I haven't been able to contact Caroline. There's nobody at the house. I'm a little concerned.'

'I can look into that,' she answered. 'Now, I'll take you to see Tyler and you can take him home. But we might need to ask both of you some more questions at some point.'

'Yes, that's fine. Thank you so much for your help.'

The gratefulness was a nice change from the hostility she usually encountered from the public. Taking him through to the canteen she saw Tyler and Diane talking animatedly over large portions of jelly and approached with a smile. 'Hi, Tyler, look who's here.'

'Dad!' he grinned, jumping up, then he looked down to Diane regretfully. 'Do I have to go home?'

'I'm afraid you do, mate,' the constable answered. 'But thanks for the lesson in football.'

After they saw father and son out of the station, Nikki turned to Diane. 'I need to investigate an address. Do you want to come with me?'

Ten minutes later Nikki was questioning the wisdom of confining herself to a small space with the brunette as she manoeuvred the car out of the yard and onto the main road. But, in all honestly, part of her felt like nothing had happened. It was as if the previous day had just melded into a distant past. Nikki had thrown herself into this case and Diane just happened to be working alongside her. Not only that, she was doing a good job and so it was perfectly natural for them to carry on working together. It had seemed that way back at the station anyway, but now she was starting to feel a little uncomfortable. She concentrated on the road to take away the nerves in her stomach.

'Couldn't the local nick do this?' Diane questioned after several minutes of silence.

Nikki briefly glanced sideways. 'Yeah, I suppose. But I wanted to stay with it.'

'Fair enough. It looks better on our sheet than theirs.'

'Well, that's one way of looking at it, yeah.'

'Yeah, I know, I know,' continued Diane suddenly. 'It's not fair to push the family from pillar to post if it's not necessary.'

Nikki looked to her left then steadily gazed at the road. 'No, it's not really.'

There was another lengthy pause. Being out of her patch, Nikki had a good excuse to focus, but she wasn't concentrating completely on the tarmac and traffic lights; not really. Diane had surprised her again, and she wasn't certain how to take it.

'This is the street, Sarge,' Diane said eventually when they turned onto a quiet suburban road. 'Number twenty-four…. It should be on the left.'

Nikki slowed down as Diane squinted for the numbers. 'Which one?'

There was a pause then the PC snapped her head back to face the road. 'Keep driving, Sarge. Don't stop.'

'What?' Nevertheless, Nikki complied. Driving further down the road she pulled into a small street on the left and looked to Diane. 'What?'

'There was someone in the upstairs window, a man.'

'Are you sure he was in Lydia Johnson's house?'

'Yeah, I was counting the houses.'

'Right.' Nikki paused. 'Okay, you get onto Tony and see if Lydia Johnson's woken up and mentioned a husband or a boyfriend or anything.'

'Where are you going?' Diane queried when she opened the door.

'Just to have a look around.'

'Be careful.'

Nikki glanced back but Diane had already started speaking over her radio. Shaking the strange feeling in her stomach, she quickly scouted out the back of the row of houses. If there was someone else inside Lydia Johnson's place they'd need back-up: there were too many exits and variable factors. Going back to the car, she questioned, 'Did you get through?'

Diane nodded. 'She came round about twenty minutes ago. She's got a husband, Jeff, and she admitted them going to the Post Office was his idea, though she's a bit sketchy on the details.'

'This just gets stranger,' Nikki commented. 'The husband forces the wife and some other woman…'

'Apparently Lydia's sister,' supplied the PC.

'Right. So he makes his wife and his sister-in-law take the neighbour's boy and… Well, do what with the mother?'

'Lydia Johnson reckons her husband had Caroline with him in the house.'

'We're gonna need some back-up,' Nikki thought aloud, immediately calling for some. Then she looked over to Diane again. 'We should just sit tight.'

'Well, we could have a look, couldn't we, Sarge?' Diane asked. 'Just see what's going on.'

Nikki acquiesced, partly because she didn't want to be sat in the car awkwardly for any further period of time, and partly because Diane's tone was quite persuasive. They left the car out of sight and went to the front of the house. Nothing looked out of the ordinary. Indicating they should enter the garden not of the Johnson household, but of the Sharp home to diffuse a little suspicion were they being watched, Nikki moved over to look through the window.

Diane followed suit. 'Neat place, isn't it? You'd never think there was a kid in there.'

'Well, I can tell you my house never looks that good,' Nikki replied, glancing over to the house a few feet away. 'Nothing looks out of place.'

'You want me to check round the back, Sarge?'

'Yeah, go on then. Just remember we're waiting for back-up.'

'Will do.'

After watching Diane around the corner Nikki then went back to her examination through the window of the Johnson house. It did look a little too good to be true, there didn't seem to be signs of recent occupancy, let alone the trademarks of a young kid. Scooting to her left, she craned her neck to look into the depths of the hallway but there was still nothing that she'd deem 'normal' for the home of a single-parent. It was almost as if someone had cleared up thoroughly, and the only reason Nikki could think of for someone doing that would be to hide something. She wished she'd had the foresight to borrow a key from Brett Sharp before he'd left the station but, as she hadn't, all she could do was stand there and wonder.

'Sarge?' Diane's voice crackled over the radio.

'What is it?'

'I've just had a look through the kitchen window of Lydia Johnson's. Jeff's in there, he looks agitated. I don't think we should leave him alone very long. If he has got Caroline Sharp in there…'

'We need to wait for back-up,' Nikki interrupted. 'He could be armed.'

'Yeah, but, Sarge, I really think…'

'Diane, I'm giving you an order.'

There was a lengthy pause. 'Sarge,' Diane answered finally.

Believing she'd won Nikki returned to her post looking through the window. Then, suddenly, she heard an almighty bang from the area behind the houses. Cursing, she ran around the side, angry to find the back door smashed open and shouts echoing inside. Drawing her asp, Nikki entered the house cautiously, noticing a woman she could only deem to be Caroline Sharp tied to a chair in the large dining room. Holding up a hand, she followed the shouts and found Diane tackling Jeff Johnson at the bottom of the stairs.

Dragging him up, the PC cuffed him. 'You weren't worried, were you, Sarge?'

Too aware there was a prisoner with them, Nikki just turned on her heel and went to release Caroline Sharp from her bonds. When back-up arrived minutes later she instructed the PCs to take Johnson in then she finally went back inside to see Diane.

'Can you go in the ambulance with Mrs Johnson and see she's checked out?' Nikki said eventually, after debating for a moment whether to grill the PC. Since she couldn't at that precise moment, she'd settle for a distance. 'I'll inform Brett Sharp at the station, get him to meet you there.'

As she turned to go, Diane began, 'Sarge, I did what was…'

'Not now, PC Noble,' she interrupted, walking out of the door.

* * *

'Penny for 'em.'

'Hmm?' Nikki looked up from her report and blushed a little at the sight of Gina Gold watching her like a hawk. 'Oh, they're not worth it.'

The Inspector came in and closed the door. 'I heard you sorted out that mess earlier. What was it in the end?'

'Erm…' Trying to focus, she smiled briefly. 'Well, from what I can gather, it was the husband who was the brains behind it all. If you can call it a brainy operation, that is. Lydia Johnson told Tony that a few months ago she was told by doctors she couldn't conceive. Jeff wasn't best pleased and he got a bit of a fixation on the little lad next door- Tyler Sharp. So he concocted this plan where they'd take the boy and run off with him. Which they did, then he cleared the Sharp house of everything belonging to Tyler and got ready to go. Unfortunately, it didn't quite work out.'

'Now there's a surprise,' Gina quipped.

Nikki managed a laugh. 'He roped his sister-in-law into helping. What he didn't count on was her talking Lydia out of it when they went to clear out their savings accounts. The whole situation in the Post Office was contrived to make us take notice. I don't think the intention was for them both to be unconscious by the time we got there though.'

Gina let out her breath. 'I'm glad I let you deal with that one.'

'Yeah, thanks, Ma'am,' Nikki replied. 'I really appreciate it.' After a brief pause, she found herself continuing, 'I actually had a problem today, Ma'am.'

Inspector Gold raised an eyebrow. 'Oh?'

'Well, it was PC Noble…'

* * *

Very eager to get out of the station, Nikki changed quickly and was about to leave when the door to the locker room opened. It seemed that fate wasn't on her side; especially considering the glare present on Diane Noble's face as she closed the door behind her.

The PC took a moment before she spoke, probably to calm herself a little. 'Why did you do that?'

Nikki sighed and then swallowed. 'Look, you were…'

'I know I was out of line!' Diane interjected. 'But I had to get in there!'

'You couldn't have waited two minutes for back-up?'

'I made a judgement call.'

'One that went against mine,' Nikki answered. 'I'd already given you an order and the fact that you couldn't follow it suggests there's an issue here.'

'Oh, come on!' Diane said, snorting derisively. 'I got him didn't I?'

Nikki shook her head. 'It's the way you went about it!'

PC Noble was quiet for a moment. She walked to her locker, opened it and pulled out a bottle of water, fiddled with it and placed it back into the locker. Then she turned back. 'So it was all professionalism, was it?'

'What else would it be?' Nikki queried steadily.

'Oh, I don't know…' Diane allowed that to linger as she came closer. 'What was the real problem, Sarge?'

'Your professional conduct. Or lack of it. I'm your senior officer and when I give you an order…'

'You expect me to stick to it. Yeah, I've had the lecture from Inspector Gold, along with the recommendation I take some owed leave.'

Nikki glanced up. 'What?'

'Two weeks, effective immediately. So, thanks a lot, Sarge.'

When Diane turned back to her locker and began loosening her garments, Nikki quickly made for the door. Just as she was about to open it, she let her grip on the handle slide. She didn't turn around though. 'I'm sorry.'

There was a lengthy pause. As she couldn't see PC Noble she could only imagine the expressions on her face and what was going through her mind; Nikki wasn't keen on any of the options. 'It's alright,' Diane said finally. 'You were right. I should've listened to you.'

Nikki turned and was faced with the image of Diane's shirt half-unbuttoned. Ignoring that, she simply said, 'He could've been armed.'

'But he wasn't.'

'But he could've been! And that's a risk you always have to take into account. I shouldn't have told Inspector Gold without talking to you myself first. I'm sorry for that.'

The PC nodded. 'Apology accepted. So… Well, I guess I'll see you in a couple of weeks then, Sarge.'

The way Diane looked down at the floor self-consciously made Nikki smile. 'Have a nice break, enjoy yourself.'

'Don't think I can manage that,' answered Diane with an apologetic shrug. 'Not in my nature.'

'Give it a go anyway,' Nikki advised. Smiling again, she left the changing room.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for reading this. One of those things which demanded to be written... or else!

* * *

_It's just a silly phase I'm going through._

'Ah, Nikki, there you are,' Gina Gold said as she burst through the door of the Sergeant's office. 'Need you in the briefing room.'

'Problem?' Nikki queried, standing immediately and leaving the report she'd been trying to finish since she got in at eight to follow the Inspector out into the corridor.

'Serious assault on the high street. Knife wounds by the look of it.'

Nodding, she followed Gina into the briefing room where most of the relief were already assembled. Her eyes immediately picked out Diane sitting with Will and heard him mutter, 'You look wrecked. Heavy night last night, was it?'

Diane smiled mysteriously. 'Wouldn't you like to know?'

'Well, who's the lucky fella?'

When Diane glanced up and found she was being observed she just shook her head. 'No one.'

Putting that little nugget to the back of her mind as best she could, Nikki went to stand at the front of the room while Gina Gold silenced the troops. 'Okay, let's get started. Now, about an hour ago a young lad, Connor Fisher,' she elaborated, pointing at a photo of a teenager, though one on the older end of the spectrum, on the whiteboard, 'was pulled into an alleyway and assaulted with a knife by a hooded youth.'

'Is he conscious, Ma'am?' Diane questioned suddenly, drawing Nikki's attention back over towards her.

'Not as yet,' the Inspector answered. 'As some of you might've noticed, we've got an unfamiliar face in our midst.' Nikki had to admit she hadn't, and when she looked up to find Doug standing close to the door, she felt her entire body stiffen from her toes upwards. Her gaze flickered automatically back to Diane who just happened to be staring back at her in that moment. She tore her eyes away as Gina went on, 'For anybody who doesn't know, this is Sergeant Doug Wright of Barton Street. He's had dealings with the victim and has agreed to help us out in interviewing him because he's notorious for not cooperating.'

'He's not a trouble-maker,' Doug put in quickly. 'It's just he's had a bit of a rough time of it.'

'So are we treating this as an isolated incident, Ma'am?' Will asked.

'Well, there's no evidence to suggest anything at the moment,' Gina answered. 'I've already sent PC Stamp down to pull CCTV from the immediate area. When he gets back, Will, I want you to help him look through it. PC Noble, if you could escort Doug Wright to the hospital, and report back to DC Jo Masters if you find anything out. As for the rest of you, I want concentrated patrols on and around the high street until this is sorted out. You'll be updated if and when we get more information.' Gina nodded the dismissal of the mass in front of her then looked sideways. 'Nikki, have you got a second?'

She was forced to blink repeatedly to draw her eyes away from where Diane was moving to talk to Doug. Turning, she focused on her Inspector. 'Ma'am?'

'I need you to inform Fisher's next of kin of the attack and take them to the hospital. Alright?'

'Yes, Ma'am,' Nikki answered, returning her mind as best she could to the job at hand.

* * *

She was yet to work out whether Patrick Fisher wanting to dash straight to the hospital was a good thing for herself or not. Of course, her personal feelings on the matter shouldn't be intruding on the issue of a father wanting to see his son, but Nikki felt a smidgen of selfishness creeping into her mind. After all, she didn't know what she was going to be faced with. Diane had already proved she was unpredictable and… Even though nothing had happened she could allude to the fact that it had and if she mentioned the kiss… Well, Doug would be mortified. It wouldn't matter then if she explained she hadn't enjoyed one moment of it; lying to him about it was a capital offence. He didn't have much room to talk, not considering his own past but… No, he'd make it a finality.

So she was beyond tense when she arrived at St Hughes and located the bed of Connor Fisher. Doug was talking to the lad when his father rushed forward. Diane was nowhere to be seen.

As father started berating son, Doug stepped back a little to give them space. 'Hiya.'

Smiling tightly, she asked, 'Is everything alright?'

'Well, he claims he doesn't know his attacker. He's lying.'

'You're sure of that?' she questioned dubiously.

Her husband nodded. 'I had to deal with this last time. He's scared, someone's got to him.'

'He must've done something to warrant a knife attack,' Nikki reasoned.

'Not necessarily. He's just a bit of a loner, an outsider.'

Suddenly, she realised why he was so quick to defend the boy but she didn't say anything. Instead, she queried, 'Where's PC Noble?'

'Oh, she went to talk to the doctor,' he answered with a small smile. 'There she is.'

Nikki half-turned and saw the PC approaching. 'Hi.'

Diane nodded. 'Sarge. Right, the doctor says the knife used was probably Swiss Army, but he can't give us anymore than that at the moment. Did he tell you anything?'

'No,' Doug replied. 'He knows more than he's letting on but I can't get him to talk. Maybe we'd have more luck if we had something. Do you mind if I just talk to the father for a minute?'

'Go ahead,' Diane replied.

After he took Patrick Fisher down the corridor and Connor himself had deliberately closed his eyes and inclined his head away, Nikki became painfully aware of Diane watching her.

'You look nervous, Sarge,' the constable commented when the silence had dragged on for a spell.

Nikki glanced at her, knowing before she did that Diane's face would be impassive. 'Do I?'

Diane nodded then stepped closer and whispered, 'I'm not about to tell him.'

Nikki coloured. 'There's nothing to tell.'

'Course not,' Diane agreed. 'That's why you look so relaxed, isn't it?'

Furiously, she grasped the PC's arm. 'Listen to me. I've had enough of this. You can't threaten me.'

'What, so you've already told him have you?'

There was something about the muscle relaxing in her grip that caused Nikki to let go and step back. 'It's not really worth mentioning, is it?'

Diane blinked then asked, in a low voice, 'That's what you really think, is it?'

'We sorted this out, didn't we?'

'Yeah,' she agreed. 'I thought we had. But you're the one who looks terrified, Sarge. Not me.'

'I just…'

'I'm not going to tell him anything, okay?' Diane interrupted. 'Trust me. I'm not trying to ruin anyone's life.'

'Then why…' Nikki stopped short as she looked up into piercing green eyes. She'd refrained from thinking about the kiss as best she could but the moment came back with a vengeance. Diane's lips had been soft. Not harsh, not impeding on her in any way. They were suggestive. They asked something of her. They weren't just idly taking.

Diane realised her mind was wandering and came closer again. 'Nikki,' she said quietly, 'don't you think we should…'

Another voice broke into her sentence. 'Hi.'

Nikki moved back and tried to clear her face as she turned to DC Jo Masters who had just arrived next to them. 'Hiya.'

'Everything alright?' Jo questioned as Diane also stepped back a few paces. 'Is there a problem I should know about?'

Nikki, avoiding Diane's eye, cleared her throat. 'Doug's with the father, trying to find out if he knows anything. So far Connor's not talking.'

Jo nodded, though she still had a small frown on her face. 'Right. Well, Tony managed to pull some CCTV stills from further down the street. No faces but he's looking into a tattoo that was visible. I've brought a copy of it to show Connor.'

'I should be getting back,' Nikki said, casting only the briefest of looks towards Diane. The PC was looking right back at her. 'I'll see you back there.'

Jo just inclined her head but Diane said, 'Yeah, Sarge. See you later.'

As she walked purposefully out of the hospital, Nikki briefly closed her eyes and just hoped she wouldn't have to face Doug and Diane together for the rest of the day. Or any other time in her life, for that matter.

* * *

Tony had come up with a lead on the tattoo that kept her occupied when she returned to the station. He'd managed to find a report of a youth with a spider tattoo on his left hand being involved in drug dealing on the Larkmead. They hadn't caught him but it was a suggestion at least that he belonged round there. And, by way of coincidence, Connor Fisher also hailed from the Larkmead Estate. It was enough for Nikki to take Tony and Will down there for a door-to-door.

It was around two in the afternoon when she spotted the second police car pulling onto the forecourt in front of Faber House. Shaking it from her mind she tried to focus on the routine questions she was asking Mrs Gregory about Connor and the mystery boy with the tattoo. 'Are you sure you've never seen this design before, Madam?'

The elderly woman's eyes flickered. 'I…' She paused. 'Do you want a cup of tea?'

Intrigued, Nikki nodded and followed her into the warm flat. Taking a seat, she questioned, 'Do you know something, Mrs Gregory?'

She nodded. 'Everyone round here does.'

'But they're too scared of him?'

'He's a little thug. Thinks if he uses his fists he can get whatever he wants. He's got half my neighbours frightened to leave their homes. They're in their nineties some of them! They don't need him scaring them half to death.'

Nikki nodded sympathetically. 'Look, I promise I'll try and keep your name out of it. With any luck, once we find him we'll find his knife and we won't need any other evidence.'

Mrs Gregory smiled faintly. 'That's Connor's a good kid. Wouldn't say boo to a goose.'

'So why would this thug target him, do you think? Just to show off?'

'Well, perhaps. I'll tell you one thing though. His dad speaks his mind.'

Ten minutes later Nikki left Mrs Gregory's flat and walked up the stairs to the floor above. She already knew Doug and Diane were still in there because the car hadn't left the forecourt.

Knocking on the door of number ninety-three she motioned for Doug to step outside with her when he answered it. 'Hiya.'

'Hi. Have you got something?'

'Yeah,' she answered with a small smile. 'I've got a name and a motive.'

Doug raised an eyebrow. 'All I've had out of this morning is earache!'

'Well, if you will come to Sun Hill… Anyway, did you show Patrick Fisher the picture of that tattoo?'

'Mmm, he said he'd never seen it before. So did Connor.'

'They're both lying,' Nikki answered. 'Is it alright if I have a word?'

'Shouldn't you pick this kid up, whoever he is?'

'Oh, I've got Will and Tony on that,' she replied, walking past him into untidy flat. She found Diane in the living room, mug in hand, with Patrick Fisher sat opposite her. Diane glanced up immediately and tried to catch her eye but Nikki focused on Patrick. 'Mr Fisher, you didn't mention that you'd had some trouble recently.'

He looked up immediately. 'What? No, I haven't. Who told you that?'

She sighed and sat down next to him as she felt Doug enter the room behind her. 'What does the name Martin Barnes mean to you?'

There was a long pause then Patrick said bitterly, 'He's the little thug that drove my wife up the wall.'

Diane's lips parted unconsciously at the unexpected turn of events and Nikki, whose gaze had been lingering, didn't glance away quick enough. 'How so?' she said quickly, to mask her discomfort at Diane's knowing stare.

'Well, she left… She went after him and his little gang terrorised her. She couldn't hack it anymore.'

Doug moved further into the room. 'Does Connor know?'

Patrick shook his head. 'No. I didn't want him getting into trouble. You know what he was like before, I didn't know what he'd do.'

'So you lied to him?' Doug questioned. 'Where does he think she is?'

'He thinks… I told him she left because she wanted to. I thought it was…'

'Best?' Doug concluded for him. 'I spoke to him, Patrick. He's not coping. He thinks she left because of the trouble he got himself into.'

Patrick Fisher shook his head violently. 'He doesn't think that!'

'Yes. Yes, he does. And you know, don't you, that he was attacked because of you?'

Nikki frowned at her husband's uncharacteristically harsh persistence and said quickly, 'What he means, Mr Fisher, is that an altercation you had with a gang of youths last week was probably the provocation for the assault this morning. And you recognised that tattoo as belonging to Martin Barnes and you didn't tell us. Why not?'

'Because… Because last week I punched Martin Barnes after he mentioned Caroline… I lost it,' Patrick went on, twisting his fingers into knots. 'And I didn't want Connor growing up without a father. I thought I could deal with it.'

Doug, when he spoke, sounded much calmer. 'You can't though, can you? And scum like Barnes need to be off the streets.'

'Next you'll be telling me it's time for me to tell Connor the truth.'

'It is,' Diane said suddenly. 'Better now than later.'

Nikki glanced briefly over then affirmed, 'She's right.'

'Do you want me to come with you?' Doug asked after a moment.

Patrick nodded and stood silently. He was the first to leave the room then Doug and, before she proceeded over the threshold, she smiled at Diane. The PC merely shrugged then smiled herself, shook her head and followed her out of the room.

* * *

'You coming to the pub, Sarge?' Tony questioned when they passed in the corridor at the end of the shift. 'Your hubby's buying the first round.'

Nikki laughed slightly. 'That's a first. Who else is coming?'

'Will, Emma, Diane. CID if they deign to join us. Come on, it'll be a laugh.'

Hesitantly, she nodded. 'Alright, yeah. I'll see you down there.'

Leaving him, she went to get changed. Entering the changing room she found it empty apart from one figure in the process of changing. Nikki went to her own locker, thankful they had their backs to each other. As quickly as possible she began to remove her clothes.

'It was a good result today,' Diane said suddenly.

'What happened at the hospital?' Nikki asked, not glancing behind her but repositioning her locker door so her mirror tilted to the extent that she could tell whether Diane was watching her undress.

'Once Patrick told the truth Connor agreed to press charges. Hopefully Patrick won't get a custodial if Barnes decides to fight back. And we managed to get witness statements from neighbours linking Barnes to other crimes. You getting that statement from Mrs Gregory really set them off.'

'Good. I'm glad he's off the streets.' Nikki reddened a little as she looked into her mirror and saw Diane shaking her hair free of constraint. 'Tony said you're going to the pub.'

'Yeah, thought I might. You?'

Removing her shirt and replacing it with a comfortable red top, she answered, 'Yep.'

There was a lengthy silence during which Nikki took the opportunity to finish dressing quickly. Then she moved to sit on the bench to put on her shoes.

Diane sat down to do the same. 'You alright?'

'Why wouldn't I be?'

'I just wondered, Nikki. Sorry… Sarge,' she amended with a shrug. 'I didn't mean to…'

'Diane, it's fine,' Nikki interrupted, glancing sideways and smiling as best she could. 'Nearly ready?'

'You can go on ahead,' the PC answered.

'No. I'll wait.'

* * *

When then entered the pub it wasn't difficult to locate the table housing the Sun Hill team. Doug was regaling the group with one of his many illuminating stories and he had Emma in fits of laughter. He broke off as they arrived and kissed Nikki as she sat down in the seat he'd saved for her. She stiffened a little, anxious, as Diane pulled up a chair from another table.

'You two want a drink?' Tony asked. 'I'm due for a top-up.'

'Yeah, I'll give you a hand,' Diane replied, standing before she'd really sat down.

Nikki watched her go then glanced at Doug when he said, 'She's alright, isn't she, Diane?'

Will nodded. 'When you get to know her.'

'What do you reckon, love?' Doug asked, wrapping an arm around her waist. 'Does she have your seal of approval?'

'Does who have her approval?' The arrival of Jo Masters with Mickey Webb trailing behind was a welcome distraction.

'We were just talking about Diane,' Emma answered.

Jo nodded looking, Nikki thought, at her briefly. 'Oh, right. Where was this drink I was promised?'

Doug pulled a ten pound note out of his pocket. 'I promised the first round.'

'Won't argue,' Mickey said, taking it. 'Jo, what you having?'

She glanced towards the bar and, specifically, to where Diane was stood with Tony. 'No, I'll get 'em. Pint?'

Mickey nodded and settled himself down. Nikki tuned herself out of the conversation, wishing she hadn't agreed to the idea of the pub. Still, if she hadn't then she'd be at home wondering what Diane was saying to Doug. It was a no-win situation really.

She didn't even notice when Diane, Tony and Jo returned, she was so busy contemplating ways to force the evening to a premature conclusion. The last thing she wanted was to be stuck in this scenario for any length of time.

Everyone was having a good time except her, so it seemed. Doug could naturally fit in with any crowd and, of course, everyone liked him. Well, why wouldn't they? A lot of the banter was across the table between Doug and Diane and throughout all that Nikki just sat stiffly in her seat, willing herself to be anywhere else. The trouble was, she couldn't stop her gaze shifting to Diane continually. The brunette rested back in her seat looking relaxed and, she had to admit it, beautiful. Each time that thought crossed Nikki's mind she battled it back down again until the knot in her stomach grew larger than she could cope with. Excusing herself, she went to the toilet.

She splashed herself with some cool water to combat the permanent blush that had attached itself to her cheeks in the last hour. It made little difference; she still felt like she was burning a florescent colour. She was irritated with herself for allowing Diane to trouble her like this. So what was it? Her mind refusing to accept what had gone on between them? Was that why it felt the need to continuously recall it? She wanted to ignore it, forget it, but something wouldn't let her.

'Penny for 'em.'

She spun on her heel, dismayed to see Diane leaning against the wall. Grabbing a paper towel she dried her face. 'They're not worth it.'

'You've hardly said a word all night.'

'Well, it's been a long day,' Nikki lied, tossing the towel into the bin. 'Would've been better going straight home.'

Diane seemed unconvinced and stepped forward. Nikki automatically stepped back. 'What's your problem?'

'I just… I don't…'

'I'm not going to jump you, if that's what you think,' Diane interjected then raised an eyebrow. 'Unless it's not you who should be worried.'

Nikki pursed her lips and pointlessly washed her hands. 'I don't know what you mean.'

'I was right, wasn't I?' Diane said, moving closer until there was only a few inches between their bodies. 'I wasn't as out of line as you made out.'

Shaking her hands free of water, Nikki shook her head. 'Yes, you were.'

As she moved to get a paper towel, Diane grasped her wrist. 'Yeah?'

For a moment her breath caught and the knot in her stomach tightened beyond belief. Then she yanked her hand back and moved away. 'Don't touch me again.'

'Why, am I scaring you, Nikki?'

Turning, she demanded angrily, 'Can't you stop pushing me? Can't you just leave me alone? What are you getting out of this?'

Diane immediately approached her again, this time the look on her face was different, concerned. 'I don't want to leave you alone. And, deep down, I don't reckon you want me to either. Course, I could be wrong but…' The constable reached out a finger to caress her cheek and Nikki didn't pull back. 'Well, I don't think I am.'

When the external door opened Nikki backed away like a shot. It was a good thing she did as it was one of their lot who entered- Jo Masters entered. 'This is where you two are hiding. Me and Mickey are heading off, just wondered if you wanted to share a cab, Di?'

'Actually, I think I'll stick around for a bit.'

The detective glanced from one to the other. 'You sure?'

Diane nodded. 'Yeah, thanks. Could do with another drink. Nikki?'

After a moment, during which she felt paralysed, she attempted a smile and followed her colleagues back out into the bar. Will and Emma had already gone so after Jo and Mickey said their goodbyes there were only four of them left there. The group suddenly took on a more intimate nature and Nikki knew she wouldn't be able to get away with not partaking in the conversation anymore.

'Can you either of you tell me what my wife's been up to at work these past few weeks? Whatever it is she's got a right bee in her bonnet about it.'

As Nikki felt herself redden, Diane said, 'Afraid I can't help. Been off for the last couple of weeks.'

'Go anywhere nice?' Doug questioned interestedly.

'Spent a couple of days with my son. Think I got in the way really.' When Diane looked up Nikki met her eye and saw a flicker of unease, something that made her infinitely more open than Nikki had ever anticipated. Diane eventually broke the silence that had descended on the group. 'Another drink?'

When the next round of drinks had been set down, Tony questioned, 'Haven't you two got kids to be getting home to?'

Doug laughed. 'Secrets of Friday night. They all stay elsewhere.'

'Couple time is it?' Diane asked, with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

'On the contrary, she gets rid of me for the night as well usually,' Doug answered.

'See, that's the sign of a healthy marriage,' Tony said. 'Time apart.'

'Sorry, how many times have you been married?' Diane queried, raising an eyebrow.

Her fellow constable shrugged. 'I've had offers.'

Doug and Tony descended into a mini-debate then as Nikki cast her eyes down to the floor, well aware that Diane's were on her. The night wasn't over quick enough after that. Two drinks later Tony and Diane left to share a cab and Nikki waited gratefully as Doug called one for them.

When he returned, he asked, 'Are you alright? You were a bit quiet tonight.'

'Just tired, that's all.'

'Your head's been in the clouds lately,' Doug persisted. 'Are you sure there's nothing going on at work?'

'Nothing more than usual. Honestly,' she insisted, 'I'm fine.'

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they walked into the cold. 'Good.'

* * *

A week later Nikki closed the curtains on the darkness outside of the living room and settled with her feet tucked under her on the sofa. It was a luxury, this having the house to herself on Friday nights, and the quietness was something she'd enjoyed from the very beginning of her marriage to Doug. Because they were working together at Barton Street in those days they never saw the back of each other, it was good to get some time apart. Then gradually the girls had become old enough to stay with their grandparents for the night and even though the boys had joined them in the house, they still stayed with their mum at weekends. Doug was at the pub with his friends; if past records were anything to go by he wouldn't be home until the early hours.

Just as she opened her book at the bookmark the doorbell rang. Sighing, Nikki rose and went to answer it, more than surprised to find Diane Noble stood on her front step, complete with low cut top, hair draped down around her shoulders and a bottle of wine. 'Hiya. Can I come in?'

There was a massive part of her wanting to close the door immediately but she recognised that would be excessively rude. But she'd barely seen Diane in the last week. She hadn't deliberately avoided it but it was just that nothing had seemed to crop up, and perhaps that's why she wasn't prepared for the stirring in her stomach at the sight of the PC stood on her doorstep. 'Um…'

'Please?' Diane coaxed. 'I brought the alcohol.'

Nikki opened the door wider and let her in. 'You go through. I'll get the glasses.'

What was she doing? She shouldn't have let Diane in, she knew that much. She was asking for trouble. But… Well, there was no real harm in a drink was there?

Taking the glasses back through to the living room she found Diane settled comfortably in the armchair. She was quite relieved about that; it meant that she didn't have to choose where to sit herself. Dropping onto the sofa she reached for the bottle of wine that Diane had already uncorked and steadily poured two glasses full, handing one over. Then she swallowed half her own glass right off the bat.

'Steady on,' Diane said with a smile.

'Bad week,' Nikki lied by way of explanation.

'Don't suppose you saw Reg today did you?' the PC asked. Nikki shook her head and Diane grinned. 'Well, he had a bit of a run-in with some kids on the Larkmead, ended up with green graffiti hearts all over his uniform. Think Tony got some pictures.'

Nikki chuckled. 'Poor Reg.'

'Yeah.' After a moment, she went on, 'What you reading?'

Glancing to the book she'd left on the sofa when she went to answer the door, she answered, 'Something I got from Andrew's shelf. Nothing on the telly tonight as far as I could tell.'

'That's why I'm here. Nothing on the telly.' Diane's lips twitched and she sipped her wine. 'So Andrew's your son?'

'Stepson,' she corrected. 'The boys are from Doug's first marriage.'

'Oh, right. How old are they?'

'Andrew's eighteen, Liam's fourteen. They're both good lads.'

'You get on with them then?'

Nikki nodded, lifting her legs up onto the sofa. 'Mostly. Usual family squabbles but nothing major.'

'What, even though you've taken the place of their mum?' Diane said, not in a maliciously. Her head was rested against the back of the armchair, her hair splashing out over the sides- she seemed right at home there.

'Their mum's ill,' Nikki answered when she gathered herself together again. 'They used to live with her full-time but she can't cope anymore. It's a mental illness,' she added after a second, squishing her wine around in the glass. 'Started to develop about ten years ago.'

There was a lengthy pause then Diane asked, 'You okay?'

'What? Yeah, fine.' Clearing her mind and her throat, she tried to smile. 'What are you doing here, Di?'

The constable shrugged. 'I said, there's nothing on the box.'

Nikki nodded. 'And really?'

'Well,' Diane answered, leaning forward to place her glass securely on the table before she rested back into the deep chair, 'I thought you might want some company.'

'I'm capable of being on my own, you know.'

After a moment, Diane let out her breath in a small laugh. 'Okay, I wanted some company. I've hardly seen you this past week.' When Nikki lowered her eyes, she hastily added, 'I know. You want me to shut up. But I… I just wanted to see you, that's all.'

Nikki sighed and put down her own glass. 'Whatever you're after…'

'I'm not after anything,' Diane interrupted. 'Just didn't wanna be stuck on my own in my flat when I could be having a conversation with a beautiful woman.'

'Di…'

'Alright, alright. I'll stop it.' There was a long silence. 'We could talk about the weather I suppose.'

Finding herself smiling, Nikki answered, 'Good a topic as any.'

'Bit limited though. We'd have to move onto topical affairs. You know, the crime stories.'

'Or we could just drink quietly,' Nikki suggested.

'Sounds like a better plan.'

For five minutes at least neither of them said a word. Nikki was grateful. Her body had begun reacting the moment she'd seen Diane on the doorstep and she was attempting to use the silence to combat her confused emotions. It wasn't working as well as she hoped. Her cheeks reddened slightly each time her mind flicked back to either the kiss or the moment in the pub toilets the week before and she knew Diane saw it, even if she didn't draw attention to it.

Still, at least Nikki could recognise that the thoughts currently charging through her head without invitation had been plaguing her all week, even if she'd pushed them to the back of her mind. She hadn't wanted to think about any of it, especially not while at home. It was slightly ironic, then, that Diane had forced her to confront her feelings while in the safety of her own living room. The living room in the house she shared with Doug.

She was beginning to feel slightly ill. The wine wasn't helping. She tried to place her glass down on the table but missed by an inch and watched the remnants splash over the beige carpet.

'I'll get a cloth,' she announced, immediately standing and leaving without once glancing at her guest.

In the kitchen she rested her hands against the kitchen counter with her back to the door. She was willing herself to take deep breaths but her body didn't seem able. It was ridiculous. The last thing she wanted was…

Suddenly, two arms appeared on the counter, one either side of her. Nikki tensed as she felt a body press up against her. 'Don't.'

One of the arms moved to encircle her waist and slowly turned her around before returning to the stance where it blocked her from movement. Nikki's breath caught as she raised her eyes and found Diane watching her intently. 'Don't what?'

'I can't do this,' she warned. 'I don't want this.'

Diane moved forward another inch, which was an incredible feat considering the lack of space. 'Really?'

Swallowing, Nikki tried to form a coherent answer, then resorted to just shaking her head. Then, however, as her arms began to tremble she felt an overwhelming desire to throw caution to the wind. She thought about it. But she couldn't.

Doug.

Raising a finger on her left hand, Diane traced a pattern on Nikki's cheek. 'Come on. You're not fooling anyone. Least of all yourself.'

She closed her eyes. Then she opened them and pressed her lips against Diane's. Her colleague opened her mouth, inviting her tongue in, an invitation Nikki took without hesitation and she found herself pushed up securely against the kitchen worktop. Nikki moaned into Diane's mouth as an arm moved up to run through her hair and she herself found her hand moving down Diane's back to…

Doug.

'No!' she muttered, pushing the PC off her as best she could. 'Get out.'

Diane reached for her. 'Nikki…'

'I said get out!' Without waiting for an answer she ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs, seeking refuge in the bedroom. The bedroom she shared with her husband. She wanted to be sick. Sinking down in front of the fitted wardrobe, she pulled her knees up to her chin and let the tears that were threatening her eyelids to fall loose.

How could she..? In her own home? It was…

The trouble was, as wrong and horrific as it should've been, she couldn't bring herself to dash it from her mind. That was the worst part of it. She should be rushing to wipe Diane from her lips but she wanted the taste to linger. Her shaking intensified as the bedroom door swung open.

Diane came and kneeled in front her, placing one hand on her cheek. 'Oh, Nikki…'

'I told you to go,' she tried weakly.

'Well, I'm stubborn,' the constable answered, moving the hand upwards to catch some falling tears. 'What are you doing to yourself, eh?'

'Look, I…' Trying desperately to sound authoritarian, she went on, 'I want you to leave.'

'I can't do that,' Diane replied with a wry smile.

'Why not?'

'I don't want to.'

Nikki felt herself smiling despite herself. She struggled to her feet, helped by Diane's arm guiding her up. 'I can't do this.'

The PC merely shook her head then leaned forward and gently kissed her. Nikki wanted to resist, she tried to mount a resistance but Diane's hand had already slipped down to unzip her jeans. She felt her legs begin to tremble in a manner she couldn't recall ever happening before; letting her breath out into Diane's mouth she wrapped her arms tightly around the brunette and allowed the hand to probe into her underwear. She couldn't think.

Diane guided her over to the bed and pushed her gently down onto it. 'I want you to be sure.'

'I don't know what I'm doing,' she admitted.

Diane smiled. 'Just tell me to carry on.'

When she found herself pinned against the bed she realised resistance was futile anyway. Diane's tongue traced a pattern on her lips and she melted. 'Don't stop.'


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Another chapter, thanks for the interest in this. I'm loving writing it and there's plenty more to be posted.

* * *

_And just because I call you up,_

_Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made._

If she didn't move then it would go away. As long as she didn't believe any of it was real then it would go away, or she'd wake up or… something. Even as the thoughts whipped through her fraught mind the figure laying behind her wrapped an arm around her waist and queried quietly, 'Are you okay?'

The illusion was shattered. Nikki stiffened immeasurably and came to the conclusion that she couldn't speak. Her throat was bone dry, not to mention the fact that she wasn't sure she could concoct a coherent sentence.

Diane's nails scraped her bare abdomen. 'Nikki? You're…' Her colleague let out a small laugh. 'You do know you're amazing, right? I mean, I didn't…'

She felt nauseous again. Sitting up suddenly didn't help her swimming head but it did silence Diane. Nikki extricated herself from the mess of covers and stumbled towards her robe draped over the back of her dressing-table chair. Infinitely self-conscious, she pulled it around herself quickly, but then she remained with her back to the bed. 'You need to leave.'

'We went through this earlier,' Diane said softly.

Nikki shook her head. 'I mean it.'

'You meant it then.'

She began to turn around but looked back to the wall instantly. 'And you couldn't just go, could you?'

A moment later she heard Diane also stand and approach her. 'Look, I know this is…'

'You got what you came for,' Nikki said unsteadily: when she felt her body begin to shake, she tried to convince herself that she was merely cold. 'Now get out.'

'Nikki…' Diane touched her shoulder then instantly withdrew her hand as Nikki flinched. 'Please!'

Losing what cool she'd managed to retain, she turned, walked straight past the constable, picked up her clothes from the floor and vaulted them towards the naked form. 'Get out!' Turning away again, she heard the sounds of Diane dressing with trembling ears.

Several minutes later she heard footsteps coming towards her and she tensed. But Diane didn't reach out this time. 'You know, you can protest all you want but you can't erase it.'

Then she left and Nikki felt her cheeks redden and her eyes well up. She moved to the window and pulled aside the curtain. She saw Diane exit below and walk down the path, then the constable looked back and caught her. But instead of appearing in any way triumphant, Diane just dug her hands into her pockets and trudged down the street. Nikki let the curtain fall back into place and turned to survey the room.

Immediately, she stripped the bed. It didn't take much effort; it was already in complete disarray. Balling up the covers she carried them straight down to the washing machine. As an afterthought she ran back up the stairs and took the clothes she'd been wearing down there as well. After starting the machine up, she next grabbed a cloth from the sink and went into the living room to tackle the red wine stain on the carpet. It was dry now, it was more difficult. She felt like she was wearing away the carpet with her efforts but she had to sort it out. She had to. Finally, it looked passable and she disposed of the cloth in the bin, washed the wine glasses thoroughly, returned them to the cupboard and disposed of the wine bottle in the bin in the yard. Then she went to shower.

The water was scalding hot but she couldn't bear to reach for the dial. Part of her liked the feeling of being injured; she felt like she deserved it. The last time she'd felt anything close to this had been when Doug and Liz had… Scrubbing violently at her fingernails, she banished that thought. One guilt was enough for the night, and it was a giant one she already had to contend with.

Turning her face upwards Nikki allowed the water to burn her face. She couldn't believe that she'd actually… She'd known it though. She'd known that letting Diane Noble through that door was the biggest mistake she'd ever make. She should've followed her first instincts and slammed it straight shut. She couldn't pretend she hadn't known what Diane wanted. She just shouldn't have…

But Diane had been gentle, caring. There was nothing that suggested conquest, nothing that Nikki half-expected from the PC. That was what was tipping her sideways. She wanted to categorise it as Diane trying to get one over on her, succeeding and then wanting to use it as ammunition forever. But… Against her will, Nikki recalled her nuzzling into her neck leisurely and letting her breath brush over her ear. There was nothing calculated about that moment. It was… Nikki couldn't categorise it. And she didn't want to. Reaching for the dial, she turned the heat up.

Doug returned at half-past one. He wasn't fully drunk, just tipsy. When he kissed her cheek though, she could smell the beer and she wrinkled her nose a little at the stench. He sat down next to her on the sofa. 'I thought you'd be in bed. You've got an early start.'

'Wasn't tired,' she said softly, throwing him a weak smile. 'Nice night?'

'Yeah, not bad.' He frowned. 'You okay, love?'

'Fine. Honestly.' As he yawned, she went on, 'Go to bed. I'll be up in a bit.'

After a moment, he stood. 'Don't be long.'

'No, I won't be.'

She heard him ascend the stairs then, a few seconds later, he called, 'Did you change the bed?'

Swallowing, she shouted back, 'Spilled my coffee over it. Don't worry about it.'

'Alright. Night, love.'

'Night,' she muttered, resting her head against the sofa and staring into the chair that Diane had vacated hours previously.

* * *

'You've dealt with Mrs Harper, Crayford Crescent, haven't you?'

Nikki sighed at Gina Gold's words. 'Yes. Why, what now? Not another crank?'

The Inspector shook her head. 'Not this time. Her shed was burned down last night, Roger and Tony attended. She's a bit shaken up about it. Could you get down there and see what you can find out? You might have more luck, being a friendly face.'

She nodded. 'Yes, Ma'am.'

* * *

At least out of the station her head felt a little less clouded. While she was trapped inside those walls she couldn't think; she was terrified of bumping into Diane around ever corner. The last thing she could stomach right now was the sight of her. She needed… time.

Before she knocked on the front door of Mrs Harper's home, Nikki scouted out the back of the property. The shed was a pile of ashes and charred wood, soaked from the downpour of the dawn. It wasn't the best sight to behold, especially because Nikki had experience with this woman before- she was hard as nails on the outside but it masked a genuine fear at living on her own after the death of her husband. You never knew what face you were going to get, the one blaming the police for everything or the one that was silently pleading for help.

Returning to the front of the house, she knocked on the door. When Mrs Harper answered Nikki instantly realised exactly which person she was dealing with, as the door opened on a chain and anxious eyes peered through the gap. 'Oh, it's you.'

'Can I come in?' Nikki asked.

The woman merely closed the door and reopened it, letting her into the house before locking the door again immediately. Nikki went through to the living room and waited until Mrs Harper took a seat before she did so herself.

'I had you lot round last night,' Mrs Harper said plainly, picking up a cup of tea and grimacing as she drank it. 'Clap cold.'

'I'll put the kettle on, eh?' Nikki suggested, standing and going through to the kitchen. Mrs Harper followed her, so while she hunted around for teaspoons and the like, Nikki said, 'We've got some CCTV from just round the corner, hopefully we'll get some names from that. We're doing what we can.'

'That's what you always say,' Mrs Harper answered. 'Teapot's in the left-side cupboard.'

'Thanks,' Nikki said, finding it. 'Well, I don't know what other officers say, but I mean it. We will find them.'

Her host leaned heavily against the door, crossing her arms. 'And what'll that do? That was my husband's shed, Sergeant Wright. Can't bring it back, can you? All his things…'

Nikki sighed. 'No, Mrs Harper, we can't. But justice is worth something, even if it is just a small consolation.'

Twenty minutes later Nikki left Crayford Crescent, a sense of fury burning inside her. They didn't get it, the kids who did things like this, just how much they could hurt someone with one little action. So while they were having fun watching the flames, an ageing woman was watching the last remnants of her husband's carpentry fade into smoke. They could never be replaced, but it didn't matter to them, did it? She was determined to get the culprits for this one.

* * *

'Yes!' she muttered triumphantly. The CCTV from Rainer Road had picked up two youths running away from the scene around the time of the fire and she'd managed to get a match on the system. Boyd Graves, from the Larkmead Estate; had form for ABH and theft, and he'd already spent eighteen months in a young offenders institute. He was shaping up to be a real menace, but at least they had a current address for him.

After picking him up with the assistance of Will Fletcher, she braced herself for a no-comment interview, or a heap of swearing and abuse. As it happened, he was more subdued that she'd anticipated, probably due to the injuries on his hand.

'How'd you get the burns, Boyd?' Nikki questioned.

'Cooker,' he answered sullenly.

'Really? You must be clumsy.' When he shrugged, she went on, 'Okay, where were you between nine and ten last night?'

'At home.'

'Can anyone verify that?'

'Yeah, my mate Pete.'

'Pete,' Nikki repeated, pushing over the CCTV stills she'd printed off. 'That'd be the lad with you, would it?'

Boyd was silent for a moment. 'No comment.'

'We can get you anyway,' Will put in. 'You might as well admit it.'

'I'm not going back to that detention centre!' the teenager burst out angrily. 'I haven't done nothing!'

'You've destroyed a woman's memories!' Nikki retorted with equal venom. 'That shed that you thought would make a good bonfire belonged to a man called Gordon Harper, he died a year ago and all that his wife had left of his life's work was in that shed.'

Boyd snorted. 'Well, she'll get over it.'

It took a great deal of self-control to restrain her impulse to shout at him. In a measured tone, she said, 'You're going back to that detention centre, Boyd, and I've got no doubt it won't be the last time. We'll be seeing you again. Interview suspended 14:13. Take him back to his cell, PC Fletcher.'

* * *

Her shift wasn't over soon enough. She hadn't thought when she'd exited the house that morning that she'd be racing to get back there, but there had just been too many cases coming through that dented her faith in humanity. Plus, they just served to compliment her guilt. For example, Mrs Harper's situation had reminded her that recklessness was no excuse for hurting somebody. And nothing was unavoidable if you resisted hard enough. The trouble was, she hadn't resisted at all; so she was fully to blame.

Sighing heavily, Nikki opened her locker, finding a folded piece of paper obviously pushed inside via the crack. She wasn't alone, and she didn't particular want to read it anyhow, so she slipped it inside the pocket of her jeans when she'd finished dressing. When she was safely in her car she found herself reaching for it, though she sat there for what seemed like an age before she unfolded it.

_I'm not playing some kind of game. Believe that._

And that was it. Nikki reread the nine words several times then returned the note to her pocket. She started the engine then shut it off again.

It wasn't a game. That could sound so sincere but she didn't want to believe it was anything but a lie. What was worse, manipulation or… or the opposite of it? If she was being toyed with… Well, she could cope with that. It was a stupid situation to put herself in, but it was manageable to an extent. But anything involving emotion wasn't manageable, she knew that from experience.

* * *

When she got home she found Doug cooking. Not really a surprise in itself, but she couldn't recall him mentioning it, nor could she remember whether the kids were supposed to be in or not.

'What are we having?' she asked, moving to sit at the kitchen table.

He glanced over his shoulder with a smile. 'Lamb chops. Thought you might fancy a break from cooking.'

'That's nice, but you really didn't have to make an effort.'

'Why not?' he questioned. 'You deserve it.'

There was a lengthy pause during which the meat crackled in the frying pan. Then Nikki snapped herself back to the present. 'Um… Where are the kids? Who's eating?'

'Andy's out, that's it. Think he said something about studying. I could've misheard him, obviously.'

'Probably,' she agreed. 'Look, I can't sit here like a spare part. What can I do?'

'You're not touching the food,' he warned. 'I dried the bed sheets. Iron those if you're that bored. Oh, you do know there were clothes in there as well?'

Half-way through standing she seriously thought her legs would give way so she sat again. 'Yeah… Spilled the coffee down them as well. No use putting two loads through.'

'Now when I say that you call me lazy!'

She didn't answer him. Instead, she just collected the covers from the dryer and took them for ironing up in the bedroom. Separating the clothes from the sheets, she found her hand shaking as she fingered the casual top she'd been wearing the previous night. Diane had slowly lifted it upwards, dropping kisses on her stomach as she went, before carefully removing it altogether. Nikki tried to shake the image from her mind but she couldn't.

Leaving the ironing on the bed, she went to close the bedroom door. Then she pulled out her mobile from her pocket, along with Diane's note. She read it once, twice, then balled it up. Uncertainly, she scrolled down her contacts list and settled on 'Diane'. She stared at it for a minute then quickly pressed the dial button and lifted the phone to her ear.

Two rings and then, 'Hello?'

Opening her mouth to speak, Nikki immediately closed it again. She didn't know what she wanted to say. She didn't even know why she'd called. After spending the day pushing Diane as far from her mind as possible, she'd gone and ruined all her hard work just like that. But… Well, she couldn't explain it. She'd almost been on auto-pilot.

'Nikki?' Diane said after a lengthy pause. 'Are you okay? Come on, talk to me.'

Still she found she couldn't articulate anything. Diane had asked how she was. As though they were… something to each other.

Another silence and then, 'I hope you got my note.'

Dropping the phone into the bed, she opened her fist and straightened out the piece of paper.

_I'm not playing some kind of game. Believe that._

It was all very well and good saying that, but what would believing that really mean?

* * *

The next couple of days passed in some sort of haze. She was off shift until Wednesday, which meant a chance to relax, refresh herself and generally catch up on things she'd been neglecting. By Monday, however, she was wishing she was at work instead. There was too much pottering around her head to make her household jobs anything more than an effort at simply moving dust around; and as for relaxing- that was a joke! She didn't think her shoulder muscles had stopped clasping together since Friday. Then again, she didn't want to be relaxed as such; that'd trivialise what she'd done. It was a lose-lose situation really.

Daisy was usually the first one home but she'd called as soon as school finished to ask whether she could go to her friend, Emma's, for tea. Nikki hadn't protested, especially considering the number of times she'd had to cook for Emma in recent months. It was a nice change for the pair to be elsewhere. Rebecca had dance class and Andy never appeared until the evening so the only one she was expecting home was Liam.

He arrived just after four, slamming the front door and going straight up to his room. Taking a deep breath, Nikki left her mop propped up by the kitchen door and followed him up there. 'Oi,' she said, walking through the open door. 'What's wrong?'

He glanced at her then went to his CD collection and picked out a disc. 'Nothing.'

'You might as well tell me,' she answered. 'Your Dad's not home for another couple of hours and I've got nothing better to do than stay right here.'

'Leave it, will you, Nikki?' he replied angrily. 'Just leave it.'

Part of her wanted to stay but she recognised she wouldn't get anything out of him until he calmed down a bit. 'I'll be downstairs,' she finally said.

Half an hour later, as she was peeling the potatoes for the cottage pie, he entered the kitchen tentatively. 'Hiya.'

Washing her hands, she sat down and the kitchen table and waited for him to do the same. 'What happened?'

'He's back. Greg Clarke, he's back.'

Nikki let out her breath. 'I thought he'd been permanently excluded because of all the bullying?'

'Yeah, well,' Liam answered with a shrug. 'He's still come back. He's gonna kill me.'

'No,' she said firmly. 'He's not. I'll get onto the school in the morning, see what the hell they're playing at. But, even if he… Liam, listen to me… Even if he is back full-time, he can't touch you.'

Her stepson snorted. 'You serious? I broke his nose. He'll break my legs!'

'Me and your Dad won't let that happen!'

'You can't be around all the time,' he argued miserably. 'And what if I…'

She knew what he was afraid of. 'Just try to keep your cool. If he's just trying to wind you up ignore him. It's the only power he's got.'

'But last time, when he said Mum was a…'

'What does he know, eh?' she interrupted. 'He's a silly lad looking for something that'd get to you. He hit on a sore point.'

'She's not mad!'

'I know that. And as long as you know it, it doesn't matter what that little… It doesn't matter what he thinks.'

'Nikki?' he said after a moment. 'Can you not tell Dad yet? Just till we know.'

'Course not,' she answered with a small smile. 'You gonna help me with the tea then?'

He stood quickly. 'I've got homework.'

'Yeah, funny that.'

* * *

It was, unfortunately, true. Greg Clarke was back at the comprehensive because no other school in the district would accept him and the headmaster was too soft. Nikki had dreaded talking to Liam when he got home on Tuesday but he seemed to know it already and just shrugged answers to her questions about how he was. Doug, on the other hand, was a different matter. He'd wanted to knock Greg's block off at the time; it had taken Andrew's best efforts to control his father. Seeing Doug like that had been a bit of a revelation for Nikki- he'd always been so calm and collected- but his family in danger was evidently the one thing that triggered his anger. He could arrest murders, muggers, arsonists and terrorists with impartiality, but the second anyone harmed a person he loved his protective streak came into play.

She'd given Andrew some money to take the girls to the shopping centre and Liam was hiding in his room until the news had been broken. Doug had returned home from work in a fairly jovial mood, which could be a positive or negative thing, and was humming the theme tune to _The Flintstones_ whilst making them both a cuppa when Nikki decided to broach the issue.

'I had to call the school today,' she began tentatively, seeing him break off immediately from his task and turn to her questioningly. Deciding to get it all out, she went on quickly, 'Greg Clake's expulsion's been rescinded, he's back on a permanent basis.'

Doug's easy smile fell into a frown as he sat down at the table. 'Does Liam know?'

'Yep. He told me about it yesterday.'

'Yesterday?' her husband repeated. 'Why didn't you tell me last night?'

'Because he asked me not,' Nikki answered simply. 'Now, he's not happy but he knows we'll support him.'

Doug shook his head. 'I want to see the headmaster.'

'It won't help! I've been through it all with them. Apparently, Clarke's made a deal with his social worker, they've got to give him a decent chance.'

'What, and meanwhile Liam's too scared to go to school?'

'He is scared, but he's angry as well,' she replied. 'That's more worrying. I don't want him getting expelled.'

'I wouldn't blame him if he did,' Doug said. 'What that little…'

Stemming the tide of his guilt, she interrupted, 'Him getting kicked out of school won't help, will it?'

Grudgingly, he shrugged, in a way very reminiscent of his son. 'Suppose not.'

Nikki stood and went to draw the blinds down on the evening. 'Take him out for a burger or something. He's sat up there terrified you'll blame him for some reason.'

Doug sighed and then nodded. 'I just don't want to see him hurt again.'

'I know that. He does as well.'

* * *

A couple of hours later Nikki had just about finished sorting out the cupboards that the kids had managed to create chaos in. The door went and, since Andy and the girls were already back and in their rooms, she knew it was Doug and Liam returning. Rinsing her hands, she went to greet them in the hallway.

She stopped short as she saw they were accompanied by an apprehensive-looking Diane. 'Hello.'

'Look who we found wandering the streets,' Doug said, taking off his coat. 'She tried to get away but I wouldn't take no for an answer.'

Sincerely wishing he had, Nikki examined the constable's face which was studiously directed away from her. There was a slight red tinge to the cheeks but Nikki was more focussed on the lips and the tongue that flicked out over them periodically to really notice. Blinking several times, she managed to ask, 'What were you doing around here?'

Diane looked up and met her eye, causing her stomach to jolt. 'Visiting friends. Or at least, I tried to. They weren't in.'

'Pity,' Nikki answered.

'Not really,' Liam said and for the first time she noticed he seemed brighter than he had for the last twenty-four hours. 'You wanna see that program?' he questioned, looking to Diane.

She smiled. 'Sure.'

After she followed him up the stairs Doug moved into the kitchen. Nikki lingered in the hallway, unsure of what was actually going on and wondering whether she was dreaming. It was definitely reminiscent of a dream she'd had on Saturday night but this seemed too real. No, Diane Noble was actually in her house again, after she'd vowed never to let her over the threshold ever again.

'What program's he talking about?' Nikki queried, following her husband into the kitchen.

He was busy with the kettle. 'Oh, he mentioned I bought him that Chelsea/Arsenal cup programme. She seemed interested.'

'Did she?' Nikki glanced to the ceiling in the knowledge that Liam's room was directly above them. 'Where'd you find her?'

'End of the road,' he answered. 'She seemed a bit lost to be honest. Does she take sugar, do you know?'

'I don't know,' she admitted.

'Oh, I'll go ask her,' he said, going out of the kitchen. When his footsteps pounded on the stairs, Nikki let out the breath she'd been holding and rested her head against a kitchen cupboard.

This was too much. This was something she couldn't handle. Diane being back in the house- talking to Doug- it was just too strange, too much. Looking into Diane's eyes had reminded her of Friday night, of the futile resistance she'd tried to put up, and the way Diane had silenced her concern with a small smile. She didn't know why the constable affected her so much, but she could never recall feeling quite so alive at any other time. Involuntarily, she glanced towards the counter near the window where Diane had approached her and…

'No sugar,' Doug said, coming back into the kitchen. 'They'll be down in a minute.'

Nikki cleared her throat. 'How'd it go with Liam?'

'Not too bad actually. You know, he's worried but he knows we're on his side. You got through to him.'

'Did I?'

Doug smiled and moved to wrap an arm around her waist. 'You know you did.'

Allowing herself to be consumed into his arms for a moment, Nikki tried to relax. It was easier said than done, especially when there was a noise in the doorway and she instinctively knew who was there. She tensed, then painted on her best smile and pulled away from Doug. 'I'll be right back,' she said, seeing a hint of something that appeared to be jealousy flitting across Diane's face.

As she reached the top of the stairs she bumped into Liam coming out of his room. 'Hi.'

'Diane downstairs?' he questioned.

'She's with your dad,' she answered and watched him trot down the stairs. His pleasure was a bit concerning; he didn't get on with that many people but when he liked someone enough to give them the time of day… Well, it was a rarity. The last thing she wanted was him forming an attachment to Diane though. If Nikki had her way he'd never see her again.

After spending five minutes aimlessly pottering around in the bathroom she finally got up the courage to go back downstairs. Stopping in the doorway she could see Diane sitting in the same chair she'd occupied on Friday night. Standing in this position, Doug and Liam sat on the sofa couldn't see her, but Diane glanced over and uncertainly smiled. Nikki couldn't smile back but she did know one emotion, at least, was present on her face- fear.

Stepping fully into the room she went to sit in the armchair on the other side of the room, practically opposite Diane. She was embroiled in a discussion about the Army with Liam. Nikki couldn't say she was surprised about Liam pursing that line of enquiry because he'd already looked into it as a career, but Diane was talking freely; something Nikki wasn't used to. Diane was so closed, protective of herself and her history, which was a way of life Nikki could sympathise with but not relate to. In her own life she'd always been happy as an open book. Well, with two notable exceptions, but she wasn't proud of either of them, and she certainly wasn't content with the lies she was telling to cover her emotions over Diane Noble.

It was surprising that Doug didn't draw attention to the fact that she barely spoke for the hour that Diane occupied that chair, but perhaps he put her quietness down to Liam's situation. It didn't matter either way, because the three of them were getting on fine. It amazed Nikki how Diane could just sit there and talk to Doug without looking guilty in the slightest, but she managed it. Maybe she was as cold a bitch as Nikki had first decided. No, she quickly told herself, because she'd seen her in warmer moments. And she'd felt her warmth physically. There was no way she could, when recalling Friday night, truly believe that Diane was playing games with her. She wanted desperately to believe it but she couldn't. She'd felt closer to Diane than she could articulate on Friday and she didn't want to believe that was all a fabricated mess. But that begged the question, what did she want to believe?

When Diane announced she should be going Nikki felt relieved, yes, but a fragment of her felt some other emotion, one she couldn't name. Despite the horrible situation part of her didn't want to see the constable leave. Quickly shaking that feeling away, she and Doug saw her to the door. Diane was polite, overly so, which wasn't surprising. But as she slipped over the threshold she looked straight at her again and Nikki felt her body react. Then she was gone.

'Nice night,' Doug commented, going back into the living room.

After a moment, Nikki followed him. 'Yeah.'

* * *

Leaning against the wall, Nikki began to wish she'd had breakfast. She hadn't felt like eating then but now her stomach was rumbling, probably through nervousness, and she wished she'd taken a piece of toast or something to settle it. Still, there was nothing she could do about that now, not while she was waiting, quite impatiently, for Diane to arrive at work.

Finally, the constable appeared and, seeing her waiting, immediately came over. 'Morning.'

Nikki glanced around before she spoke. 'You shouldn't have…'

'Why don't we go somewhere and talk about this?' Diane suggested. Then, as Nikki's eyes flickered around, she let out her breath in a disbelieving laugh. 'What, you're afraid to be alone with me now?'

A pause and then she admitted, 'Yes.'

Diane sighed and moved to stand beside her, leaning against the wall in a similar manner. 'I didn't mean to cause any trouble last night. I just… I wanted to see if you were alright. Then I saw Doug and Liam leave the house and I…'

Interrupting, Nikki asked, 'You were out there that long?'

'I know, I sound like some kind of stalker.'

No. It sounded… nice. But she didn't say that. 'I want you to leave me alone.'

'Why?' Diane questioned simply. 'You don't mean that, not really. You didn't want that Friday…'

'You should've left!'

'Why, because I was making it difficult for you?'

Nikki stared straight ahead at the road and the milling vehicles. 'And why are you doing that?'

'Oh, for the hell of it, of course!' Diane retorted, shaking her head. 'I'm not gonna spell out for you. You don't need me to.'

'You know, last night, I thought you were gonna tell Doug.'

'I wouldn't do that,' she answered quietly. 'What's the point?'

'You get to hurt me?'

'Nikki, how many more times? I don't wanna hurt you. I want the opposite! Look,' Diane went on quickly, shifting so one shoulder was against the wall and she was looking at her, 'you can say what you want about Friday but I was there, remember? And you don't get that turned on if you're not interested. Believe me, I know.'

Half-involuntarily, Nikki shifted to mirror the position of her colleague and found herself faced with those penetrating green eyes once more. 'It can't happen again.'

Diane smiled a little. 'You didn't say you didn't want it to.'

'I'm married! I've got a family! I'm not going to jeopardise all that just because I…'

'Fancy me?' Diane finished quickly. 'Nah. I mean, why bother? It's not like you can't stop thinking about Friday night or anything. Who are you fooling, Nikki?'

The PC walked off towards the station entrance leaving Nikki resting her head against the cool brick and wishing the wall would swallow her up; or at least tell her what to do.

* * *

'You okay, love?'

'Hmm?' Glancing up from her magazine, having been stuck on the same car advertisement page for five minutes, Nikki tried to smile. 'Yeah, fine.'

He closed the bedroom door and came to sit down on the edge of the bed. 'You know, I've been stood over there for ages and you didn't notice me. You were off somewhere, I think.'

'Just couldn't concentrate. Are you coming to bed now?'

Doug nodded then reached for her hand. 'I'm not that tired though.'

'Oh.'

* * *

'I'm sorry!' she hissed, quickly pulling on the clothes she'd dropped on the chair when she came to bed, not daring to look at her husband.

He was out of the bed a moment later. 'What are you doing?'

'I'm getting dressed.'

'Yeah, I can see that, Nikki. Where are you going? It's nearly midnight.'

'I just… I need some air,' she said, buttoning up her top and trying to locate her socks. 'I'll go to Annie's,' she added as an afterthought. Her sister had landed on her doorstep enough.

'Don't you think you're overreacting?' Doug said, touching her shoulder. 'I don't mind. It doesn't matter.'

'No,' she replied bitterly. 'It does.'

* * *

Having already sat in the car for twenty minutes she was starting to feel cold. When she'd left home she'd seriously had the intention of going straight to her sister's but, somehow, the car hadn't gone in that direction. She was parked outside a block of flats that she hated herself for coming to, but she still couldn't find the strength to turn around and leave. Neither could she find the courage to go ring the bell either.

Poor Doug. He probably wondered what the hell was going on. The thing was, as soon as he'd touched her she found she couldn't bear it. Her first instinct had been to get him away from her, because the image in her head wasn't of him. The image wasn't even male. She was half-disgusted with herself, but she couldn't shake the feeling. Here, in the darkness and seclusion of the empty street, she could finally admit it to herself; this physical attraction for Diane was something she couldn't control. All she knew was that it was an overwhelming desire battling inside of her. Everything she did was infused with the notion of a repeat of Friday night, and every fibre of her morality argued plaintively against it. She had every reason to steer well clear- there were five reasons sleeping at home right now. There was Liz, miles away and probably not sleeping- she was a definitive argument for steering clear. That old familiar guilt mixed with the current dilemma made her feel sick.

She got out of the car, looking at the building with lights glowing through curtained windows in front of her. A moment later she found herself walking towards it, her heart racing. There was an entry phone system but she managed to catch the door before it shut on a young couple returning from their night out and, climbing the stairs, Nikki found herself outside Diane's flat.

Raising her hand to knock, she let it drop back to her side. Was she losing her marbles? She had to be. Swallowing, she knocked swiftly. Less than a minute later the door opened and Diane stood there in a nightshirt that barely reached her knees.

'I don't know what the hell I'm doing,' Nikki said by way of explanation.

Wordlessly, Diane opened the door wider and let her past.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I think my fingers are running away with me with on this one.

* * *

_I like to see you but then again,_

_It doesn't mean you mean that much to me._

'Come on, you don't really have to go,' Diane said persuasively, while tickling her fingers around the base of Nikki's spine. 'You can stay a bit longer.'

The now-familiar touch still had the usual effect of her being willing to do anything but… 'I can't be late tonight.'

Diane sighed then came between her and the bathroom mirror she was using to straighten her hair out. 'Yeah, I know. Pity though.'

Nikki smiled when she found Diane's lips on hers and the nearly-naked form pressing against her own fully-clothed one. Then she reluctantly pulled away. 'I have to go.'

There was a mischievous glint in the constable's eye. 'I know.'

'Get off then!'

Laughing, Diane released her. 'You're a spoilsport.'

'And you're a bad influence,' Nikki replied, moving back to the living room to collect her bag and coat. Turning back to the doorway, she found Diane blocking it. 'Please?'

The constable grudgingly moved aside. 'Just because I'm so nice.'

'I'll see you tomorrow at work, okay?'

Diane nodded. 'See ya.'

As she drove home along the deserted roads Nikki found herself contemplating the last weeks and how they had changed her.

Ever since she had appeared on Diane's doorstep there hadn't really been a pause for thought between them. That night she'd stayed, awoken on the sofa after she moved there when Diane had drifted to sleep. The thought of waking up in the same bed as another woman… in that way… had been too abstract for her to acknowledge. Sleeping in the same bed suggested an attachment; at least in her eyes it did. And there wasn't one, not really. So she never stayed over now. She left afterwards to go home to the family. The guilt was still immense, it prickled at her when she tried to sleep at night, but she managed to control it somehow. She didn't love Diane; it was a physical attraction and one that she couldn't dismiss, however much she wanted to sometimes. They were in a routine now; an unbreakable one.

* * *

'This looks like fun,' Emma commented as they parked in front of a block of flats on the Jasmine Allen Estate which were surrounded by a large mob.

Silently agreeing, Nikki nevertheless got out of the car and approached the crowd. It was too much to hope for that it would split for them to walk through but the deliberate banding-together of the majority of the group suggested they were making a conscious effort to keep them out of flat number six.

'Alright!' she shouted over the baying group. 'Could someone tell me what's going on? Why are you keeping Mr Hendry from coming out of his home?'

'Oh, he can come out alright!' a woman near the front said. 'We wanna see him!'

Directing her next question specifically at the woman, Nikki asked, 'And who are you?'

'Gabby Bryce.'

'Right. And do you want to tell me what's going on?'

'What, he didn't tell you when he rang up?' Gabby answered sarcastically. 'I'm so surprised!'

With a backwards glance at Emma, Nikki replied, 'Well, he didn't phone us actually. A concerned neighbour did.'

'Ha!' Gabby exclaimed triumphantly. 'See, if that's not guilt, I don't what is!'

'And what's he guilty of?'

'He's been touching up kids,' a smaller woman, almost on the sidelines, muttered. 'Young girls.'

Nikki looked towards Emma who took the hint and moved to call for backup. 'What's your name?'

'Sarah Phillips,' she said, moving forward. 'Look, I didn't want all these people here. I just wanted to talk to him.'

'Yeah, and we wanna talk to him an all!' Gabby said loudly. 'We've got rights as mothers.'

Nikki refrained from glaring at the hindrance, instead she focussed solely on Sarah Phillips. 'Where do you live?'

'Forty Haydon House, it's on the third floor.'

'Right. Would you mind going home and I'll come along as soon as I can so we can talk about this properly? We're not going to get anywhere like this.'

'I know,' Sarah answered sadly. 'I couldn't stop it.'

After Sarah Phillips disappeared into her own block, there were the echoes of more sirens to mix in with the disparaging noises of the crowd. Nikki moved back to greet the car which pulled up with Inspector Gold and Diane in it.

With a brief nod, she indicated the group. 'Okay, that lot are protesting against Gavin Hendry, the occupant of number six. They're led by that woman there, the one in the blue jacket- Gabby Bryce. She's a gobby little cow, she's just trying to stir things up.'

Gina nodded. 'And what exactly are they protesting for?'

Nikki sighed. 'They think Gavin Hendry's been abusing kids.'

There was silence until Diane asked, 'What do we know about him?'

'Well, he has been inside,' Emma said, coming back over to them. 'I've just been onto Jo. He served eighteen months for burglary, got out two months ago and moved here.'

'No hint of interest in kids?' Gina questioned.

'None at all, Ma'am. Jo's going to get onto the prison though, see if there's anything they can tell us.'

The Inspector nodded. 'Right. You and Diane try and break up this crowd, threaten arrest if necessary but we don't want the cells full on public disturbance charges, alright?' When they moved off towards the mob, she continued, 'You and me need to have a word with Gavin Hendry.'

'Yes, Ma'am,' Nikki answered. 'Afterwards I need to talk to a woman called Sarah Phillips, I'm pretty sure she's the original accuser.'

'So we've got her to thank for this lot then?'

Watching Gabby Bryce spit in the general direction of Emma, Nikki grimaced. 'No, I don't think so.'

When they finally battled through to the front of the crowd and knocked on Gavin Hendry's door, a female face peeked out through the curtains of the living room, then came to open the door. 'Please, come in.'

Nikki followed Gina over the threshold then closed the door behind her. In the living room a pale man in his early thirties, who could only be Gavin Hendry, was pacing around the flat, something difficult to do in a place that size.

The woman sat down heavily. 'I'm Jessica Hendry, Gavin's sister.'

'I'm Inspector Gold, this is Sergeant Wright. You live here as well?' Gina queried, wandering around the sparse flat and taking note of the lack of personal effects and such. There were no pictures, Nikki could see that from her own position by the door, and the whole room seemed to be strangely impersonal and detached.

'No, I'm just saying here for a while,' Jessica answered. 'My place is being decorated. I live on Silver Street.'

The Inspector nodded. 'Mr Hendry?'

He halted his pacing for a second. 'I haven't done anything!'

'Alright. But half the estate seem to think you have.'

'It's not Gavin's fault,' Jessica said, half-angrily. 'They just turned up this morning, shouting and screaming.'

Nikki stepped further into the room. 'Have you heard what they're shouting?'

Gavin Hendry reddened. 'Yes.'

'Is it true?' Gina asked.

'No, of course it isn't!' he replied. 'I wouldn't do that!'

'You were recently in prison, Mr Hendry…' went on Gina.

'For burglary! And I served my time!'

Exchanging a glance with Inspector Gold, Nikki suggested to Jessica, 'How about we put the kettle on?'

When they were in the kitchen, Jessica sighed. 'I can't believe this! Gavin hasn't done anything. He's just trying to make a new life for himself.'

After filling the kettle, Nikki asked, 'Have you heard of a woman called Sarah Phillips?'

'No. Why, did she start this?'

'I don't think so. But she was outside.'

Jessica was quiet. 'What's going to happen now?'

'Well, I wouldn't advise staying here. We can't guarantee your safety.'

'We haven't got anywhere else to go! Why's this happening?'

Leaving the flat fifteen minutes later, Nikki made her way over the separate block where Sarah Phillips lived. The crowd had mainly dispersed, Diane and Emma were still arguing with Gabby Bryce though.

Sarah Phillips let her in then went back to rearranging the kitchen cupboards. Nikki could sympathise with the need to be doing something; it was an action she frequently participated in when she was worried.

'Can you tell me why you think Gavin Hendry is guilty of child abuse?' Nikki began after a short silence.

The woman stiffened for a second then let out her breath. 'My daughter splits her time between me and her father. She's eight and we close so… She was staying here last night. I went to the shop when she was asleep. I know I shouldn't have but I needed milk for her cereal and…'

'It's okay,' Nikki said. 'Go on.'

'When I… I got back and the door had been kicked in. I came inside and this bloke in a balaclava pushed me down and ran out. When I got into Carrie's room she was crying and she said… She said he touched her.'

Sighing, Nikki asked, 'What makes you think it was Gavin Hendry?'

'I didn't!' Sarah dropped a cup, watching it smash to pieces on the hard floor. 'I spoke to Gabby about it and she blamed him.'

'Are you good friends with Gabby?'

'No. She's just… Well, she's around, you know? It's better to be nice to her.'

Nikki nodded. 'I can understand that. So, why did she think it was him particularly?'

'She said he hasn't lived here long, she knows everyone else and he was the only one she didn't know. She just went on and on, the next thing I knew half the estate was out there!'

'No one's blaming you, Sarah,' Nikki insisted. 'And we're taking this very seriously, I promise you. My colleague's interviewing Mr Hendry now and if she thinks there's anything suspicious about his story she'll arrest him. But,' she continued, watching her closely, 'you don't believe it was him, do you?'

'I don't know who it was,' she admitted, half-tearfully and half-angrily. 'But my little girl's…'

'Where is she? We'll need to speak to her.'

'She's with her dad. He was so mad when I told him.'

'Do you get on with him?' Nikki queried carefully.

'Not after this.'

When she left Sarah Phillips' flat, Nikki bumped into Diane on the stairs. 'Hiya.'

'How'd that go?' Diane questioned as they descended the staircase.

'I've got an address for Gary Phillips, he's taken his daughter after what happened.'

'What did happen?'

Briefly explaining, Nikki concluded with, 'She's in a right state.'

By this time they were in the courtyard and Diane thoughtfully surveyed the mess outside Gavin Hendry's flat. 'Everyone needs a scapegoat. Bloke with a criminal record, easy target.'

'Realistically, it could've been anyone on the estate,' Nikki said, looking at the blocks of flats all around them. 'Is there any CCTV? That's working, I mean.'

Diane smiled wryly. 'Emma's looking into it, but I wouldn't hold your breath. Inspector Gold took Gavin Hendry and his sister down to the station. For their own protection, I think.'

Nikki nodded. 'Okay, you wait for Emma and then go back to the station. I'm off to talk to Gary Phillips.'

'Yes, Sarge.'

Glancing back at Diane, Nikki caught the smile on her lips. 'Get moving.'

'Yes, Sarge.'

Nikki watched her round the corner then pulled out her mobile phone. After filling in Jo Masters on events she then proceeded to Bayliss House to disturb Gary Phillips.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Nikki arrived back at the station with Gary and Carrie Phillips. It had taken a lot of persuading- both from her and DI Nixon who had arrived at the flat soon after herself- to get the father to consent to his daughter being interviewed. He adamantly refused any contact with his ex-wife, he seemed to blame her for the entire thing. Leaving the pair with DI Nixon she made a quick phone call to Sarah Phillips, just to keep her in the loop, though she advised her not to come down to the station, however difficult it was for her.

Jo was conducting the interview with Carrie in the soft interview room. After grabbing a coffee, Nikki joined DI Nixon and Gina Gold in watching the live video stream.

'You're doing great so far, Carrie,' Jo was saying. 'Now, when he was talking to you, telling you to be quiet, was there anything about his voice that seemed a bit different? Did he sound like he was from London?'

The girl nodded. 'Yeah.'

'Okay.' Jo paused. 'You're doing really well.'

'I think…' Carrie said hesitantly. 'I think he had a beard.'

'Why'd you say that?' Jo questioned.

'Because my Uncle has a beard and when he talks he… He brushes it with his teeth, makes a noise.'

'Gavin Hendry doesn't have a beard does he?' Samantha Nixon asked.

Gina shook her head. 'Totally clean-shaven.'

'Then he's not our man.'

'Try telling that to his neighbours,' Nikki replied.

* * *

It was always frustrating to have to leave when you hadn't even broken the ice on a case. But the wall just seemed impenetrable. No CCTV of any use on the Jasmine Allen, no witnesses except the dozen or so residents who now claimed to have seen Gavin Hendry acting suspiciously the previous night, even when he had a concrete alibi of three people. Carrie couldn't recall anything else- which was no real criticism of her, it would've been an ordeal for anybody to contend with, let alone an eight year-old. Gary Phillips was being singularly unhelpful; the cynical side of Nikki believed he was going to use this as ammunition for full custody of his daughter. It was just a mess, and one that she regretted leaving for the night.

As she left the station she bumped into Diane. She had the distinct feeling the constable had been waiting for her. 'Hi.'

Nikki restrained her impulse to glance around before she answered, 'Hiya.' Work was usually fine; she barely saw Diane really, but, whenever she passed her in more than a professional capacity, she felt watched. It set her off-balance, she hated that feeling. 'Waiting for me?'

Diane began walking alongside her towards the car park. 'Just wanted to see if you were alright. Days like today are annoying.'

'I don't like the thought of this man being out there,' Nikki admitted with a shrug.

'We'll get him,' Diane answered. 'Tomorrow, next week. But we will get him.'

'What, before he gets to another defenceless little girl?'

Diane was quiet for a few steps then she asked, 'Do you blame the mother?'

Nikki looked sideways at her. 'I can't bring myself to.'

'She left her on her own.'

'Hundreds of women do that everyday. Sarah was just unlucky.'

'It must've been planned, right?' Diane went on. 'I mean, the balaclava and everything… He was prepared.'

'Is that supposed to be a comfort?' Nikki queried.

'No, I just mean that Carrie Phillips was the intended victim. Think about it, opportunistic criminals don't hang about on the third floor of a building. They want to get away if things go pear-shaped.'

'Sarah Phillips keeps herself to herself though,' said Nikki uncertainly. 'She can't have upset anyone.'

Diane shrugged. 'It's only a theory.'

Reaching the car, Nikki sighed. 'Can I give you a lift?'

'I'm alright, fancy the walk.' The constable smiled ruefully. 'I hate Saturdays.'

'Really, why?'

'It's the furthest away from Friday,' Diane replied before walking away. 'Night, Nikki.'

'Night, Di.'

* * *

By Monday morning the local and national press had got wind of the allegations against Gavin Hendry, thanks in no small part to an unnamed local source. Gabby Bryce certainly sprang to mind as a candidate.

Nikki had taken Reg along first thing to get Gavin and Jessica out of the flat. They were going back to Jessica's house, despite the fact it was still half-decorated. Anything was better than staying in a house where getting lynched was a very real possibility.

Having just settled at her desk with her unfinished reports for the last week, Nikki was disturbed by Emma Keane knocking on the door. 'What is it?'

'Someone's just chucked a brick through Gavin Hendry's window. A reporter on the _Canley Evening News_ was kind enough to let us know.'

'That's all we need,' she muttered, standing. 'Come on, we best get down there.'

* * *

It took a while to disperse the fresh crowd that had gathered since they'd sneaked Gavin and Jessica out earlier that day. Apparently none of the residents were bright enough to realise that there was no one in there to answer their shouts so they'd resorted to throwing bricks instead. The door had been forced, though the culprit quickly fled through the flat and out of the back window before she managed to catch a look. There were a multitude of objects lying on the carpet of the living room, just under the window, ranging from bricks with offensive notes attached right down to little children's dolls. A statement, no doubt, but it made Nikki furious. The more she saw of this mess the more she felt for the reformed criminal trying to make something of his life, only to have it massacred by… By Gabby Bryce.

Securing the flat as best they could, she and Emma then went over to pay Gabby a visit.

'Oh, it's you lot,' she said distastefully when she opened the door. 'You better come in.'

They followed her into a living room that appeared to be something out of a comic-strip, given the array of bright mismatched colours that adorned every surface. Nikki had the sudden feeling that she'd walked into an issue of _The Beano_ but she tried to shake that notion as she sat down. It wouldn't help her case with Gabby Bryce if she thought she was being laughed at. 'Enjoying this are you, Miss Bryce?'

'It's Mrs actually.'

'Sorry,' Nikki said tightly. 'My mistake.'

'Course I'm not enjoying it!' Gabby went on after a second. 'That poor little kiddie. That fella deserves to be strung up! You ain't even arrested him.'

'He's got an alibi,' Emma informed her, gingerly taking a seat. 'As you'd know if you'd talked to us before the papers.'

'Well, people round here had a right to know.'

'Very public-spirited of you, I must say,' Nikki answered. 'You're friends with Sarah Phillips, aren't you?'

'Yeah, we're like sisters me and her.'

Refraining from comment on that, she continued, 'Right. And has she got any other friends round here: male ones?'

'She ain't got a boyfriend, if that's what you mean,' Gabby said with a grin. 'She's too shy.'

'So she doesn't know any men at all?'

'Well, there's her ex. That Gary, right piece of work. My Dave, of course. That's about it.'

'Dave's your husband?' Nikki asked for clarification.

'Yeah. He's at work.'

'Right. Thanks.' Nikki stood and walked to the window. 'You do realise that you've made things a hundred times worse with the way you've behaved don't you? If you'd left it to us…'

'Then that Hendry bloke would be still living here! Able to do what he wants when he wants.'

'He's innocent, Mrs Bryce,' Nikki said shortly, turning around. 'You've persecuted an innocent man.'

'He was inside!'

'He broke into a newsagents, and he served his time.'

Gabby snorted. 'You just can't see it's him.'

'Well, maybe we're blind. Sticking to the evidence and all that rubbish.' Glancing around the room, Nikki caught sight of some family photographs on the mantelpiece and did a double-take. 'Is that your husband?'

'Yeah, why?'

'No reason.'

* * *

'You look miles away,' Diane commented, sitting down opposite her in the canteen. 'What's up?'

Nikki smiled briefly. 'Oh, nothing.'

'Mmm, course. Come on, spit it out.'

'I sound like a raving idiot,' she replied, glancing up to meet Diane's eyes, which were unwavering. 'Alright,' she relented, 'Dave Bryce has a beard.'

'What, Bryce as in…'

'Yeah, Gabby's husband. I mean, it's stupid, half the blokes in London have beards but…'

'Have you told CID about this?' Diane interrupted.

'No, not yet.'

'Right. Well, how about we go talk to him before they do? Just to see if there's a chance.'

Lifting her eyes again, Nikki nodded. 'Sounds like a plan.'

* * *

'Well, he's guilty as hell,' Diane said as they dropped back into the car.

'Tell me about it,' Nikki muttered thoughtfully, watching through the windscreen as Dave Bryce disappeared back into the garage where he worked. 'All that talk about how devastated he was it had happened, did he really think we'd buy it?'

'Nah, he thinks he's untouchable. He's gone to a lot of effort to fit Gavin Hendry up. It's just a pity for him that he didn't consider Gavin might have an alibi.'

'But we've still got nothing on him. He swears he was with Gabby and she'll back him up, no question.'

Diane frowned. 'Can you take me back to the nick? I just want to check something '

'What?' Nikki questioned.

'Trust me.'

* * *

'Look,' Diane said triumphantly, nodding to the screen. 'Gabby Bryce.'

Nikki leaned down to examine the image. It was definitely Gabby. 'This is the CCTV from Gordon Street?'

'Yep. It's just up the road from the shop Sarah Phillips went to. We used it to get a clearer timeline. That's timed five minutes after Sarah Phillips left the shop. If Dave Bryce claims he was at home with his wife between ten and eleven, he's lying.'

'Fantastic, Di,' Nikki said, having the sudden and unprecedented urge to kiss the constable in the station. Stepping back, she said, 'Let's pick him up.'

* * *

After being shown the unmistakeable evidence of her own lying, Gabby Bryce had been forced to admit that she hadn't a clue where her husband was that night when she'd gone to the pub. That had been enough to get a warrant and the search had recovered a balaclava in the bottom of her husband's sock drawer. Dave had been throw by his wife being unable to defend him and admitted the assault on Carrie, along with another three offences on young girls dating back four years. He was going away for a long time, and it was no more than he deserved.

Everyone had been pleased with the result and Nikki quite wanted to celebrate it with her colleagues so she joined Diane, Jo, Emma, Gina and Reg at the pub. There was a great atmosphere lingering over the group and Nikki found herself really at ease for the first time in weeks. Diane was next to her, yes, but it was an acceptable environment for that to occur, and, if she was truthful, she was enjoying the close proximity of the PC. Her skin still felt as if it was on fire around the brunette but she'd accepted that as a positive thing now.

When Reg rose to buy another round of drinks Nikki regretfully stood to go. 'I need to get going.'

'You sure?' Emma asked.

'Yep,' she answered. 'I'll see you all tomorrow.'

'Is there any chance I could catch a lift?' Diane asked suddenly. 'I should be getting off too.'

Though briefly concerned that the rest of the group might've picked up on the subtle tone of Diane's voice, she soon shook that thought from her mind and simply voiced her approval.

When they were on the road, Diane's hand found it's way over to the driver's seat. Nikki tried to concentrate on the road but discovered the fingers to be a very distracting presence. Pulling over into a lay-by, she removed her seat-belt and turned to the passenger seat. 'What are you doing?'

'Nothing,' Diane answered unconvincingly, raising her hand slowly, dragging her fingers up over every part of Nikki's body, finally resting on her cheek. Then she leaned forward to kiss her.

'Stop it,' Nikki said, pulling back, despite feeling her body reacting. 'I have to get home.'

'I know,' the constable replied sitting back fully into her own seat and waiting for her to start the car. 'You were spot on today.'

'You weren't so bad yourself,' Nikki said, turning them back onto the main carriageway. 'If you've have asked me a year ago whether we could work together…'

'Yeah, you'd have bet against it. Me too, as it happens.'

'Hasn't worked out too bad though,' Nikki commented.

'Well, I don't think so.'

'Me neither,' she answered, glancing sidways.

* * *

'You're in the paper,' Doug announced when she walked into the kitchen half an hour later.

'Am I?' she queried, kissing him hello.

He nodded towards the table where he'd left the _Canley Evening News_ open at page five. 'You and Diane arresting Dave Bryce. Must say, they didn't catch your better side.'

'Thanks,' she replied, glancing over the article. 'I don't suppose it mentions what a great job we all did today, does it?'

'Not as I recall. Though the reporter did go to great pains to mention his own involvement in the situation.'

'Why doesn't that surprise me?' Nikki asked. 'Good day?'

'So-so.' He paused his stirring of some sauce Nikki took to be tomato and herb and looked to her. 'We haven't seen her for a while, have we?'

Moving to put the kettle on, she frowned. 'Who?'

'Diane,' he answered. 'Maybe we should invite her round for a meal or something.'

'Doubt she'd come,' Nikki answered, feeling her muscles tense up involuntarily.

'Can't hurt to ask sometime.'

'Yeah, you're right. But not for a bit, eh? Don't fancy entertaining.'

'What do you fancy?' Doug queried playfully looking to her again.

'The man with the pasta sauce on his nose,' she retorted. 'I'm off to have a shower.'

* * *

On Thursday, just to see how she was, Nikki paid a visit to Sarah Phillips on her way home. She found the flat in a complete mess and the woman herself practically catatonic. After making them both a cup of tea, Nikki sat down tentatively. 'How are you?'

Sarah chuckled derisively. 'I'm perfect. Gary won't let me anywhere near Carrie. Says I'm a terrible mother. You know the worst thing? He's right, isn't he? It was all my fault.'

Nikki sighed. 'No, he's not, Sarah. Dave Bryce had abused girls in the past, there was no way you could've known that.'

'A mother should know though! If there's anything out there that's going to hurt them… Well, you stop it, don't you? You know it's there! I didn't have a clue. I just let Dave hang around without thinking he wanted to…'

'Gabby didn't know either. You think she doesn't believe she should've?'

'I couldn't look after my daughter without her getting hurt. She's better off with Gary.'

'Children need their mother,' Nikki answered, thinking of Andrew, Liam and Liz then, as an afterthought, of Diane and her son, Robert. 'Don't give up.'

* * *

When she got home that night she immediately sought out Liam in his bedroom. After chatting to him aimlessly about his schoolwork, she finally got round to her point. 'How's your mum doing?'

He glanced up, surprised. 'What?'

She was a little embarrassed by the look on his face. 'I just realised I hadn't asked in a while.'

Well, she's…' He stopped and shrugged. 'Same as ever. Goes on and on about you.'

'Still?' Nikki said carefully. 'I'd go see her but I…'

'She'd slam the door in your face, Nikki,' Liam answered, quite maturely. 'But thanks anyway.'

'Do you like going there at weekends?' she asked after a moment.

'Don't mind it.'

'Because you don't have to. Liam, you do what you want. All me and your dad want is for you to be happy.'

He looked at her strangely. 'You okay? You're acting weird.'

'Am I? Just been thinking, that's all.'

As she lay in bed later that evening, with Doug snoring softly beside her, she found herself thinking again.

How much had she betrayed Liz all those years ago? Children need a mother, that's what she'd said to Sarah Phillips, but she corrected herself now- children needed both parents. Thanks to her, Andy and Liam hadn't got that. Daisy and Rebecca thankfully had, but it had been at the expense of the boys. How many of Liam's self-esteem problems came from living with a mother who constantly paid more attention to her medication than him and having a father engrossed in a new family? Nikki had never wanted either of the lads to feel like that, but she'd gone and stolen their father. It was a wonder they liked her at all. But, then again, she wasn't Liz. The very thing that should repel them probably drew them to her.

And what about Diane? Sarah Phillips had said that you never let any harm come to your kids, you stop it from the off. Diane was a potential bomb. She could ruin the lives of six people, four of those children. Andrew might come out of it unscathed, he was old enough, but if the truth was to emerge about her physical relationship with Diane then Liam would be thrown around yet again and the girls… They might chose to live with Doug. How could she let that happen over a fling? It wasn't worth it surely.

* * *

Diane was watching her. Nikki finished the glass of water then finally looked over to the comfortable chair where she was sitting. 'What?'

'Nothing. You just haven't said a word since you got here, that's all.'

Nikki shrugged. 'I'm thinking.'

'About what?'

She couldn't say it. Having half-planned it in the car on the drive over, it now flew from her brain when she looked at Diane. Because now all she could think of was how much she wanted to get the constable into the bedroom where they'd spent so many exploratory hours in the last couple of months. 'Have you get anything a bit stronger?' she asked, indicating the empty glass.

'You're driving.'

'I'll get a cab if needs be,' she answered.

Diane complied with the request, then sat down next to her on the sofa. 'You could at least talk to me.'

'I can't.'

'No. You never can.'

Nikki, after swallowing her drink in one, looked sideways. 'What's that supposed to mean?'

'It doesn't matter,' Diane said, standing and walking over to her collection of photo frames.

'Tell me what you meant.'

Eventually, Diane turned around again. 'You don't talk, Nikki. You don't come here for anything apart from… That's it, isn't it? That's all you want. And the second it's over you're out of here like a shot.'

Nikki stared at her. 'Where's this coming from?'

'You treat it like some kind of joke! I mean, you're risking your marriage and for what? A bit of fun in your eyes. How's that logical?'

'Di, I can't…'

'Yeah, you can't talk about it, I know,' she interrupted bitterly. 'So why don't you just go, Nikki? I'm getting sick of being used.'

She stood, with every intention of going straight to the door, but her anger abated almost as soon as she looked at Diane's face properly. Approaching the constable, she swallowed. 'It isn't logical. But it's just how I…'

Diane closed her eyes and shook her head. 'You are just using me though?'

Nikki sighed and looked away. 'You make me feel things I never knew I could feel,' she admitted.

'But it's just sex,' Diane concluded for her.

Bringing her eyes back to Diane's own green ones, Nikki tried to speak in the affirmative, deeming that honesty was the best policy, especially because she'd come here with the intention of ending it all. Yet her voice caught and every muscle in her body stiffened. More uncertain than she'd been for weeks, she gently reached out and cupped Diane's cheek with her hand.

'You're shaking,' Diane said, pressing her own hand over it.

'I know,' she acknowledged.

Then Diane slowly kissed her, nibbling on her bottom lip gently as her hands encircled Nikki's waist.

She was lost.

* * *

Sat up on the edge of the bed, Nikki was watching the wall. She liked this room, she always felt at home in it. More so than her grand fitted bedroom that she shared with Doug; this was more homely, less designed. Diane wasn't untidy, but she was relaxed in her ways. It was endearing.

'You don't have to stay,' Diane said from behind her. 'What I said earlier… Just forget it. Most of it was crap anyway.'

Standing, Nikki moved to retrieve her mobile from the pocket of her jeans. After typing _Staying at Annie's, see you tomorrow_ and sending the message, she dropped the phone back into the pile of her clothes and returned to the warm bed, facing Diane.

Her lover seemed shocked, she was smiling in disbelief. 'What are you doing?'

Nikki blew a hair from the constable's cheek then dropped a kiss onto it. 'I'm staying. If that's okay.'

Diane shook her head. 'You think you have to ask?'

'It's polite,' she offered. 'And you might tell me to get lost.'

'I'd be an idiot.' Diane paused. 'I don't want you doing this because of what I said before…'

Nikki silenced her with a deep kiss. 'I'm not.' She smiled as she ran her fingers down the length of Diane's body. 'Have you any idea how beautiful you are?'

After a moment Diane settled into her embrace. 'When I wake up, let me know, eh?'


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Back again! Expect another update after the weekend and thanks for reading!

* * *

_So if I call you don't make a fuss,_

_Don't tell your friends about the two of us._

Nikki lay, propped up on one elbow, watching Diane sleep. She seemed peaceful enough, really attractive in slumber. Nikki felt the rumbling of her stomach but ignored it, and slipped back down into the bed. She had an irrepressible urge to be around when Diane awoke.

The sensation of awakening in bed with another woman hadn't been so horrible an experience as she'd anticipated. In fact, when she opened her eyes to find Diane Noble's mouth centimetres away from hers it had actually felt… Well, it had felt right. She didn't feel repulsed, she didn't want to run away. None of what she expected came true. If she was honest, that possibly scared her more than the idea of it being wrong.

Finally, she was forced to gently shake Diane awake; it was getting late and they both had to be in work. She stirred then frowned and opened one eye. 'Nikki?'

She smiled. 'Yeah, I'm still here.'

Diane immediately shuffled upwards. 'Are you okay?'

'Fine,' she said truthfully. 'It's just… We'll be late for work if we don't get a move on.'

'Pity, I could stay like this all day.'

Nikki entwined their fingers then kissed Diane. 'I know.'

The PC reluctantly slipped out of bed. 'Cuppa?'

'Please.' Watching her out of the room, Nikki then sighed and moved to collect her clothes. Five minutes later she was dressed and looking half-respectable, though it would probably be wise to bring a toothbrush and make-up with her next time.

Next time? She shook her head at the way the thought had naturally skipped across her mind. As if she could ever stay over again. But she suddenly wanted to.

Going into the kitchen she found Diane at the fridge, putting the milk away. Nikki approached and kissed the side of her neck. Surprised, the constable turned, a smile playing over her mouth. 'Morning.'

'Hi,' Nikki replied, kissing her lips briefly.

Diane cleared her throat. 'You want some breakfast? I found out the milk's in date.'

'That's always handy,' she answered as her stomach rumbled loudly again. 'Think that's a yes.'

'Don't move,' Diane instructed.

Watching Diane get her breakfast, Nikki felt she should admit something. 'I should tell you something.'

Diane turned around instantly, leaving the bowl on the counter. 'What?'

Sighing, she said, 'I came round here last night to finish it.'

Sitting down at the table next to her, Diane said, 'Right.'

'But,' Nikki went on slowly. 'I couldn't. I mean, what you said about it being illogical… It was. I went to see Sarah Phillips the other day and she said that you don't knowingly put your kids where they can be hurt. That's exactly what I was doing, so I thought…'

'You decided not to anymore,' Diane concluded, her face impassive. Evidently, she wondered where this was going. 'I understand. It's too much for you…'

'No, you don't get it,' Nikki said, taking her hand. 'I couldn't leave. I wanted to and I should've been able to. But I just couldn't.'

Diane looked up at her. 'What are you saying?'

'I don't know. I think… I need to explain some things. But not now, we're running late enough as it is.'

'When?'

'Tonight. After work.'

* * *

'You dealt with that assault this morning, didn't you?'

Nikki glanced up as Jo Masters appeared in the doorway of the office. 'Kathryn Thwaites? Yeah, why?'

Jo came further into the office. 'She told you she'd been in all evening before the attack, right?'

'Mmm-hmm. Was very argumentative about it as well.'

'She would be. We've got CCTV of her meeting up with some bloke an hour before she was assaulted. Think I'm gonna enjoy this,' Jo commented with a small smile.

'She got up your nose an all then?' Nikki questioned.

'Yeah. Stuart seems charmed though. Mind you, he is a bloke,' Jo replied, going back to the door and then turning around. 'You alright?'

Nikki frowned slightly. 'What, do I look ill or something?'

'No, I just…' Jo shrugged. 'Well, I was just wondering.'

Watching her out of the office, Nikki shook her head. While that was a little strange she'd learned Sun Hill could do odd things to people. How else could Reg Hollis be explained?

* * *

'I told you,' Nikki began finally after several minutes of silence, during which Diane had removed her right sock and started massaging her foot, 'that before I joined the force I was a hairdresser.'

'Yeah, still have trouble believing that one,' Diane answered, earning herself a nudge with a foot. 'What?!'

Nikki grinned. 'You know what!'

'Oh, right…' Diane said in a mock apologetic tone. 'I'm very sorry.'

'So you should be.' Nikki's smile faded as she returned to her story. 'I had a couple of jobs but the last one was at a really nice little place; you know, customers that didn't try and do a runner without paying, and it was owned by this great woman. Liz Wright.' Diane glanced up at the name but quickly refocused her attention on the foot in her hand- Nikki was grateful, it was made it easier if she wasn't being watched.

'We got on like a house on fire,' she continued after a moment. 'We were good friends; it was really nice having someone at work who I got on with for once. And then… Well, then I met her husband. And I found out I had a lot in common with him as well. I didn't set out to hurt anyone,' she went on quickly. 'They had kids, two gorgeous little boys, but I couldn't carry on pretending when he was going out of his way to see me everyday. I couldn't stop it.'

Pausing, she looked up at Diane's face, finding her green eyes soft. 'He was all for doing it right,' she went on. 'He wanted to divorce Liz and marry me, all above board. But by the time he got round to telling her, I was two months pregnant with Daisy.' She let out her breath. 'I was such an idiot.'

'No, you weren't,' Diane said quietly. 'What happened to the boys? I remember you saying they lived with her full-time.'

Nikki smiled slightly at her remembering that, considering everything else that had happened that particular evening. 'Doug wasn't going to take the kids away from their mum, he couldn't do it. But Liz just saw him starting over with a new family, not giving a damn about the old one. She hit the bottle. Hit me a few times,' she added with a grim chuckle, 'then she just… I don't know. She was diagnosed with mild depression but we thought she was getting better as time passed.'

'Take it she wasn't?' Diane said, her tone sympathetic rather than accusatory.

'Couple of years ago Liam turns up on the doorstep screaming that Liz was threatening to kill herself. She'd gone up on the roof when she was drunk; she didn't know what she was doing but that was the final straw for Doug. He fought her for custody and he won. You should've seen Liz at the hearing. She blames me for everything.'

'But I know you know it wasn't your fault,' replied Diane after a brief pause. 'You can't help who you fall in love with can you?'

Nikki was quiet. 'Di, I'm risking everything here. Those lads have already been pushed from pillar to post and I couldn't stand not seeing the girls…'

'It won't come to that,' Diane said, shuffling closer and taking her hand. 'I won't let it.'

'I don't know what I'm doing sometimes,' she admitted bitterly. 'I can't get you out of my head and I'm telling myself I have to but…'

'Nikki, hey,' her lover interrupted, drawing her close for a long kiss. 'It's alright.'

'It's anything but!'

As if to demonstrate a point, Diane kissed her again. 'Listen to me: it's alright.'

Relaxing half-reluctantly into the embrace, Nikki soon found herself being overtaken by the feelings of lust that plagued her when she was with Diane. She could never think straight, she never wanted to. And now was no exception. She wasn't even certain that she wanted it to be one.

* * *

'Oh, you have remembered where you live.'

Dropping her bag on the sofa, Nikki dropped herself into the armchair. 'Sorry, I went for a drink with a few friends from work.'

Doug turned off the television using the remote and looked at her. 'I don't know, first you don't come home last night then you go drinking with your mates... Have you been taking lessons from Andy?'

She tried to smile but her mind still felt overloaded from her conversations with Diane; along with what had happened afterwards. A massive part of her wished she was still in Diane's safe bedroom, wrapped in her arms then she berated herself. Never had she wished herself there for comfort. Yet… it was a mightily appealing thought.

'Nikki?' Doug interrupted her thoughts. 'You okay?'

'I'm fine,' she said with more certainty than she felt. 'I should've called tonight. Sorry.'

'I just wondered where you were, that's all,' he answered. 'I get worried.'

She smiled tightly. 'I know.'

* * *

'You look like you haven't slept,' Diane muttered, sidling up as the briefing ended and they were soon the only people in the room.

'I'm okay,' Nikki answered then she let out her breath. 'Well, actually, it's been a couple of days since I got a good night.'

'What's up?' the constable asked with obvious concern. 'Anything I can do?'

'Close the can of worms?' Nikki suggested wryly.

Di looked at her sympathetically, glancing around to ensure they were alone before she squeezed her arm. 'I'm sorry.'

'It's not your fault. Well, it is,' she conceded with a smile, 'but it's alright.'

'You know, before last week, I'd never seen you happier,' Diane said after a pause of a few moments. 'I thought maybe I was making the difference, not very modest of me, I know but…'

'I was happy. I am.'

'Nikki, look in the mirror- you're not. And if I hadn't have pushed you…'

'Nothing would've changed,' she interrupted. 'You'd have started hating me for the way I was treating you and what then?'

'I couldn't hate you,' Diane objected. 'I was the one who started this.'

'I'm not sorry you did,' she admitted. 'And that's the thing- I should be.'

Diane was quiet. 'I don't know what to say,' she confessed. 'I'm sorry.'

'Is it…' Nikki began then trailed off as her capacity for speech was overpowered by her urge to release her emotions. Composing herself, she went on, 'Is it alright if I stay at yours Friday?'

'What're you gonna tell Doug?'

'Don't know. It doesn't matter.'

'Nik…' Interrupted by footsteps entering the briefing room, Diane retreated a few inches as Jo Masters appeared. 'Hi.'

'Diane, Inspector Gold's looking for you,' Jo said. 'She didn't look all that happy.'

'Now there's a change,' Diane answered. 'See you later,' she added as she left the room.

Nikki watched after her for a fraction too long. Jo Masters, instead of leaving the room, came in further and closed the door. 'Are you alright?'

It was the second time in a week the detective had asked her that question and she looked up suddenly. 'What?'

'Look, I know it's none of my business and I should probably keep my nose right out but…'

'Jo, I'm fine,' she replied icily, moving towards the door.

'I know about you and Diane,' Jo said suddenly.

Nikki stopped in her tracks and looked over, finding her whole body shaking. 'What?'

'I know,' she repeated with an apologetic shrug.

For some reason part of her believed this was some colossal joke and she laughed. 'I don't know what…'

Jo scratched her head then sat down in one of the chairs set up for the briefing. 'Nikki, she told me. Well, I guessed and asked her about it, but it amounts to the same thing I suppose.'

She couldn't comprehend this. She was having trouble reconciling the image of her Diane, who swore she'd never utter a word to Doug, with this Diane who had apparently informed Jo Masters of their relationship. 'When? When did she tell you?'

'That day at the hospital, you know when Doug was helping with that lad.'

'I can't believe she'd do that. Diane's not like that. She said she…'

'Look, I'm not going to tell anyone,' Jo interjected. 'I really don't want to be involved in this but since I already am…'

'No,' Nikki said quickly. 'It doesn't matter. It just…' She trailed off as she realised her voice was shaking and the room was unseating itself. 'I need some air.'

'Nikki…' Jo tried.

'No,' she said, walking straight past her. 'No.'

When she reached the yard she took a few deep breaths but she still felt nowhere close to calm. Her head had already been confused in the last few days by her growing attachment to Diane and now to find out that she'd… It was a betrayal. She hadn't even mentioned that Jo knew. Why would she keep that to herself? Nikki felt ill again, in a way she'd managed to repress for several months. Everything that she thought she was sure of had been shook up again; she wasn't sure she could cope with it this time.

* * *

Watching the door with steely eyes, Nikki waited. She'd been informed ten minutes earlier that Diane and Tony were bringing in a prisoner and she was waiting to catch sight of Diane again. She wanted to know whether it felt different to see her now. What result she wanted she wasn't sure, but the experiment counted for something.

Eventually, after what seemed like an age, Diane and Tony entered. Her stomach churned- she felt ashamed at that. She was still attracted to Diane, even after finding out she'd been betrayed; it made no sense. And Diane… Diane smiled at her. Such a subtle smile but it was there. It was the one they'd used in the corridors for weeks now; each time they passed they acknowledged they shared a secret. Nikki felt her anger rise again.

When they'd got through the formalities of booking in the prison Tony sped off down the corridor and Diane leaned over the desk. 'Feeling any better?'

Fired up, she questioned, 'Why didn't you tell me Jo knew about us?'

Diane's lips parted then she sighed. 'I thought it'd…'

'What, make me worry?' Nikki interrupted sarcastically. 'You had no right...'

'Just hear me out…' Diane tried then frowned as the door behind her opened and Emma arrived with a struggling teenager. 'Nikki, promise me,' she hissed, 'promise me you'll listen to me.'

Though her fury was still present, she nodded. 'Fine,' she said.

* * *

They met in the car park after work. Getting into the passenger seat of Diane's car, Nikki crossed her arms and looked straight ahead at the lights trickling up and down the street a short distance away.

Diane took a moment before speaking. 'I know I should've told you but… I knew how you'd react. I didn't want you panicking when there was no reason. Jo won't tell anyone…'

'That isn't the point,' Nikki interjected. 'You should have told me!'

'I know! I'm sorry!'

Nikki glanced over at her. 'I got it wrong, didn't I? All this time I thought you were being sincere, turns out you were just playing me all along.'

'Now you don't believe that,' Diane answered angrily.

'Don't I?' Nikki retorted, reaching for the handle.

Di grabbed her arm. 'Don't.'

'Get off,' she commanded, shaking her arm free as she got out of the car.

'Fine. You don't believe me?' Diane replied. 'Right, I'll show you.'

Nikki watched the car out of the car park then grimaced as she noticed Jo Masters walking towards her. Making for her own car, she was annoyed when the detective caught up with her. 'What?' she asked, not turning around.

'She really loves you, you know.'

Involuntarily, she slowed and then stopped, turning to Jo. 'No, she doesn't.'

'What, you think that she's getting some kick out of this?' Jo questioned, shaking her head. 'She loves you, Nikki!'

'No, she's just playing some sort of game.'

'A game?' Jo repeated with a degree of disbelief. 'She'd do anything for you! You've got to see that.'

'I'm not listening to this,' Nikki answered, starting to walk again.

'I touched a nerve, did I?' Jo called after her.

* * *

She'd driven round for an hour before she finally turned in the direction of home. She felt battered. Before discovering Jo's knowledge of her and Diane she'd already been dealing with a renewed sense of guilt towards the kids and Doug, brought on from her last meetings with Diane. Because she'd been more confused than ever afterwards. For the first time in weeks she hadn't been sure of her own motives for visiting Diane's flat every week. She'd been shook up by the thoughts and she hadn't been able to settle at night. With Doug snoring next to her she'd lain awake, just pondering. Now she didn't know where her head was at. Her mind was all over the place.

When she eventually got home she took a few minutes before she entered the house. She couldn't afford to pique Doug's interest, not tonight. So she tried her hardest to clear her face so that when she went inside she was sure she looked a lot happier and content than she actually felt.

Doug was in the living room with a glass of whisky and a snowy television screen. He didn't look up as she came in, so she queried carefully, 'Are you okay?'

He didn't acknowledge her for several moments then he leaned forward and placed his tumbler on the table and raised his eyes to her. 'You're home late.'

'I had to finish a report,' she lied, sitting down. 'Doug, what's wrong?'

'I just wish you'd called, that's all.'

'Well, why? Is something up?'

'It would've been nice to know where you were. I am your husband.'

She'd rarely seen him so… well, detached from events. It seemed like he wanted to be angry but he couldn't force it out of himself. 'It wasn't like I was out enjoying myself,' she said truthfully. 'I just didn't have time to call.'

Doug stood and moved to look out of the window, which he still hadn't closed the curtains over. 'I wish you had.'

Moving over to join him, she put her arm around his waist. 'I'm sorry.'

He turned to her, his forehead creased. 'Are you alright? Is there anything I should know?'

Immediately, she shook her head. 'I'm fine. Just overworked and underpaid,' she said with a small smile. 'Honestly… There's nothing wrong.'

He wrapped his arms around her and she closed her eyes. Rudely, the image of Diane interrupted her thoughts, making her open her eyes to face the cream walls instead.

* * *

It was the next morning- a Wednesday- when she saw Diane again. There had been a knife attack on the Bronte Estate and the relief had been gathered together by DI Manson and DS Turner for a briefing on it. Nikki knew she should have been concentrating on the case, and she really tried to, but her eyes drifted over to where Diane was sitting on more than one occasion. What was odd- and she couldn't work out whether it was a good thing or not- was that Diane didn't look towards her at all. In every briefing they shared a look, their eyes just usually met at the right moment and they couldn't help it. But not today. It only served to heighten her confusion.

She was assigned to go down to coordinate the house to house. In a way she was relieved to be out of the station, she felt trapped there and she was constantly wary of talking to anyone, just in case they knew about her affair as well. Now even though she knew that was just irrational, she couldn't get the idea out of her mind. Her heart and head were telling her conflicting things and, for once, she didn't know which one to listen to.

Needless to say, she was quite distracted all morning and just avoided being hit by a car as she crossed a road by the quick actions of Will Fletcher. It was unfortunate that Diane witnessed that as she arrived in another car. Nikki felt her cheeks blush crimson then she moved along to the next house on her list.

Ten minutes later she passed Di in the street as returned to the car. Whilst a great proportion of her being was telling her to walk past without a word she found herself slowing. 'Hi.'

'Hi, Sarge.' The impersonality in the voice bit into her.

'Di,' she started hesitantly, 'I…'

'Nikki, don't,' Diane instructed. 'Please.'

'You don't even know what I'm gonna say.'

'Do you?' queried the constable, looking at her properly then she sighed. 'I'm sorry.'

Her paranoia began to resurface with a vengeance. 'For what?'

There was a lengthy pause. 'I should've told you about Jo,' Diane said finally. 'I was trying to protect you.'

'Why?' Nikki asked, recalling all too well Jo's words of the previous night.

'Because I care,' she answered simply as Reg called her over from the opposite side of the road. 'I have to go.'

'Di,' Nikki said quickly before she moved too far away. 'I need to see you.'

Diane glanced back. 'Are you sure about that?'

'I think if there's one thing I know…'

The constable nodded. 'My place after work.'

* * *

This time she called Doug to let him know she was going to be a little late. His demeanour of the previous night had concerned her a little, he wasn't usually like that, and she wanted to avoid a repeat of it. Of course, she didn't say she was going to Diane's; she blamed it on a group of thugs making a complaint about her in relation to the stabbing on the Bronte. In actual fact, she'd written up her report for that in the afternoon but the white lie suited her purpose.

Diane opened the door with an impassive expression on her face. Nikki waited until they'd both sat down on the sofa before she asked, 'Are you alright?'

'Are you?' Diane retorted.

'Not really,' she admitted, watching the PC closely. 'I'm sorry,' she went on suddenly. 'I was out of line last night.'

'No, you weren't,' answered Diane quietly, reaching for her glass of wine on the table.

'I was. I just… There were all these thoughts flying round my head. I thought you were…'

'Last week,' Diane interrupted, 'something changed, didn't it? You said so yourself.' Nikki nodded silently. 'Well, I thought it was great. You know, you finally seemed to trust me, you even stayed the night! But… It wasn't a good thing, was it? I mean, at least before you could keep it separate, that's what you were doing and it was working then… I pushed you and…'

Nikki quietened her by taking her hand. 'Di, stop it.'

'How are things at home?' she questioned softly, not looking up.

'Why?' They never talked about that; it was too much like the real world.

'I just wondered.'

'They're fine,' she answered with a shrug. 'It's fine.'

Diane stood, moving over to the window and looking out of it in silence. Then she said, 'I think you'd better go.'

Standing herself, Nikki approached her lover and turned her back round to face her. 'Why?'

The constable wouldn't meet her eye; she just shrugged and shook her head. 'I need to be on my own for a bit.'

'What's going on in your head?' Nikki asked, watching her.

Diane pulled away. 'Please.'

Complying with the request, she picked up her bag then glanced back. 'I'm sorry about what I said, you do know that?'

'Yeah,' replied Diane with a half-smile. 'I know that.'

* * *

Doug wasn't home when she got back; he'd left a note saying he'd taken the girls for a burger. Andy wasn't home, which wasn't surprising, but she'd expected Liam to be in. He usually came straight home after school, more so these days when he constantly expected the threats of Greg Clarke, but apparently not today. A little perturbed, she tried his mobile but it was switched off.

For the following hour she sat in front of the television, watching but not really absorbing anything on the screen. Her mind, as it had been frequently lately, was elsewhere.

Had she just wrecked what she had with Diane because of her paranoia? She'd calmed down now, come to the conclusion that Jo Masters knowing wasn't the worst thing in the world; she'd be more justified in overreacting if Doug knew. But, whatever else it had done, making the discovery about Jo knowing had forced her to confront her confused feelings. Jo had mentioned love. Love. She hadn't even contemplated it could be getting that serious for Diane; it never even crossed her mind that Diane was treating their relationship as anything apart from fun. Looking back, she admitted it should have. When Diane had pushed her on Friday it was clear, wasn't it? But she'd been ignoring it; it hadn't been something she wanted to confront so she just hadn't.

Love. She didn't love Diane. She loved Doug, she loved her family. But they offered different things. She felt more comfortable, safer and more protected, with Diane but her life was with Doug and the kids. That was it. Yet the thought of having to see Diane every day at work and not being anything more to her than a colleague was a frightening thought; she couldn't stand that situation. It was all she could do in the last few weeks to keep herself from approaching Diane in the station; sometimes she just wanted to be next to her and she didn't care who knew. Then she hated herself. That was her problem; she was going round in circles every day. Doug was sensing it, she could tell. The only time she could get away from it was when she was with Diane- then the world melted away and she… Well, she wasn't happy because at the back of her mind she always had a picture of Doug and the kids, but she was close. She was really close.

The front door opened and closed and she heard pounding on the stairs. Immediately going up them she found Liam in his room punching the wall. 'Oi!' she said, running forward and grasping at his hands before he did anymore damage. 'What's going on? What's happened?'

He wouldn't look at her, just kept his head low as he wrenched his hands free. 'Nothing!'

'Oh, so you just felt like bashing the wall in?' Nikki asked, cautiously letting him go. 'Liam, come on! You can either talk to me or your dad when he gets back.'

He raised his head at that, allowing her to see a gash on his cheek. 'Don't tell him.'

Sighing, she sat down on the bed, indicating for him to join her. 'I think he might notice. What happened?'

'I don't wanna talk about it.'

'Greg Clarke?'

Slowly, he nodded. 'He was waiting for me after school.'

'Right, well, that's it. I'll get onto the school, they said one whiff of trouble and he was out.'

'No one else saw,' Liam said quietly. 'Just his mates. There's no point.'

What was she supposed to say to that? 'I'm still calling them.'

'What, so he'll know I grassed him up? No!'

'You can't let him win!' Nikki argued.

'He's won, alright? Might as well get used to it.'

After a long silence, Nikki stood. 'Come on, let's get that cheek cleaned up.'

'Nikki,' he said suddenly. 'Don't tell Dad. He'll just go down there and cause trouble.'

'I can't lie to him, Liam.'

'Please!'

She was torn. On the one hand, she knew Doug would go mad if she didn't tell him but, on the other hand, she knew he'd go ballistic and probably march right down to the school in the morning. She understood why Liam didn't want that- it had to be done carefully, so Clarke couldn't dish out anymore of his own brand of retribution. Reluctantly, she nodded. 'I won't tell him yet.'

'Thanks,' he replied. 'Thank you.'

After clearing up the mess of blood on his cheek and applying the longest plaster she could so that he looked like a patchwork Frankenstein, he opted to eat his tea in his room and she retreated to the kitchen where she closed the door and pulled out her mobile.

It took several rings before Di answered. 'Hello?'

Just hearing the voice was a relief. 'Hiya.'

'What's up? You've only been gone a couple of hours.' Diane's voice seemed measured, distant.

'I erm…' She sighed and leaned against the kitchen counter. 'Liam's had a run-in with that bully again.'

'What? Is he alright?'

'Well, he came home and started battering his bedroom wall so… No, he's not really.'

'What's Doug said?' Diane questioned after a moment.

'He's not back yet,' she admitted. 'And Liam doesn't want him knowing. I don't know what to do.'

'We'll go down to the school first thing,' Diane answered. 'I'll have a word with the head, ask him to keep his eye out. That way you're not the one grassing Liam up.'

Nikki found herself smiling. 'You don't have to do that.'

'Liam's a good kid. He doesn't need this.'

'Diane…' She trailed off, unsure of what she wanted to say. 'Thank you.'

'Anytime.'

Hearing the front door open, she regretfully said, 'I have to go. See you tomorrow.'

'Night, Nikki.'

A few seconds later Doug entered with the girls. 'Hiya.'

She tried to smile. 'Had a nice time?'

* * *

Having cleared the visit to the school with Gina, Nikki yet again found herself in a car with Diane. She wasn't sure how the air was between them: Diane was concentrating on her driving and not really looking over but that wasn't necessarily a negative thing. They were at work, they were always careful when they were working.

Slowing down as they passed the opening to a park, Diane frowned. 'That's Liam, isn't it?'

Nikki glanced into the park, recognising the boy leading the group he was surrounded by. 'Greg Clarke.'

Diane stopped the car then grabbed Nikki's arm. 'Let me handle this.'

'No way.'

'Listen, it's not going to help matters if his step-mum turns up!' Diane released her arm. 'Trust me.'

Reluctantly, she realised the wisdom of the argument and nodded. 'Alright.'

Diane smiled briefly then got out of the car and approached the group of lads. Immediately, all of Clarke's followers ran off but he just stood there, looking unconcerned by the turn of events. Liam's face was obscured by the fact his head was bowed.

Though she couldn't hear what was going on, she gathered that Diane was just asking both boys questions, pretending she'd never met Liam in her life. Then she seemed to focus her attention on Clarke and held out her hand. The smile slipped from his face and he turned to run but Diane grabbed him by the collar. Then Nikki frustratingly lost her line of sight because of the interference of a tree and the next thing she knew Diane was approaching the car with Clarke in cuffs.

Nikki quickly got out of the car and looked questioning at Diane.

'Greg Clarke, Sarge' she said with a hint of satisfaction. 'Possession of a prohibited substance and an offensive weapon.'

* * *

After Greg Clarke had been booked in, Nikki caught Diane in the corridor before she could slip away. 'Thank you.'

'I was just lucky he had something on him,' Diane said evenly. 'And that we got there before he used that knife on Liam.'

Nikki let out her breath. 'Tell me about it. Did he say anything?'

'No, but he didn't want to show that he knew me so… I'll give the school a call, check he's turned up.'

'You don't have to do that.'

'It's no trouble,' Diane replied, moving off down the corridor.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Greg Clarke admitted to possession of a Class C drug and an offensive weapon and was dragged off by his furious father, much to Nikki's satisfaction. As she went to get a coffee from the canteen, though, she was informed by Roger that Doug was in the front office.

Leading him into the front interview room, she closed the door. 'You've heard then.'

He nodded. 'Liam called me at lunchtime. What happened?'

'Well, we broke up a gang of youths this morning hassling Liam. Clarke was searched, found in possession of drugs and a knife. He's been charged and bailed to return. With his previous record of violence, he's looking at a young offenders unit.'

'Right,' Doug said. 'Who's 'we'?'

'What?'

'Liam mentioned Diane or something.' His tone was strange.

'Yeah, we were patrolling when we saw them,' she answered carefully, feeling her stomach tensing. 'Diane handled it, so I didn't smack the little toerag.'

He only half-smiled. 'Right.'

'Is Liam alright?' she questioned after a pause.

'He's fine. I said we'd sit down tonight, the three of us. You will be coming straight home?'

'Course I will,' she replied, frowning.

'Good. I'd better get back,' he said suddenly, moving towards the door. 'I'll see you tonight.'

Following him into reception she watched him out of the station then turned around. Di was watching her from beside the desk. 'Oh, hi.'

'Is everything alright?' the PC asked.

Nikki shrugged. 'I think so. Hopefully.' Smiling, she looked at Diane fully. 'How are you?'

'I'm alright, I suppose.'

Drawing her away from the desk, Nikki continued, 'Thanks for all your help today. You didn't have to go out of your way.'

'Just glad I could help,' she answered, turning away then looking back. 'Look, I know you're gonna be busy with Liam and everything but… The offer still stands, for tomorrow night.'

Nodding, she said, 'I'll see what I can do.'

'I'm not pushing…'

'I want to come round,' she interrupted. 'Alright?'

* * *

Thursday evening wasn't particularly pleasant, what with father and son both acting in a similar monosyllabic manner, but Nikki could understand it so she didn't criticise. Doug and Liam were close, but they just couldn't talk to each other easily. That was why, she supposed, Liam turned to her when things went wrong. Of course, being stuck in the middle was not her favourite place to be, but if Liam needed her, he needed her. Doug always came round to that fact in the end because he was such a good father.

Still, she was relieved to be back in work on Friday to an extent. Doug, after the kids had gone to bed, had been quiet and moody. Probably he was blaming himself for the Greg Clarke debacle but, despite her best efforts, Nikki couldn't get him to talk to her about it. So she'd basically left him to it, just mentioning half way through the evening that she was planning on staying at her sister's on Friday. He'd looked up sharply then returned his gaze to his glass and just nodded. What that meant she wasn't sure, but even if she'd probed she knew he wasn't in a sharing mood. So she'd accepted his answer without another word.

As soon as she found herself in Diane's flat she felt infinitely better. Curling up on the sofa in Diane's embrace, she let go of all her worries and focussed solely on the moment.

Diane dropped a kiss onto her head. 'Are you okay?'

Nikki smiled and looked up at her. 'I'm fine. You?'

After kissing her, Diane replied, 'Me? I'm great.'


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Six chapters in and I'm explaining why I picked this song... I'm mad. Anyway, I believed it had potential for Nikki and Di. Hope I was right!

* * *

_I keep your picture up on the wall,_

_It hides a nasty stain that's lying there._

_So don't you ask me to give it back,_

_I know you know it doesn't mean that much to me._

Two weeks passed without incident. Greg Clarke had been removed from school and, thankfully, Liam seemed to be getting back to normal. Doug's mood seemed to gradually lighten as time passed, or perhaps it just became commonplace and so unnoticeable, and Diane… Diane was fantastic. Nikki was finding it hard to recall a time when being near the PC was an infuriating place to be; she was too consumed in the pleasure of being with Diane to remember anything negative.

'You're not going out like that, are you?'

Nikki glanced over her shoulder to where Diane was sprawled on the bed, having watched her dressing. 'Why not?'

'Your top's on inside out.'

Looking down, she realised it was. 'Oops.'

Diane was on her feet in a second. 'You look like you need help.'

'Oi, I can manage,' she said, swatting away the hand creeping around her waist. Then she relented and allowed Di to remove the fabric for her and she let out her breath in a frustrated growl. 'I have to go.'

After a few moments of teasing, Di passed the top back to her. 'I know. Don't forget your phone's in the kitchen.'

'I'll get it before I do,' Nikki answered, going through and grabbing it. The last time she was over she'd managed to leave her wallet on the coffee table, only realising when Andrew had asked for some money. She wasn't about to let that happen again.

Diane was holding out her keys when she came back into the hallway. 'And these.'

'Well, at least I'd realise I'd left them,' she quipped, sliding them off the proffered finger and putting them into her pocket. 'I'll see you Tuesday,' she said.

Nodding, Diane kissed her. 'Can't wait.'

* * *

Monday had already been an epic of a day, and it was only half eleven. There had been a bomb scare on the High Street that had tied up half the relief and caused a nightmare traffic accident when the diversion route became congested. The driver of one vehicle had died at the scene, three other people were in critical conditions. The fact that the bomb threat was a hoax had infuriated Superintendent Heaton to the extent that his television appeal for witnesses to the crash had apparently turned into a rant about wasting police time.

So when Nikki finally got back to the station after interviewing witnesses at the scene, she just needed a coffee and to be locked in a room with some nice paperwork. However, when she reached the office she found Gina Gold waiting for her. Stepping further in, she saw Diane there as well. 'What's going on?' she asked, looking from one to the other.

'There's been an incident,' Gina said quietly.

She glanced to Diane whose face was grim. 'What incident?'

'Your step-son, Liam, was found badly beaten just outside the school grounds this morning,' Gina explained. 'He's been taken to St. Hughes.'

'Is he alright? Is he awake?'

'I don't know,' the Inspector admitted. 'Doug called and said you should meet him there. Now, PC Noble's volunteered to take you down there so… go on.'

Nodding, she spun on her heel, feeling Diane catch up with her round about the yard. It wasn't until they were safely on the road that she looked again at the PC. 'It was Clarke, wasn't it?'

'We'll get him,' Diane said softly, with evident anger. 'Promise.'

Nikki let out her breath. 'I thought he was alright!'

'Oi,' Di said quickly, 'this wasn't your fault.'

'What if he tried to tell me something and I missed it, eh? What if…'

'Don't, Nikki. Just get there, and see what's going on. You're not doing yourself any favours, okay?'

It was good advice and worth following. Reaching over, she squeezed Diane's arm then went back to staring at the passing scenery.

When they reached the hospital she didn't even think about asking Diane to stay outside; she was too concerned about Liam. But when she found Doug rushing towards her in the corridor outside the ward, she suddenly realised, as his arms wrapped around her, that Diane was watching. It made her pull away. 'Where is he?'

'He's just through…' Doug trailed off as he noticed Diane. 'What are you doing here?'

'Er… I just…'

'She gave me a lift,' Nikki supplied, looking first at her husband then to Diane.

'Right. Well, you can go now, can't you?' Doug said briskly. 'Liam needs his family around him.'

Diane just nodded. 'Fine. Bye, Sarge.'

Nikki watched her disappear around a corner then looked back to Doug. 'She did me a favour bringing me down here. She didn't have to.'

Doug simply walked through a set of double doors to his right. 'Liam's in here.'

* * *

Well, he was unconscious, but the doctors were confident there was no permanent damage. After breathing a sigh of relief, Nikki's thoughts had immediately turned to catching the culprit.

'Look, just let them deal with it,' Doug said, as they conducted a heated debate next to the coffee machine. 'If it is Clarke, they'll get him.'

'I just want to know what's going on,' she objected, pulling out her phone. 'I'll be back in a minute.'

'Are you calling Inspector Gold?' he called after her.

She didn't answer. Once in the car park she was about to dial when she heard a familiar cough. Smiling briefly, she followed Diane around the corner to a secluded part of the grounds. 'Hiya.'

'How is he?' Diane questioned. 'Is he awake?'

Nikki shook her head. 'Not yet. But they think he'll be alright. What about Clarke?'

'No,' she replied. 'Tony says his house was deserted. They're trying logical places…'

'But it's like looking for a needle in a haystack,' Nikki finished. 'I can't sit around here doing nothing.'

'I know,' Diane said. 'Car's round the corner.'

Gratefully, she followed her to the car then collapsed into the passenger seat. 'Any bursts of inspiration?'

The PC was quiet. 'If I were him I'd be hiding out somewhere quiet, but close to home. So he lives on Grange Lane… The old industrial park on May Street's about two minutes away. It's been abandoned for years.'

Thankful that Diane was taking charge, Nikki rested back in her seat. 'I'm sorry about Doug. He's not usually like that.'

Diane glanced sideways then looked back to the road. 'Don't worry about it.'

As they turned into the May Street industrial park ten minutes later Nikki's mobile started ringing. She looked at the display then hit the reject button. 'Any sign?'

'That Doug?'

'Yep,' she answered, getting out of the car as soon as it stopped. There were about five large dilapidated buildings surrounding them. Two looked dangerously close to collapse so, ruling those out for the time being, Nikki nodded towards the most stable of the remaining three. 'We'll have a look in there first.'

'Shouldn't you have answered that?' Diane asked as they walked.

'Nope.' Pushing open the door she found the inside to be well-lit, thanks to the boards on the windows being removed. Indicating the door at the opposite end, she took the lead, listening intently for any signs of life. There were none; the building was clear.

Back in the courtyard, she looked around at the remaining buildings, hoping to see something. Her eyes caught on the entrance to one of the two buildings she'd deemed as ridiculous prospects. The door was banging open in the wind, drawing attention to a piece of fabric attached to the broken window that was blowing in the breeze.

Taking off, she was dimly aware of Diane shouting, 'Nikki, wait!' Not paying attention, she barged into the building slowly only until she heard frantic footsteps upstairs; then she located the steep staircase and followed the noise.

The floor felt unstable, in several places it was broken. Being as careful and as quiet as she could possibly manage, she examined the various rooms that the staircase had led her onto. Old offices mostly, and they were all empty of everything but the most decayed furniture. Reaching the end of the corridor, she found it opened out into a large storage area. This was more populated with old crates, plenty of places to hide.

Drawing her asp, she slowed considerably. 'Greg?' she shouted. 'I know you're here.'

A scuttling then a hooded figure burst out from behind one of the closest crates and tried to run right past her. Grasping with her right arm, she felt herself unbalance and her left foot plunge through a mouldy floorboard, sending her hurtling to the floor. For all her discomfort she never relinquished her grip on Greg Clarke's collar, despite his struggling.

Thirty seconds then Diane ran in. Grabbing Clarke, she cuffed him to an exposed pipe over the other side of the room then came back to crouch down beside her carefully. 'Can you move?'

Gingerly, she twisted her foot around. Feeling a sharp pain, she nevertheless answered in the affirmative. 'I'll need help though.'

Diane nodded, moving around so she was closer to the trapped leg. 'What do you need me to do?'

'Pull,' she said determinedly.

'Hang on, are you sure?'

'I don't wanna be like this when back-up arrive,' she argued. 'Do it.'

Diane still looked unconvinced, but she wrapped her two hands around the shin and yanked on the foot.

Nikki let out a yell as her foot emerged, with a broken shard of wood attached to the side of her foot via a nail. 'Ow…'

'Has that gone through?' Diane questioned, quickly laying the leg on the floor.

'Yes,' Nikki admitted. 'But it's alright, honestly.'

'You know,' Di said, shuffling up to eye level, 'I once got a lecture from someone for barging into a building without back-up. He could've been armed, she said; you take that risk into account, she said…'

'I'm sorry!' she said, wincing as her foot started throbbing anew. 'I just…'

'You could have been really badly hurt running in here like that,' Diane interrupted.

'I'm alright,' she said weakly.

'Yeah, this time!'

'It was a special occasion,' Nikki answered, glancing over to Greg Clarke. 'We got him.'

Di shook her head as sirens blared in the distance. 'Fine. But don't do that to me again. Please.'

* * *

She refused an ambulance to St. Hughes on the basis that she was going straight there anyway so what was the point in tying up emergency services? Diane drove her- with the approval of a rather irate Inspector Gold- and it was with Diane's assistance that she hobbled into A&E. Diane hadn't berated her on her actions again since they were in the warehouse; something she was thankful for. She knew she'd been an idiot, she didn't need it reiterating. She was going to get enough of that from Doug when he found out what had happened.

Apparently, that was going to be sooner rather than later. As Diane helped her into a seat, she caught sight of her husband steaming towards them. The constable seemed about to retreat before she said, 'Stay. I want you here.'

'Don't you think this'll be awkward enough?' Diane queried in a whisper.

'I've got a nail wedged in my foot, I want you to stay.'

Diane shrugged but still stepped back a few paces as Doug approached. He looked first at the foot, still with half a floorboard attached to the side of it, then at Nikki's face, then, finally, his eyes flickered over to Diane. 'What the hell happened?' he said, refocusing his gaze on the injury.

'It's fine,' she said, hoping to pacify him. 'It looks worse than it is.' That was a lie and she knew Diane realised it to be such but she didn't think she'd draw his attention to it. She was right; Diane stayed quiet, allowing her to add, 'It was just a freak accident, that's all.'

He shook his head disbelievingly then looked over to Diane. 'Can I have a private word with my wife, please?'

Diane was making to move but Nikki injected, 'She's fine where she is.'

'I want to talk to you alone!'

'Maybe it's best if I…' Diane began hesitantly.

'Yes,' Doug agreed.

'No,' Nikki argued. 'Listen,' she said, addressing her husband, 'you get back to Liam. I'll be there as soon as I've had this looked at.'

He didn't seem able to contradict that arrangement but he did have the final word. 'You might've got him, Nikki, and I'm grateful for that; but you went about it the wrong way. You left me here, wondering what the hell was going on, while you went off and played the hero. Hope you're pleased with yourself.'

After he'd stomped off, Diane came to sit down beside her. 'That went well.'

'I had to get him,' Nikki replied with a soft grim smile. 'I thought he knew that.'

Squeezing her hand, Diane answered, 'I understand. For what's it's worth.'

Funny; it was worth quite a bit.

* * *

Diane left about an hour later, but not before sitting through the entire process of the nail being removed. She'd been there every step of the way, and that was something Nikki was infinitely grateful for, especially when she saw the state of the foot after the doctor had finished teasing the nail out. It had slid in a few centimetres, not causing any permanent damage but still creating a massive wound and a whole lot of blood to go with it. Though she would've coped on her own, finding she had Di's hand to squeeze throughout it all was quite a relief.

'Thanks,' she said, leaning on her crutches as she watched her lover open the car door. 'Thanks for being around today.'

Shrugging, Diane asked, 'Where else was I gonna be? Call me, okay?'

Nikki nodded. 'Promise.'

Reluctantly, she went to locate Doug. He was in the corridor outside Liam's room, staring deep into his plastic coffee cup. Though he looked up as he heard her approach, he didn't speak.

Sitting beside him, she carefully questioned. 'Is he alright?'

Doug inclined his head. 'Doctors are with him. He woke up twenty minutes ago.'

'Did you tell him we got Clarke?'

'Yep,' he answered shortly. Then he finished his coffee, moved to dispose of the cup, and returned to sit next to her. 'Did you deliberately try and get yourself killed today?'

'I don't know what you heard but…'

'Oh, I was given a fairly detailed version,' he interrupted. 'Tony was first on the scene, wasn't he?'

She couldn't argue with that. She only wished she'd had the foresight to request the whole debacle was kept from her husband, but it seemed Gina had given the order before she'd even entered the warehouse to survey the damage herself. 'Yeah,' she said quietly. 'Yeah, he was.'

'It was just you and Diane in there, wasn't it?'

His reference to the constable made her stomach jolt. It wasn't the first time he'd made disparaging remarks towards her and Nikki wondered if… But, no. The idea was ludicrous- how would he know? She couldn't imagine anyone would guess about her and Diane, they'd think they were mad just contemplating the idea because… Well, it was a mad idea wasn't it? 'Yeah, it was,' she went on finally. 'I met her outside here and she offered to help.'

'Help you try and get yourself killed.'

'No, help me catch Greg Clarke. I thought you'd be pleased!'

'My son's lying in a hospital bed and you do your best to join him? Nikki, I'm ecstatic!'

For a few minutes neither of them spoke. Nikki was contemplating the events in the warehouse; but Doug's words hadn't penetrated her mind, Diane's had. Diane had not only been there, Diane had supported her even when she believed she'd gone and put herself in serious danger. She hadn't had a go, she hadn't criticised; but Doug had.

'I should pick the girls up from school.'

'It's already sorted,' he answered shortly. 'Go home. Rest your foot.'

'Well, I'll stay here with you and Liam.'

He shook his head. 'We'll be alright.'

* * *

As soon as she saw Diane approach the front door of her block of flats, Nikki hobbled out of the bus shelter. 'Oi!'

The constable turned, smiled, then crossed the road. 'What are you doing here?'

'It was better than calling?' she offered mildly, allowing Diane to take her bag.

'Not that I'm complaining but… Well, what about Liam? Aren't you needed at the hospital?'

'Apparently not,' she answered. 'And I didn't wanna spend the evening on my own so…'

'How about a Chinese takeaway?' Diane suggested. 'It's what I was planning on.'

'Sounds fantastic,' Nikki replied, following her into the building.

* * *

A couple of hours later she regretfully left Diane's comfortable flat to return to what she thought would be an empty house. When she entered, though, she saw the kitchen light on ahead of her and apprehensively entered, finding Doug at the table with a half-empty bottle of whisky. 'What's happened? Is it Liam?'

'Where've you been?'

'What?'

'Where did you go when you left the hospital?' he clarified, still not looking at her.

'I didn't want to come back here and be on my own. So I went to see a friend.'

'Right.' Suddenly, he stood. 'The girls are staying with my parents, Andy's with a mate. I'm off to bed.'

'Is Liam okay?' she asked as he passed her.

'He's fine,' he said, not stopping. 'He wants to thank Diane.'

* * *

Tuesday- their shared day off- was supposed to have been an added day of luxury. They'd made no definite plans but it was a given they were going to spend the time together. Now, of course, it wasn't anywhere close to possible. The closest she'd got to Diane by lunchtime had been a brief apologetic text message sent while Doug was brushing his teeth. Apart from that, she hadn't been able to snatch a moment to herself all morning.

Gina Gold had paid a visit before they'd left for the hospital to inform them that, after Greg Clarke's prints were found all over the metal pole used to assault Liam, he'd confessed to the whole thing. He'd done it, he said, as revenge for Liam getting him kicked out of school twice; he'd said Liam deserved it. The anger which that ignited inside of Nikki was only abated by the reminder that Clarke was now looking at a long stretch for a premeditated assault.

At the hospital, Doug went to have a word with the doctor while Nikki went straight in to see Liam. Although he still looked like he'd been caught in a battle between a lawn-mower and a bull, he was looking brighter than he had for months. 'You had me worried yesterday,' she said by way of greeting.

'I'll try harder next time,' he answered with a small grin. 'Dad said you and Diane arrested him.'

'Yeah,' she confirmed, 'and this time he's not getting bail and he's not getting out for a long time. You'll be in the army long before you see him again.'

Liam nodded. 'I wanna thank Diane as well.'

'I'm sure she'll come down when she can,' Nikki answered.

'You could call and ask her to,' he persisted. 'I mean, she's been great. Don't know why she bothered but…'

'She likes you, with good reason. Things'll be different now, Liam. Now he's gone…'

'Yeah, I know,' he replied as his dad came in. 'Hiya.'

Slipping away for a few minutes, she called Diane. 'Fancy a trip to the hospital?'

'Why, what've you broken this time?' came the good-natured reply.

'Liam wants to see you. And I wouldn't mind either,' she added with a small smile.

'I'll be right there.'

* * *

Doug's face when Diane had entered the hospital room had been impassive. Nikki wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or not, but him excusing himself to get a coffee a few moments was a blessing.

But she realised it was probably better to leave Diane and Liam to it. Instead of going towards the canteen she went in the direction of the gift shop, planning on just aimlessly pottering about there for ten minutes or so. However, as she turned a corner she- and her crutches- collided with DC Jo Masters coming the other way. 'Oh, damn, I'm sorry!'

Jo winced but smiled. 'It's okay. Heard you were trying to fill up the beds in here, didn't know quite how far you wanted to go.'

Nikki laughed slightly then asked, 'What are you doing here?'

'One of the traffic victims from yesterday just died, the driver of the Ford.'

It seemed an age ago but Nikki managed to recall the terrified woman in her late twenties who kept slipping in and out of consciousness. 'No… She was so scared, I kept telling her everything would be alright.'

'She had internal injuries apparently,' Jo answered. 'There was nothing anyone could've done.'

She nodded. 'I suppose.' Then she frowned. 'Have you got a sec, Jo?' The DC nodded and indicated they should step outside of a nearby entrance. Once in the cool breeze, Nikki went on, 'I never apologised for the way I acted towards you.'

Jo shook her head. 'It's forgotten.'

'No,' she objected. 'I was completely out of order. You were just trying to help and I threw it back in your face.'

'Come on, you weren't exactly going through a great time. And I wasn't that diplomatic myself. For a change.' Jo grinned. 'Seriously, forget about it.'

Finally, Nikki nodded. 'Alright.'

Another voice behind them startled her. 'Thought you'd run off.'

Relaxing, Nikki smiled. 'Wanted a walk.'

'You mean a hobble,' Diane replied. 'Hiya, Jo.'

'Hi,' the detective answered. 'You visiting?'

'Got nothing better to do with my day so…'

Jo shook her head and then began walking. 'I've got a doctor to see. No more sticking your foot through floors, alright, Nikki?'

'Am I the laughing stock of the station?' she called after the retreating back.

'Pretty much. But most of 'em reckon you're a damn good parent as well. Think Reg wants to adopt you.'

Diane grinned as Jo disappeared into the hospital. 'You alright?'

'Yeah,' she answered sincerely. 'I'm fine. What about Liam?'

'He's great. Seems a lot happier.'

'I think he is. The doctor said he can come home Wednesday as long as there aren't any complications.'

'That's great news,' Diane replied. 'See? Told you it'd be alright.'

Nikki raised an eyebrow. 'When did you tell me that?'

'Well, I meant to anyway.'

'Diane?' she said slowly. 'I don't know what I would've done without you these last few days.'

'I'm just glad you let me help,' the constable answered evenly. 'I guess I won't see you for a while.'

Nikki frowned. 'Suppose not. Unless Liam wants to see you again or something.'

Smiling, Diane discreetly squeezed her hand. 'Let's hope, eh?'

* * *

By the end of the week Nikki had discovered that Doug's continued bad mood had little to do with Liam. After all, the lad was back at home, perfectly happy with a week off school; even if his teachers had insisted on sending him some work home to do. But as Liam's general mood improved, Doug's deteriorated. He became irate over any little thing and spent the rest of his time quietly ignoring everyone around him. The girls picked up on it and it brought the mood of the house down.

Friday was usually her night with Diane, but she didn't know of any way she was going to be able to see her. Doug was due home mid-afternoon and she had to stay with Liam in the morning, so it seemed to be a non-starter. At least until she opened the door to a knock around lunchtime and found a familiar constable standing there. Suddenly recalling something from the back of her mind, she remembered that Diane had booked the day off ages ago for a dental appointment.

'Is it safe?' Diane queried.

Shrugging, Nikki let her past. 'Well, Liam's in.'

'Good. Brought him round some DVDs,' she answered, nodding to the plastic bag Nikki hadn't noticed before. 'How's he doing?'

'Great actually. Complaining about the room service. His leg's still hurting him a bit,' she added with a rueful smile. 'Come on through.'

Diane followed her into the kitchen where she finished loading the washing machine, which the doorbell had interrupted her from. 'And how about you? You keeping off that foot?'

'Oh, I'm fine.'

'Mmm-hmm,' replied her lover, unconvinced. 'Go sit down. I'll stick the kettle on.'

Though she wouldn't admit it, she was quite grateful for the order; the painkillers the doctor had prescribed her only seemed to last half as long as they were supposed to, so she spent half the day unavoidably thinking about the great big hole in her foot. She went through to the living room and plopped down onto the sofa.

A few minutes later Diane appeared, passing her a mug. 'Here. I'll go up and see Liam, if you don't mind.'

Nikki shook her head. 'Am I allowed to move?'

'Don't even think about it,' Diane instructed, reaching into her jacket pocket, removing a small thin black box and placing it on the table. 'Erm… I…' She shrugged. 'I'll go see Liam.'

When the footsteps on the stairs faded, Nikki put her mug down and picked up the box instead. Opening it, she found a silver bracelet with a pretty cat charm hanging from it. With a smile, she lifted it out of the box and ran her fingers over it. Looking on the back of the charm she found a discreet engraving, consisting of two kisses. Immediately, she fastened it onto her left arm and rested back into the sofa with her mug of tea and a smile still on her lips.

About twenty minutes later Diane reappeared, entering the living room rather reluctantly. 'Hiya.'

Nikki indicated for her to sit down. 'You didn't have to come round, you know. I didn't expect you to.'

'Well, I just…' The constable trailed off. 'Do you like it?'

'Yes,' she answered honestly. 'It's beautiful.'

Diane smiled, nodded, and briefly met her eye. 'Hope I didn't embarrass you or anything.'

'No. No. you didn't.' She paused. 'Liam alright?'

'Yeah. Seems pretty chirpy, doesn't he?'

'Surprisingly. But he'd a resilient lad.' Regretfully, Nikki added, 'I don't want to sound…'

'Doug's due home,' she interrupted. 'Liam said. Look, I just wanted you to know that I'm around if you need me. And… Well, I've missed you these last couple of days.'

'I missed you too,' Nikki admitted.

'Listen, I'll get out of your way,' Diane said, standing. 'But I'll call you.'

'You better.'

'Getting a bit of cabin-fever?'

'Something like that,' she answered, putting aside their location to kiss the constable briefly. 'Thanks for dropping in.'

'You don't get rid of me that easy,' Diane warned.

* * *

'Daisy, get back down here now!'

Coming through from the kitchen, Nikki found Doug angrily stood at the bottom of the stairs, his face glowering. 'What's going on? What's she done?'

'Left the living room in a state, her and her friend,' he replied, not looking directly at her. 'She's cleaning it up before she does anything else.'

'Calm down a bit, eh?' she advised. 'Give it a minute and ask her nicely.'

'That'll get results will it?' he asked, storming past her into the kitchen.

Following him, she closed the door and faced him. 'What is wrong with you? You've been off for ages now. What, is it something at work? Talk to me!'

Her husband opened his mouth to retort then closed it again. After a few seconds, he shook his head. 'I'm fine.'

'No, Doug, you're not,' Nikki insisted. 'You're shouting at the girls for no reason, Andy's barely spent a night in this last week and Liam…'

'Liam's fine!'

'Alright, he's fine, but you could at least try communicating with him once in a while!'

'You're a fine one to lecture on communication skills, Nikki,' he answered, going to the sink and getting himself some water. He swallowed half of the glass before he added, 'Liam's fixated on joining the Army, have you noticed?'

'Of course I have,' she said. 'But he's felt that way for a while, you know that as well as I do.'

'It's escalated a bit in the past few months though, hasn't it?'

She knew where he was going with that and she didn't want to bring Diane's name into yet another disagreement. Her stomach still knotted when she heard the constable's name coming from Doug's lips, the way he spat it occasionally almost gave her the impression that he knew. But she was putting it down to a personality clash, or something like that: if he knew about her and Diane he'd let her know, Nikki was sure of it.

When she failed to answer, he sighed, drained his glass and came closer. 'I don't want him rushing into anything.'

'Well, we've got a couple of years yet,' she said carefully, trying to gauge the level of irritation still present in him. 'He might change his mind.'

Doug nodded and took her hands. 'You're right. I know you are.' His eyebrows knitted together as he noticed her wrist. 'Is that a new bracelet?'

Though her throat tightened at her stupidity at not removing it the moment Diane had left, she managed to smile. 'Yep. Bought it last week. Completely forget about it what with everything.'

'It's nice,' he said, looking it over.

Drawing back, Nikki shrugged. 'You always knew I had good taste. Can you give me a hand with the tea?'

'Not until that daughter of yours has cleaned the living room,' he replied, going back to the door.

'Why is she always my daughter when she's in trouble?'

* * *

Being back at work on Wednesday was a real relief. Not only was she out of the confinement of home, she also was able to see Diane for the first time in a few days. They happened to meet in the locker room at the end of the shift; happened to as in Nikki had watched the corridor from her office for five minutes before following the PC in.

Thankfully, Diane was alone. A smile appeared on her face almost instantly. 'Hiya.'

Nikki moved forward into a brief embrace. 'I never thought I'd be quite so happy to be working.'

'Ah… So, good week then?'

'Fantastic. Excellent.' She sighed. 'I feel like I'm going mad half the time. But…' She shook her head. 'Oh, I don't know.'

'You want a lift home?' Diane questioned after a second. 'You're not driving yet, are you?'

'That sounds good,' Nikki answered, smiling a little. 'Thanks.'

When they were on the road, Diane moved her hand over to rest on Nikki's thigh. 'Feel free to say no, but I was thinking, if you could get away for a couple of hours next week I could cook us a meal or something. Forget about everything for a bit.'

Nikki glanced sideways. 'It's a great idea.'

'Is there a but?'

'No. Believe me, I want to come. I'll be there,' she said decisively as they turned onto her street.

Diane pulled up a few doors down on the opposite side of the road and turned the engine off before removing her seatbelt and shifting so they were facing. 'It's alright if you can't.'

'You know, if I'm…' Nikki trailed off, a little embarrassed. 'Well, if I'm honest, you're the only thing that's kept me going this past week. I know it sounds…'

Suddenly, Diane kissed her. 'It doesn't sound stupid, Nikki. Sounds a bit like my life actually.'

Smiling, Nikki leaned in to press their lips together again but was surprised when Diane pulled away quickly. 'What?'

The PC nodded to something on the pavement. Nikki's stomach plummeted as she recognised the motionless figure of Liam stood facing the car. In one swift movement, he turned and ran off into the alleyway that ran alongside the house.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I think this was one of my favourite chapters to write... ever. I suppose that makes me mean. Thanks for continuing to read folks.

* * *

_Ooh, you wait a long time for me,_

_Ooh, you wait a long time._

Nikki ran down the path onto the pavement when she saw Diane's car returning. 'He didn't come in round the back.'

'I drove around, I couldn't see him,' Diane answered, ushering her back into the house and closing the door. 'Look, you never know, he might not've…'

Snorting, Nikki asked, 'Are you joking? He saw us, Di.'

'Yeah. Yeah, I know.'

'What am I gonna do?'

Diane moved back towards the door. 'Well, first we find him. Where would he go- to his mum's?'

'Maybe. I don't…' Nikki trailed off and leaned her head back against the wall. 'I don't know.'

'Nikki, come on, concentrate. You know the way?'

Nodding, she followed the constable down to the car, then having to return to lock the front door. Aside from giving directions she didn't look or speak to Diane for the duration of the journey; she couldn't. Diane at that moment represented another ugly phase in Liam's life and looking towards her would require some sort of recognition of the last couple of months. She didn't want to admit that she was responsible for this; even if she so obviously was.

Arriving at Liz's, Diane took the lead up the path, Nikki on her heels. Part of her was dreading the reception she'd get from her old friend, they hadn't seen each other in a few years now; and her concern was enhanced by the fact that if Liam had beaten them here and told her everything Liz was going to be worse than she'd ever been.

Diane knocked and twenty seconds later the door was answered by a tall thin brunette. The smile on her face faded as she looked over the two people on her doorstep, her eyes finally settling on Nikki herself. 'What do you want?'

'We're just looking for Liam,' Diane said quickly. 'Is he here?'

'Who the hell are you?'

'I'm a friend. Look, is he here or not?'

Liz shrugged and stepped out over the threshold. 'You're not saying much, Nikki.'

Looking up, she focused her gaze on her former friend. 'Hi, Liz.'

'Hi?' the brunette repeated. 'Three years and I get a hi? How's Doug?'

'Oi,' Diane put in. 'We just wanna…'

'Stay out of it, Miss whoever-you-are,' Liz interrupted, moving further forward. 'So how come you're looking for my son?'

Nikki shook her head. 'He's just missed an appointment, that's all.'

'Really? Not like Liam.'

'No, which is why we're trying to find him,' she replied coolly.

'Really?' Liz repeated, stepping forward again. Diane was now on the sidelines and, as Nikki glanced towards her, she found herself knocked backwards by a heavy blow.

She vaguely saw Diane launch herself at the struggling figure of Liz then, as her vision returned she saw her lover force Liz back into the house. 'Stay there,' Diane instructed angrily, looking back. 'Are you alright?'

'I think we should go,' Nikki answered, pressing her hand over her cheek and finding she was bleeding. Feeling nauseous, she returned to the car and waited for Diane to join her.

Once they were inside, Diane reached across to examine her cheek. 'It's not that bad.'

Recoiling from the touch, Nikki pulled a tissue out of her pocket and tended to it while staring out of the window. 'It's fine.'

After a moment, Diane sighed and questioned, 'Do you think he was in there?'

'No. That was just an old score she had to settle.'

'Where now? You want me to drive around a bit and see if we spot him?'

Being in that car at the moment was not a pleasant prospect. 'I should be at home, in case he comes back.'

Diane nodded and started the engine. They didn't talk and when they parked outside the house, Nikki was about to get out without a word when Diane said, 'I'll drive round myself, see if I can see him.'

Nikki slumped back into her seat. 'He was just getting back on track. After all this time: after Liz, after Clarke…'

'Don't go blaming yourself, what good is it gonna do?'

'What do I tell Doug?' she asked after a pause. 'What if he doesn't come back?'

'He's a teenager, he'll come back when he's hungry,' Diane answered unconvincingly.

'And supposing he does… What then?'

'Then you… I don't know.'

'I'll have to tell him,' she said quietly, watching the road intently. 'I'll have to look at him and tell him that I've been…'

Diane took her hand. 'Nikki…'

'I need to get inside,' she said, wrenching her hand free. 'He might be in there.'

'Let me know when he turns up,' Diane called as she closed the door.

Nikki didn't look back as she entered the house. Closing the door, she quickly ascertained that no one was in. Both Daisy and Rebecca had drama club and Andy was, naturally, nowhere to be found. If her gut instinct was correct, Liam hadn't been back. She knew him; he'd want to get as far away from home as possible. He hated facing up to things; she'd learned that from watching his experiences with Liz.

Going up the stairs, she washed the cut on her cheek. It wasn't deep, just superficial; it wasn't even all that painful. Splashing her face with freezing cold water, Nikki lifted her eyes to the mirror and stared at the pale, anxious face looking back at her.

She didn't even know who she was anymore. Six months ago she'd been perfect, happy with her life. Work was going fine, she had a great family to come home to; even if there were problems occurring fairly frequently in both places, she was still happy. Everything had been fine until Diane Noble had kissed her. One little moment; that was all it took to derail all her views on the direction her life was taking. Suddenly she'd been catapulted into a relationship she'd never wanted, and now couldn't extricate herself from. It wasn't just that she was cheating on her husband and her own two beautiful girls, she'd let Liam down something terrible. Hadn't he been through enough without her adding to it?

And what if she did have to tell Doug? How could she do it, what was she supposed to say? Ten years ago he'd broken the news to Liz that he was having an affair and then he'd been fortunate enough to be able to run straight to her. She had nowhere to run. She'd never run to Diane. She couldn't do it. She wouldn't do it.

Trying to reinstate some sense of normality in the house she started the dinner so that when the girls arrived back she was able to sit down and eat and listen to them talking about how great drama club had been. It didn't require much interaction on her part, which was fortunate because she didn't believe that if she was pushed she'd be able to keep up an impassive front.

Doug arrived home about nine. Nikki warmed up his food while he went upstairs, as he almost always did when he got home, to see how the kids were. He came back down, kissed her briefly, and sat down to his meal. 'Where's Liam?'

'Hmm? Oh, I haven't seen him,' she lied, feeling her stomach muscles clench. 'Well, I saw him leaving as I got home but not since then.'

Her husband checked his watch. 'It's a bit late for him. Have you tried his mobile?'

'It was switched off,' she answered. 'I'll give it another go.'

She went to do that while he ate. Though she didn't expect it to be on now when it had been switched off for the last couple of hours, she went through the motions of dialling. It went straight to voicemail, of course, and she couldn't help but sigh in frustration. Anything could've happened to him out there; he was barely healed from his last brush with violence.

'Still off,' she answered, returning to the kitchen and closing the door.

Doug put his cutlery down on his unfinished plate. 'This isn't like him.'

'I know,' she replied quietly.

He recognised something in her tone. 'Nikki, what is it?'

'I need to…' Walking over to the sink, she poured herself a glass of water to moisten her dry mouth. 'Doug, I need to tell you something.'

His chair scraped back and he stood. 'What?'

She didn't turn around. 'I don't know how to…' Trailing off, she took another sip of water then placed the glass down on the counter. 'I've been… I've been seeing someone else.'

There was a pause, so lengthy that she wondered whether she'd spoken at all. Then Doug said, softly, 'I know.'

She couldn't help but snap her eyes back towards him. 'What?'

'I know,' he repeated with a heavy shrug. His face was lowered, he was staring at a spot on the table. 'Did you really think I hadn't noticed the way you've been lately?'

'I thought you hadn't,' she answered truthfully, watching his shoulders rising and falling.

'Well, even if I…' He began then halted and looked up at her. 'So who is it?'

'It doesn't matter,' she said, turning back to the counter. 'It didn't mean anything.'

'I want a name,' he said, slowly and deliberately. 'I want to know.'

'I can't…'

'It's okay,' he interrupted with a tremor in his voice. 'I already know.'

Spinning back towards him, she felt her stomach unseat itself and found herself having to swallow quickly. 'What?'

Doug smiled painfully. 'She told me.'

Unable to comprehend that, Nikki leaned heavily against the counter. Diane had told him? When? Why? Why hadn't he said anything? Why hadn't she? 'What?'

He didn't speak for a more than a minute. Instead, he went to the bin and emptied the remnants of his dinner into it. 'A couple of weeks ago she appears on the doorstep. She said she was sorry,' he went on, emphasising the word bitterly, 'but she was having an affair with my wife. I just laughed in her face.'

Almost automatically, Nikki's mind flicked back to the day she'd discovered Jo Masters knew about her relationship with Diane. Her lover had said she'd 'show her' and then driven off. She'd thought nothing of it at the time; her mind had been too caught up with Jo telling her Diane loved her to give a second thought to Diane's threat. It hadn't even seemed like a threat, even if she'd thought of it as one she wouldn't have guessed that…

Diane had been strange with her the next day, come to think of it- she'd pushed her away. And Doug… That was around the time he began acting differently. She'd put it down to concern about Liam; apparently it was more than that. He'd reacted every time Diane's name was mentioned… Why hadn't she picked up on that?

'Do you love her?' Doug asked suddenly.

'No. No!' she answered quickly. 'I don't love her.'

'So you just slept with her because you were, what, bored?'

She closed her eyes to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall due to the look on his face. 'It wasn't like that.'

'You just couldn't help yourself then?' he questioned. 'Couldn't resist.'

Moving towards him, she reached out to touch his shoulder. 'I'm sorry.'

He backed out of her reach, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. 'I thought she was lying. Then I started listening, Nikki. She was always in the background with everything you did. And your Friday nights? I'm not an idiot!'

'What did she tell you?' she asked quietly.

'She told me she loves you. She told me you feel the same.'

'Well, I don't.'

'And she said you'd say that!' he said, laughing resentfully. 'I'd say she knows you pretty well.'

His broken face was too much for her to stomach. She turned and rested her palms on the counter, then stood up straight as she recalled the way Diane had accosted her in that very spot. 'I don't know what was wrong with me,' she said finally, willing herself to accept the argument. 'I didn't mean for it to happen.'

'You didn't stop it though, did you?'

'Why didn't you say anything?' she questioned, wiping away the tear that had just fallen onto her cheek.

She heard him sit down at the table. 'I was hoping it was a lie. I knew it wasn't. I know you, Nikki, remember? I saw you lying to Liz everyday.'

The mention of Liz brought her hand up to her cheek and to the next part of her betrayal- Liam. 'I'm sorry,' she repeated. 'I couldn't stop it.'

'You didn't want to stop it,' he argued. 'Just admit it!'

'I don't love her, Doug,' she said, through her teeth.

'Then why tell me?' he countered. 'I mean, I would never have brought it up. I was too busy burying my head in the sand. But you've told me: why?'

Her voice trembling, she muttered, 'Liam… He…'

There was a smash that made her turn around again. Doug had sent a glass flying from the table onto the wooden floor and was on his feet again. 'Liam? Where is he?'

'I don't know! He just… He went off this afternoon, I don't know where he went!'

Doug let out his breath angrily. 'And what did he see?'

She didn't want to answer him, she couldn't even look at him. 'He just…'

'Nikki, what did he see?' Doug demanded.

'He saw us kissing. In the car. Is that what you wanna hear?'

He pulled out his mobile. 'Have you even tried to call him?'

'Of course I have! He's switched his phone off!'

Obviously he didn't believe her. She watched as he dialled then slammed the phone back down on the table. Then he picked it up again. 'I'll call Liz.'

'I've already been to see her,' Nikki answered. 'He wasn't there.'

'Well, he might be now!'

Feeling it was best to let him do as he pleased, she went to the cupboard to get the dustpan. Kneeling carefully, she had swept most of the glass up when she heard the front door open and close. Doug was past her and out within a second, Nikki followed but stopped short as she saw Liam in the hallway with Diane next to him.

There was a long silence. Liam wasn't looking at anyone; Doug was watching Diane with barely concealed loathing and Diane, Nikki knew, was watching her. She didn't want to even glance in the direction of the PC, she didn't want to acknowledge her.

'Liam, go upstairs,' Doug instructed eventually, controlled anger in his voice.

He didn't need telling twice; he ran up them two at a time causing the house to reverberate. As it settled, Nikki raised her eyes to look at Diane; watching her so-called lover biting down on her lip. The act, that mere hours ago would've made her melt, suddenly made her want to attack the constable furiously. This woman, the woman she'd trusted, was nothing but a lying piece of… All that time and she'd known Doug knew. She'd just gone on as if nothing had happened!

'Where did you find him?' Doug asked after a long silence. The venom was evident in his voice.

Diane looked to him briefly. 'He was on a roof about a mile away.'

Doug laughed bitterly and shook his head. 'Great.'

'Nikki,' Diane said suddenly, 'are you okay?'

She didn't answer; even if she'd wanted to, she couldn't have said anything with Doug standing there. He just murmured, 'I think you should leave, don't you?'

'No, I don't,' Diane answered. 'Nikki, please, talk to me!'

She shook her head, not daring to look up.

'This is between me and my wife!'

Diane moved forward, gripping her arms tightly. 'I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I thought he would! It's no excuse, I know, but… Nikki, come on! I love you!'

Finding herself crying, she pulled away and retreated back into the kitchen. She vaguely heard Doug forcing Diane out of the door then heard his footsteps on the stairs as he obviously went to talk to Liam. Not being able to stop herself, she went into the living room and pulled aside the curtain. Though it was dark she could still see the outline of Diane's car; even the image of that made her feel sick. Letting the curtain fall back, she went to the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Doug's whisky. Pouring herself a glass, she swallowed it in one long burning gulp. Then she poured herself another one and went to sit down on the sofa.

What Diane had said didn't matter in the slightest. You didn't do that to people. You didn't play with their lives, the lives of their families. How the hell had she kept up the pretence of Doug not knowing? Was she just a skilled liar?

Nikki detested herself. Hadn't she known all along that this would happen? It was an inevitability, this was why she'd wanted to end it after the Gavin Hendry case. But Diane had stopped her. It had been the look in her eye that had stopped her walking out there and then. There'd been honesty there and… and something else that Jo Masters had articulated nearly a week later. Love. But how could you love someone and lie to them like that?

She laughed aloud derisively. Didn't she love the kids, and Doug? And hadn't she lied to them? Was that different from what Diane had done? Yes, part of her argued, because she'd at least been honest with Diane. Who had she turned to every time things got rough in the last few months? Someone she thought she could rely on. Diane had been there! But apparently she'd lied through her teeth the whole way.

Doug came back downstairs twenty minutes later. Not looking at her, he poured his own glass of whisky then said, 'He wouldn't talk to me. You want a go?'

His tone was dangerously low and she knew if she answered him then she'd just dig herself in further, so she left the room, climbed the stairs and knocked on Liam's door. When he didn't answer, she walked in anyway and shut the door behind her. Seeing him staring into space on the bed, she sighed. 'Hiya.'

He glanced up then frowned at the sight of her. 'What do you want?'

'I need to know if you're alright, Liam.'

'Why, because you and her are pretending you give a damn?'

'I do,' she replied, ignoring the reference to Diane. 'I was worried when you ran off like that.'

'Diane says…' He paused and steadied his voice. 'Diane says you can't help it. She says I shouldn't blame you.'

'She shouldn't be telling you anything,' Nikki said.

'Because I'm a kid? I deserve to know what's going on!'

'I know you do,' she answered softly. 'I'm sorry you saw what you did. And,' she went on, pre-empting him, 'not just because I was caught out. It shouldn't have happened, and you shouldn't have seen it.'

'You told Dad,' he said. It was a statement, not a question.

'Yeah. I did.'

'Are you and him splitting up?' Liam asked, his eyes wavering around the room.

'I don't know,' she said truthfully.

He was silent for a moment. 'Do you love her? Diane.'

'Liam, it's complicated. I love you lot, you kids and your dad. You mean the world to me.'

'You didn't answer the question.'

'I don't love her,' she asserted.

For more than a minute he was quiet again. Then he looked at her briefly. 'Can you go now please?'

Nodding, she went to the door and then turned back. 'Liam, what were you doing on a roof?'

'I didn't know where else to go,' he answered, averting his gaze.

With a sigh, she went into the hall and closed the door softly. Hearing a noise to her right, she found Rebecca in her pajamas watching her. 'Hiya, sweetheart.'

'I heard shouting before,' her daughter said, wiping some sleep out of her eyes. 'Were you and Dad fighting?'

'It's okay now, you hear me?' Leading the girl back into the room she shared with her sister, Nikki tucked her in, kissed her cheek and whispered, 'Me and your dad love you to bits. Don't you forget that.'

Returning to the living room, she sat down heavily in the armchair. Doug glanced over. 'Well?'

'He didn't say much.'

'No, doubt he would.' There was a pause during which Doug swallowed the last of the whisky in his glass. 'Did you ever do it in our bed?'

Closing her eyes, she questioned, 'Why ask?'

'Because I want to know everything. Don't you think you owe me that much? So is that a yes?'

There was no point in lying, not now. 'Once.'

His face was impassive as he reached for the bottle on the table and refilled his glass. 'When?'

'I can't remember the date,' she said quietly.

'Well, was it before or after I had drinks with you and the team?'

'Why does that matter?'

'I want to know!'

'After,' she answered eventually. 'A week after.'

'Was that the first time?'

'Yes.'

Doug nodded. He was clinical, just as if he was dealing with a case. 'And every Friday night when I was out, you were with her?'

'Yes.'

'Why?' he asked calmly.

'What?'

'I said why! Why did you go round there every week?'

She sighed. 'You don't need me to spell it out.'

'No, but I want you to.'

'I enjoyed going there,' she said finally. 'Is that what you wanna hear?'

He ignored her question. 'Who started it? You or her?'

'She did.'

'Tell me,' he instructed.

She wanted to refuse, but he was looking at her so steadily that she couldn't. They were in the eye of the storm, she wanted to stay there for as long as possible. 'She kissed me at work,' she said after a moment. 'We were in the briefing room, just before the holiday. She came in and… and she kissed me.'

Doug just watched her. 'Go on.'

'I don't know what you want me to say! I didn't want any of it happen, I just… I got carried away.'

'But you kept going back for more! Why? I mean, if you just got carried away, that should've been it. Once to get it out of your system.'

'I couldn't stop it,' she said quietly. 'I wanted to. I tried to.'

'This is sounding familiar,' he said slowly. 'I gave this speech to Liz. Except I had the guts to admit that I loved you when I told her.'

'I don't love her!'

'Do you really believe that?' he queried angrily.

'Yes! I love you, I love our life together.'

'Yet you jeopardise it for, what, a fling? A bit of excitement? It doesn't sound very logical, does it, Nikki?'

Staying quiet, she watched his face. Ten years ago she'd fallen in love with his eyes, the way they knew exactly what was going on. She'd admired him, respected him, loved him completely. He hadn't changed over the years; he was still the same old loving husband and father, the man who juggled everything and still managed to come out on top of the pile. But if he hadn't changed then she had. It wasn't that she didn't love him anymore; because she did, she always would. So what was it? Just her searching for excitement like he said?

'What are you thinking?' he asked.

With a strained smile, she answered, 'About us. You and me.'

'I think,' he said after a pause, 'one of us should move out for a few days. Give us both a bit of breathing space.'

'You should stay here,' she said instantly. 'For the boys.'

His face was grim. 'Do I even need to ask where you're going?'

'I'm not going there,' she insisted. 'I promise.'

'I don't know what we're going to do, Nikki,' he went on. 'But if you go anywhere near her again, it won't be an issue. You understand?'

She nodded. 'I'll sort something out tomorrow. And I'll sleep on the sofa tonight.'

'No,' he objected. 'I will. I don't want to go up there just now.'

There were a few seconds of silence and then her mobile beeped on the table. Picking it up, she read the text message and instantly deleted it, all under his watchful gaze. Then she excused herself, purposefully leaving the phone in his view, and went into the kitchen. After clearing up the rest of the broken glass she went up to bed.

Laying in the dark looking at the ceiling she recalled the words in the text message that had burned into her mind.

_I love you. I should've said it before. I'm sorry._

* * *

The next morning things were as normal as ever. In fact, if it hadn't been for the fact that Doug was hiding blankets behind the sofa as she made the breakfast, she would've been sure it had all been a horrible nightmare. It was Doug's turn to take the kids to school so she didn't have a chance to speak to him. She wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or not. Part of her didn't have a clue what else to say to him, and the rest of her just wanted to beg his forgiveness. It was better, probably, that they didn't speak.

Resolving to call her sister about possible accommodation during the afternoon, so as not to disturb her erratic sleeping pattern, Nikki went into work with one aim for the day: not to converse with PC Noble if she could help it at all.

Things appeared to go her way until midday, when she passed the constable in the corridor. Diane stopped her with a touch on the arm and asked, 'Are you okay?'

The files she was carrying fell to the floor as she flinched away from Diane's touch. Kneeling, she tried to collect them as quickly as possible whilst not looking upwards.

'Oi,' said Gina Gold as she approached. 'Don't just stand there, PC Noble; give your Sergeant a hand.'

'I thought I'd get in the way, Ma'am,' Diane answered, though she crouched down and half-heartedly passed over a couple of papers. 'There you go.'

Nikki took them without looking at her. 'Thanks.' Standing, she then retreated into her office and closed the door.

Her withdrawal was short-lived. A few moments later Inspector Gold knocked and entered the office. 'Nikki, is everything alright?'

'What's Diane said?' she asked immediately.

'Nothing.' Gina looked confused. 'Why, should she have?'

Nikki flushed. 'No. Nothing's wrong, Ma'am, honestly.'

'Well, you could've fooled me,' Gina answered, evidently unconvinced. 'Look, you know where I am, alright?'

She nodded and let out a sigh of relief when the door closed and she was once again alone. She couldn't stomach seeing Diane again. It was too painful; she hated to admit it, but it hurt. That betrayal, the one that wasn't supposed to matter because she felt little for Diane, stung like crazy.

* * *

The day was excruciatingly long. Luckily, she had a mountain of paperwork to complete, otherwise she would've been climbing the walls. Whatever happened, she knew she couldn't afford to see Diane again so she waited a long time before she exited the office to get changed and head home.

Thankfully, she was alone in the locker room. Changing quickly she was just about to send Annie a message to say she was on her way when the door opened. Turning, she saw Jo Masters standing in the doorway. 'Hi.'

'I thought you'd still be here,' Jo answered, coming inside and closing the door before she went on, 'I saw Diane earlier.'

'Yeah?' she replied as nonchalantly as possible.

'She told me what happened.'

'Right.' Closing her locker door, Nikki turned to leave and then she saw Jo's sympathetic eyes and her resolve crumbled and she leaned heavily against the row of lockers. 'I'm sorry,' she said, wiping her eyes with her thumb.

'Don't apologise,' Jo said, sitting down on the bench. 'Wanna talk about it?'

'How's Diane?' she found herself asking, though she wasn't sure why.

Jo let out her breath. 'Well, I had to talk a witness out of making a complaint about her earlier. She's been a liability all day to be honest. What about you, how are you doing?'

'I don't know,' she admitted, moving to sit down next to the detective. 'I'm moving out for a few days.'

'Was that your idea?'

'No,' she said with a shrug. 'But… It's for the best. Jo, did you… I know she's been talking to you about it… Did she tell you she'd told Doug?'

Jo shook her head. 'Not until today. Look, I know it isn't my place, but she's struggling, Nikki. You won't even talk to her.'

'I can't! Not if I want to save my marriage.'

'And you do?'

'I've got a great home,' she said after a moment. 'I've got a husband, four great kids. I need to.'

'That isn't the same thing. Can you live in that neat little family after everything that's happened with Diane? Honestly?'

She sighed deeply. 'I can't trust her.'

'But if you could,' Jo persisted, 'would you be with her?'

She shook her head. 'I couldn't.'

'But you'd want to?'

'Yes. Yes, alright! I'd want to.' Nikki bit down hard on her lip so she thought she tasted blood. 'But I've got to make my marriage work, Jo. And I can't forgive Diane for what she did.'

The detective nodded. 'I understand.'

* * *

Her mobile rang as she left the station. The display flashed up as Diane, and she considered rejecting it, but with a sudden sense of determination, she answered it. 'Can you stop calling me please?'

'I just wanna know if you're okay,' Diane answered after a moment. 'Are you?'

'What do you think?'

'Okay, look, I know I messed up, and I'm sorry…'

'I'm not interested,' Nikki said shortly. 'It's over.'

There was a pause. 'You don't mean that.'

'I want you to leave me alone,' she added. 'Unless it's work, I don't want to talk to you, and even then…'

'Nikki, please listen to me…'

'No,' she interrupted. 'I've listened to you enough. I mean it.'

Ending the call, Nikki wiped her eyes then walked off towards the main road to hail a cab. Home and then Annie's.

As she'd suspected, the house was empty when she got back. Doug had left her a note, saying he'd explained she had to work strange hours for a few days so she wouldn't be around. The note was curt, but she appreciated the fact that she didn't have to face the girls. Collecting a few things from the bedroom and packing them into an overnight bag, she then flicked the house into darkness.


	8. Chapter 8

_I'm not in love,_

_I'm not in love. _

Two days of Annie's routine, which basically had no pattern to it, and Nikki felt worse than ever. Still, she'd been comforted by the fact that her sister didn't expect her to talk about it; Annie had got into enough scrapes of her own and come running to her and each time Nikki had left her to it. It was nice that Annie was repaying the favour.

There hadn't been any word from Doug. She knew that if there were problems with the kids he'd let her know, so no news was good news in that respect; but she wasn't sure Doug failing to contact her was a good thing. Then again, the peace and quiet hadn't helped her frame of mind much. At least when they were in the middle of an argument she could guess at what he was thinking; him shouting at her, as well, was retribution for what she'd done. It was what she deserved, she wanted him to shout at her.

Work had been a long painful rollercoaster. She hadn't seen Diane up close, but she had received several missed calls from her. Though she had no inclination to return them, the fact that she couldn't barely walk down the street without Diane invading her life was infuriating. Plus, despite not seeing Diane, her stomach plummeted each time someone opened her office door, or every time she walked down a corridor. The sickness that infiltrated her was always slow to die down and she knew that she'd hardly been the model police officer over the last couple of days.

There was a rap on the door and her stomach muscles did their usual tightening routine. Inspector Gold entered. 'Nikki? Your stepson's in the front office.'

She stood immediately. 'What, Liam?'

Gina nodded. 'He's asking to speak to you.'

A minute later she led Liam into the front interview room, motioning for him to sit down. 'What is it?' she asked anxiously. 'What's up?'

He shrugged and shook his head, concentrating on the table. 'I wanted to see you.'

She relaxed slightly but kept her eyes on the top of his head. 'Why?'

'Dad's… He's walking round like a zombie. He won't talk to anyone, he just sits staring into space all the time.'

Nikki swallowed and hesitantly touched his arm. 'Liam, he's not mad at you.'

'He's not mad at you either!' the lad answered, his voice rising. 'He blames her, not you!'

'This is between me and him,' she tried. 'You shouldn't be involved.'

'Yeah, but I am, aren't I?' he said bitterly. 'Andy doesn't know what's going on so it's just me!'

Sighing, Nikki stood and faced the wall. 'Your dad wouldn't like you to be here right now, Liam.'

'You do want to come home, right?'

'Of course I…' Trailing off, she turned back to him. 'I miss you all.'

He paused then raised his head. 'And what about her?'

'I can't talk about this with you,' she answered. 'It's not right.'

'You can't have been all that happy, not if you…'

'Liam! Please.'

He stood and moved to the door, opening it then looking back at her. 'Why did you do it?'

Nikki closed her eyes as she heard a voice in the reception area. 'Right, Mrs Sikes. Thanks for all your help, I'll contact you if we need anything else.'

Liam immediately went through the door, Nikki followed him after a second. An elderly woman nodded at Diane then left the station and, as Diane turned to leave herself, she caught sight of Liam. Her eyes automatically shifted over to Nikki then back to Liam. 'Hi.'

Nikki was the first to recover herself. 'Liam, you should go.'

He shook his head, his eyes not leaving Diane. 'Are you happy now?'

'This isn't the place,' Diane answered, glancing around. There were a few people in the front office and Emma Keane was behind the desk.

'I'm so sorry!' Liam burst out sarcastically.

'Alright, come on,' Nikki said, taking charge and forcibly getting him out of the station doors. 'You need to go home, okay? You look after your dad and your sisters for me.'

He shrugged her off violently then stormed off. Nikki stepped back a few paces and leaned heavily against the wall. She heard the footsteps but kept her gaze straight ahead. 'Go away.'

'You're not answering my calls.'

'I've got nothing else to say to you.'

'At least let me explain,' Diane said, raising an exasperated snort from Nikki.

'I think I've got a clear enough picture,' she answered.

'Hear me out, Nikki. Please.'

She shook her head. 'I did that before, remember?'

'Look at me!' Diane demanded, stepping in front of her.

Involuntarily, she found herself being forced to look into Diane's face. She wanted to push her away, a chunk of her wanted to do it with as much force as possible, but she couldn't. Diane's expression was a pained one; her eyes were glistening. Nikki tried to move her head away but it felt locked; she was still looking straight at Diane and her skin felt on fire. 'Stop it.'

'You think I wanted to hurt you? You think I wanted any of this?'

'I don't know what to think.'

Diane let out her breath. 'You're mad! You know how I feel about you.'

Nikki finally felt her anger boil over and she elbowed past the constable. 'You lied to me!'

'Not about that!'

'And why should I believe anything you say anymore?' Nikki retorted, leaving Diane standing there. Returning to her office, she slammed the door and collapsed into her chair.

Her breathing had just about returned to normal when the door opened. Believing it to be Diane, she curtly asked, 'What now?'

'Oh, I dunno,' came Gina Gold's reply. 'I wouldn't mind knowing what's got into you lately.'

Closing her eyes briefly, she sighed. 'I'm sorry, Ma'am, I didn't realise it was you.'

'So who was that aimed at exactly?' the Inspector questioned, closing the door and sitting down.

'It's not important, Ma'am.'

'Nikki,' Gina said after a long moment. 'You've been like a bear with a sore head for days now. It's none of my business but… Well, it's not like you.'

'Honestly, I'm fine.'

Gina shook her head. 'If that's the way you wanna play it…'

* * *

Late afternoon she received a surprise in the shape of a phone call from Doug. Immediately alert, she asked, 'Is everything alright at home? The kids?'

'No, they're fine,' he answered, his tone indecipherable. 'Apart from missing you.'

Was that a suggestion she return? 'Right,' she said uncertainly.

'I was…' He paused. 'I think we need to talk, don't you?'

She didn't exactly relish the prospect but… 'Yeah, I do.'

'How does tonight sound? Are you busy?'

'No,' she replied, ignoring the slight lilt in his voice. 'Shall I come round to the house?'

'I don't want the kids to be unsettled,' he said. 'And I don't particularly fancy coming round and interrupting whatever that sister of yours does on a Saturday night.'

Nikki hadn't been looking forward to that much either. 'Where then?'

'The Dragon. Around seven. If that's alright.'

'That's fine,' she answered. 'I'll see you there.'

* * *

When she left the station just after half past six she saw a figure leaning against a lamppost waiting for her. There was no way to avoid her, not without crossing the road twice and looking like a complete fool, so Nikki plunged her hands into her pockets and made to walk straight past her.

Diane wasn't going to let her pass easily though. Stepping in front of her, she said, 'I want to talk to you.'

'I've got to go,' she tried, moving past.

Catching up, Diane gripped her arm. 'You have to listen to me.'

Wrenching her arm away, she carried on walking. 'No.'

'Nikki!'

The tone of voice stalled her and she reluctantly looked back. Diane was watching her, pain evident on her face. 'Hurry up,' she warned, walking back to the constable.

Diane nodded. 'Thanks.' She took a short moment then said, 'Look, I know I messed up. It's no excuse but I was fired-up; all I could concentrate on was making you see that I… I wasn't proud of what I did, you know. The second it was out of my mouth and I saw the look on his face I thought, that's it, I've blown it. I thought that when you got home you'd have a big bust-up with him and that'd be it. But you didn't, because he didn't tell you. And I couldn't tell you that I'd told him, not after what happened with Jo.'

Nikki crossed her arms against the biting cold. 'So you just let me go on like was everything was normal? Things make sense now. The way you two were acting at the hospital. I mean, I thought I was the one hiding the secret but I wasn't, was I? I was the only one in the dark!'

'I don't know what I could've done! I didn't wanna lose you!'

'I was never yours to lose,' Nikki answered icily.

Diane concentrated on the pavement for a brief moment. 'You still can't admit it, can you?' Her eyes flickered upwards again. 'For God's sake, just say it!'

'I don't know what you mean,' she lied.

'Okay,' Di said, her voice thick with anger. 'If you'd have loved Doug, really loved him, it wouldn't have mattered what I'd done. You wouldn't have looked twice, not even once. So I think- and this is just my little opinion- I think you've known how you felt all along, but you're just too much of a coward to accept it.'

Shaking her head, Nikki turned to walk away again. 'Rubbish.'

'Is it, Nikki?' Diane called after her. 'So look at me and say it.'

Looking back, she opened her mouth then closed it again. 'I've got somewhere to be.'

Diane's eyes never left hers. 'Where?'

'I'm meeting my husband,' she replied, placing one foot in front of the other and forcing herself to walk away as fast as possible.

* * *

She arrived at the pub a little ahead of time and, since she was already nervous as hell, she settled her nerves with a drink before Doug arrived. The Dragon was a nice enough pub; far enough away from the station to mean that she recognised no one from work, but still away from the rougher areas of Canley.

Doug came in, spotting her instantly in the little alcove she'd commandeered. He went to buy the drinks while she watched his back and tried to anticipate exactly what was about to occur. She was prepared to do whatever he wanted if he set conditions for her return home. Seeing Liam earlier had reminded her of the other human beings involved in this: they'd never asked to be dragged into this mess and if she could get them out of it unscathed she would've done a fair job.

Sitting down, Doug pushed her glass across the table. 'Hello.'

Uncertain, she nodded. 'Hi.' There was a long silence. 'How are the kids?'

'Andy's watching the girls.'

'How did you get him to stay in on a Saturday?' she asked tentatively.

'I paid him; how else?' Doug answered with a shrug. After another pause, he went on, 'Nikki, they want you to come home.'

'I know,' she said quietly, sipping her drink to buy her a second. 'Liam came to see me at work earlier.'

Doug frowned. 'He didn't mention that to me.'

'No, well, he wasn't in the best state.'

'Not really surprising, is it?' her husband queried, meeting her eye. 'He ended up on a roof, Nikki.'

Her guilt resurfaced and she stared into her glass. 'I know.'

'I never thought he'd do anything like that,' he continued. 'But it's how he saw Liz dealing with her problems so maybe it was inevitable. Funny, he got through all the Greg Clarke debacle but as soon as you…'

'Alright,' she interrupted, 'you can't make me feel worse than I already do. I hate seeing him like this. I hate seeing you like this,' she added after a second.

Doug looked up, then took a long gulp of his drink before he spoke. 'I need you to be completely honest with me. It's the only way we've got any chance of working this out. A clean slate, you know?'

She nodded. 'I understand.'

'So… If I ask you some questions, you'll answer them honestly?'

'Yes. I will,' she replied, briefly wondering what he wanted to know.

'Right. Okay.' He glanced up and looked her straight in the eye. 'Have you seen her?'

Shaking her head, she said, 'Not outside of work.'

'What does that mean, that you've been meeting in the locker room or something?' he asked.

'No, it's just unavoidable that I'll see her there,' she answered.

'Would you request a transfer if I asked you to?' he went on. 'I couldn't stomach the idea of you working with her everyday. I'd want you out of there.'

'Back at Barton Street where you can keep an eye on me.'

'Something like that. As long as you weren't anywhere near her. Well?'

'Yes,' she said. 'If that's what you want.'

'What I want is for the last few months never to have happened,' he replied, his jaw stiffening. 'What I want is to still have my family in one piece.'

Nikki squeezed her eyes shut to stem the tears that were lurking there. 'I know.'

'I don't understand it,' he continued finally. 'You don't wake up one day and have an affair with another woman. It doesn't happen, Nikki.'

Not knowing what to say, she kept quiet.

'She said… When she came round she told me so matter-of-factly, just as if it was the most natural thing in the world.'

It had been, an unwelcome voice muttered in her head. When she was with Diane something else took over her body, and her mind as well come to that. She forgot everything; that was part of the curse of Diane Noble, it was also one of her greatest qualities. The nights they spent together melded into one long peaceful uninterrupted moment: it was painful to recollect that when Diane was holding her at three in the morning she was hiding the fact that she'd deliberately and purposefully tried to ruin her marriage.

But what was it that Diane had said? That if she loved Doug, really loved him, she wouldn't have let it happen. Yet she knew she loved Doug! Of course she did. You didn't take the steps she had with Liz all those years ago lightly. You didn't split up a family, betray a friend and watch a mental breakdown if you weren't serious about someone. You didn't do that if you didn't love them. You didn't damage a happy family for no reason.

Nikki closed her eyes. You didn't.

'It's not natural, just to wake up and…' Doug's voice cut into her thoughts. 'I don't understand! Help me understand!'

'I can't,' she said quietly. 'I don't know why it happened, or how it happened.'

'But you just kept on going back anyway,' he said bitterly.

Yes… She had. Whenever things had been rough she'd turned to Diane because she felt safer talking to her. Who had she told about Liam and Greg Clarke? Even though they were barely speaking she'd still felt more comfortable confiding in Diane instead of Doug. Diane listened. Not that Doug didn't, but she felt more of an individual in Diane's eyes. To Doug she was wife and mother, a dual consideration. Woman was tagged on the end of that like an afterthought. To Diane, though, that seemed to be her most prized quality- her individuality. She never felt part of a larger consideration with Diane. When the constable said she wanted her it wasn't to save a family and preserve a history.

'Did you ever think about telling me?' Doug asked quietly.

'Not really,' she admitted honestly. 'I couldn't.'

'You know,' he went on after a second, gripping his glass tightly, 'telling Liz was the single, most difficult thing I've ever done. I'll never forget the look on her face when I did. She hadn't got a clue. We were such good liars, you and me; she thought everything was alright. I broke her heart,' he added softly. 'And if you'd have seen her, Nikki… I couldn't bear it. There I was, trying to tell this woman I'd been with since I was eighteen that I was leaving her for her best friend. I don't know how I did it. I just kept this image of you in my head. You and this beautiful little baby you were going to have.'

Nikki chewed on her bottom lip, trying to form a sentence but finding it an impossible task.

'So you were never going to tell me then?' he questioned, his voice regaining some of its bite.

'I never wanted to leave you,' she answered with a lacklustre shrug. 'It didn't cross my mind.'

'Not once? You didn't imagine yourself setting up house with her? Going home to her instead of me?'

'Maybe once,' she conceded. 'If we're dealing in truth.'

'Well, I'd imagine to think about that you must've had pretty strong feelings for her, Nikki.'

'Or I'd just had a rough day,' she argued, unwilling to follow his train of thought.

Doug was quiet then he drained his glass. 'She was adamant you're in love with her.'

'She's mistaken,' Nikki replied, not looking at him.

'I said I wanted honesty.'

'I am being honest. I don't love Diane Noble.'

The name tripped off her lips and she was forced to quickly mask her discomfort by finishing her own drink. Saying the name had ripped into her more than she cared to admit in present company.

Doug shook his head. 'You went round there once a week. You got this glazed look in your eye every time her name was mentioned. You wouldn't let her leave when you were being checked out at the hospital. You just said you thought about living with her! Just tell me the truth, Nikki!'

'I am,' she answered, feeling her voice breaking.

Doug was quiet then he finally snorted. 'You know what I used to love about you? Hmm? You never lied, not to yourself. All that time with Liz, when we were tiptoeing around, trying not to let it happen… You didn't kid yourself you didn't feel something, you just avoided it because it was the right thing to do. You were honest about your feelings. What changed?' When she didn't reply, he went on, 'It's ridiculous, you can't even admit it. At least have the nerve to do that, Nikki.'

She didn't realise he'd gone until a few seconds later. His chair was empty, the bar door swung shut and she felt a couple of other people watching her. Briefly, she wondered how much of the scenario they'd heard but she couldn't bring herself to care. It didn't matter anymore.

Feeling numb, she blinked several times then dragged herself to her feet and walked out of the pub. The air hit her like a gunshot; she suddenly felt the very real desire to be sick. Crossing the road, she leaned against the wall, her eyes closed as she tried to fight her stomach. With every breath it lurched more and just as she thought she had it under control, her eyes began to well up instead.

The car pulled up without her realising. 'Get in,' a voice instructed.

She wouldn't look around, she was determined she wouldn't be seen like this.

'Either you get in or I get out,' Diane continued after a moment. 'It's up to you.'

As she almost fell into the car seat she finally felt her emotions spilling to the surface. Before she knew it there were tears streaming down her cheeks. Looking straight ahead into a parked car a few yards away, she tried to fight them but she couldn't. She'd stemmed the tide for so long that now the floodgates had been opened there was no turning back. When Diane wrapped two arms around her she didn't resist.

Her breaths were long and shuddering. She wanted to take control and calm herself but the implementation of the idea was well beyond her. Diane was holding her. No, more than that, Diane was cradling her and smoothing her hair back and whispering in her ear, 'It's okay. Let it out.'

Eventually, she had to pull away. She didn't look at Diane for a long time then she glanced sideways. 'What are you doing here?'

'I followed you. Out of order, I know, but… I couldn't leave it like that.'

Part of her was infinitely grateful. 'Right.'

'What happened?' Diane questioned after a long pause.

'I don't know,' she admitted shakily. 'I don't know anything anymore.'

'Do you know that I love you?' Diane asked quietly.

'Yeah,' she said softly, teasing the last teardrops out of her eyes. 'I know that.'

'You know, maybe I should've just stayed well away,' the constable said after a moment. 'I knew you had a family, I knew what you were risking better than you did sometimes. Trouble was, the more I tried to convince myself that's what I should do, the more difficult it got. Because as soon as I thought it I'd see you and I'd see… I saw something in your eyes that I couldn't get rid of. Maybe if I'd been a bit stronger we wouldn't be in this mess.'

'But we are,' Nikki answered, watching a drunk stumble across the road from the pub. 'Can't change that now.'

Diane also gazed straight ahead. 'Are you and him… working it out?'

'Not exactly. Maybe. I don't know.'

'So it is him you wanna be with then?'

'They're my family.'

'That isn't what I asked, Nikki!'

She sighed. 'You saw Liam earlier, you saw the state he was in. You found him on a roof! And that was my doing!'

'And it's done! You can't change it by pretending nothing happened! You really think that going back because of the kids will make the difference? He won't forget it, he'll never trust you again. And you… You'll regret it for the rest of your life.'

Nikki snorted. 'Regret what? Not leaving my husband, my entire life, to be with someone who just lies over and over?'

Diane shook her head. 'I was trying to protect you. That's all. I know I got it wrong- I know that now- but at the time it seemed the right thing to do. Because we were getting along and I just knew that if I told you what I'd done, I'd never see you again. Course, I knew you'd find out eventually… I just tried to preserve it a bit longer, that's all.'

Silently, Nikki listened to the argument. What had she drummed into the girls? That you never lied, it was wrong under all circumstances. She'd used Liz as justification in her own mind: that had been so wrong it was unbelievable and she hadn't wanted the girl to follow in her footsteps. But she'd lied to Doug. And she was still lying really, wasn't she?

'What are you thinking?' Diane asked, breaking into her thoughts.

'About the kids,' she answered in semi-truthfulness. 'The girls.' Taking a moment, she took a long breath. 'And Liz; what I did to her.'

Diane tentatively reached across and caressed her cheek. 'We could be okay. You know?'

Nikki slid her face out of reach. 'No, we couldn't. You really think I could abandon my kids? And then walk into the station everyday knowing that people were talking about me behind my back?'

'You mean you haven't got the guts to give it a go. That's it, isn't it?' Diane's voice was bitter. 'You'd rather just sacrifice any chance you've got of being happy…'

'For my family!'

'No, because you're scared!' Diane argued, grabbing her arms and forcing her to look at her. 'You tell me you don't love me and I'll leave you alone. Hell, I'll even tell Doug I blackmailed you into it if that's what you want. All you have to do is look me in the eye and say it.

Raising her head, Nikki looked over Diane's face, running up over it until their eyes met. 'I don't l…' Trailing off, she reached for the car door handle. 'I have to go.'

'I knew you couldn't say it, Nikki,' Diane said, the voice following her out into the night.

As she speedily walked down the street she didn't look back. She couldn't. She was crying again.

* * *

'You look like hell, if you don't mind me saying so.'

Nikki briefly glanced up as the Inspector placed her palms on the custody desk. 'Hello, Ma'am.'

'Where's Smithy got to?' Gina asked.

'CID borrowed him for a bit. They needed his help. He asked me if I'd cover.'

'Right. Well, when you've finished I need you and Beth to get down to the Cockcroft Estate. Mrs Harmead, the witness to that assault last week? She's withdrawn her statement and since you dealt with her originally, I thought maybe you could talk her round.'

'I'll give it a go, Ma'am,' Nikki answered, going back to her report and hoping that Gina would take the hint.

'I suppose me asking if you're alright breaks some sort of code.'

'I'd rather not talk about it, if it's all the same.'

Gina sighed. 'I give up.'

'Well, I would appreciate it,' she replied, glancing upwards and finding an unprecedented amount of sympathy in the Inspector's eyes. 'What?'

'Nothing.'

'Good.' Nikki focused her eyes back on the flimsy piece of paper until Gina Gold had stalked off elsewhere, then she gave up the pretence of trying to concentrate and put her pen down.

She hadn't slept the previous night: too many thoughts had been battling in her mind. There was this image of her picturesque family blockading the picture of Diane that kept trying to invade her happy family portrait. Diane had fought through though. As she'd heard the birds chirping an unwelcome hello in the early hours of the morning it had been Diane's face that had endured the length of the night. Diane who she'd missed.

Smithy returned ten minutes later, grumbling about CID being hopeless, and she retrieved Beth from the canteen before heading off to the Cockcroft Estate. As she pulled up, she noticed another car, a plain silver one reminiscent of the one Doug drove, stopping a few yards behind her. Her stomach flipped when the door opened and Doug emerged from the driving seat.

'Beth,' she said suddenly. 'Go up and see Mrs Harmead. I'll be there in a minute.'

The young officer didn't argue, thankfully, and she was already out of sight when Nikki got out of the patrol car and faced her husband. 'What are you doing here? I'm working.'

'I needed to talk to you,' he answered, his voice proving the exhaustion that his eyes had already betrayed.

'I thought you'd said all you wanted to,' she said pointedly, beginning to walk towards the tower block.

'I came back to the pub last night,' he called after her, forcing her to halt. 'I thought I might've been unfair. I wanted to apologise.'

She turned slowly. 'What?'

He was watching her intently. 'Yeah. I saw you with her, Nikki.'

What was she supposed to say to that? She couldn't think of anything suitable so she kept quiet.

'She was holding you,' he went on eventually. 'You were crying. I was stood there watching you being comforted by that…'

'She has a name,' Nikki interrupted.

'Oh, you don't want me bad-mouthing her, is that it, Nikki!'

Walking away again, she managed a few paces and turned back. 'What do you want me to say?'

He shrugged hopelessly. 'Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you're coming home.'

'I want to,' she answered, glancing to the ground. 'I really want to.'

'But you can't,' he concluded for her. 'At least you're being honest now.'

'This isn't the time for this, Doug,' she said, looking around at the tower blocks that surrounding them.

He ignored her. 'What do you want me to tell our children, hmm? Do I tell them the truth; do I tell them their mum's run off with another woman?'

'I'm not going anywhere with her!' she insisted.

Doug shook his head. 'Just be honest!'

Inclining her face away from him, Nikki spotted an altercation outside a flat at the opposite end of the complex. Taking the opportunity, she ran towards the struggling man and woman. 'Oi!'

The man glanced towards her then sped off. Chasing him, she was vaguely aware of Doug on her heels, calling for her to wait. As she rounded a corner she found herself surrounded by garages. It was a completely enclosed space with high walls; there was no way the man she'd lost sight of only five seconds earlier could've scaled them in that brief period of time.

Spinning on her heel, she looked behind her then, as she turned back, she found herself staring down the barrel of a pistol. Stepping back a few paces, she held up her hands. 'Alright. There's no need for that.'

'What do you want?' the man asked angrily. From the look of him, he was in his late teens and extremely anxious; his finger was shaking on the trigger. 'I didn't do anything.'

'Well, now you're holding a police officer at gunpoint,' she said, willing herself to stay calm. 'That's quite a serious offence.'

He shook his head violently. 'I haven't hurt you,' he answered, stepping back several yards but still holding the gun aloft.

'And that's good,' she replied, keeping her eye on the firearm. 'Now, if you put it down…'

'Nikki!'

Doug's shout was followed by a gunshot and Nikki felt herself fall to the ground with a thunk. She wasn't sure where it hurt, if it hurt at all; all she could see was the sky above her growing greyer and greyer until…

She was floating.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: This is the first of three slightly... different chapters. The song here is 'The Weakness in Me' by Joan Armatrading, I thought it fit perfectly with Nikki's frame of mind.

* * *

_I'm not the sort of person who falls_

_In and quickly out of love._

It was ridiculous. Who woke up one morning and began an affair with another woman? It was an extraordinarily odd occurrence, particularly when the woman in question was Diane Noble. For a long time Diane had just been incidental in her mind; a person she worked with and someone she didn't always see eye to eye with, but just someone who happened to be there.

Then came that kiss.

It had been completely unexpected. Not only that: it had been completely undesired. She'd spent weeks agonising over it afterwards though; getting it out of her mind had been an impossible task. It was as if her eyes had just been opened against some glaring light and she was completely blindsided. No matter what she wanted- or what she thought she wanted- she couldn't close her eyes again. She couldn't ignore Diane afterwards, however hard she tried.

But she had fought it. She hadn't wanted to risk anything, and there'd been so much to lose.

_But to you I gave my affection_

_Right from the start._

Di was so persuasive though. And persistent as well. She had the feeling that anyone else would've given up, but Diane hadn't. At first she'd been convinced it was all part of the game Diane was playing with her. It was some effort, a ridiculous one at that, to prove that she could get under her skin if she wanted to. The trouble was, the ridiculous effort worked. Di crept into her mind, unasked and unwanted, and refused to leave.

Now she'd finally admit it. Right from the moment Diane kissed her in the briefing room all that time ago, something changed. Her life wasn't as crystal-clear as she'd thought. She had desires for a woman. It didn't matter if she battled them down and refused to follow through on them; they still existed. That itching at the back of her mind would've been enough to make her question herself eventually, even if Diane hadn't persisted quite so much. But would she have won her personal argument if Diane hadn't turned up on her doorstep looking absolutely stunning?

_I have a lover who loves me_

_How could I break such a heart?_

_But still you get my attention._

She could still remember the first time she ever saw Doug. She was halfway through cutting Mrs Hailey's hair when the bell went on the door and this tall dark-haired bloke in a police uniform waltzed in. Liz was out shopping so after Mrs Hailey had left they'd been left alone. It wasn't awkward at all though. They might never have met before in their lives but they never stopped talking. Of course, when Liz turned up there'd been a moment and that was it- she and Doug both realised what was going on. It was not to be followed through on, however; not under any circumstances.

Hadn't she felt the same way about Diane? That was something not to be followed either. Because of Doug, because of the kids. She loved her husband, he loved her. That's what they were; a happy family unit. So the idea that she would risk all that for a stupid fling, a bit of excitement, was… illogical. Diane had been right when she'd used that particular word: it was illogical to put her marriage on the line because of a bit of physical pleasure. And if she knew one thing it was that she wasn't an illogical being. She'd known that all along really.

_Why do you come here when you know I've got troubles enough?_

As soon as she'd opened the door to Diane that first Friday night she'd realised, in her heart of hearts, that she was about to overstep the mark. If she'd had any sense about herself she would've closed the door, and if she had truly wanted Diane to leave at any time she knew she would've. All it needed was the right tone of voice. Diane had walked away on other occasions when she'd asked. So she couldn't have really wanted her to go. No, she knew she hadn't wanted her to go.

Diane's ability to make her feel comfortable with committing adultery in the bed she shared with her husband was unbelievable. She gave up fighting after a couple of minutes, even gave up thinking. She just followed her instincts.

Then, of course, she found herself staring into the wall and willing everything to be retracted. Diane had said she couldn't erase it, and she'd certainly been right. She couldn't look at Doug in the same way again, no matter how hard she tried, and she couldn't rid her mind of the evening. The sensation of Diane's hand slipping through her hair had haunted her for a long time; it had invaded her thoughts in the middle of the night and when she was work every time she had a moment alone.

_Why do you call me when you know I can't answer the phone?_

Diane started something unstoppable. The thing was, she knew she was starting it. Diane Noble was in charge all along. If she'd have let go at any point, refused her at any time, that would've been it. Because she couldn't have justified chasing Diane, not within the warped constrains of logic that governed her mind. Being chased wasn't her fault, the way Diane pursued her was unavoidable, but she couldn't choose to follow Diane. It wasn't right. She was swept away by feelings she'd had no idea she was formulating and by the time she realised what was going on, it was too late. She was in too deep by then.

She wondered sometimes whether Doug could sense the change in her. At times she felt she was walking around with a neon sign attached to her forehead, and all the while she was trying so hard to keep some semblance of normality at home. It had been so much easier when she was convincing herself that it was just a physical thing with Diane. But that changed the moment she turned over and unhesitatingly agreed to spend the night with her lover. That was when she'd started being truly honest with herself at least.

_You make me lie when I don't want to._

That capacity for dishonesty had always been there. Lying to Liz had proved that all those years ago. Every time she'd seen her, at work and socially, after that first meeting with Doug, she'd lied on some level. Even if it wasn't out and out dishonesty, she'd still been making Liz an unknowing pawn in the game she was playing. It had eaten away at her back then; she'd spent nights awake listening to the wind and watching the shadows on the ceiling of her flat while she contemplated what the hell she was doing. And she'd vowed never to inflict that kind of suffering on anyone again, never to lie. Diane had made her break her own rules, and she hadn't even tried to stop it.

If she'd wanted to nip it in the bud before it started she would've gone home and told Doug as soon as Diane first kissed her. But because she hadn't, one lie led to another, and then she was locked into the cycle. After a while there was no breaking it. She failed to see, really, how things would've gone had Diane not told Doug and had Liam not seen them. It would've gone on clandestinely until Diane had grown sick of being the other woman. That feeling was horrible, she knew that herself. But Doug had always professed he'd leave Liz, and he had. Diane was never on the receiving end of such promises.

_And you make someone else some kind of an unknowing fool._

Then again, Diane had never asked for any guarantee. It seemed she was content with their situation, or she at least didn't want to press the issue. What they had was enough, right up until the realisation dawned that she trusted Diane more than Doug. In the hospital with both of them, she wanted Diane to stay with her as that nail was removed from her foot. She'd actually asked Diane to stay in front of Doug and she never thought she'd do that.

But Diane made her feel too unsure of herself. While her head, her logical side, told her that her life was with Doug, she was pulled towards Diane with alarming ferocity. The idea of Doug should've stopped her. It didn't. She was the one who caused him pain; not Diane. Because Diane wasn't the one with the husband and family.

_And you make me stay when I should not._

That first night she'd stayed at Diane's flat had been a turning point. Until then she had told herself, in no uncertain terms, that it was a physical infatuation and nothing else. But Diane had forced her into making a split-second decision and, when it came down to it, she'd wanted to stay.

When she woke the next morning she hadn't known where she was at first. She thought she was at home. There was a presence in front of her and she was sure it was Doug. Then she'd opened her eyes and caught sight of Diane's peaceful face and the idea that she should have been anywhere else seemed absurd.

It wasn't because of Diane's argument that she'd stayed over that night. It was because she had stared at the prospect of walking out of the door to face the cold evening and that idea had been horrible. To go home to her husband even felt wrong. But staying with Diane felt right, so very right.

_Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me?_

There was something wrong with being involved in two life-shattering affairs in a lifetime. Once was a mistake, perhaps. Unavoidable. But twice! Twice was a pattern. Did it just signify a tendency to put personal pleasure ahead of responsibility? She couldn't believe that, she didn't want to. She'd fallen for Doug ten years ago. And she'd fallen for Diane. It had been completely against every intention she'd ever had but it had happened all the same. It had been as unavoidable with Diane as it had been with Doug all that time ago. The moment she tried to reason with herself that Diane was one sort of person, she'd show another side and there'd be nothing to do but stand there and stare at her. Diane saw her doing that, every time. And when you had that much confirmation of a reciprocated attraction, why would you stop pursuing it? You wouldn't.

Maybe she was just weak. She'd broken up a family; not determinedly but she'd done it anyway. She'd known the possible consequences and she'd gone along with it in spite of them. And she'd done that twice. She should've known better the second time around. But Diane had just drawn her back in, time and time again.

_Why do you come here and pretend to be just passing by?_

Nothing ever felt accidental with Diane. That was why it had felt so much like an exercise in confusion at first: Diane always seemed to have the upper hand because she always knew what was going to happen, she always guessed what she was thinking. She could never lie to Diane, not like she'd lied to Doug. So when Diane had given her the opportunity of regaining her life by just saying that she didn't love her she hadn't been able to do it. There was no way she could look Diane in the eye and say that.

Lying to Doug hadn't exactly been easy, but perhaps the ends had justified the means. She kept seeing Diane; seeing Diane kept her happy. She was better at home because she wasn't trying to suppress her feelings for Diane. That was one way of looking at it. It was a method that justified what she was doing anyway.

And what if she hadn't have been able to justify it? Would she have just gone along with it regardless? She wasn't certain anymore.

_But I mean to see you_

_And I mean to hold you tightly._

When she was with Diane she felt safe. No matter what was happening in the real world, she was okay because she was wrapped in arms that promised to protect her. She never doubted that promise. From the moment she crossed the threshold every Friday night, she gave up her own control and let Diane lead her. It didn't feel wrong, it was completely natural to her. As natural as when she had faced Liz for the first time after Doug's confession to his wife. Though it was wrong she hadn't been able to suppress the necessity then, and she couldn't now.

Doug had called it unnatural, but he was wrong. He didn't know the first thing about it. Something that prised her away from all she knew and respected had to be natural. The look of desire in Diane's eyes every time they met was as natural a thing as she had ever seen. And she considered waking with Diane's arm resting over her stomach to be the most natural occurrence in the world.

_Feeling guilty, worried,_

_Waking from tormented sleep._

It was when she was at home that she struggled. Doug's breathing forced her to stay awake and every breath he took was like a needle prick to her mind. Occasionally she got up, went to check on the kids. The girls always looked like little angels in the night; the only time they were ever quiet. That was when she got her pangs of guilt. She could lie every day for a lifetime about her relationship with Diane but she got the feeling that if Doug had asked her outright in the twilight hours she would've told him the truth. It was the darkness; it forced her to face her actions.

The only place she could really sleep without those feelings plaguing her was Diane's flat, which was a contradiction in itself. She would've thought that being in that foreign bed would've spiked her conscience, but it didn't. It was a sensation that felt too right to be considered wrong.

But at work she constantly worried. The thought of people there knowing was a prominent fear, especially after the Jo Master debacle. At least Jo understood to an extent. She could never imagine Reg, Roger and the rest of the Sun Hill brigade being quite so accommodating.

_Oh, this old love has me bound._

Doug and the kids regulated her thoughts; every time she walked back into the house she felt like she was walking back into a life that she'd put on hold for a while. She never resented the kids; she never resented Doug, for that matter. This was her life, the path she'd chosen ten years ago. She'd signed up for the nappy changing, the midnight vigils, the step kids. She'd signed up forever with Doug.

Sometimes she knew she didn't want that anymore and, very occasionally, she'd accept it. She'd admitted to Doug that she'd considered what her life would be like with Diane. In honesty, the picture had been rather hazy- it consisted of broken images from her past, present and her visions of how she'd always expected the future to go- but it was something she had thought about. Then Doug and Liam and Andy and Daisy and Rebecca had bitten into her mind and she recognised her promises of the last decade again. To leave them unfulfilled was unthinkable. More than that, it was cruel; particularly to Liam when she thought about what he'd already gone through.

_But the new love cuts deep._

The problem was, she couldn't never rid herself of her feelings for Diane. Even after the lies, she couldn't force herself to hate her. Of course, she tried to persuade herself that she loathed her, but it was a pointless exercise. Because, at least on some level, she understood Diane's arguments. She hadn't wanted to lose that fragile peace they'd had, it was something easily identifiable with. They were in a comfortable bubble and any confession regarding Doug's knowledge would've shattered the illusion. Never mind if it had to be shattered at some point, preserving the little time they had left was understandable.

Whenever she thought of Diane she felt an almost unprecedented surge of emotion. Diane felt too close to her, it was frightening sometimes. And the thought of giving up that feeling? It wasn't a pleasant notion. Sometimes she didn't even battle against what she wanted. She let the emotions wash over her without fighting them and allowed that split-second of happiness when the world was forgotten. Of course, it always ended and she opened up her eyes to face reality. But the hope lived on occasionally.

_If I choose now, I'll lose out_

_Oh, one of you has to fall._

Doug and the kids. They were a package. It wasn't just the girls that featured in her considerations, she loved Liam and Andrew like her own but she knew that splitting with Doug would halt those relationships. Doug wouldn't stop her seeing the girls, but his sons were a different matter. And Liam, particularly, would suffer for that fact.

What did she stand to lose? Her children, her family, her husband. If she chose Diane she could picture her life outside of their little haven being unbearable. How could she look anyone in the eye again at work? How could she work with Diane there, being accused of favouritism at every step?

How could she choose Doug and reject everything that Diane represented to her? She'd have to transfer away from Sun Hill and they'd never see each other again, not even accidentally because Doug wouldn't allow her to put herself in that potential situation. He'd be forever aware. They wouldn't have any trust left between them, no matter what he professed.

_And I need you…_

But Doug had been part of her life for so long. He knew her, she knew him. She loved him. When he watched the telly she could always tell what was going through his mind. If he didn't like something his nose wrinkled unconsciously; she knew the small twitch of his lips that occurred when he did like something.

They were a team. At work, at home; they made a formidable pairing. How could you just pack that all in for something that might work but had an equal chance of failure? It wasn't a case of sticking with what she knew; it was the fact that if she stayed with someone who she knew loved her, she'd be safe. With Doug she'd always be safe. There was something reassuring in him; that had been one of the many things she fell in love with him for. Along with his sense of humour, his kindness and his unwavering love. He'd take her back if she agreed to his conditions; she knew that.

… _And you._

But what about what her gut told her? She'd trusted it on an infinite number of occasions, and it hadn't let her down. Granted, those occasions had mostly been work-related, but that didn't necessarily mean it was wrong this time.

Her gut returned her to the look on Diane's face just before they'd slept together for the first time. She'd been crying and Diane had kneeled in front of her and wiped away her tears with her fingers and that one movement had convinced her of Diane's sincerity. Even if she'd questioned it afterwards, she knew then, just because of the look in Diane's eyes, that this was no game.

Doug offered security; what did Diane offer? Well, uncertainty, for starters. Trouble was almost a pre-requisite of their relationship as well. It wouldn't be boring. They'd probably take their work home with them, bring it into personal arguments, and bring personal disagreements into work. It'd be horrendous.

Diane offered something Doug couldn't anymore though: Diane trusted her. As they'd already painfully established, she couldn't lie to Diane and that was something they both were aware of.

If she'd said she didn't love her, Diane would've accepted it for that very reason. But she hadn't been able to utter those words and there was one very simple reason for that.

She, Nikki Wright, loved Diane Noble.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Well, isn't the object of a cliffhanger to make you wonder whether someone's dead or not? The next ten chapters could be Diane dealing with Nikki's death...

* * *

_I hear the ticking of the clock_

_I'm laying here, the room's pitch dark._

Diane couldn't pinpoint precisely when things had changed. There hadn't been a shocking moment where Nikki had suddenly appeared in a different light; it had just happened. Maybe it had always been there, but she didn't want to analyse; there was no point in it. The fact was, it had happened, and that was that.

Course, she never had any intention of pursuing Nikki. That seemed a ridiculous idea; and she wasn't about to put herself in that situation. Thoughts of Nikki were for the night; and as soon as she went into work her mind was wiped free of them. Within those walls the job was her focus, and she never considered mixing business with pleasure, so to speak.

She was so sure that she would never cross the line. She knew Nikki had a family, knew the unlikelihood of her feelings being reciprocated anyway. But it had melded into one incoherent argument that stopped comforting her. When you couldn't ignore something anymore, you faced it. You had to, that was just the way it went.

_I wonder where you are tonight,_

_No answer on the telephone._

She'd never considered herself to be a jealous person. But Nikki brought out the worst in her. She loathed the thought of Nikki and Doug, seeing them together sliced into her sometimes. It was fortunate that she had her mask to hide behind. She doubted Nikki ever saw what she was truly thinking; and that wasn't lying, it was self-preservation. She needed that distance sometimes. But then, at other moments, she wanted to be so open. She was scared of it though. There, she'd admitted it. She was scared. Nikki had the power to make her unsure of herself.

If she'd known where Nikki would end up, if she'd anticipated the family disasters, would she have still pursued her? She could argue that it was all inevitable from the start. But if she'd had a premonition of how broken Nikki looked outside of the pub, would she have stopped it? Well, it would've been the right thing to do, but whether she could have walked away there and then was a different matter. It was just a pity she was so selfish.

_And the night goes by so very slow,_

_I hope that it won't end, though, alone._

When Nikki had confronted her in the briefing room she'd had a particularly bad day. There hadn't been much sleep the night before, she'd been wound up the wrong way by a suspect and she'd just had enough. She hadn't been in the mood for hiding anymore, so she just hadn't.

She could still remember just how Nikki's eyes widened when she realised her intent. If she'd have stopped then, just before their lips met, she knew she would've got a slap and probably an official reprimand. Because before their lips touched they were only colleagues, and colleagues who didn't really get on at that. The second they kissed that changed. Nikki didn't pull away with the speed she should've, and there had been a moment of reciprocation, however much she'd deny that afterwards. Everything changed, just in the way you click your fingers. After that she wasn't willing to ignore how she felt, and she wasn't going to attempt to suppress it anymore either.

_Till now, I always got by on my own,_

_I never really cared until I met you._

When Jo noticed the tension; that had been when she'd known for certain that Nikki wasn't just irritated about the kiss. It had been at the hospital- when Doug was trying to sort out the mess of the Fishers- that Jo had walked in on a dispute between them.

Nikki had left and she was about to disappear herself when Jo asked, 'So what's going on with you two then?'

'What do you mean, going on?' she queried, and her eyes had instinctively slipped to the corridor Doug had gone down.

'Well, you looked pretty cosy,' the DC answered, her head positioned in a way that suggested she had an inkling about the truth and the longer you lied about it the worse it was going to be.

'On my side, maybe,' she'd conceded with a shrug. 'She's not interested.'

'Right.'

The tone of voice had caused her to look up and frown. 'What?'

'Nothing.'

'No, come on. If you've got something to say…'

The detective just shook her head. 'I'm not saying anything. Her husband's around here somewhere. But, then, you know that.'

Jo had walked off after that, leaving her standing there. She'd had plenty of food for thought that night, especially after the incident in the pub toilets as well.

_And now it chills me to the bone,_

_How do I get you alone? _

_How do I get you alone?_

That night- that Tuesday- when she'd driven up purposefully to the Wright family home, she'd been angry. Nikki had every right to react to Jo's knowledge, but she hadn't thought she'd pull away quite that much. So she'd gone there to show her just how far she could go. Not something she was proud of afterwards, but at the time it had almost felt good.

Doug had opened the door with a relaxed smile. 'Oh, hi. Nikki's not back yet.'

'No, I know,' she'd replied, watching his face intently, knowing that doing so kept her mind focused on what she'd driven there to do. 'I just left her. It's you I wanna talk to.'

With a small shrug, he moved aside and allowed her to go into the living room. She sat in the armchair- it had positive connotations for her- and waited for him to speak. 'So, what's this all about?'

She almost stopped herself then, because he looked so contented. But she didn't. 'I didn't wanna be the one to tell you this, Doug,' she began.

He smiled uncertainly. 'Tell me what?'

She glanced up briefly. 'Nikki's been having an affair.'

His face crinkled a little then he laughed. 'No. Not Nikki! Where'd you get this from?'

'I know, alright?' she answered carefully.

Slowly, his grin faded and she was faced with a mask of worried seriousness. His hands had clenched in his lap, causing his knuckles to glow white. 'Who?' She'd shrugged her reply and watched his eyes. He got it soon enough. 'What, you?' Then he'd stood, turned away from her before looking back. 'This is some sort of joke.'

'It's not,' she said quietly.

He shook his head. 'Nikki isn't… Well, she wouldn't… You're lying,' he concluded, almost pleadingly.

She'd stood herself then, her stomach had suddenly threatened to fall as the realisation of what she couldn't take back hit her. 'I'm not.'

'Nikki wouldn't do that,' he insisted, even if his eyes illustrated it was a fact he was struggling to believe. 'Not with you. Not with anyone.'

She couldn't take it back, and she already had the sickening feeling that she and Nikki were over. So she actually really wanted to make it hurt. 'She loves me, Doug,' she said with a degree of certainty. It was something she'd believed back when Nikki had finally stayed the night with her. 'She won't admit it but she does. She spends every Friday night with me, in my bed. She hasn't seen her sister for months.'

Doug had simply watched her icily for a few moments. 'Get out,' he said eventually, his tone low. 'Get out of my house.'

She hadn't needed telling twice. She'd returned to her car across the road, but she hadn't been able to leave the street. Nikki returned an hour later and she waited for some kind of fireworks. Instead, she saw Doug at the window, lit by the backdrop of the living room, and she saw Nikki approaching him. She'd seen them embrace, and then she'd left, not knowing what else she was supposed to do.

_You don't know how long I have wanted_

_To touch your lips and hold you tight._

She waited for the explosion for days, weeks even. The next time she'd seen Nikki, she thought that was it. She'd braced herself, but nothing happened. In fact, she'd found herself being favoured by her lover when everything kicked off with Liam. That was a bizarre feeling, but she hadn't been able to explain why to Nikki. It never occurred to her, on that long Tuesday night when she listened to the birds awakening outside her bedroom window, that Doug wouldn't say anything. For a while she couldn't believe that he hadn't, and then she just couldn't understand it. Finally, as she held a sobbing Nikki in her arms, she got it- he hadn't wanted to face this, and he hadn't wanted to lose her. It was something she could identify with completely.

Jo had said something to her once, that night at the pub when Doug had joined the group. She'd said, 'If you can smile at that bloke, and still want to sleep with his wife, it doesn't make a difference what I say to put you off; it's gonna happen.'

She could smile at Doug, she could befriend him and the family. She wanted Nikki too badly to let anything get in her way. Maybe she was being a bitch but she just wanted something too much for once.

_You don't know how long I have waited_

_And I was gonna tell you tonight._

If Nikki hadn't slipped back into bed that night would they have just gone on in the pattern they'd perfected over the weeks? She thought so. Because as much as she wanted Nikki to admit it was more than just sex, she couldn't force it out of her; she couldn't lose her. She'd tried to be assertive, she'd tried to force it, but she'd gone back on her word the second Nikki looked at her in that special way of hers. She never could argue with that look.

Something else she could never do, not until the end, was admit she was in love to Nikki herself. She told Jo, she told Doug, she even managed to admit it to Liam when she found him on the roof; but still she couldn't look Nikki in the eye and say it until she'd already lost her. It was fear, she was scared of being rejected. She just wished she hadn't left it too long. Maybe it wouldn't have made any difference, but maybe it would have.

_But the secret is still my own,_

_And my love for you is still unknown._

Everything had fallen apart in such a short space of time. She was used to that happening, but it still stung as much as it ever had. This was the one thing she wanted to last for as long as possible. But, no, that wasn't allowed. That reprieve she'd had when she'd stupidly spoken to Doug had ended the second she caught sight of Liam's incredulous face. In that moment she recognised everything had changed.

When she'd located him on the roof of a shop her one thought had been getting him down. He was edgy, shaking about, he could've gone over at any second. When he'd caught sight of her he'd angrily bounced about for five straight minutes, then he'd collapsed in a heap.

'Liam…' she started apprehensively, her eyes still flicking towards the roof edge. 'It…'

'Don't try and tell me it wasn't what it looked like,' he warned, his voice thick.

'I wouldn't insult your intelligence,' she answered, carefully approaching the form. 'But you shouldn't have seen it.'

He'd been quiet for the longest time. Then he raised his face and stared straight at her. 'You know, I thought for once someone gave a damn, someone who wasn't my dad and wasn't Nikki. But you were just using me to get close to her!'

'No. No, I wasn't. Liam, you're a great lad…'

'What about my Dad, eh? How could she do that to him?'

'Because you can't help who you fall in love with, mate,' she replied softly. 'It's not her fault and you shouldn't blame her.'

'Why?' he asked finally. 'Why her?'

'Liam, I know this isn't what you wanna hear, but it's complicated. It's not something you can turn on and off like a tap.'

_Till now, I always got by on my own,_

_I never really cared until I met you._

She managed to get him home. She still wasn't sure how. Maybe he was just cried out. But he hadn't resisted anymore and she wasn't even sure if he'd mention what he'd seen ever again. That was why she'd gone into the house with him. Trouble was, the second she saw Doug's blazing face and Nikki's red eyes, she felt sick. She knew what had happened, and she could practically feel the loathing radiating from Nikki- it felt like a bullet to the stomach.

What should she have done, told Nikki before he could? She'd begun to believe he never would, and maybe if Liam hadn't discovered it, there would've been no catalyst, and they'd have stayed just as they were. In stasis. It was such a pretty place to be, especially in comparison to where they were now.

_And now it chills me to the bone,_

_How do I get you alone?_

_How do I get you alone?_

When she'd literally bumped into Inspector Gold in the corridor, that was when she was snapped out of the thoughts that had been plaguing her all morning. Gina wasn't alone; she had Smithy and Jo on her heels; and that was a sure sign there was something wrong.

'What's going on?' she asked, then seeing Jo's reaction to her arrival gave her the confirmation that she didn't want.

'We've got an officer down on the Cockcroft,' Gina answered, continuing to walk. 'Gunshot wound.'

'It's Nikki,' Smithy added.

She felt herself swaying, and then she was physically helped along by Jo. 'Come on,' the detective whispered sharply. 'You wanna get down there.'

'What happened?' she questioned shakily. 'Is she alright?'

Jo shook her head. 'I don't knoe.'

_How do I get you alone?_

_How do I get you alone?_

If it hadn't been for Jo's presence in the back of the car she would've probably gone crazy on the drive to the Cockcroft Estate. As it was, Jo kept her mind focused on the fact that Nikki was still alive; there'd been nothing to tell her otherwise. Still, when she got out of the car and saw the scene she felt herself fading again.

'Stay with me,' Jo hissed. 'Come on, Di.'

Nikki was on the concrete, surrounded by paramedics. Doug was a few yards away looking helpless. A man was curled in a ball crying near the garages at the back of the yard and Beth Green was running towards them. 'Ma'am!'

Gina Gold took charge. 'Beth, what happened?'

The younger officer was shaking, that was very noticeable. 'Sergeant Wright told me to go on ahead and interview Mrs Harmead. I got up there and I heard gunshots and I…'

'Slow down,' Jo instructed. 'How's Nikki?'

At least someone had asked the question. Beth's lip began to quiver. 'Her heart's already stopped once.'

With that, she abandoned the group. She didn't care that Gina Gold was calling her name, or that Jo was on her heels. She skidded to a halt and crouched down beside Nikki, seeing the gunshot wound still bleeding profusely despite the efforts of the paramedics.

She was pulled back onto her feet and she struggled. 'Get off me!'

Jo wouldn't relinquish her grip. 'You can't do this.'

Glancing to Doug, who was watching her and his wife alternately with an air of shock, she shook her head. 'It doesn't matter anymore.'

'What the hell is going on here?' Gina questioned as she arrived beside them. 'Diane?'

'I'm going in the ambulance, Ma'am,' she said, not removing her gaze from the stationary figure on the ground.

'What are you talking about?'

Jo sighed. 'Ma'am, maybe it's best if you let her go.'

Gina Gold didn't usually accommodate requests, but this one seemed to be the exception to the rule. That was how she found herself seated in the ambulance with Nikki and the silent form of Doug. They didn't speak on the way to the hospital, they just both watched.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I forgot to credit the song in the last chapter- 'Alone' by Heart. This one is 'I Close My Eyes' by Dusty Springfield which is one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard... Babbling over. The next update'll be on Wednesday because I'm going away for a few days!

* * *

_It isn't the way that you look,_

_And it isn't the way that you talk._

Every time she closed her eyes she was faced with the brutal image of Nikki laying motionless on the ground. It became so bad that she didn't want to blink, no matter how much her eyes watered at the prospect. She wanted to just sit there and pray that, hopefully, the last couple of hours would be erased from history.

'Here.' Looking up, she took the coffee Doug handed her before he sat down a few seats away. 'Anything?'

'No,' she answered shortly.

What would Nikki say if she could see them sat together after all that had happened lately? She'd think the world was coming to some premature conclusion; that was the only thing that would provoke this truce of sorts. Then again, everything could be at an end yet, it all depended on what was going on past those red double doors.

_It isn't the things you say or do_

_Make me want you so._

'Did she say anything?' Diane asked quietly after a lengthy silence where the only interruption had been yet more nurses rushing around.

'No,' Doug replied, his voice thick. 'She was already unconscious when I got there.'

If she died… If she didn't wake up… Diane squeezed her eyes shut at the idea then found herself plagued with a hideous vision and was forced to open them again. There was no escaping it.

When she'd woken up that morning, after a restless night of sleep, her thoughts had flicked to Nikki. Of course they had, they always did these days. She'd been thinking about their last discussion: the way Nikki had finally broken down in her arms and cried. It had been a long time coming but she felt she understood why it had taken so long- Nikki needed to accept something and maybe it was that meeting in the pub with Doug that had helped her. She'd thought that this might be the day, the day Nikki finally admitted she loved her. She hadn't been able to say she didn't, after all.

But even if it was never said… it didn't matter so much. She knew that now. All she wanted was a chance to kiss Nikki again. She just needed that opportunity.

_It has nothing to do with the wine_

_Or the music that's flooding my mind._

Once she'd become aware of her true feelings for Nikki all those months ago, briefings, meetings, everything at work had been different. She spent half the days watching intently and the rest of the time trying to rid herself of the urge. She hadn't wanted anyone so badly in her entire life. Nikki had cast some sort of spell on her, without even breaking a sweat or thinking about it in the least. Some days she thought it was blatantly obvious how she felt; those were the days when her eyes never left Nikki if they could avoid it. Those were the days that led into the sleepless nights.

Nikki was intoxicating. And the most brilliant thing about it? She never realised it! No, more than that, she didn't seem to be able to accept it was a possibility. How stunningly beautiful she was just appeared to have passed her by. Maybe Doug didn't draw attention to it as often as it was deserved, but he should have said it every day. If she got the chance it'd be the first thing she'd say on a morning.

_And never before have I been so sure_

_You're the someone I dreamed I would find._

'She chose you,' Doug said suddenly.

Diane looked sideways. 'What?'

His eyes were trained on his coffee. 'She wasn't coming home.'

Wiping away the tear that had just decided to make an appearance, she said, 'I know you won't believe it, but I never wanted any of this to happen.'

'It doesn't matter now, does it?' he questioned quietly. 'If she…'

'She's not gonna die,' Diane interrupted with much more confidence than she felt. 'Nikki's too strong. You know that.'

He was silent for a moment. 'What do I tell the kids?'

She watched him for a long second then she swallowed half the contents of her coffee cup in one gulp.

She'd never fallen for anyone in her life until Nikki; it hadn't been her style. Not even her ex-husband had found himself lumped in that category. And she'd stopped searching for anything remotely close to that a long time ago. It was an aggravation she didn't need: romance. Now she had fun, with no strings. Until Nikki…

Nikki had changed everything, without even realising it. She'd made her life outside of the job and outside her friends worth living. When she went home on a night she was usually forgotten about until the next day at work: Nikki changed that.

_It's the way you make me feel_

_The moment I am close to you._

'She'll come home with you, Doug,' she said softly after a long couple of minutes.

He looked at her. She felt it, even if she didn't see it. 'You think so, do you?'

'Yep. I do.'

'Well, you're wrong,' he answered.

She shook her head and squeezed the remains of her plastic coffee cup so the liquid almost bubbled over the rim. 'She wouldn't do that to the kids. Or you. I knew that. That's why I never asked her to.'

There was a lengthy pause. 'Shall I tell you something about Nikki, hmm? She only cries, really cries, when she's with someone she trusts completely. Otherwise she won't break down, she can't do it.'

'She told you about last night,' she realised aloud.

'No,' he replied. 'I saw it. She wouldn't have told me. I don't know what you've done to her…'

'I haven't done anything to her,' she interrupted quietly.

'I think I've got grounds to argue that. My wife,' he went on after a moment, 'never had an affair before you. She certainly never looked at a woman before.'

'You know what I did, Doug?' she questioned, glancing at him. 'I fell in love. And right now I wish that I hadn't. Because if I hadn't, she wouldn't be lying in there, would she? And you can't make me feel any worse about that than I already do.'

Leaving him with that thought, she disappeared in the direction of the toilets.

_It's a feeling so unreal,_

_Somehow, I can't believe it's true._

Resting her hands against the rim of the sink, she steadied herself. She had to stay calm, for Nikki's sake. But she was starting to doubt the wisdom of coming to the hospital in the first place. She completely believed in what she'd told Doug- Nikki would be going home with him. She'd choose him. No matter what she did or didn't feel, Nikki Wright was led by her conscience. Leave two girls with a broken home, leave Liam struggling yet again? No. That wasn't Nikki.

It wasn't something she'd ever brought up for that very reason. She hadn't wanted Nikki to split from Doug- not because she didn't want to be with her- because sometimes that's all she could think of- but for the simple reason of Nikki's happiness. Nikki couldn't be happy without her family. There was no way in hell she could make her happy. Was it just because they met so rarely that their time together was so good?

Then again, Nikki needed her, didn't she? The last couple of weeks had proved that.

Not that this remotely mattered at all. Nikki still could…

_The pounding I feel in my heart,_

_The hoping that we'll never part,_

_I can't believe this is really happening to me._

Having left the toilets after ten minutes, she came face to face with Gina Gold as she proceeded back to the corridor outside Nikki's room. The look on the Inspector's face made her stand up straighter, mainly because anything could've happened to Nikki in ten minutes. 'Ma'am?'

'Well? How is she?'

Relaxing her shoulders slightly, she answered, 'No news yet.'

'Right.' Gina put her arm out and wafted her down the corridor towards a seating area. 'Maybe you can explain something to me.'

She closed her eyes briefly as she took a seat. 'Ma'am?'

'I don't appreciate my officers leaving me out of the loop, PC Noble. But I'll make it easy for you. Just answer me one thing: have you been having an affair with Nikki Wright?'

Not looking over, she replied, 'Yes.'

There was silence until Gina asked, 'Are you alright?'

Surprised, she glanced towards her Inspector. 'Sorry?'

'It's a simple enough question, PC Noble.'

'It's not me laying in a hospital bed,' she answered, watching her hands and their slight trembling.

_I close my eyes and count to ten_

_And when I open them, you're still here._

'Nikki's tough,' Gina said decisively.

'Yeah. Maybe. Ma'am, I'm…' She trailed off and shrugged. 'I shouldn't have reacted the way I did earlier. I'm sorry.'

'It makes sense now. A lot of things do.' Gina paused. 'I take it Doug knows?'

She nodded. After a moment, she said, hesitantly and slowly, 'I never meant for this to happen.'

'Well, what we mean to happen and what actually goes on are usually two separate things in my experience.'

'I can't argue with that,' she answered, looking up and meeting Gina's eye. 'Nikki's not a bad person.'

'You don't have to tell me that.'

'I need to tell someone. It wasn't her fault, you know. It was mine.'

'That's not the important thing right now.'

'No. No, I know. But it's easier than thinking about…' Breaking off, she saw Doug approaching. 'What it is?'

_I close my eyes and count again,_

_I can't believe it but you're still here._

'The bullet missed her vital organs,' the doctor explained to the three of them several minutes later. 'Her heart stopped again but we've stabilised her and removed the bullet. She isn't awake yet, but you're welcome to sit with her, Sir,' he added, directing the last comment at Doug.

Diane didn't look at either him or Gina. Her mind was processing the fact that Nikki was going to be alright: she could hardly believe it, thinking the worst was in her nature. She found herself smiling with relief, then she caught sight of Doug's face. He was also relieved but he looked lost. 'Thank you, Doctor,' he said eventually.

When the doctor had nodded and proceeded down the corridor, Gina said, 'I'll phone the nick.'

Diane watched her go then returned her gaze to Doug. 'It's great news.'

He nodded. 'Of course it is.'

Though it cut deep into her, she said, 'You should be in there when she wakes up.'

'I'm not kidding myself it's me she'll want to see,' he answered.

As he moved down the corridor, she called after him, 'The kids then.'

Turning, he opened his mouth then closed it again. 'Yeah,' he said finally. 'The kids.'

_We were strangers a moment ago,_

_With a few dreams but nothing to show._

Very carefully she took a seat next to the bed. For a person who'd been shot Nikki looked remarkably normal. There was still a hint of a smile on her lips, or perhaps it was just something she wanted to see there. Either way, Nikki was gonna be okay. That was all that mattered.

For a couple of hours she sat there watching the woman she loved sleeping, almost peacefully. Then there was a cough behind her and, seeing Jo standing in the doorway holding the door open for her, she followed the detective out into the corridor.

'How is she?' Jo questioned.

'Um…' Her mind was clouded, it took her a few moments for her to realise that it was probably the late hour that was causing that. It was amazing how little time mattered when things like this happened. 'She'll be okay, I think. She hasn't woken up yet.'

'Where's Doug?'

'He went to get the kids ages ago. I think…' Resting her back against the wall, she shook her head. 'I don't know what I think.'

Her friend put an arm around her shoulders. 'Come on. Let's get some caffeine in you. Always does the trick.'

_The world was a place with a frown on its face,_

_And tomorrow was just… I don't know._

'I should've walked away,' she said, staring into her warm cup. 'None of this would've happened.'

'You said yourself,' Jo answered, leaning back into her own plastic seat, 'she'll be alright.'

'What, she'll come round and everything that's happened in the last couple of months'll just go right out of the window? No, not likely. I was just… I was stupid, that's all. Thought I could put off the inevitable. Turns out all I managed to do was hurt her even more. She broke down, Jo,' she continued quickly and bitterly. 'Last night. She just sobbed into my arms. And I caused that. If I hadn't…'

'There's no point wishing you can change what you can't,' Jo interrupted reasonably. 'It just makes you feel like crap. Look,' she went on, 'the way I see it, it only got as far as it did because she felt the same. I don't care what tricks you know, you can't make someone risk what she did for nothing.'

She briefly smiled. 'Yeah, but I did the running.'

'Yea, but like I said, it doesn't matter now. You've gotta get through the next couple of hours, the next week, the next whatever. You can't do that if you're on a constant guilt-trip, can you? She's gonna need you.'

_But it's the way you make me feel_

_The moment I am close to you._

'I love her, Jo.'

'I know you do.'

'Doug said she chose me,' she went on eventually with a tired shrug. 'I don't know if it's the truth but…'

'I think it might be,' her friend said quietly. 'I talked to her the other day, and she said it's you she wants, not Doug.'

Diane frowned. 'But the…'

'Yeah, I know: the family. But she wants you. God help her.'

She raised a small smile at that then she returned to her brooding. 'What if I can't make her happy? What if she's changed her mind?'

'And what if she hasn't?' Jo retorted. 'You can't tell me this isn't what you've wanted all along..'

'No, of course I want it,' she answered. 'But I want her to do what's right for her. Besides, I've never made anyone happy in my life.'

'Well, there's always a first time for everything.'

'I'm scared,' she admitted with a grim shrug. 'There, I said it.'

Jo shook her head. 'I'll let you in on a little secret: I already knew.'

_Makes the day seem so unreal,_

_Somehow I can't believe it's true._

When Jo had gone she didn't return to Nikki's side. Instead she got herself another coffee and sat in the corridor outside of the room.

Could she make it work with Nikki? She wanted to. She really wanted to. But could she actually do it in reality?

No.

Maybe.

She wanted to. The thing was, she'd never allowed herself to think that Nikki would leave Doug for her so she hadn't ever really contemplated what would happen if she did. They were great together, but that didn't necessarily guarantee it would work in the long term. She was liable to get crabby, Nikki would miss her happy little family life and then… They'd end up hating each other. That was what usually happened in cases like this.

Still, she couldn't help but remember the look on Nikki's face the first time they'd actually spent the night together. That was a moment she wished she could frame, because if she ever forgot it she'd hate herself. Nikki's eyes had stared straight into hers and asked if it was okay that she stayed. If she hadn't already been besotted that would've done it, no question.

_Tomorrow, will you still be here?_

_Tomorrow will come but I fear_

_That what is happening to me is only a dream._

If she pinched herself she half thought she'd wake up. Wake up six months ago, before she'd realised her feelings for Nikki weren't just one-sided. But then, a small voice whispered, she wouldn't have had the best couple of months of her life, would she? She was selfish, she didn't want to have to relinquish those memories, especially if they were the only ones she was going to have.

'Any change?'

She looked up, surprised at Doug's return. He was alone and she wondered where the hell he'd been for half of the night, but she wasn't exactly going to ask him. 'No. I was just…'

'You don't have to explain,' he answered crisply.

'Doug,' she said tentatively, 'can I say something?'

He shrugged as he sat down next to her. 'You've slept with my wife, I think we've established you can do what you want.'

That forced her to take a moment. 'I'm sorry,' she said finally, truly meaning it.

_I close my eyes and count to ten_

_And when I open them you're still here._

Doug watched her for a long time. 'Nikki's really something, I hope you know that.'

She nodded carefully. 'Yeah, I know.'

'All I want is for her to wake up,' he went on after a second. 'Give my girls their mum back. I can't think past that right now.'

'Me neither,' she answered honestly.

'So we agree on something. That's good.'

She drained her coffee cup, and moved to put it in the bin. When she turned back, she said, 'You can go in and sit with her.'

Doug shook his head. 'No.'

'Look, when she wakes up…'

'She'll want you,' he interjected. 'I lied before,' he added. 'I said she was unconscious when I got to the scene. She wasn't.'

Glancing sharply to him, she refrained from voicing her anger. 'And?'

'She asked for you. It was the last thing she said.' He studiously avoided looking at her and simply went on, 'She shouldn't be alone.'

_I close my eyes and count again,_

_I can't believe it but you're still here._

The door slipped shut behind her with a thunk. Sitting beside Nikki, she took her hand and rubbed it.

'If you wake up,' she whispered, tracing her thumb over the back of the hand, 'I'll make it worth your while. Promise. You know, I… I love you, Nikki. Just need you to know that.'

Feeling her fatigue overcoming her, she rested back in her chair and closed her eyes. The next thing she was aware of was movement. At first she thought it was her own, but then she opened her eyes and saw fingers scraping over blankets.

'Nikki…' she said, relief washing over her, as she took the hand again.

Her lover blinked several times then tried to speak. 'D…'

Mind flicking back to the man outside in the corridor, she sighed, squeezed the hand and stood. 'He's outside. I can get him.'

Nikki seemed to shake her head. 'Di…'

She sat back down suddenly. 'Hiya.'

Somehow, Nikki's hand moved up to her cheek. 'I do love you.'

The emotion that washed over her was probably a mix of relief, fatigue, surprise and happiness, but she didn't analyse. She was too busy burying her head into Nikki's embrace to care.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: The song used in this chapter and for the next... few is 'I Can't Fight This Feeling' by REO Speedwagon! Thanks for your reviews as usual, I love writing this story!

* * *

_I can't fight this feeling any longer,_

_And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow._

_What started out as friendship has grown stronger,_

_I only wish I had the strength to let it show._

Still disorientated, Nikki continued to stroke Diane's hair, for the simple reason that it felt the right thing to do. After more than a minute of that, Diane raised her head back up allowing her tearful eyes to show. 'I better get a doctor in here.'

Her throat was so dry that it was painful to speak but she attempted it anyway. 'What happened?'

Diane squeezed her hand. 'Your heart stopped. Twice.'

'No… I just meant in general.'

Her lover laughed. 'Don't worry, I'll tell you all about it. I'll be back in a minute.'

When Diane left the room she closed her eyes to try and rid herself of the swirling mass that was the room. There was an aching on the left side of her body; she tried to shift to get a better look at it but that stung so she didn't try it again. Diane returned with a doctor and behind them a presence lurked in the doorway- Doug. He was still in his uniform, like Diane was, and watching her intently.

Under the numerous eyes she felt very exposed: it didn't sit well with the disorientation that was still plaguing her. She was relieved, then, when the doctor asked for some privacy. At least he didn't seem to be requesting anything from her, apart from a few mumbled answers.

He left with the advisement that she tried to get some more sleep but she simply shook her head. Her mind had jittered back into life and she wasn't even sure she'd be able to sleep now.

She wasn't sure who she wanted to see when the door opened, but she did feel a twinge of disappointment when Doug apprehensively entered. However, seeing anyone at the moment was apparently cause for celebration, according to the doctor, so she tried to appear pleased. 'Hi.'

His face crumpled into its own cheerfully strained smile as he sat down. 'Hi. How you feeling?'

'Stiff,' she answered, with an attempt at a shrug. 'But I'll live. Are the kids alright?'

'They're fine. They're at my mum's. I erm…' He sighed then looked up at her again. 'I didn't tell them what happened. I didn't know what was going on and…'

'It's alright,' she interrupted. 'I'd have done the same. Just as long as they're alright.'

'Well, I think they'll want their mum home.'

She didn't glance up at that; she knew he was fully aware of how using that particular argument would affect her. Her memory was coming back in segments and she was recalling their heated confrontation on the Cockcroft; the one where she'd admitted she might not be going home. 'Right,' she said finally.

There was a long pause and then he asked, 'I don't suppose the bullet changed your mind, did it?'

Opening her mouth, she then closed it again. Seeing him there did almost seal it. His concern, the panic that was evident in his face… He almost had her again. And perhaps if she hadn't groggily woken and slipped into Diane's embrace things would simply have gone back to normal. But… Well, Diane's own concern had been more than evident. 'Doug, I…' Her resolve crumbled and she shrugged as best she could. 'I need some time. My head's all over the place.'

The glimmer of hope that crossed his face was brief, but there nevertheless. He tentatively stroked her hand before saying, 'What happened, with the boy back there, was my fault I think. I spooked him. I saw the state of him afterwards… He didn't intend to shoot anybody.'

'I don't remember all of it,' she said honestly. 'It's all a bit hazy. But don't go blaming yourself, eh?'

He smiled for a moment. 'I'm just so grateful you're okay.'

'You and me both,' she muttered. Feeling a sharp pinch of pain, she winced. 'Remind me not to get shot again.'

'What, and you'd listen, would you?'

Laughing hurt, but she did it anyway. 'Fair point.'

He seemed to recognise that she was in pain and stood. 'You need to get some more rest.'

'I'm alright,' she protested mildly. 'You look like you need it more than me.'

'Thanks!' His grin faded as he glanced back towards the door. 'Look, I'll bring the girls to see you tomorrow. I don't know about Andy and Liam…'

'I understand. As long as they're both okay.'

'Yeah, they'll be fine,' he answered firmly. 'See you, Nikki.'

'Bye,' she said softly as he left.

Closing her eyes, she let out her breath heavily. She wasn't all that tired, but the darkness behind her eyelids was more conducive to thought that the glaring beams of the hospital. That said, the flickering images behind her eyes weren't all that pleasant: the crack as the bullet left the gun was repeating in her mind a fair bit, not to mention the look on Diane's face when she opened her eyes. No win either way by the look of it then.

Speaking of Diane… The door opened again and the constable popped her head around. 'Can I come in?'

'Course,' she answered with a small smile. Taking in the dishevelled appearance of her lover, she questioned, 'How long have you been here?'

'Oh, not long. I'm alright.'

Still unconvinced, she reached for her hand. 'Sure?'

Diane entwined their fingers carefully. 'Yeah. I'm fine. Just had a bit of a moment, you know when you got yourself shot and everything.' Glancing up, she smiled and squeezed her hand. 'Didn't we say that after you got a nail stuck in your foot, that was it for A&E, hmm? Or did I just imagine that?'

'It wasn't deliberate!' she argued half-heartedly. She couldn't bring herself to protest too much; after all, she had gone running in head first again.

'You're just lucky you're alright,' said Diane seriously.

'I know.' Pausing, Nikki examined their joined hands for a couple of seconds. 'I didn't expect you to be here when I woke up.'

'Where else was I gonna be?'

The repetition of those words made her smile as she rested her head against her pillows. 'Thanks.'

'Nikki,' Diane said carefully after a moment. 'Gina Gold, she… Well, she asked me outright about… you know.'

Glancing up sharply, her discomfort abated some as she saw the evident worry etched on her lover's face. 'It's alright,' she answered finally. 'She knew something was going on so… It'll be okay,' she added decisively.

'Maybe that bullet has done some damage after all,' Diane replied in a semi-serious tone.

She smiled, though it did take some effort. 'Di…' she said eventually, squeezing her hand. 'I…'

'It's okay to take it back,' the PC answered in a low voice. 'It doesn't matter.'

Sighing, she shook her head. 'I'm not doing that. I meant it. But I need some time.'

Diane nodded then gazed at the floor for a long moment. 'I'm just glad you're alright. You had everyone worried.'

'I'll try harder next time?' she offered with a small smile.

'Yeah, do.' Standing, Diane leaned forward and kissed her forehead. 'Get some sleep.'

'Go home,' Nikki advised. 'Please.'

Shrugging, she answered, 'Alright. If you want rid of me.'

'Mmm-hmm. Di,' she went on quickly, 'thanks for being here.'

'Anytime,' the constable answered before throwing her one last lingering smile and leaving.

Again, Nikki closed her eyes. This time she had every intention of sleeping; her fatigue was itching at her. The trouble was, her mind wouldn't switch off. She was repeating on loops everything that had happened in recent months, and that didn't make for easy slumber.

* * *

She supposed she'd been given something to aid her sleep, because when she awoke the sun was lowering in the December sky outside of her hospital window. She couldn't have imagined sleeping for twelve straight hours without assistance, however tired she'd been. Still, she did feel slightly better for her rest.

Focusing in on her room, she realised she wasn't the only person in it. Gina Gold was sat in the chair by the door eating grapes. 'Hello.'

Her Inspector turned guiltily, with a grape halfway to her mouth. Popping it in, she shrugged. 'It's been a long day.'

Nikki smiled. 'I'll forgive you. Who were they from?'

'Jo sent them in with Diane this morning, I think.'

'Diane was here?' she queried quickly.

Gina didn't draw attention to her enthusiasm. 'She was until I told her to go home and get some sleep.'

'And she listened, did she?'

'Well, I can be very persuasive,' Gina answered. 'Anyway, how you feeling?'

'Not too bad. Fine.'

'Good.' The Inspector paused while she ate another few grapes. 'Now, can you explain to me how, when I send you out for a witness statement, you end up in here with a bullet in you?'

'I suppose I'm just unlucky.'

'Not a trait I normally welcome in my officers. Reg Hollis is bad enough.'

'Oi,' she protested. 'That was low.'

'Mmm.' Deliberately rolling up the paper bag of grapes and putting them to one side, Gina watched her for a moment. 'You know, you could've told me. About you and Diane.'

Feeling self-conscious, she shifted uncomfortably. 'No. No, I couldn't.'

'So is that it then?' Gina probed gently. 'The reason you've been a walking time bomb for the last few months?'

No use in lying now. 'I'm not proud of it,' she said finally. 'I didn't set out to hurt anyone.'

'Diane's already explained it was all her fault.'

'Well, I wouldn't put it quite like that,' she replied, glancing to Gina and finding her eyes knowing. 'I knew what I was getting into. It wasn't all Diane's doing.'

'Well, I can't say I'm not surprised,' Gina said eventually. 'I mean, you and her… I wouldn't put you two together..'

'Neither would I to be honest. But…' Trailing off, she shrugged. 'I can't explain it. I wish I could; it might make it easier.'

'Doug knows.' It was a statement, not a question.

'I told him last week. It's complicated,' she added, to avoid an investigation into how that came about. She really didn't want to revisit that night in her head at the moment.

'Do you know what you're gonna do?' Gina asked reasonably. 'Home or...?'

'I don't know,' she admitted with a wry smile.

'Would he take you back- Doug?'

She nodded. 'So he says.'

'Right.'

'Look, I know what you're thinking,' she said after a second. 'If I don't jump at the chance then I'm… But it's not that simple. There's the kids and…'

'And the fact that Diane Noble's Diane Noble,' Gina said knowingly. 'But at the end of the day, Nikki, you do what's right for you. What happens when the kids leave home, hmm? And it's just you and Doug left.'

'I don't know what to do,' she confessed with a sigh.

'Well, I can't tell you,' answered the Inspector. 'I wouldn't dare. But,' she continued, 'I did see her last night- Diane, that is. She wasn't looking great.'

'I know how she feels,' Nikki said uncertainly. 'I just…'

'Don't know what to do about it?'

'Yeah. Something like that.'

Gina shrugged. 'Don't look at the long term. You're gonna be off work for a while. You need to rest up, that's the most important thing at the moment. Just think about that.'

'That's good advice,' she commented.

'Well, I do try.'

* * *

The wide smile was impossible to keep from her face as she found herself jumped upon by her two daughters. Daisy curled up by her feet as Rebecca cuddled into her side. For a few minutes Doug left them alone to chatter before he entered.

'Thanks,' she said instantly, squeezing Rebecca's shoulders.

'I don't think they'd have let me do otherwise,' he answered, looking specifically at Daisy. 'Would you?'

Her daughter simply grinned. Nikki watched her for a few seconds before asking her husband, 'How's Liam doing?'

Doug's eyes flickered sideways. 'He's staying with his mum for the week.'

Sensing his veiled frustration, she left that one and instead refocused her attention on the girls. Up until that moment she hadn't realised quite how much she'd missed them in the couple of days she'd spent at Annie's. It was the little things- Daisy moaning about her teacher, Rebecca raving about hers. The way that Daisy cut in on everything her younger sister tried to say and the way Rebecca just wouldn't accept it. Fun, fun, fun. And she missed it like hell.

Glancing up to Doug a few times, she recognised he saw what was going on in her mind as well as she did. Maybe that was what he wanted. And he was being fair in his assumptions, wasn't he? This family was her life; how could she willingly give it up?

'Girls,' he said finally, rustling in his pocket. 'There's a vending machine just at the end of the hall. Get yourself some crisps or something.'

Finding herself engulfed in two massive hugs, Nikki felt tears in her eyes as the girls trotted out. Doug sat down hesitantly. 'Are you alright?'

'Hmm?' she said, buying herself some time as she wiped her eyes. 'Fine.'

'Have the doctors said anything?'

'Oh, erm… A couple of days, a week at the most. Then I should be able to…' She checked herself, having almost said she'd be going home. 'I'll be discharged,' she amended.

His smile was strained. 'Well, you're not a good patient so…'

'Cheeky,' she said carefully. Seeing his face crumpling against the pretence, she went on, 'I never stopped caring, you know?'

'If you had you wouldn't have stayed,' he answered. 'I know that. But, Nikki,' he continued quickly, 'it can still be done. I stand by what I said at the pub.'

'What, all of it?' she questioned, looking up into his eyes.

He lowered his gaze. 'I don't know what's going on in your head, do I? I mean, I can hazard a guess but… Only you know really.' Standing again, he went to the window and twitched the blinds to see out into the darkness. 'I think you love her. But what would I know?'

She averted her eyes as he turned back. 'What do you want me to say?'

'Come home,' he said finally. 'You'll need somewhere comfortable when you're discharged. Annie's sofa won't do.'

He did have a valid point but… 'I don't know.'

'I'll sleep downstairs,' he answered, watching her carefully. 'I just think you'd be best at home.'

'And the girls wouldn't exactly complain either,' she concluded with a strained smile. 'Let me think about it, okay?'

Doug nodded. 'Yeah, fine. Anything.'

His eagerness pinched at her. 'Have you spoken to Liam?'

That forced his uncertain relief to fade. He sat down again. 'He's not in a talking mood. So Liz says.'

'Oh, you've spoken to…'

'Mmm,' he said, cutting her off. 'Got quite the tale of how she hit you.'

Nikki rolled her eyes. 'I think it pales in comparison to the bullet, don't you?'

'That's what I said. But you know Liz. She's got funny ideas about retribution.'

The manner in which he said that made her look up sharply. Suddenly, she realised that Diane and Doug had probably spent some time together while she was unconscious and the idea of their likely conversations worried her a little. Doug hadn't ever been one for retribution, not outside of the justice system anyway, but his wife had never had an affair before. That could do funny things to people: Liz was a perfect example of that. Though she wanted to question him, she didn't. They had a fragile peace at the moment, and that came from not mentioning Diane. She still hovered around them but as long as the name wasn't actually said, they were alright.

'I'd better go find those two,' Doug said eventually, standing. 'They can find trouble as easy as you can.'

'One little bullet…' she muttered good-naturedly. 'I'll never hear the end of it.'

'Not a chance,' he replied with a small smile. His face darkened briefly then he nodded. 'I'll bring the girls again.'

'I'd appreciate it.'

'Well, I'm not pretending I've got a choice in the matter,' he said with a shrug. 'And I wouldn't keep them away either.'

'I know,' she said quietly. 'Go on. Go home.'

After he left she stared at the wall for a long time. The urge to sleep had been so fully abated the previous night that she seriously doubted she'd be able to do it again for the next week. Besides, she always had trouble in unfamiliar surroundings- except Diane's flat, of course. That was an indication of something. Of what she couldn't specify.

Almost an hour later Diane appeared, fairly cautiously; but looking in better shape than on her previous visit. 'Hey.'

Nikki smiled as she sat down. 'You showered!'

'Cheeky,' Diane retorted, plopping some magazines on the table. 'Thought you might want something to read.'

'You've no idea. Thanks.'

After a second, the constable looked to the floor and asked, 'So… any visitors?'

Nikki contained her grimace, but barely. She didn't want to talk about that, she wanted to… Well, she wasn't sure but discussing Doug was definitely the last thing she wanted. 'Gina,' she answered finally. 'And Doug brought the girls round.'

Diane nodded. 'Everything okay?'

'Yeah, they're fine.'

'That's not what I meant.'

'I know it's not,' she replied, glancing up and meeting her lover's eye. 'I just…'

'I shouldn't be pestering you,' Diane interrupted suddenly, shrugging. 'Too persistent for my own good sometimes.'

She smiled and reached for her hand. 'I remember.'

Surprisingly, Di's face faded a little and she pulled her hand back. 'Not one of my finest moments, eh?'

'Well, it wasn't all that one-sided,' Nikki answered carefully. 'I don't blame you.'

'What, and you don't blame me for telling Doug either?' Di asked quietly. 'And for Liam?'

'Believe me, I wanted to hate you for that. But I couldn't.'

After a long moment, Di nodded and took her hand again. 'I'm being an idiot.'

'Yeah,' she agreed evenly, earning herself a smile. Sighing, she questioned, 'What happened with you and Doug? I was out of it for a while wasn't I?'

The constable shrugged. 'He bought me a coffee; that was about it really. We were on the same side at the time. That was all that mattered.'

'I'll be…' She paused. 'They say I should be fit to go in a few days.'

'And you're going home,' Diane said knowingly, squeezing her hand.

'Not permanently,' she found herself saying. 'I mean, I just…' She was cut off by Diane's lips on her own and forgot what she was trying to say as she brought her hand up to cup her cheek.

When Diane pulled back she smiled slightly. 'It's okay. I get it.'

For a moment Nikki found she couldn't speak. Her head was swimming; she'd just realised why it was she'd never been able to say no to Diane Noble in the past. Finally, she cleared her head and her throat. 'If it was simple… I'd want to be with you.'

Diane was quiet for a moment, but her eyes betrayed the fact that she wasn't as cool as she perhaps wanted to appear. Slowly, she raised her face. 'It isn't simple though.'

'No,' she conceded. 'Anything but.'

'So what does that mean then?'

'I don't know,' she admitted. 'But it's something to think about while I'm stuck in here, isn't it?'

'Maybe I'll see if they can up your dose of sleeping tablets,' Diane said in semi-seriousness. 'Nikki, honestly,' she went on, 'You need to rest.'

'My body needs to rest,' she argued mildly. 'You won't switch my mind off, not unless you whack me on the head.'

'Thanks for the hint.'

Nikki rested back against her pillows and sighed. 'The girls were pleased to see me.'

'Course they were,' Diane answered.

'I know what you're thinking,' she said after a second.

'Oh, you do, do you?' said her lover, challenging her with an arch of her eyebrows.

She shrugged. 'You think he'll use them to blackmail me into staying.'

Diane let out her breath lightly. 'Well, he's human.'

'And it could work,' she said quietly.

'There's that too,' the constable agreed with a wry smile. 'Just… I don't know… Keep me informed, eh?'

Nodding, she asked, 'Will you come again?'

'Hmm… Depends how fast you can read that lot,' Diane answered, nodding to the magazines.

'I'm fast. I'm a fast reader,' she amended as her lover began smiling. 'Oi!'

'What?'

'You know what!'

Diane leaned over to kiss her again. 'Don't know what you're going on about.'

* * *

Miraculously, she did manage some sleep that night, though not much. Aside from being fairly rested already, she was also thinking quite a bit, and they weren't the type of thoughts that aided restful sleep.

She knew she was walking on a tightrope around Doug. At least with Diane she could be relatively honest. The time had passed for lies between them; she hoped it had anyway. She felt drained, and the only person she could imagine confiding it in was Di. It was the smiling constable who eased her into sleep when it eventually came and she was the first person who came to mind when she woke. Then came the kids then, almost as an afterthought, Doug.

If she went home with him and the kids she got the feeling it'd be almost impossible to leave. When she'd left to stay with Annie she'd made a break of sorts. It hadn't been her idea, and the separation was far from pleasant, but it was a break nonetheless. If ever there was to be a change then this separation would've instigated it. Yet going back… Getting up with the kids every morning, trying to juggle work, home and sleep: she'd soon fall back into it. She wouldn't want to leave, except for those brief moments when she was in Diane's company. And she had the distinct impression that Doug would limit the possibility of that. Even if she said there was no chance for him and her; he'd still be hopeful. After all, his trump card was the family, that little unit she loved. How long before she buckled under the pressure and moved back into his bed? Then before she knew it, she'd be transferring and… Everything that she'd decided she wanted would mean nothing. She'd never see Diane again. If she was aware of anything thanks to the shooting it was that she needed Di. It wasn't exactly how she'd planned her life, and she'd never expected it, but it was practically an unalterable fact now.

The doctor visited early in the morning and expressed surprise at how well she was for a person who'd been shot only a couple of days earlier. She refrained from telling him that, though the wound was 'healing satisfactorily' to him, it still felt like a razor blade ripping into her each time she moved. If the doctor was happy, she should be happy. At least playing ball would get her out of the sterile environment quicker. Even if that was problematic in itself, she still wanted desperately to be out of that place. The hospital stench did nothing for her nerves.

In the afternoon she was surprised when the door opened and Tony Stamp entered. 'Hiya, Sarge.'

'What are you doing here?'

'Ah… Well,' he said, taking a seat, 'I've got an elf in surgery.'

She chuckled. 'What?'

Tony shook his head. 'You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Let's just say,' he went on, crossing his arms, 'that Santa found a new place for the fairy, instead of sticking it on the top of the Christmas tree.'

'You get all the nice jobs, don't you, Tone?' she queried, seeing his hand reach towards the bag of sweets Rebecca had left for her. 'Oi!'

'Just one?'

'Oh, go on then.' Watching him crunch his way through a chocolate éclair, she questioned. 'So what else is going on in Sun Hill?'

'I tell ya, it's Christmas mania out there. Emma got stuck in a lift last night, in that posh department store in the shopping complex?'

'Yeah, I know the one. You get sniffed at by the cleaners.'

'Mmm,' Tony said distastefully. 'That's the one. Anyway, two mad mothers fighting over the last Barbie car… You should've seen Emma's face when she got out of there.'

Smiling, she said, 'You know, I'd almost forgotten it was nearly Christmas.'

'You're the lucky one,' he answered. 'Being stuck in here. You know out there they're putting tinsel on the dogs? There's grown men taking out their Alsatians wrapped in purple sparkly stuff!'

'You're sounding grouchy,' she commented.

He smiled. 'A fella has to have his standards.'

'Or he can't be picky,' she replied with a grin.

Acquiescing with a shrug, he said, 'You know, it was a mean trick getting yourself stuck in here. You're missing all the fun.'

'You just said I was lucky!'

His lips twitched. 'Well, it's lucky for you.'

'How long's your elf in surgery?' she asked.

'Not long enough. It's a simple, but delicate, procedure apparently. I should probably get back there actually.'

When he stood, she queried, 'What exactly did the elf do to warrant an arrest?'

Tony let out his breath in a half laugh. 'He fought back against Santa.'

Nikki smiled. 'Thanks for dropping in. Could you do me a favour?' she added quickly.

'Yeah, sure. What?'

'If you see Diane Noble, tell her I've run out of stuff to read.'

He nodded. 'No problem, Sarge.' Nicking another chocolate éclair, he popped it into his mouth. 'See ya.'

* * *

When the door opened she automatically thought it was Diane; Doug at a stretch. But it wasn't, and she felt the smile slip from her face. 'What are you doing here?'

Liz shrugged as she sat down. 'Heard you'd been shot.'

'And you came to offer your sympathy?' Nikki queried, barely containing her sarcasm.

'Something like that. I tell you,' Liz said after a short pause, 'that son of mine has one hell of an imagination in him.'

'So that's why you're here,' she realised aloud. Her trepidation increased; somehow one thing she hadn't considered was facing her old friend with the revelation of her relationship with Diane. From the look on Liz's face she would've done well to prepare for this moment. 'Well, it's nothing to do with you.'

'If it affects Liam it's something to do with me,' answered the brunette icily. 'You any idea what that lad's going through?'

She bit her tongue against the urge to mention some of Liz's own problems. 'I realise he's upset.'

'Upset?' Liz repeated with a snort. 'That's a start. Seeing something like that, you know what that does to a kid?'

'This really isn't any of your business,' Nikki answered as calmly as she could. Liz had the capacity to make her feel completely unbalanced, it was a prolonged side-effect of the guilt she felt over what had happened she supposed.

'It was her you showed up with wasn't it?'

'Leave it. Please.'

She should've guessed her discomfort would only make Liz more determined to plague her. 'Oh, am I upsetting you?'

'What do you want?' she asked finally.

Liz didn't reply immediately. Instead, she rummaged in the bag of sweets nearby. 'You eaten all the éclairs?'

Nikki rolled her eyes. 'Why don't you just go?'

'I'm not done with you yet,' Liz answered, settling on a wine gum. 'So, you're sleeping with a woman, eh?'

She refused to look at her. She wasn't going to discuss this, not with Liz. She couldn't even talk to Doug about it at the moment.

'Just wanted to get something straight, Nikki,' went on the brunette after eventually swallowing her wine gum. 'If you pardon the phrase. I mean, is this how it is? You come into my place, what is it eleven years ago now? You take my husband, you take my kids, you basically ruin my life, and now you've cheated on your darling husband with a woman?'

Still she remained silent.

Liz let out a snort. 'It'd actually be funny if it wasn't so pathetic. I don't know whether to laugh half the time. Put Doug in his place didn't it?'

'You don't know anything about me and Doug,' she said quietly.

'I know he kicked you out.'

Nikki shook her head and looked up. 'Is that what Liam told you? Well, he's wrong. I was staying with my sister for a few days- my choice. Then, unfortunately, I ended up in here.'

'Unfortunately. Yeah.'

'Oh, look, I know you hate my guts,' she said, beginning to lose her calm. 'I don't blame you. But if you just want to gloat, do it elsewhere.'

Liz was silent for a while. Then she stood and walked to the window. 'All you had… And you ruin it. For what? I hear you're in love with her.'

'I'm not talking to you about this.'

'You don't think you owe me something?' Liz queried, angrily turning back. 'You just wreck everything you touch!'

'No. I'm sorry for what happened with you and Doug but you can't blame me for everything. I didn't force you onto that roof, Liz! You talk about what I've done to Liam! You threatened to kill yourself right in front of him, and he even thought it was his fault. He still does! I'm not perfect, but don't pretend you are either.'

The expression on Liz's face was quite concerning as she started forward. Then she stopped as the doors opened and a certain constable entered with a stack of magazines. 'What the hell do you think you're doing?'

Liz was halted but her eyes were still burning. 'Oh, just look who it is!'

Diane pursed her lips and dropped the magazines onto the bottom of the bed. 'If you've got something to say to me, say it then get out.'

It seemed Liz had lost her venom. She just shook her head then made to leave, glancing back at the door. 'Just think about it, eh, Nikki?'

'Get out,' Diane muttered, pulling the door open and edging her out. Then she came to stand beside the bed. 'Are you alright?'

Nikki nodded. 'I'm fine. She just came to stick her oar in, that's all.'

'You sure?'

'Honestly. She's all talk.'

Diane seemed a little unconvinced but nevertheless she took a seat. 'So what did she have to say for herself?'

'Well, it was nothing I didn't already have on my mind,' she admitted with a strained smile.

'Anything you wanna talk about?'

'No.' After a moment, she looked up to her lover. 'I don't want to lie to you.'

'Then don't,' Diane said with a shrug. 'I can take it.'

'It's not what you think,' she said, reaching for her hand. 'I haven't changed my mind or anything. I just…' She sighed. 'You know, things were clearer before.'

'When you had the family, and you had me separate.'

'Yeah. I knew what I was doing then. I haven't got a clue now.'

'Nikki,' Diane said hesitantly when there was a pause, 'I don't think you trust me much, whatever you say. I let you down really badly, and you don't forget something like that overnight.'

'No,' she objected. 'I trust you.'

'What I did…' Diane retorted. 'It was past malicious. I shouldn't have gone to Doug. I was angry and I was stupid.'

'Yes,' Nikki agreed. 'But you did what I couldn't. I mean, when I was telling him, when Liam was missing, I wasn't going to tell him it was you. I couldn't…'

'It doesn't matter now though. It's done. But I need you to believe that I'm sorry for what I did. I'm not going to lie to you like that again.'

She nodded slowly. 'And I don't think I can lie to you.'

Diane's lips twitched. 'That could make life interesting.'

Laughing, Nikki squeezed her hand. 'Oh, I love you.'

If she wasn't mistaken, Diane blushed a little before she kissed her. 'Then it'll be okay. Somehow.'

'You sure about that?'

'I'm never wrong.'

Nikki raised an eyebrow. 'Is that right?'

'Well, let's just say I'm always spot on when it comes to you.'


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: I'm not being extra-nice or anything. I just have to visit the family over the weekend and didn't want you having to wait until next week!

* * *

_I tell myself that I can't hold out forever,_

_I say there is no reason for my fear._

_Cos I feel so secure when we're together,_

_You give my life direction, you make everything so clear._

'Heard they were discharging you.'

Glancing over her shoulder, Nikki smiled at the Inspector standing by the curtain watching her pack her bag. 'Hiya. What you doing here?'

'Oh, I'm getting a witness statement from an assault victim. Her boyfriend dropped her off outside the supermarket then turned the car round and tried to run her over. He claims he didn't see her, ignoring the fact that he swerved to miss five other pedestrians beforehand.'

'So what did she do?' Nikki questioned as she reached to collect her hairbrush from the cabinet. 'Decide she was getting beef for tea instead of lamb?'

'You know, neither of them are saying. Which leads me to believe it was something as batty as that.' Gina shook her head. 'How are you feeling?'

'Well, they're letting me go so…'

'Much better for not being stuck in here?'

'Yeah, something like that. It can drive you mad here,' she added.

'I know. I take it,' Gina continued after a moment, 'that you're going home with Doug?'

Nikki glanced at her. 'Why do you say that?'

'Well, Diane didn't ask for any time off and I am a copper…'

'I'm going home with him, yeah,' she admitted with a shrug. 'But it's not like you think.'

'It's none of my business what it's like,' Gina answered, sitting on the end of the bed. 'So long as you're happy.'

'I wouldn't go quite that far,' Nikki said, leaving her packing and sitting beside the Inspector. 'I need to spend Christmas with the girls, can't imagine not being there but… I'm not walking back into a ready-made family. I wouldn't kid myself I could even if I wanted to.'

'And that's not what you want then?' Gina questioned carefully.

'I don't know what I want. I mean, I love the kids and of course I want them to be happy but too much has gone on for me and Doug to just forget it. I know I couldn't.'

'Especially not working with Diane everyday, hmm?'

'Well, if me and Doug did sort it out I'd have to transfer. He wouldn't want me staying at Sun Hill, can't say I blame him.'

'So am I to deduce,' Gina said finally, 'that you've come to some sort of decision?'

Nikki sighed. 'Sounds like it, doesn't it? But I don't know.'

The door opened suddenly and Doug entered apprehensively. 'Hi.'

Gina immediately stood. 'I was just leaving.'

'Oh, don't go on my account.'

'No, I've got a rather irritating bloke to interview. For the second time today, I might add.'

Doug smiled. 'Good luck.'

'Yeah, I'll need it,' Gina replied. 'You rest up, alright, Nikki?'

'Yes, Ma'am,' she said.

When she'd gone, Doug nodded to the half-packed bag on the bed. 'Nearly ready?'

'Almost,' she answered, going over to finish tidying her things away. It was with a degree of self-consciousness that she packed the half-eaten box of luxury chocolates into the bag- they'd been a present from Diane the previous day. She got the feeling that Doug knew the source of her discomfort, even if he didn't draw attention it to. 'Thanks for picking me up,' she said eventually to diffuse some tension.

'My pleasure.'

Yes, and it had nothing to do with making sure she got there without getting sidetracked, of course. 'Still, it was nice of you.'

'Well, I am your husband.'

Yes. He was.

* * *

Luckily, that husband of hers was still something of a gentleman. He'd set her up in the bedroom, purposefully cleaned it and he made a point of telling her that he'd already sorted out his blankets for the sofa. That she was very grateful for. The last thing she wanted at the moment was to have to gently rebuke his idea of slipping straight back into married life. She had Diane to think of now.

On that note, when he'd left her alone in the bedroom, she went to her jewellery box on the dressing table and located the charm bracelet Diane had given her what seemed like an age ago. She'd missed it in the last few days and looking at it now reminded her of the someone she wished she was with. Keeping that in mind was probably going to be prudent over the next couple of days, with everything up in the air.

When she heard the front door open and close she went out onto the landing. She was fairly certain she knew who this was going to be and, sure enough, it was Liam who appeared at the top of the staircase. He saw her then focused on his shoes. 'Alright?'

'Yep,' she said tentatively. 'You?'

He nodded unconvincingly. 'Yeah. Sorry,' he added after a second. 'Sorry I didn't come to see you in the hospital or anything. Mum said I… It doesn't matter.'

When he made to move past her quickly, she reached out and stopped him. 'Liam? Come on.'

Looking back to her reluctantly, he answered, 'I think she's losing it again. That's why I couldn't stay there anymore.'

'Because of me?' she asked quietly.

'Yeah,' he said with a shrug. He paused then glanced up. 'Are you back for good?'

She sincerely wanted to answer in the affirmative at that moment; seeing the hope in his eyes was almost too much. 'We'll see,' she said finally. 'Okay?'

He nodded slowly. Then he asked, 'Have you got a hole where the bullet went in?'

* * *

Most of that evening was spent curled up on the sofa with the girls surgically attached to her hips and Doug stealing glances at her from across the room. He'd cooked a nice meal, the girls had come home and they'd managed to sit down as a family, even Andy had stuck around for the food for once. Afterwards he'd left and Liam had disappeared up to his room but the pleasant mood carried on. It was worrying; she knew how easy it might be to get sucked back into this.

After putting the girls to bed she retreated to the bedroom. She didn't feel much like being alone with Doug and, besides, she was starting to feel fatigue catching up with her. It was all well and good wanting to get out of hospital but she did have the feeling she wasn't quite as up to it as she'd claimed to everybody.

There was a knock on the door soon after she'd undressed and when she called, 'Come in,' it was Doug who entered. His appearance made her a little bit nervous, not that she'd dare show him that.

'You erm…' He held up her mobile. 'You left this downstairs. It beeped, I think you got a text or something.'

'Right,' she said, taking it and dropping it straight down on the bed. There was no way she was going to read it while he was standing there. 'Anything else?'

He shook his head. 'Not really.' When he turned to leave, he got as far as the door before he looked back to her. 'It's good to have you back, you know?'

'Oh, Doug, don't,' she murmured uncomfortably, sitting down on the bed. 'Please. It's bad enough the kids…'

'What,' he interrupted, 'wanting you home? I won't apologise for it anymore than they will. And you know something, Nikki? You can't hide it from me. I saw how happy you were down there tonight.'

'I wouldn't dispute that,' she said softly. 'But it's not that simple.'

'It could be,' he answered. 'Goodnight, Nikki.'

For a few moments she looked at the closed door then, shaking herself, she picked up her phone. Diane, of course.

_I'd call but I don't want to interrupt. Hope it's going ok x_

With a smile, she hit the call button. Two rings and Diane answered. 'Hello, stranger.'

'It's been a day,' she objected mildly, settling her back up against the pillows and stretching her feet out on the bed.

'Well, it felt like longer,' Diane replied. 'You alright?'

'Mostly. Really tired actually.'

'Getting shot'll do that to you.'

'Thanks for the tip.'

'Let me guess, you'll keep it in mind for the future?'

'How'd you know?'

Diane laughed slightly. 'Call it intuition. How are the kids?'

'Chirpy,' she said honestly. 'They're glad to see me.'

'And you're glad to see them. It's okay, you know.'

She smiled half-heartedly. 'I know. It's awkward though.'

'Any idea when you'll be able to get away?' Diane questioned.

'Soon, I hope.'

'Well, don't push it. Just…'

'It'll be fine,' she interrupted. 'I want to see you.'

* * *

Three days and she still hadn't managed to communicate with Diane in more than snatched conversations just before bed. It was beginning to get on her nerves. Doug probably wasn't watching her every move: it just felt like it. What was she supposed to do? She wanted to see Diane but she didn't want to risk messing things up this close to Christmas. The problem was, she'd been reintegrated back into the family so quickly that she couldn't imagine not spending Christmas with them. And that was also something she needed to discuss with Diane, if she could get out of the house for five minutes.

Thursday was Diane's day off; the kids were at school and Doug was at work. She was determined not to let the opportunity pass her by so she was out of the door the second the house was empty.

Diane, it seemed, had been expecting her. She opened the door with a wide smile and went to make coffee. Alone in the living room, Nikki finally relaxed for the first time in days. Home was fantastic, but it was so oppressive. She was still keeping up appearances there: she couldn't relax around Doug for fear of saying something that he wouldn't like. Perhaps she'd mention the fact that after Christmas she wanted to seriously talk to him about living arrangements and the like; or she'd accidentally mention Diane and that'd be it- illusion that they were partaking in would come crashing down around their ears.

'Here,' Diane said, returning and handing her a mug of coffee. Sitting down next to her, she questioned, 'How's the war wound?'

'Healing. Apparently. I had a check-up yesterday,' she elaborated. 'I'm doing very well.'

'For a woman who got herself shot.'

'Am I ever going to hear the end of it?'

'No,' Diane answered with a grin. 'Seriously, everything alright?'

'Well, you asked about the wound, not everything else,' Nikki reminded her with a sideways glance.

Diane leaned forward and placed her coffee on the table. Settling back on the sofa, she asked, 'What's up?'

'I don't know,' she admitted, putting down her own mug. 'I suppose I just feel trapped, that's all. I mean, I expected to but…'

'You don't want to leave,' her lover concluded for her.

'Part of me doesn't,' Nikki answered, lifting up her hand and caressing Diane's cheek. 'But the rest of me just wants to be here.'

Letting out her breath slowly, Diane smiled. 'That's not what I thought you'd say. What time do you have to be back?'

'Four.'

'You realise that's a good six hours?'

'Why do you think I got here so early?'

* * *

The day had been near perfect. There was something that happened when she and Diane got together, especially now she could relax completely in her company. Time flew, unfortunately, but at least the long kisses and the jokes had equipped her for another few days without contact. They'd gotten around to discussing Christmas as well. Diane, when the rota had been issued, had worked visiting Robert into it. It meant she'd be away for Christmas Day and she'd been willing to face the irritation of her son to alter it; but Nikki had persuaded her to go. After all, Christmas was for the kids and it wasn't as though they could spend the day together anyway. Things were much too complicated for that.

She'd left Diane's flat feeling more certain of her emotions towards the constable but unsure of how to act at home. She still had no tangible idea how things would work with her and Diane in the future- the kids, living arrangements, all those sorts of things were unspoken between them- but she knew that wanting to be with Diane was an unalterable sign that she couldn't stay with Doug, however much persuasion he and the kids attempted. The problem with the kids was that they didn't realise their father was using them to an extent. Well, perhaps Liam did but Daisy and Rebecca had no inkling what was going on and that infuriated her a little bit. She knew she'd seriously hurt him, but she almost hated him for using the girls against her like that. It was a bit below the belt. Still, she had to keep the peace over Christmas. It was going to be the last one they spent together as a proper family and she wanted to make the most of it.

Yet returning home was almost enough to dampen her spirits. Everything seemed much clearer when she wasn't surrounded by the remnants of her marriage.

The girls were bouncing around all over the place most of the night, due in no small part to the fact that they finished school for the holidays the next day. It was both pleasant and exasperating in one, and it made trying to cook and catch a little bit of peace an impossibility- but she wouldn't complain. When Doug returned he took a bit of charge, promising that Christmas would be cancelled if they didn't stop trying to swing from the banisters like Tarzan.

'Were they this bad last year?' he questioned, coming into the kitchen.

'I think I blotted it out,' she said, stirring the stew in the pan before her. 'I thought you did that every year.'

'Maybe I do make it more idyllic than it was,' he admitted. 'That smells nice.'

'It nearly ended up on the floor a while back when those darling girls of yours decided to throw a tennis ball around in here.'

Doug had never been any good at hiding his amusement. 'Right.'

'Oi,' she said, swatting him with a tea towel. 'If you're just gonna stand there and laugh…'

'No, no. It's… terrible.'

'Doug,' she said warningly.

Recognising the tone, he made more of an effort and cleared his throat. 'Sorry.' Going to the sink, he rinsed a glass then got himself a drink. 'Were you alright today? Being on your own here and everything?'

'I'm a big girl,' she answered, tasting the stew. 'Few more minutes. You couldn't round up the troops could you?'

'Yeah, sure,' he said, not moving. 'I called earlier; about lunchtime. Just to see how you were. You didn't answer.'

'I didn't hear it,' she lied smoothly. 'Mind you, I did take a long bath around then so…'

'Right, of course.'

She felt him watching her for a few seconds and felt her discomfort increase. But, still… she didn't want to start sharing the truth with him right now. After Christmas: that was what she'd decided. 'Doug- the kids?'

'Sorry, I'm doing it,' he said, finally shifting. Her smile remained pasted on only until he had left the kitchen then she let it fade. She knew she could only keep this up for so long.

* * *

The next day was a Friday. For a split-second when she awoke she smiled; because she knew what Fridays usually entailed. Then she opened her eyes and saw the trickle of light through the gap in the curtains and sighed as she realised just how much everything had changed in the space of a few months. She wouldn't be seeing Diane tonight. Things had altered- Liam was staying away from his mum's thanks to Liz constantly discussing the situation, and Doug definitely wouldn't be going out. It was annoying; what she needed was to spend time away from him because being near him at the moment usually meant more prickling of her conscience. That was the last thing she needed.

But she didn't kid herself she was actually going to be able to get out of the house, not until Liam stormed out about eight after an argument with Liz over the phone about his no-show. Doug grabbed his coat and went to follow him and as he left Nikki suggested that when he caught up with him they should go for a walk or something. It wouldn't do Liam any harm to have his dad alone for a while and, she told herself quietly, it would give her some too.

When Doug was safely gone she was quickly away. Reaching Diane's block, however, she was surprised to see the constable showing a man out of the building, hugging him then watching him off down the street. From her vantage point in the shadows across the road, Nikki slumped back against the wall, feeling suddenly nauseous. There had been obvious familiarity there and he'd even been in the flat! How stupid had she really been here?

With the sense of stupidity gnawing at her stomach, she slowly turned and walked back to her car. The drive home was a bit of a blur, she was on auto-pilot and it was fortunate the roads weren't as busy as they probably should've been. When she got back to the house she stayed in the car for a while- not certain what to do- until her mobile beeped. Diane.

_Any chance of a repeat of yesterday in the near future?_

Deleting the message straight away, she eventually left the car and went into the house. Thankfully, Doug and Liam were nowhere to be found: she didn't particularly want to face questions about why she'd left the house. She didn't want to talk to anyone really. With that in mind, she went upstairs and slipped into bed, not intending to sleep but she needed to just think. She seemed to have a lot of that to do.

So, only a week after they'd discussed trust and how little of an issue it was between them, Diane had invited some bloke round to her flat. On a Friday night no less! That was their time. She couldn't believe that, after everything, Diane would just… No. Maybe there was a rational explanation, maybe she was just being paranoid. Or, perhaps, she thought, referring to Gina's words, this was just Diane Noble being Diane Noble. This was what she'd expected! This was why she'd tried to steer clear of her in the first damn place.

The door opened a crack and Doug's voice floated through the gap, 'Nikki?'

'I was just tired,' she said softly. 'I didn't think I could wait up. Is Liam alright?'

'Yeah, he'll be fine. Are you sure you're alright?'

'Course,' she answered, aware of how unsteady her voice was.

'Well, you know where I am,' he said finally.

* * *

Less than a week until Christmas and the world was now apparently gripped in some sort of madness. On Saturday she'd taken the girls into town so they could get their presents and found herself crushed within a crowd worthy of the football stands. What was it about Christmas that forced everyone to come out of their houses at precisely three o'clock on a Saturday afternoon? It was damn infuriating, whatever it was.

As hard as she tried to prevent it, she still occasionally found her mind drifting to Diane and the scene she'd witnessed the previous evening. If she had her way she'd forget it ever happened; forget the last six months had ever happened. And she could, a little voice whispered in her ear: it'd be as easy as anything. If she just went home and talked to Doug then…

No, what a lousy idea that was. As angry as she was at Diane she couldn't just turn off her feelings. She'd done that far too much in the past and it had just led to a bucket load of trouble. So what was the alternative? Talk to Diane about it? She wasn't sure she could, if she was honest.

Her head had migrated back to the clouds that evening when Doug sat beside her on the sofa. 'Now are you going to tell me why you're so quiet?'

'Hmm?' Glancing to him, she found him a little too close for comfort. 'Doug, I'm fine.'

'No, you haven't been fine since me and Liam got back last night. Did something happen while we were out?'

She exhaled. 'Honestly, it's just everything catching up with me, that's all.'

As her mobile began vibrating on the table, Doug's lips thinned. 'Everything or everyone? Go on, answer it.'

'It's alright.'

'I said answer it.'

Trapped by the venom within his voice, she grabbed the mobile and left the room. 'Hello?'

'Hi,' Diane replied. 'Just me.'

'Right.' Moving into the kitchen, she closed the door behind her. 'What do you want?'

'I was checking how you were. You haven't answered my texts, I wanted to see if you were okay.'

'I'm fine,' Nikki said shortly.

'You don't sound it.'

'And you'd know, would you?' she asked icily.

There was a pause. 'Nikki, what's going on? And don't say nothing, because I'm not an idiot.'

'I can't talk at the moment,' she said eventually.

'So there's something to talk about then?'

'No. Yes. I don't know, okay? Just… I have to go,' she concluded lamely. 'I'll call you.'

Diane audibly sighed. 'Alright, fine. I'll be waiting.'

Ending the call, she placed the phone down onto the kitchen table and dropped into a chair. A few moments later the door opened tentatively and Doug came in. 'Hiya.'

She looked up at him and tried to smile. 'Hi.'

'What's wrong, hmm?' He sat down opposite her. 'You can tell me.'

'No,' she said.

'So it was her then,' he said, letting his breath out heavily. For a couple of seconds he just seemed to struggle with what he wanted to say, probably battling with his own ideas about what he should say. Finally, he said, 'I'm trying, Nikki. I really am. I haven't done this before; I don't know what I'm supposed to be saying or doing. I'm lost.'

'I know you are,' she said quietly.

'I know you went to see her yesterday,' he went on. 'I was going to ignore it but… I don't think I can.'

Rubbing her eyes as a measure against the tears threatening to make an appearance, she sighed. 'What do you want me to say?'

'What do I want?' he repeated slowly. 'Well, I'd like you back for starters. Your body's here but…'

'I'm here, Doug,' she interrupted. 'All of me.'

'So what does that mean, Nikki? You're back for good, you want to try and sort it out?'

A massive part of her considered saying yes. She could forget Diane, transfer away and forget the lies and the pain and everything would just get back to normal. But a more rational part of her said to hold off. 'I don't know what I want.'

Doug nodded painfully. 'I wish you did.'

Hesitantly, she reached for his hand. The look on his face was cutting into her, she just wanted to clear it, make it all better. 'Me too,' she said with a shrug.

'I love you, you do know that?'

'Yeah,' she said quietly. 'I know.'

* * *

Doug seemed to know what he was doing. He wanted a decision, he wanted some kind of finality. On Sunday afternoon he took the kids out, knowing full well that she wouldn't stay in the house alone. She didn't, she couldn't leave it any longer. Over the last couple of days her mind had been turning things over constantly and she'd come to one conclusion- she needed to sort this out and she needed truth. So she arranged to meet Diane in the pub. If they met in the flat it would lead to just one thing, and she wanted her head unclouded for this. It was potentially going to decide the rest of her life for her.

Diane was waiting when she got there, having already bought the drinks. Nikki took a seat then reluctantly looked up into her lover's eyes. Diane smiled. 'Am I glad to see you. Thought you'd gone off me or something.'

She attempted a smile of her own. 'No.'

'But there's something up,' Diane said diligently. 'You might as well tell me.' After a second, she queried, 'Has something happened with you and Doug?'

Nikki instantly glanced at her face, surprised to see poorly-masked concern there. 'You're really asking me that?'

'You're living in the same house as him, Nikki. It's a… Well, it's reasonable.'

She shook her head. 'I haven't slept with him, if that's what you're implying.'

Diane was quiet for a moment. 'I don't suppose I've got any right to be asking you that anyway.'

'And why's that?' she questioned softly.

'Well, I wouldn't exactly blame you if you did.'

'So it wouldn't just be giving you an excuse then?'

She seemed genuinely uncomprehending. 'What?'

Suddenly feeling extremely self-conscious, Nikki concentrated on the glass in her hand. 'I came round to your place Friday night when Doug and Liam went out.'

To her supreme irritation, Diane stifled a bout of laugher. 'Oh, you're kidding me! You think that I..? That was my cousin! Alex; I told you about him.'

Though a blush was beginning to creep onto her cheeks, she still didn't feel certain. She couldn't look up. 'You seemed close.'

'Well, we're alright. Oi, look at me,' Diane insisted, drawing her eyes upwards. 'It was my cousin. I've got photos at home if you need me to prove it.'

Nikki shook her head then sighed. 'I'm sorry.'

After a moment, Diane suggested, 'Come back to mine. I think we need to talk.'

Acquiescing, she finished her drink and then drove them both to Diane's. Once inside, she began feeling really idiotic but… Well, it had felt like a rational conclusion in her head. Maybe that was the problem.

Diane came in with two coffees, set them down on the table then sat beside her. 'So I'm guessing you don't trust me as much as you say you do.'

She let out her breath and forced herself to look into the green eyes currently examining her. 'I thought I was fine. I think… I just let my mind run away with me, that's all.'

'Can I ask you something?' Diane said a few seconds later.

'Course,' she replied, wondering where this was going.

'Nikki… Friday was two days ago and you've been in that house thinking that I've been seeing some bloke. I mean, did you..?'

'No,' she said instantly, reaching for Diane's hand. 'I told you.'

'Ah, but did you think about it?' Diane queried with a knowledgeable glint in her eye.

She didn't speak for a time, instead she ran her thumb back and forth over the palm of her lover's hand, enjoying the way it calmed her. Then she looked up and said, with complete sincerity, 'I thought about making my life easier, yeah. Doug was charming, persuasive and the kids were… being themselves. Half of me wanted to do it. But I didn't.'

'You know,' Diane went on after a pause, 'it's something I think about. I was thinking about it before, when he didn't know. I mean, I believed you when you said you'd stopped sleeping with him but part of me still wondered a bit. But now you're in that house and… I keep thinking; what would it take? A couple of drinks? Just a good night with the kids?'

Nikki shook her head. 'I wouldn't do that to you.'

'But you thought I would?'

'Yeah,' she admitted. 'I did. And I'm sorry for that.'

'You wanna know something, Nikki?' Diane asked finally, pulling her hand away and picking up her coffee. 'I never wanted any of this. I was happy with where my life was going. Then… this happens and everything's different all of a sudden. Nothing I can do about it, I just have to go along with it.' After taking a sip of her drink, Diane continued, 'I love you; there's nothing I can do about that either. And I need you to trust me, because I can't stand the idea of me mucking this up like I've done everything else in my life. But you can't trust me because I've already messed it up, haven't I? Because I'm a stupid cow.'

'No, you're not,' Nikki said quietly.

'What you think,' Diane carried on, 'is that if I went after you when you were still married then there's a chance that I'd just betray you. That's it, isn't it?'

She shrugged. 'Can't say it hadn't crossed my mind.'

'Well, it's crap. I couldn't do that to you.'

'Me neither.'

'So I'm stuck with you then?' Diane asked, sipping her coffee again then placing it back down on the table.

'Looks like.'

Her lover nodded. 'I can be as honest as you like, Nikki, but it won't mean anything if you can't believe me anyway.'

'Listen,' Nikki said, shifting sideways and resting her head against the sofa so she could watch Diane, 'I've been an idiot. I think I knew that deep down, because otherwise I'd have…'

'Jumped back into bed with your husband?'

'Yeah. Something like that.'

Diane sighed then shook her head with a small laugh. 'We're a right pair.'

She couldn't help but agree. 'Yep.'

* * *

Having lost track of time at Diane's place, it was fairly late when she returned home. The girls would already be fast asleep in bed, she knew that when she opened the door. But Doug, as she'd expected, was waiting for her with a glass in his hand in the living room.

She sat down in the chair. 'Did you have a nice afternoon?'

He nodded. 'The girls got you a present. But they swore me to secrecy so…'

'Best not ruin it then,' she said carefully.

'Mmm. What about you, are you okay?'

'I'm fine. Bit tired.'

'I was thinking today,' he said eventually. 'About Rebecca's first birthday. Remember it?'

'Course I do,' she answered with a small smile. 'It's not every day you dress up as the Easter Bunny is it?'

'Yeah, that was the one,' he replied shortly. 'I looked like an idiot. We were happy, Nikki. That year; all the ones after it.'

'I know we were.'

'I don't understand,' he said after a long pause, 'how you can just ruin their lives. Because that's what you'll be doing. Kids need both parents around.'

'Like the boys needed you?' she questioned quietly.

He glanced over. 'That was different.'

'Was it?' she asked.

'I didn't shack up with another man did I?'

'No,' she conceded. 'But I'm not shacking up with Diane either. I'm going to bed,' she announced, standing. As she passed him, she was surprised when he grasped her arm. 'What?'

'I've said I'll forgive you. I'll forget it. Nikki, just think. You can't hurt them, you can't do this to them. I know that. I know you.'

Wrenching her hand out of his grip, she immediately holed herself up in the bedroom and sent a message to Diane: _After Christmas I need to get out of here. Help me?_

Five minutes later she got a reply that brought a brief smile to her face: _Help?! I'll be there with bloody bells on. Get some sleep, eh? x _


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: This chapter probably contains my favourite scene! Because I'm that sad and get attached to my stories... But hey-ho!

* * *

_And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight,_

_You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night._

_And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might…_

Two days till Christmas and she was already pining for the New Year. That felt terrible, especially considering precisely what was going to happen after the festivities. Yet she could hardly stand Doug looking at her now; he always seemed as if he wanted to start a discussion between them but he could never manage it. That left her walking around on eggshells and, unfortunately, it was starting to come to the attention of the girls. She hated that, and she loathed even more the way Liam appeared about it all: he was watching everything with a cool eye. He was resigned to what was going to happen, more so than Doug by the look of it. If she was sure of anything, it was that he didn't deserve the knowledge that he had. He was also refusing to see Liz because, Nikki presumed, she wouldn't stop talking about what was going on. Liz had always been persistent but the way she was practically torturing Liam with that was past despicable. Any respect Nikki had left for her, especially in regard to the boys, was quickly disappearing. She wanted to talk to Liam, honestly and openly, like the adult he was becoming, and tell him… Well, explain that it wasn't his fault. That's what Liz had failed to do for him. It turned out she was as cowardly as Liz was though, because she couldn't do it. Each time she saw him she just pretended things were hunky-dory; not believing it anymore than he did.

Diane was leaving on Christmas Eve and returning on Boxing Day. With that in mind, Nikki arranged to disappear for the afternoon and evening of the 23rd. Doug knew where she was going- she was aware of that- but he didn't draw attention to it so she didn't either. She was just relieved to get there.

Of course, it had to eventually come to an end, and that was the main problem. She was clock-watching, more now than when Doug had been completely in the dark about where she was. Diane noticed, and actually dealt with it quite well. She also tried to distract her from it constantly, and it almost worked as well. That was why, lounging in a dressing gown of Diane's next to her lover on the sofa, she was finding it increasingly difficult to drag herself away.

'I doubt he'll notice if I am there.'

'Yes, he will,' Nikki objected, shaking her head. 'Or he won't if you go with that attitude.'

'That's me told is it?' Diane questioned with a badly-suppressed smile.

'Should be.'

'You think you know everything, don't you?'

'I'm not half bad, if I do say so myself,' she replied.

'Okay, it's Christmas, so you're getting away with that one.'

Nikki leaned forward and kissed her. 'What was that?'

Diane laughed. 'You heard.'

Once again, her gaze slipped over to the clock on the wall. 'It's getting late. Perhaps I should…'

Her lover grasped for her arm when she began to move. 'Don't.'

'I have to.'

'Stay.'

'Oh, Di, I can't.'

'Why not?' Diane persisted. 'I mean, think about it. The girls'll be in bed by the time you get back and you can get there before they wake up tomorrow. I need to be off sharpish in the morning anyway so it'd work out fine.'

The argument was so tempting yet… 'I don't want to rock the boat.'

'It wasn't exactly the boat I was planning on rocking.'

She found herself smiling. 'You know how to make it difficult, don't you?'

'Come on! It's an irresistible offer.'

'You deflate your ego and I might think about it,' she said jokingly.

Diane answered by way of a long and lingering kiss. 'Stay.'

After a moment, she sighed. 'I'd have to call Doug.'

'Well, he doesn't own you, Nikki.'

'It's not that simple, and you know it.'

'For tonight it's that simple.'

'Face the music tomorrow, is that it?'

Diane shrugged. 'He won't ruin Christmas. The kids, remember?'

That was true enough, and that been part of her justification for coming round today anyway. She was sure he wouldn't deliberately cause a scene in front of the kids, and if she could avoid being alone with him… 'Alright,' she said, standing and going to retrieve her phone from the kitchen. She felt Diane begin to follow her then she evidently changed her mind and went back into the living room. Partly relieved- because she didn't want to talk to her husband with her lover standing right next to her- she closed the door and dialled the home number.

'Hello?'

'Hi, Doug, it's me.'

She almost heard him stiffen, as bizarre a concept as that was. 'Hi. I thought you'd be home by now.'

'Yeah… Look, about that… I was thinking I'd come home in the morning. I mean, the girls are asleep, aren't they?'

'Yes. They're asleep.'

She grimaced at his controlled tone. 'And I'll be back before they wake up.'

'You will?'

'Yep. Course.'

'Fine,' he replied shortly before hanging up.

She looked at the phone for a few seconds before putting it back on the counter. There would be some repercussions when she got back; she knew that. Doug might not bring it up immediately, or even for a couple of days, but it'd tease its way into one of their arguments and it might affect the plans she'd been forming in her head.

Still, worrying was for the morning, wasn't it. Right now, she had…

'Ah-hem.'

The noise drew her gaze towards the doorway and she let out her breath in one quick motion. 'Hello.'

Diane approached her, allowing the steps to reveal just how short the skimpy red nightgown was. 'What are you staring at?'

'Um… I…' She shook her head. 'I'm not sure.'

'I find that hard to believe.'

* * *

She murmured an assent of happiness as Diane swept back her hair and kissed her neck before settling behind her, arm wrapped around her waist. Searching under the covers, Nikki found the hand and kissed it before closing her eyes. 'I think I made the right decision,' she muttered finally with a contented sigh.

Diane laughed richly. 'Course you did.'

'You're very sure of yourself, PC Noble.'

'Why, haven't I got reason to be?'

Before she could answer that there was a loud knocking on the front door of the flat. She groaned. 'If the place is on fire, tell them to go away.'

'Probably someone wanting to borrow a cup of sugar or something,' Diane answered, slipping out of bed. 'I'd leave it but I wouldn't kid myself they'd take the hint.'

'Don't be long,' Nikki answered, burying her head back down into her pillow as Diane pulled the door to.

She vaguely heard the front door open and then, 'How did you get in here?'

'Your front door's broken, didn't you know?'

Sitting up suddenly at the sound of Doug's voice, she half-thought about trying to hide but that would be rather ridiculous considering her clothes were strewn over the living room along with her bag and coat being out there somewhere. She just had to pray…

That didn't work either, as the bedroom door burst open and Doug strode in with Diane angrily on his heels. 'Just what do you think you're doing? Get out!'

'I'm here to collect my wife.'

With just a thin duvet covering her she felt very exposed. The look in his eye was worrying; it was pure anger, the like of which she'd only seen when she confessed Liam's knowledge of her affair. Diane was by the door, seemingly uncertain over what to do.

Doug surveyed her then crossed his arms and said tremulously, 'Come on.'

'She's not going anywhere, Doug,' Diane said quietly.

'You be quiet, you hear me?' He gazed steadily at her. 'Come on.'

Finally, she regained her voice, although it was shaking. 'What are you doing here?'

'Rebecca's not well,' he answered. 'She wants her mum.'

She saw Diane close her eyes briefly at that. For a moment she wondered what was going through her mind then she noticed the distasteful smile glistening on her lover's lips and she got it. 'What's wrong with her?'

'It's a fever.'

'Right.'

Doug seemed to lose his thread as he glanced around the room. He was probably picturing the past few months; and she felt more self-conscious than ever trapped in the bed. She didn't want to move though. Her clothes were scattered all over the flat and…

'Are you happy now?' Doug said eventually, directing his glare at Diane. 'Look! You managed it!'

Diane was most defiant under pressure and this time was no exception. 'Yeah, I did. And you've got no right to come in here and…'

'She's my wife!'

'In name! It takes a lot more than that to make a marriage, Doug, or didn't you know?'

Nikki winced as she watched her husband's fist clench and then unclench. 'Oh, is that what she's told you?'

She inwardly grimaced and tried to catch Diane's eye but the constable was looking directly at Doug. 'You're talking rubbish.'

'Am I?' he questioned with a strangled laugh. 'Am I really? You see, the other day we got fairly close. You know, like a man and wife should do.'

Diane shook her head and smiled grimly. 'I trust her, Doug.'

'Well, you shouldn't!'

'No, I should,' she argued. 'Because I love her and she loves me. So I trust her, it's as simple as that.'

'I thought it was that simple. Turns out it wasn't.'

Nikki was about to remind them that she was still actually in the room when she was suddenly struck by the lack of doubt on Diane's face. If she was in Diane's shoes, if that man hadn't turned out to be her brother and she'd been told by him that something had gone on, would she be able to show that level of faith? She didn't know.

'Look,' Diane said finally. 'I know that you don't wanna accept this but you'll have to at some point. We…'

'Don't say that word like you have the right to,' he interrupted warningly.

'Why are you really here, Doug? Hmm? Rebecca's not ill, is she?'

He snorted. 'You think I'd lie about that? I'm not like you, PC Noble. I can't stand and tell a barefaced lie.'

'Oh, you can't? That's funny, because I don't remember you mentioning the fact that I told you I was sleeping with your wife.'

He stepped forward then gathered himself and took a few paces back. 'I thought you were lying.'

'No. You didn't.'

After a tense moment he moved to the bed and yanked back the covers. 'Get up.'

Diane was between them in an instant. 'Get your hands off her, you hear me?'

Nikki took his hesitation as an opportunity to cover herself up again. 'Doug, please…'

'Please what?' he said, reaching again for the duvet. Diane knocked his arm out of the way.

'Keep the hell away from her, alright?'

'What? You think I've never seen that before?'

Diane's lips thinned. 'You've said your piece. Now get out of my flat.'

'Not without my wife. You see, my daughter is at home crying for her mother. Unlike you, I actually give a damn about my kids.'

Nikki could see that stung her lover and it made her blood boil as well. Doug had no right to talk about Robert. As Diane slumped backwards a little, she questioned, 'So who's watching Rebecca?'

'Andrew,' he replied.

'Really? Right. Only,' she went on after a second, 'you know how he teases her. You wouldn't leave her with him if she was ill.'

He crossed his arms. 'She was asking for you!'

'So why didn't you call me, eh? You knew I'd answer, I wouldn't ignore it when there could be something wrong.'

'I thought you might be… distracted.'

She shook her head. 'Rebecca's fine. You're lying, Doug.'

'No, I'm not.'

'Yes! Yes, you are.' She looked to Diane, who still seemed slightly battered. 'I'd like you to leave now. I'll be home in the morning, just like I said I would be.'

'What, after a nice cosy night here with her? You think I could sit at home and think about you and her… You're my wife!'

'But I'm not! Not really, not anymore. Go home, Doug.'

'Come with me,' he retorted pleadingly. 'This is your last chance. I leave here without you and it's final. Finished.'

'I know,' she said softly.

Without another word he turned on his heel, slamming the front door behind him. Diane sighed and perched on the edge of the bed. 'I'm sorry.'

Nikki shook her head and then shuffled down the bed and wrapped her arm around her lover's waist, resting her chin on her shoulder. 'I'm the one who should be apologising.'

'No, I persuaded you…'

'It didn't take much,' she countered, bringing her hand up to Diane's cheek and running her finger down it before turning her face and looking into her eyes. 'Still glad I stayed?'

Diane smiled. 'What do you think?'

Kissing her, Nikki then exhaled. 'You're getting out of London, you're the lucky one.'

'Well, depends which way you look at it. Part of me wishes I was staying.'

'Don't listen to him,' she warned. 'He doesn't know what he's talking about.'

'Doesn't he?'

'No,' she insisted, rubbing the back of Diane's neck. 'He doesn't.'

Diane eventually nodded and brought her legs onto the bed as she turned to face her. 'So when I get back, things are gonna be different?'

'Looks like,' she said as steadily as possible.

'Are you okay with that?'

'I think so,' she said honestly. 'I wanna be. Diane?' she added hesitantly. 'Thank you.'

'What for?'

'For trusting me. I thought he might…'

Diane halted her by capturing her lips within her own. 'Not a chance. You're stuck with me now, whether you like it not.'

* * *

It was with a great amount of reluctance that she left Diane's flat the next morning. More than once she thought about putting it off, but not being there before the girls woke would just add more fuel to Doug's fire. Besides, Diane had to be leaving herself.

'I'll call you,' her lover promised as she plonked the bag on the back seat of the car and rested her arm on the door.

'No, I'd better call you,' Nikki answered with an apologetic shrug. 'But send me a text, let me know you got there alright.'

Diane nodded. 'No problem. I'd say good luck but…'

'I think I need a miracle,' she replied.

'Failing that…' Diane kissed her briefly. 'Don't let me come back and find you moving away with your happy family, okay?'

'You're only gone two days!'

'Yeah, I know,' Diane replied, crossing her arms and arching an eyebrow.

* * *

Walking into the house just after eight she found it quiet: no murmured arguments coming from upstairs or even television sounds from the living room. It was only when she went into the kitchen that she realised she wasn't the only person awake. Doug was sat at the kitchen table staring into a coffee cup. He must have heard her entrance but he didn't acknowledge it.

Nikki moved to put the kettle on, before bracing herself and looking back to her husband. 'Kids not up yet?'

'Nope. You're safe,' he said softly.

'Doug, we do need to talk at some point.'

'How about Boxing Day?' he answered, finally looking up with evident bitterness. 'Seems apt, doesn't it?'

She winced at his tone but nodded. 'So as long as it doesn't affect the kids tomorrow. They're the important ones.'

'Now, you know that isn't true, Nikki. You wouldn't be leaving if it was.'

The kettle clicked off and she turned back to it. 'Do you want a coffee?'

'No.'

'Right.' Wracking her brains, she eventually said, 'I can finish the wrapping when the kids go to bed tonight.'

'Yeah, if you want. Don't put yourself out though.'

'Have you got any plans for today?'

After a long pause, he stood and drained his coffee down the sink. 'I just have to return a gift,' he said as he left the kitchen.

Nikki watched him go then tried to pull herself together as she heard noise upstairs. She wasn't going to make the kids feel anything less than perfect, that was her job and she was going to do it. Whatever it took.

* * *

The evening was quite pleasant, under the circumstances. For once, Andy had even deigned to join them, though he did spend most of the night teasing his sisters like crazy. The girls wouldn't have it any other way, however, and Nikki got the distinct feeling that Andy enjoyed family occasions far more than he pretended to sometimes. Doug wasn't the life and soul of the party but he was trying to make the effort, something Nikki was infinitely grateful for. Liam was probably the weakest member of the group, sat on the floor with his head resting against the wall, but then again he was too aware of what was really going on. No matter what she did she wasn't going to make this Christmas a happy one for him, and that was completely her fault. She didn't need Doug to tell her that.

At one point Liam disappeared into the kitchen to get another drink and, leaving Daisy mildly arguing with her eldest brother about fish of all things, Nikki followed him. Closing the door, she asked, 'Are you alright?'

He poured his drink then turned back to her and shrugged. 'What's going on with you and Dad?'

'That's not important now, Liam.'

He sighed. 'Right, so you are splitting up.'

'Let's hold it together over Christmas, eh?' she answered, evading the issue. 'You spoken to your mum about Boxing Day?'

'Yeah. Andy wasn't going to come but… Dad talked him round.'

'It'll be alright. Your mum knows as well as I do that it's not the time for grudges or anything stupid like that.'

Liam snorted. 'You're joking, right?'

After a moment she held out her hand. 'Come on. Your Dad'll want you in there.'

Reluctantly, he nodded and moved forward. 'Nikki?'

'What?'

'I'm sorry. About Greg Clarke and…'

'Oi,' she said, looking him straight in the eye. 'You don't blame yourself for any of this, alright? It is not your fault, whatever you think and whatever people say. Listen to me, Liam, okay?' She pulled him into a hug to prevent him seeing the anger currently resting on her face. She knew exactly where that idea had stemmed from and she currently wanted to give Liz a piece of her mind. Something else which would have to wait.

Liam tried his best, bless him, to put on a happy face. He actually began to make a better job of it than Doug, and the girls seemed completely oblivious to the tension around them. Andy wasn't as blind though, however he wasn't the type to stick his nose in and just kept spirits high.

It took a while to get the girls to settle down, it finally took threats of the tree and all the presents under it disappearing before they agreed to stay in their room. Andy stayed up and had a drink with his Dad in the kitchen while Liam excused himself as soon as possible. Nikki didn't blame him really; sometimes she wished she could just hide in her room until the next couple of months were done with. She didn't need Mystic Meg to predict a fair amount of trouble ahead. But she wasn't going to think about it. Wrapping was proving to be taxing enough.

Plopping the last gift under the tree about an hour later, she was fairly pleased with herself. At least they all looked relatively respectable and, since the paper would be viciously ripped off twelve hours later, it didn't really matter if they weren't absolutely perfect. She went to sit on the sofa and watched the flashing tree lights for a couple of minutes. They were rather hypnotic.

It was only when a glass appeared in front of her eyes that she registered she was no longer alone. Part of her was apprehensive as she looked up at Doug but his face was clear. Taking the glass, she waited until he sat down beside her. 'Merry Christmas.'

He clinked their glasses together. 'Merry Christmas.'

* * *

'That one's mine!'

Having dressed as soon as she heard footsteps thudding down the stairs, Nikki was only a couple of minutes behind the girls but it was seemingly enough time for the living room to be transformed into a bomb site. Doug was slouched in the armchair in his dressing gown watching the battle between his daughters with a small grin. Stepping further into the room, Nikki commanded, 'Give it a rest, you two!'

'But that's mine!' Daisy protested.

'No, there's one identical to that still under there with your name on it, have a look.'

As her daughter scrambled to do so, Nikki looked to Doug. 'Coffee?'

'Please, yeah.'

His demeanour was completely normal, she was quite impressed. Though how long they'd remain amicable when lunchtime drew closer was still up for debate- they'd never managed to serve up the turkey without a disagreement and she doubted this year would be any different.

Taking their coffees back into the living room, she passed him his then made space for herself on the sofa amidst all the remnants of paper and watched the girls unwrapping and then examining their presents. About half an hour later, Liam came down and joined them, though he didn't exactly rush for his presents. He made his own space next to her on the sofa and just sat and watched for a bit. Until, that is, Rebecca began to open one of his presents. Nikki glanced over to Doug and he smiled softly back at her.

* * *

'Take some more sprouts.'

'I don't want anymore,' Daisy answered with a sweet grin.

'You've got one,' her father argued, piling a few more onto her plate much to her dismay. 'That doesn't count.'

'They taste like…'

'Daisy,' Nikki warned quickly, turning from her stirring of the gravy. 'Do as your dad says.'

'I won't eat them.'

'Then you won't get any pudding,' she answered, glancing back as the gravy started bubbling in the pan. 'Ready. Someone pass me that gravy boat please.'

Liam was first off the mark. 'There you go.'

'Cheers. How's that carving coming?'

'Oh, he's playing with it again, like last year,' Andy answered.

'This is an art,' Doug contested, shaking his head as his Santa hat slipped over his eyes. 'Um… A little help here?'

Putting the gravy boat delicately on the table, Nikki went over and lifted it up with a grin. 'You're a right case.'

'Takes one to know one,' he replied baitingly.

'Don't be mean, Dad,' Rebecca put in.

'She was mean to me first!'

'Well, it's only mean if it's wrong, Dad,' Andy said, smiling as his father threw him a glare. 'What?'

* * *

As everyone gathered around the telly mid-afternoon to watch some horrific festive movie, Nikki slipped upstairs. She knew that Diane was going to turn her phone on when dinner was over so when it began ringing she didn't worry about interrupting anything.

'About time,' Diane said by way of answer.

'You think I'd forgotten all about you?' Nikki asked teasingly, making sure the bedroom door was closed firmly behind her.

'Mmm, something like that. Merry Christmas.'

'Merry Christmas,' she replied. 'How's it going?'

'Not as bad as you'd think actually,' Diane said evenly. 'No arguments. Think that's a world first.'

'How's Robert?'

'Well, we're doing okay. What about you?'

'The same. Doug's making the best of it that he can. It's fine.'

'Ah. So you don't miss me at all?'

'I definitely didn't say that. I'm just…' She sighed. 'I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, I suppose.'

'It'll be alright,' Diane answered. 'And I'll be back around eight if you need me, okay?'

'I might take you up on that.'

'I'd be upset if you didn't.'

* * *

'We'll be off then,' Doug said, popping his head round the kitchen door. 'You okay with the washing up?'

'It's nearly done,' she answered, wiping her hands on the tea towel and turning to him. 'Go in with the boys. I don't…'

'Yeah, I will, don't worry,' he answered. 'And we won't be more than an hour at my parents.'

'Well, I'll see you when you get back.'

Hearing the chatter in the hallway evaporate, Nikki let out the breath she'd been holding for what felt like most of the day. She'd done what she set out to though: the girls had enjoyed their day, that was all she'd wanted. At least when things changed now they'd have that memory.

After finishing the washing-up she thought about settling down in the living room but she was a little too on edge to do that. It wasn't as cold outside as had been forecasted so she bundled up, locked the house and set off aimlessly walking.

She was leaning on the railings down by the river when she heard the familiar voice. 'I thought I was the only one who took long walks on Christmas Day.'

Turning, she smiled as Jo Masters approached and rested her own arms on the railings beside her. 'Nope. You're not. Should I wish you a Happy Christmas or am I best not mentioning it?'

'Depends if you wanted chucking in the river or not,' Jo answered with a wide smile.

Nikki laughed and looked back down into the depths of the river. 'I needed to get out of the house. Doug took the kids to their grandparents.'

'And it was the only time you managed to breathe all day?'

'Yeah, how'd you guess?'

'Call it a hunch. You fancy a drink?' Jo questioned suddenly. 'Pub down the road's open. Sitting in there beats standing out here surely.'

'It does have charms, you know,' she answered, falling into step with the detective. 'Can't think of any at the moment though.'

When they were settled in the pub- which was considerably warmer, though it was playing festive music on a loop- Nikki asked, 'Have you been on your own today?'

Jo shook her head. 'Went round to a cousin's for lunch. Two screaming kids and a turkey that wasn't cooked through. I made a quick exit.'

'Shame,' Nikki commented. 'You could've helped referee.'

'Mmm. I miss out on all the fun.' Jo raised her glass. 'Cheers.'

'Cheers.'

'So,' her friend went on after a minute, 'Diane's not spending Christmas in London?'

'No, she's with her son and her ex.'

'It's good that they can spend it together, you know without ripping each other's heads off.'

'Yeah,' Nikki answered wryly. 'Dread to think what next year's gonna be like.'

'You and Doug…' Jo said carefully. 'It is over?'

'Yep,' she admitted. 'My choice. I think he would've forgiven me but…'

'You don't have to explain, not to me. Just so long as you're doing the right thing for you and not…'

'She's not pushing me,' Nikki interrupted. 'This is what I want.'

'Alright. Just make sure it is,' Jo answered. 'How was today then?'

'Not as bad as I thought. It was normal. I didn't want the girls noticing anything but… No, I think we did okay. It's the New Year I'm worried about.'

'Well, far be it from me to stick my nose in but… Are you sure this is what you want? I mean, the last time we spoke you said couldn't forgive her for what she'd done; for lying to you. What changed?'

'I don't know,' she said hesitantly. 'She offered me a way out. She said that if I could just say, to her face, that I didn't feel anything for her, she'd sort it all out. And I couldn't do it so…'

'And you trust her?' questioned Jo. 'Completely?'

'I think so. We're getting there.'

'That's good.'

'You don't look convinced,' Nikki observed, taking a sip of her drink.

'No, I'm…' The detective shrugged. 'Look, I know how she feels about you and I reckon you feel about the same. But none of that means it's gonna be easy.'

'I know that,' she said quietly. 'But, Jo, there was no way I could stay with Doug, stay with the family, when I was lying to everyone, including myself, about how I felt. That wouldn't have made things better. Especially not for the kids.'

'What's happening with them?'

'We haven't discussed it. I'm hoping for joint custody. I don't know if he'll argue or not. At the end of the day, the job gets in the way. Neither of us can cope full-time.'

'And you're okay with not having them permanently? It's a massive change.'

'I'm actually trying not to think about that,' she admitted. 'I'll lose my bottle.'

'Fair enough.' Jo nodded to her empty glass. 'You want another one?'

'No, I should get back. Thanks though.'

'Anytime. Better than walking along the river on my own anyway.'

'Can't argue with that.'

As she walked home Nikki found her mind drifting over some of the points her conversation with Jo had raised. It wasn't anything she didn't already have at the back of her mind, but she'd been keeping it there in order to keep herself calm. If Doug did contest equal custody… Well, joint was going to be bad enough, for both her and the girls. It'd take a lot for the whole thing not to fall apart at the seams, and that was if Doug decided to cooperate. That was an issue: she had no idea whether he would or not. There were two Dougs floating around at the moment- the one who had barged into Diane's bedroom and commanded her home, and the one who had sat silently beside her on Christmas Eve watching the lights twinkle on the Christmas tree. Who knew which one was going to appear when things suddenly got a lot tougher?

When she reached their street she saw the car pulling up outside the house. She didn't rush: there was no point.

The girls jumped out and ran down the street to meet her, showing off the new watches that Doug's parents had bought them. She smiled and guided them back down towards the front garden. Doug opened the front door and let them in before asking, 'Where have you been?'

'I went down to the river for a walk then I met someone from work, went for a drink.' When she saw his face cloud a little, she added, 'You remember Jo Masters? She was escaping the Christmas from hell by the sound of it.'

He nodded. 'Lucky we avoided that, eh?'

'There's no reason why we shouldn't always,' she answered, looking over the threshold as the girls bounded up the stairs. 'Is there?'

'Not at all,' he said, going into the house.

She followed him into the kitchen before asking, 'Were the boys okay?'

Doug turned back to face her. 'Liz was her usual charming self if that's what you're asking. I half didn't want to leave them. Andy said he'd call if there were any problems, he's got his head screwed on so they'll be alright.'

'They'll be fine,' she agreed. 'Your parents okay?'

'They asked about New Year,' he answered with a strained smile. 'I said we didn't know yet.'

'Right. Well, I'd better go up and check those two are actually going to bed and not just messing around.'

'Good luck with that,' he said, in a half attempt at light-heartedness. 'You didn't see them in the car.'

* * *

Nikki watched the kitchen door then, when it opened, hastily averted her eyes. Doug came in, closed the door behind himself then and took a seat opposite her at the table. 'They shouldn't disturb us, they're watching a film in their room.'

She nodded. 'Good.'

'Right.' Doug was silent for a long time. They both were. It needed some courage to begin and Nikki wasn't sure she could muster it. So it was left for Doug to finally break the deadlock. 'When did you make your mind up?'

'I don't know,' she answered with a weak shrug.

'You definitely have though?' There was resignation in his voice, though it was tinged with a little hope.

'It wouldn't work,' she said eventually with extreme difficulty. 'Not anymore.'

'You won't give her up then.'

'I can't.'

'No, you could,' he argued bitterly. 'But you don't want to. You'd rather break up your family, leave the girls crying and wondering what it was they did wrong and me…'

'Doug,' she cut in. 'Please.'

'The truth isn't pleasant, is it?' he replied, shaking his head. 'Yet you're still leaving so…'

'And if I stayed,' she said after a moment, 'we'd be fine, would we? You'd never forgive me, you'd certainly never forget what I've done. You really think that wouldn't affect the kids? We couldn't be happy, you know they'd pick up on it.'

'I could be happy! We both could! Whatever you… Whatever she…'

'I love her,' Nikki said quietly.

He frowned. 'More than you love your kids?'

'Of course not. They're the most important thing in the world to me, you know that.'

'Just more than you love me then.'

Standing, she went over to the window and looked out over the frosting garden. 'I'll always love you, Doug, but…'

'She's brainwashed you!'

'She's changed things, that's all! And it's done, so there's no point raking over it, trying to undo it when it can't be done.'

There was a lengthy silence. 'Where are you going? To her?'

'No, of course not. I was going to rent somewhere, a flat nearby.' She glanced over her shoulder to gauge his reaction as she continued, 'Room enough for the girls as well.'

As she'd expected, he stiffened. 'You're not taking them. You can't even be suggesting it.'

'Girls need their mother.'

'Then you stay here. Simple. They're not going anywhere.'

Sighing, Nikki looked back out of the window. 'You can't keep them from me. You know very well that if I went to court I'd get custody. But I don't want to do that. And they need you as much as they need me.'

'So you're thinking of some sort of joint arrangement then, aren't you?' he questioned, cottoning on to her train of thought.

'It's the sensible way to do it. If we can stay civil, it'll be better for everyone. I don't want to fall out with you, Doug.'

'Weekends,' he said finally. 'You can have them weekends.'

'Well, that's a start,' she answered, turning back to him.

'And it's all you're getting. For now at least. You can't mess up their routine, not have them knowing where they're going, who they're going with. It's going to be bad enough for them as it is. And you can still see them here all the time, as often as you want.'

Nodding, she decided not to press the issue. 'I'll get it sorted out as soon as I can.'

'Don't tell them,' he said softly. 'Not until you know when and where. The less upheaval, the better.'

'I know that.'

Doug stood and approached her. 'I thought I knew you, Nikki. What happened? I can't believe that she just walked in…'

'I fell for someone,' she replied. 'It's not something I'm proud of and it's not something I'd do again if I had the time over but… It happened. I can't change it now.'

'We could still be okay,' he answered. 'If you…'

'No. Please don't.'

Sighing, he turned away from her. 'I suppose you're going out.'

'For a few hours. If you don't mind.'

'We can cope.'

'Doug,' she said, looking back when she reached the door. 'I think you should take the kids to your parents for New Year. They like it there.'

'What about you? You should join us.'

'Yeah. I think I'd like that.'

* * *

'When I said I'd be back at eight I didn't expect to find you sat on my doorstep.'

'Is that you telling me to get lost?'

Diane smiled and passed her the keys to open the front door. 'Like I'd dare.'

Once they were inside and away from the cold, Nikki stuck the kettle on while Diane unpacked her travel bag. Settled at the table with a cup of tea, Nikki asked, 'So it went okay?'

'Mmm. First time for everything. He seemed alright. He's nothing like me, that's why.'

Not fooled, Nikki nodded anyway. 'Well, I'm glad you're back.'

'So what happened?' Diane questioned after a brief pause. 'Do you wanna talk about it or..?'

'I'm going to visit a letting agent tomorrow, get the ball rolling,' she answered.

'That quick, eh?'

'Hanging around won't make it any easier for anyone. Doug knows that.'

'And he's okay with it all, is he?'

Nikki shrugged. 'I don't know,' she said honestly. 'But he's hardly going to talk to me about it.'

'Are you okay?'

She looked up as Diane took her hand and sighed. 'Well, I'm getting there.'


	15. Chapter 15

_And I can't fight this feeling anymore,_

_I've forgotten what I started fighting for._

_It's time to bring this ship into the shore,_

_And throw away the oars forever._

'Happy New Year.'

Nikki glanced sideways at Doug and managed to smile, despite the fact that for the majority of the night she had been tucked safely away in the corner watching the traditional Wright family New Year party. Andy wasn't present- he'd disappeared a couple of days earlier to spend a few weeks with his mates- but the girls seemed to be having a fantastic time; mixing with all the cousins and aunts they never saw at any other time of the year. Liam was less happy: he'd been stood in a different corner for most of the evening, only being coaxed out by the invitation of food around half past ten. She felt guilty watching him, knowing that he was still blaming himself, but she couldn't imagine what to do about it. Liam blamed himself for everything, whether it was anything to do with him or not: it came from watching Liz deteriorate.

'They look like they're having a whale of a time,' Doug commented, nodding towards where Daisy and Rebecca were playing Twister with a few relatives.

'Yeah, they do,' she answered softly, downing her glass of wine.

'Do you want another one?'

'No, Doug, I'm… I'm fine.'

He took her glass. 'You've had a couple anyway.'

'It's a special occasion,' she replied, watching Rebecca fall to the floor with a thunk. 'No balance. Gets that from you.'

'Matter of opinion. She's got your nose, that makes us equally guilty if you want to go down that path.'

She smiled briefly. 'Call it a draw?'

'Well, just because you know I'd win.'

'Dad, come here!' Daisy called loudly.

'I'll see you in a bit,' Doug said, going over to his daughter.

Nikki watched for a few moments then she slipped out of the house into the brisk January night. It was cold, but it didn't bother her too much. She felt more at ease outside than she did in there with every Wright relative under the sun. Waiting until after the festivities of Christmas and New Year before breaking the news had been a joint decision between her and Doug, and it had been the right one, but it was never going to make things easy. She knew the majority of people inside as friends and lying to them was difficult. However, she wouldn't have set foot anywhere near the place had the truth been out, so to speak, and she needed to be here. Be with the kids before… Well, before she wasn't.

'Mum, what you doing out here?' Rebecca had beside her without her noticing. 'It's freezing.'

'It's chilly, that's all. But you're right, we should get back inside. Aren't you tired yet?'

'Course not!'

'No, I didn't think so.'

* * *

'What do you think? Be honest. I mean, he showed me ten places in a row and I might've just had…'

'Nikki,' Diane interrupted, wrapping an arm around her waist. 'Be quiet, would you? It's fine. It's better than fine. Okay?'

Nodding, she let out her breath and looked around the small living room. 'Yep.'

'So what's the plan?' questioned Diane as they returned to the car. 'You telling the kids tonight, tomorrow?'

'Tomorrow, after Doug gets home from work,' she answered, settling into the passenger seat. 'He thinks I should get out as soon as I've done it.'

'Well, that's nice in theory, but it might've escaped your notice that there's nothing in there yet.'

'What do you think Ikea's for?' Nikki queried, glancing sideways at her partner. 'I just need the basics, I can get takeaways until I get a cooker.'

'Or I could just cook for you,' Diane said, throwing her a look that gave her little choice in the matter. 'And I guess that's not all I'll be doing.'

'What makes you say that?'

'You and flat-pack furniture? I think you need supervision.'

'I can cope!' she replied mildly. 'But since you offered…'

'Yeah, yeah. I'm just a glutton for punishment, that's me.'

Nikki watched Diane for a few moments as she navigated the evening traffic. 'Must be.'

* * *

The next afternoon, having managed to push her way through the sales rush at three different furniture stores, Nikki dropped off a couple of long heavy packages at the flat then drove slowly home through the building traffic. Once there, and finding the kids hadn't arrived back yet, she went upstairs and triple-checked the bags she'd packed the previous evening.

Her life had been condensed into a suitcase and two holdalls. There were her clothes, pictures, a couple of items belonging to the kids that Doug wouldn't notice had vanished, and that was it. She supposed that, as time went by, they'd divide everything else. That wasn't for now though, not for the night when she told the girls she was leaving them.

Liam arrived home first. That was a mixed blessing: on the one hand she wanted to talk to him separately, on the other she felt she might upset Doug if she did. But Liam was going to react, whichever way he was told. And being there with his sisters and father might not be best for him. She had to do what was right for him now; she owed him that much at least.

He knew something was going on when she asked him to sit down at the kitchen table. He dropped his bag to the floor and shuffled into the chair, not looking at her for a long time. Finally, he asked, 'You're going, aren't you?'

Nikki nodded. 'Yeah, I am.'

'Today?'

'Yep.'

He was quiet again. 'Why? Is it that bad here? Are we..?'

'No,' she interrupted firmly. 'You're part of the reason I want to stay, Liam. And I wish I could, I really do. But it's not that simple.'

'Because of her.'

'Because of Diane, yeah.'

'Mum says…' Liam trailed off then his face hardened. 'She says it's not natural. She says there's something wrong with you. That you don't get up and… Not after breaking up a…'

While he wiped his eyes on his jumper sleeve, she was silent. Then she said, 'Sorry to say this, Liam, but your mum doesn't half talk a lot of rubbish sometimes.'

He spluttered a laugh through his frown. 'Yeah, she does a bit. I'm not an idiot, Nikki, I know that she hates you anyway so… But you're still walking out!'

She sighed. 'You know what your mum and dad are like now? Fighting all the time, hating the sight of each other? Can you imagine what'd happen if they lived together and still felt that way?'

'You're saying you hate Dad?'

'No, I'm not saying that. Of course I don't hate him. But he does hate what I've done, and he's got every right. If I stayed here, and even if we tried to pretend nothing had happened, then we'd still feel it, Liam. We'd end up arguing, that wouldn't do anybody any good now, would it?'

'It'd be alright if you just stopped seeing her!'

'Even if I did,' she answered with certainty, 'it wouldn't go back to the way it was. It couldn't.'

He scraped back his chair nosily and turned away from her. 'You're gonna live with her, aren't you?'

'No, I'm not. I'm moving round the corner to a flat. And you're welcome there anytime, that's if you want.'

After a couple of moments he looked back. 'What about Daisy and Rebecca? Are you taking them?'

She shook her head. 'They're staying here for now. So I need you to look out for them for me. Can you do that?'

'If I say no will you stay?'

Standing, Nikki approached him and forcibly turned his body back round to face her. 'You listen to me. It doesn't matter where I am, or what's gone on with your dad and me… You need someone to talk to, you call me or you come see me. I mean it, Liam.'

'Why would you want me bothering you all the time?'

'Because you're like my own son,' she said, pulling him into a hug. 'And I love you. That good enough?'

* * *

'Where's Liam?'

Nikki glanced up then looked back into her clasped hands. 'He's upstairs. He says he doesn't want his tea.'

Doug sighed. 'You told him, didn't you?'

'He needed to know. And it's done now so...'

He eventually nodded. 'The girls are in the living room. Do you want me in there?'

'It's up to you,' she answered, standing and steadying herself against the table for a second. Then she braced herself and walked into the living room, feeling Doug on her heels; something which made her feel safer and more nauseous in equal measures. Daisy and Rebecca both seemed to know something was up; they sat forward and stopped talking.

Nikki half-wanted to stand but, as Doug went and crossed his arms in the corner, she recognised she'd be better off sitting; she'd look less intimidating that way. So she perched nervously on the edge of the chair and focused on the girls. Still her voice didn't come.

'Mum, what's going on?' Daisy asked. 'Is something wrong?'

She felt Doug's eyes boring into her and she took a deep and shaky breath before saying, 'You two know how much me and your dad love you, right?'

Rebecca nodded. 'Course. Why?'

'Well…' Uncertain, she hesitated. 'You know how your dad and Liam's mum don't live together anymore? Because if they did they wouldn't be happy?'

'Yeah,' Daisy answered, 'because she needs help. You always said.'

'I did, didn't I?' Nikki sighed and rested her elbows on her knees. 'That isn't the only reason though. They couldn't be near each other without making everybody around them unhappy as well. And they didn't want that.'

Daisy frowned. 'Mum, what are you talking about?'

'Sweetheart, sometimes people just don't… They can't live together anymore. Do you understand that?'

'You're not just talking about Dad and Liz are you?' Rebecca questioned, her voice trembling.

'No, darling, I'm not,' she answered, watching their faces carefully. Rebecca faded back into the sofa.

Daisy, conversely, sat forward. 'What are you saying? That you and Dad can't live together anymore?'

'Yes,' she said with difficulty. 'Yes.'

Rebecca suddenly bolted from the room. Nikki made to stand but Doug beat her to it. 'I'll go.'

Briefly, she met his eye. 'Okay.' She shifted to the sofa and sat next to Daisy. 'Sweetheart, listen to me, alright?'

'Shut up.'

'Don't talk to me like that,' she warned.

'What, or you'll leave? Oh, I'm scared, Mum!' she muttered scathingly, standing up.

Nikki grasped her arm and pulled her back down. 'I said listen! I'm doing what's best for everyone, I need you to know that!'

Her daughter shook her off. 'No, you're not! You can't just walk out!'

'Daisy… Please.'

After a moment when she looked torn between the door and the sofa, she remained motionless… grudgingly. 'Why? Why can't you stay?'

'Because I don't want to hurt anybody, especially not you and your sister.'

'I'm not leaving Dad, you know that?'

'I know you wouldn't do that to him, sweetheart. And I wouldn't ask you to. But I still have to go.'

'Well, you'd better get out then,' Daisy replied, running out of the room.

* * *

Diane had silently allowed her into the flat, poured her a drink and settled beside her on the sofa. They still didn't talk for a long time: Nikki was extremely grateful for that. She needed to think, and it was troublesome enough without trying to talk about it at the same time.

It had gone as expected really. Daisy was headstrong, quite a bit like her mother, and obviously they'd both need time. It had stung to leave them in the house, locked in their bedroom, cut off from her, but Doug's face as he brought down her bags told her it was better like that. He'd look after them, they'd talk when they were ready. She trusted that he wouldn't do what Liz had done, twisting the knife as painfully and as frequently as possible. He'd call, he said. And she knew he would: it was just that every minute she grew more uneasy, wondering whether she'd done the right thing or not.

Diane eventually tentatively placed a hand on her knee. 'Are you okay?'

Nikki glanced sideways and a small smile crept onto her face, in spite of herself. 'Mmm.'

'You sure?'

'It's done,' she said finally, drawing her body closer to her lover's. 'That's what's important.'

Kissing her forehead, Diane questioned, 'Are you hungry? I can…'

'No. I'd just like to stay like this. If you don't mind.'

'Nikki, you don't have to ask.'

* * *

By the weekend she was beginning to get quite concerned. She'd done as Doug requested- left them alone- in the hope that things would calm down and the girls would be able to look at her again. The fact that it wasn't working out like that was difficult for her to accept: she'd trusted Doug not to discredit her but… Well, how could she really know that he hadn't? He didn't want to lose the girls, who knew what lengths he'd go to?

She didn't share her fears with Diane: she didn't need to. She knew what was going on in her head, she practically acknowledged it every time she held her. Diane wouldn't say anything direct, but she would be there. Nikki knew that much, even if she wasn't really certain of anything else.

'This is what I like,' Diane announced, letting out a contented sigh. 'A Saturday with no work and no reason to get out of bed.'

'Mmm,' Nikki murmured, closing her eyes to fully enjoy the sensation of Diane kissing her neck. The warm feeling was interrupted by the buzzing of her phone on the bedside cabinet. Exhaling, she reached for it. 'Hold that thought.'

'Do I have to?'

'You'd better,' she warned, sitting up and answering the phone. 'Hello?'

'Nikki?'

'Liam, is that you?' she questioned, glancing sideways as Diane shuffled hastily into an upright position. 'What's wrong?'

'I need you to come round.'

'What, to your dad's?'

'No, I'm at Mum's,' he answered. 'Please, Nikki. Please.'

'What's going on?'

'She's locked herself in and I…'

'Alright, alright,' she interrupted his growing hysterics. 'I'm coming. You stay put.'

When she'd dropped the phone on the bed and quickly moved to collect her clothes, Diane asked, 'What was that all about?'

She shook her head. 'I wish I knew. I need to get round there though.'

Diane slipped out of bed too. 'Well, I'm coming with you.'

Secretly, she was relieved. 'Okay.'

* * *

Pulling up outside Liz's house, Nikki spotted Liam on the doorstep waiting. He acknowledged Diane when they approached, but didn't say anything to her. His eyes were red from crying and, unless Nikki was completely mistaken, he was shaking a fair bit. 'Thanks.'

'Liam, what's going on?' she questioned, putting a hand on his shoulder. 'Are you alright?'

'I don't know what…' Closing his eyes, he shook his head. 'I'm sorry.'

'It's okay,' she said, beginning to wonder what the hell was happening.

Diane had moved forward through the open door and called back, 'Nikki, this place looks like a bombsite.'

Drawing away from Liam, Nikki kept her hand tight around his shoulders as she guided him into the house so she could have a look at the extent of the damage. All of Liz's prized ornaments which usually resided in the hallway were in pieces on the carpet. The mirror to the right of the door had been cracked and there was a trail of glass leading up the staircase.

'Where's your mum, Liam?' Diane asked, glancing back towards them.

'Bathroom. She locked herself in. She's been drinking, I think.'

'Di, she's on anti-depressants,' Nikki said immediately.

Her lover began up the stairs. 'I'm check it out.'

'Okay, Liam,' Nikki went on, 'tell me what happened.'

'Dad was…' When he trailed off Diane stopped her ascent of the stairs to turn back and listen. 'When he dropped me round last night, he came in. He never really does that. Mum sent me up to my room and…'

'And what, Liam?' she prompted him, feeling an icy build-up in her stomach.

He wouldn't look at her. 'He stayed the night.'

Nikki felt her body stiffen. 'What?'

Diane dropped back down a couple of steps. 'What's this got to do with the mess?'

Liam barely glanced at her. 'Dad went mental this morning. I heard him smashing everything up then he… He just left and I…'

Pulling him into a hug, partly to mask her own emotions, Nikki looked towards Diane and motioned up the stairs. The constable held her gaze for a second then disappeared.

'Have you had breakfast?' Nikki questioned, looking into her stepson's face. 'Hmm?'

He shook his head. 'I'm not hungry.'

'Course you are. Come on,' she said, leading him into the kitchen. Doug had evidently lost his temper in here as well. There was nothing usable left that wasn't in pieces on the floor. 'Okay, I'll buy you breakfast. As soon as we get your mum sorted.'

There was a loud bang upstairs- presumably Diane breaking into the bathroom. A minute later the PC came into the kitchen. 'You need to call an ambulance. I think we should get a move on.'

Liam grimaced. 'Will she be alright?'

Diane nodded and answered, 'Yeah, Liam, I hope so. Nikki- the ambulance?'

'Um… Right.' Dragging herself together, she reached for her mobile.

* * *

'Here.'

'Thanks,' Nikki muttered, taking the plastic coffee cup and resting her head back against the cool wall.

'How's he doing?' Diane questioned, with a nod towards Liam sat in the waiting area a few yards away.

'He's not talking much,' she said, squeezing her eyes shut and letting out a small frustrated growl. 'I'm sorry. You don't have to wait around.'

Diane shook her head. 'Don't be stupid. I'm not going anywhere. Must admit though, I've had enough of hospitals to last me a lifetime.'

Nikki smiled briefly and glanced sideways. 'Seconded.'

For a moment Diane appeared to hesitate then she asked, 'Are you okay? I mean, with what…'

'I don't know,' she answered honestly. 'I just can't stop thinking about the state of that place. Doug's not like that. He never loses it.'

'How long are the girls usually with his parents?'

'Till the afternoon.' Nikki checked her watch. 'With any luck we can be there when they get back.'

'You sure that's wise?' queried Diane. 'It might set him off again.'

'It's a risk worth taking, I reckon,' she said as she noticed a doctor approaching.

Liam saw it too and came over. 'What's going on?'

'You've no need to worry,' the doctor said swiftly. 'We've managed to stabilise her; she'll most likely make a full recovery.'

Nikki exchanged a glance with Diane as Liam took that in. Then he turned and walked straight out of the double doors. 'Thanks, Doctor,' she said hurriedly, following him out with Diane on her heels.

He was seated on a wall a few feet away from the main entrance. Nikki made to approach him then faltered, unsure what to say. To her surprise, Diane took the initiative and moved forward. 'Can I sit down?'

Liam shrugged. 'Why bother asking?'

'I dunno, it's polite?' she offered, taking a seat anyway. 'That's good news, eh? She's gonna be okay.'

'Yeah, I suppose.'

Diane watched him for a few seconds. 'You can be mad at anyone you want, Liam. Your dad, your mum. Nikki. Me. That's your right. No one can take that away from you.'

Liam lifted his head and gazed at an ambulance approaching. 'I hate her. Mum,' he added. 'Why is she..?'

Glancing backwards briefly, Diane said, 'Well, from the way I hear it, she was hurt badly. You don't know how something like that'll change a person.'

'What, like my Dad suddenly smashing up the house?'

'Yeah. Like that.'

'Why?' Liam asked finally. 'Why did you wreck everything?'

Nikki was under the impression that Diane wouldn't answer but she eventually did, after obviously giving it some thought. 'I'm selfish, self-centred and sometimes I honestly believed no one would have to find out.'

Liam shook his head. 'You're lying.'

'Am I?'

'You said why. You said you couldn't help who you fall in love with.'

Diane shrugged. 'I did, didn't I? Doesn't make me any less to blame. I didn't mean to wreck everything for you, Liam. And I shouldn't have done it.'

'I don't know what's going to happen to me,' he said quietly.

Nikki stepped forward and sat next to him. 'You know your mum and dad'll never stop loving you; your dad especially.'

'You didn't see him. He was… different.'

'Can I tell you something, Liam?' she asked, putting an arm around his shoulders. 'When he and your mum split up your dad disappeared for three days. I was frantic. But he pulled himself together and he came home. He needed time to clear his head, that's all. He'll get back to being your dad, I promise you that, Liam. Just give him some time. I know you understand that'

'And what about you?' he questioned. 'What are you now?'

'I'm here if you need me, like always.'

* * *

Diane looked as secure as she ever did. Nikki was beginning to recognise the facade when she saw it though, and she didn't believe for a second that Diane could be comfortable and relaxed waiting for the estranged husband of her lover in his own kitchen. Nikki was doing her utmost not to admit on her face how much stepping back into the life she'd so recently left hurt her. She'd picked the cutlery that was in the drawer, the plates in the cupboard. It had been Doug who'd picked the ornamental glasses, but she'd argued tooth and nail with him about it. A room full of memories, and mostly good ones at that. It was difficult to accept she'd actually walked away from all that.

Around two o'clock the front door opened and then closed. Nikki stood from her seat at the table; Diane did the same. Doug walked into the kitchen with the girls behind him. His eyes flickered sideways as he saw them, then he glanced back to Daisy and Rebecca. 'Go to your room.'

Nikki wasn't going to argue against that at the moment, but Rebecca had already come to her. 'Hi, Mum.'

She briefly smiled as she enveloped her daughter in a hug. 'Hiya, darling. You do as your dad says for me, okay?'

Rebecca nodded. Daisy, standing by the door, just frowned at her sister. 'Come on. Hurry up.'

That was another problem to be dealt with at some point, Nikki told herself as the kitchen door closed. Then she looked back to Doug. 'Hello.'

He had his eyes on Diane. 'Where's Liam?'

Since the question was directed towards her, Diane answered it. 'He's upstairs.' There was a pause. 'He's alright. If you wanted to know.'

Doug opened his mouth to speak then evidently decided against addressing Diane further and refocused his gaze. 'And Liz?'

Nikki shrugged. 'No lasting damage. Even if she did drink herself stupid and wash down a few pills.'

When he exhaled angrily and walked across the kitchen, Nikki nodded that Diane should leave the kitchen. Her lover didn't seem particularly happy about the idea but she did it regardless, after shooting her a look that warned her to be careful.

The door clicked shut and Doug started to it. 'She's not going anywhere near the girls.'

'Don't be pathetic,' Nikki said.

Something in her tone made him stop and turn around. The expression on his face was one she hadn't seen for a while; not since he'd split with Liz. She never could pinpoint just what emotions it contained. He finally moved to sit at the table. 'I suppose you think you've got a right to be angry, do you?'

'No. I think I forfeited that right, don't you?'

'Then why are you still here, Nikki? If it isn't to…'

'I'm here,' she interrupted, feeling her annoyance bubble to the surface, 'because your son called me after his mum took an overdose and his dad smashed up the house. That a good enough reason for you?'

He squeezed his eyes closed. 'I didn't mean for him to…'

'So what the hell were you thinking, hmm? Just use Liz for old time's sake: never mind what it might do to her or Liam!'

'I can't believe you're trying to take the moral high ground!' Doug snorted, standing again. 'You caused this! You! No one else!'

'I didn't force you into bed with your ex-wife!'

'You left!'

'And that meant you should sleep with Liz, did it? Liz! Of all people!'

He closed his eyes again. 'I didn't know what I was doing, Nikki. I mean, I… When I woke up and…' He opened his eyes and looked pleadingly at her. 'I felt like I'd betrayed you. I felt guilty. It didn't matter that you've betrayed me and cheapened the last ten years of my life; it didn't seem to matter about that. All I really knew for certain was that I had cheated on my wife. And that's what tipped me over the edge. Everything just came out. All the bitterness, all the anger… And the hate.'

'The hate,' she repeated quietly, feeling a shiver trickle through her body. 'I'm sorry.'

'I don't hate you,' he said quickly vehemently. 'I don't hate you. I can't. No, it's… her. We were happy before she came along.'

'Doug,' she said finally, after taking a long moment to control her emotions. 'It's not important now.'

'Now you've made your choice, hmm?'

'It wasn't a choice,' she said softly. 'I didn't have a choice in it. I did what you did, I couldn't keep ignoring it.'

'Is a woman more exciting, Nikki, is that it?'

The venom in his voice was so strong that she didn't know how to reply. Instead, she moved to the table and sat down. 'Liam isn't doing too great. He doesn't expect that from you, it's more Liz's department. But I think he's worried that you're angry with him for some reason.'

Doug didn't speak for a long while. Then he sat opposite her. 'Well, I'll talk to him.'

'We didn't,' she continued, glancing up briefly, 'see Liz at the hospital. The doctor said she'll probably make a full recovery, which is good. The erm…'

'I'll sort out the house,' he interjected, correctly guessing her next statement.

She looked up and nodded. 'Yeah. Okay. Doug, I have to ask…'

The look on his face halted her- he knew where she was going with this one as well. 'They're safe, Nikki. I can't believe it even crossed your mind.'

'I saw the state of that house,' she quietly reminded him. 'And Liam.'

'I said I'll talk to him,' Doug answered.

'No, leave him,' she advised. 'For a little while at least.'

'Alright. You know best.'

'How have the girls been?'

'Well, you saw,' he said with a shrug. 'Rebecca misses you. Daisy's…'

'Angry,' she finished.

'Mmm. Understandable.'

'I know,' she said then she paused. 'Can I talk to them?'

'I can't stop you, can I?' he questioned but then he just shook his head. 'They're your kids. Ours.'

Standing, she reached out tentatively and touched his shoulder. 'Doug, I need to see them. If they wanna see me, that is. I want…'

'Next weekend,' he interrupted quietly. 'But only if they're okay with it.'

'Thank you.' Uncertain what else to say to him, she opened the door to the hall, closing it behind herself when she found Diane leaning against the banister, arms crossed. 'Where'd the girls go?'

'Upstairs,' Diane replied. 'You okay?'

'I'm… fine. I just… I'm going to talk to them. Or try to anyway.'

Diane indicated towards the kitchen door. 'Maybe it's best if I wait in the car, eh?'

'I won't be long,' she promised.

'Nikki, take as long as you need,' answered her lover, opening the front door. 'Okay?'

She nodded then climbed the stairs as she heard the door click shut. She could hear the debate when she reached the top of them and she, nervously, stood outside the bedroom door for a few seconds.

'No, it doesn't matter!' Daisy hissed. 'I told you!'

'I don't care!' Rebecca said heatedly. 'I don't believe you.'

'Well, listen to Dad then!'

Nikki sighed and knocked on the door. 'Hi, it's me. Can I come in?'

'Yes.' Rebecca.

'No.' Daisy.

'Yes,' Rebecca said again.

One affirmative was infinitely better than none at all, so she hesitantly opened the door and entered. Daisy was on her bed by the window, looking steadfastly out of it. Rebecca smiled uncertainly at her and motioned for her to sit down next to her on her own bed. Gratefully, she did so then she wrapped an arm around her youngest daughter. 'How are you doing, hmm?'

'I'm alright.'

'How's school going?'

'Pretty good'

'Like that, is it?' Nikki queried fondly, smiling as Rebecca's nose twitched. Then Daisy made a noise and she became serious again as she looked towards her second girl. 'You're not going to talk to me?'

'Why should I?' Daisy asked, not glancing around. 'You don't want to talk to us. You wouldn't have gone if you had.'

'That's not true,' she answered.

'I told her it wasn't,' Rebecca supplied.

Nikki squeezed her shoulders before moving over and sitting on the edge of Daisy's bed. 'Sweetheart, I understand you're not happy. You're mad, you don't want to talk to me. But at least listen. I love you, I love your sister, I love your brothers: there's nothing that's ever going to change that.'

'If you loved us that much you'd still be here.'

'No,' she said, refusing to concede that vital point. 'It's because I love you that I'm not living here. Because I don't want you to see me and your Dad fighting and arguing, and I don't want to upset you.'

'I'd rather you were here,' Daisy said softly in a voice, Nikki guessed, that was holding back some tears.

'Sometimes I do too,' she admitted, with a glance at Rebecca. 'But it's the not the right thing for anybody.'

'Dad wants you home,' answered Daisy, wiping her eyes on her sleeve but still gazing out of the window. 'Please, Mum!'

Nikki closed her eyes as her daughter turned to her pleadingly. 'Darling, I can't. It wouldn't work.'

'It would!'

'Okay, listen to me,' she said quickly, grabbing hold of her daughter who now had tears streaming down her cheeks. 'We've got to see how it goes. We try this, we see how it is, what it's like. Then we sit down and we talk about it. I know it's not ideal but… Please try. For me!'

Daisy hugged her. 'I'm scared, Mum.'

'I know you are,' she said, feeling her own eyes well up while Rebecca also burrowed into her side. 'I am too.'

Ten minutes later she returned to the kitchen where Doug was sat with two coffees. 'I didn't know how long you'd be but…'

'Thanks,' she said with a strained smile, sitting down. 'They'll come,' she said after a sip. 'If you're still alright with that.'

He nodded. 'I can't exactly keep you away from them. I wouldn't anyway.'

'Good. I do appreciate it. Doug, I…'

'I know,' he said quietly. 'I'm sorry too.'

When she got into the passenger side of the car she practically woke Diane up. 'Sorry,' she apologised.

Diane stretched out and shook her head. 'You weren't that long. I was just tired, that's all.'

'I've ruined your day.'

'Nikki, you haven't. And God help us if you find something else to blame yourself for.'

That raised a small smile. 'Well, I'm sorry anyway.'

'So how'd that go?' Diane questioned as she started the car.

'Well, I'm having the girls next weekend,' she answered. 'I think Daisy'll come.'

'You're back at work after that, aren't you?'

'Week on Monday,' she confirmed. 'I don't know whether I'm looking forward to it or not to be honest.'

'What, Reg and Tony rabbiting on about how it's only them old experienced coppers who don't get shot? Can't think why you'd be dreading it.'

Nikki rested her hand on Di's knee, finding it soothed her a little. 'Well, there is that. On the other hand, if I have to look at those four walls for much longer I think I'll go mad. Again,' she added with a sideways glance at Diane.

'Took the words right out of my mouth,' the constable answered with a hint of a grin. 'You've got one problem though.'

'And what's that?'

'Well, from what I remember, not having seen the inside of your flat all week mind you, those nice bunk beds you got are still in the packaging on the floor.'

Nikki nodded. 'Mmm-hmm.'

* * *

'That doesn't go in there.'

'I read the instructions,' Nikki replied. 'It does.'

'Yep, if you want it to fall apart!' Diane retorted, taking the piece of wood from her and slotting it into a different hole. 'This way it won't collapse.'

'You're very bossy all of a sudden.'

'Because I learned to read!'

Nikki leaned across the wooden planks between them and planted a kiss on her lover's lips. 'Don't be smart. I know it's difficult.'

Diane chuckled. 'How am I supposed to win a fight with you?'

She shrugged. 'You're not.'

* * *

The room looked good. Of course it looked good. She'd spent all week tweaking it, making it look exactly how she thoughts the girls would like it. The more she got right the better they'd feel. It was a mass of purples (Daisy's favourite colour) and reds (Rebecca's): the wooden bunk beds had colourful duvet covers, the curtains were the same; she'd even stuck some posters up and placed a small lamp in the corner. It was… Well, it was alright. She hoped.

'Nikki, it'll be fine,' Diane said, wrapping both arms around her waist. 'You know it will. You talked to Daisy, she's definitely coming. You just need to stop worrying.'

'I will,' she answered. 'When they're here. I just get the feeling that something's going to go wrong or…'

Diane cut her off with a sweet kiss. 'Nothing's going wrong. You hear me?'

She nodded. 'Yeah.'

'Do you believe me?'

'Kind of.'

'Well, that's close enough,' Diane said with a small smile, kissing her again.

Nikki was the one who drew back. 'Shouldn't you be going?'

'I told Emma eight,' answered Diane with a shrug.

'And it's quarter-to.'

'What?' She checked her watch. 'Okay. That's me gone then.'

'Have a nice night,' Nikki said, watching her lover pull on her jacket. 'Don't get too drunk.'

Diane grinned. 'Don't worry, I'll control myself. And I'll call you tomorrow night, see how it's going.'

* * *

What time was it? Past ten. Doug had said they'd be no later than nine. Of course, it wasn't anything to worry about but… Well, Doug wasn't the late type. It came from years of having pristine handovers at the house when they were on alternating shifts. Straight in, straight out, perfectly timed. No, this wasn't like Doug. And he'd call if he knew he was going to be late.

Picking up her mobile she dialled the house. It was engaged. So maybe that was it; he'd got a phone call that had held him up, his mother most likely. Flicking down her contacts list, she tried him on his mobile nevertheless. It went straight to voicemail. Now, that was odd. He never had it switched off, he never minded being disturbed usually.

Something wasn't right. The feeling that had settled in her stomach a few hours previously returned to gnaw away at her insides. To combat it she went to get a drink of water.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: I think this is my longest chapter! I just kind of got carried away... Anyway, as always, thanks for reading and I said I'd dedicate this chapter to Kylie because I bugged her by not putting it up yesterday!

* * *

_Cos I can't fight this feeling anymore,_

_I've forgotten what I started fighting for._

_And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door,_

_Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore._

'Nikki…' the hoarse voice that answered the phone on the seventh ring murmured, 'I hope you realise it's six in the morning. I got in at three and…'

'Doug's gone,' she interrupted, stemming Diane's tirade. 'He's taken the girls and he's gone.'

As expected, Diane seemed suddenly much more alert. 'What? How do you know?'

'I'm at the house now,' Nikki said, casting a glance at the figure of Liam on the stairs and moving into the kitchen before she carried on. 'Di, he apparently lost it last night. Said he couldn't do it anymore, he was sick of the pretence. He took the girls but Liam wouldn't go with him so he broke the phone and left him here. I don't know what to do,' she finished, feeling herself sag against the kitchen counter.

'Okay,' Diane said finally. 'We'll sort it, alright? Just get yourself and Liam over here. We'll take it from there.'

'Thanks. Di…' she said then trailed off and closed her eyes.

'Nikki, it'll be alright. I promise.'

Ending the call, she went back into the hallway and sat beside Liam on the second to last step. 'How you doing?'

He shook his head. 'I couldn't go with him. Rebecca was really excited about seeing you, she was running around, and he just…'

'It's alright, Liam,' she said quietly. 'How's he been this week?'

'He hasn't said much. But it's Dad, he never does!'

'Yeah, I know that. I'm not blaming you. It's not your fault. Can you remember what time he went?'

'Half nine, round about. He took my mobile. So I wouldn't call you, I think. He was really determined about it, Nikki. He said he wasn't going to lose them.'

And he'd conveniently forgotten about his son in the process; that was about right. How many more times was Liam going to be let down by the people he was supposed to trust? Mindful that she was one of them, Nikki asked, 'You know he was only mad at me, don't you? It's absolutely nothing to do with you. He wouldn't leave without you unless he was really desperate, you know that. And it's my fault that he's desperate, Liam; not yours.'

Her stepson just shrugged. From the look of him he'd bypassed all emotions hours earlier. 'Yeah.'

'Okay,' she said, trying to take some control of the situation, despite panic wanting to seep into her mind at every opportunity, 'here's what we're gonna do. I'll have a look around, see if he left anything to say where he was going.'

'He wasn't in the mood to leave a note, Nikki.'

'Yeah, I know that but there might be something. Something he didn't know he was leaving. Liam,' she went on, 'I need you to answer me a question. Is that alright?'

'What?'

'Your dad,' she said, placing her hand on his shoulder, 'was he anything like he was last weekend?'

Liam shook his head. 'No, he just broke the phone, that's all. He was calm.'

'Had he planned it?'

'No. He had to pack a bag.'

She nodded. 'Alright. Well, I'll have a look round and you get your coat. That's if you don't mind hanging around me for a bit?'

When he shrugged again she made her way up the stairs to the bedroom that she'd only recently stopped calling her own. There wasn't any deliberate mess, not like she'd encountered at Liz's the previous week ,but there were a couple of things that stood out. The clothes she hadn't taken- the ones that had been festering at the back of the wardrobe for ages- had been bagged up, evidently for transportation. Resting on top of the bags were a couple of pieces of jewellery given to her by Doug's mother and a birthday card handmade by Rebecca when she was five.

Nikki sighed and dropped down onto the bed. It wasn't difficult to see what had tipped Doug over the edge. She couldn't imagine having to be in the situation where you were calming delivering belongings- and your own children- over to someone you still loved but knew you had no further chance with. That was what she'd expected Doug to do; no wonder he'd lost it. In her detached bubble over in that flat she'd convinced herself it was all going to be fine. She was seeing the girls, she'd spoken to them several times throughout the week, which had been fantastic. Even Daisy was starting to come around, to the idea of seeing her at least. And she'd spoken to Doug, on Wednesday that had been. To finalise the time for dropping off on Friday. He'd been perfectly amicable and she hadn't thought anything of it because that was Doug to the letter. But she realised now, examining the neat folds in her old shirts, that he hadn't been half as fine as he'd made out. Maybe he'd thought he was okay and started this clear-out as some kind of therapy. It didn't particularly seem to have worked.

Casting her eye over the rest of the room, Nikki moved over to dresser and picked up the ring left on there. Bringing her hand up to her face, she let out her breath heavily. Doug had refused to take his wedding ring off, even when she'd made it abundantly clear on Boxing Day that they'd never be husband and wife again. His acceptance of the inevitable had done it then. When he'd finally realised she wasn't coming back he'd taken the girls and… And gone where? He had nowhere to go that wasn't obvious. He knew she'd be straight onto the phone to his parents and to all their mutual friends: where else was there? Was he just planning on driving around with the girls and seeing what happened?

'Nikki?' Liam said from the doorway, startling her. 'Can we get out of here?'

Smiling as best she could under the circumstances, she nodded. 'Course we can.'

* * *

It was a sign of how battered he was that Liam didn't make any outward acknowledgement that they were in Diane's flat. He just walked past the constable when she opened the door, located the living room and took a seat. Nikki was relieved, she'd half-expected some sort of outburst. Instead, she found herself locked in Diane's embrace as soon as she was over the threshold.

'Are you alright?' Diane asked when she pulled away. 'Sorry, stupid question. Did you find anything to say where he's gone?'

She shook her head. 'No. He'd know I'd check.'

'Well, have you tried his parents?'

'Not yet. Waking them'd be pointless anyway. He won't be there. It's too obvious.'

Diane sighed. 'Have you got any other ideas?'

'No,' she admitted, feeling her voice crack.

'Nikki, shush,' Diane insisted, wrapping her arms around her again. 'Look, it could just be a joke. Well, a hoax. He'll probably bring them back in a bit.'

Nikki let out a soft laugh. 'You don't believe that anymore than I do.'

'I never thought he'd do this.'

'Di, I'm married to him and I never thought he'd do this.'

'We'll find them,' Diane whispered into her ear. 'You know we will.'

At least one of them had some confidence. 'Yeah.'

'Alright, you go sit with Liam. I wanna make a few calls.'

Not questioning the instruction, she went into the living room, finding Liam staring into space in much the same manner as he had been when she'd arrived at the house just before six. He wasn't going to snap out of it by the look of it so she contented herself with sitting next to him and hoping that was enough. She was also hoping that wherever the girls were, they were okay too. Daisy was protective, she'd make sure Rebecca was alright; but who was going to make sure Daisy was the same?

Diane popped her head around the door fifteen minutes later and motioned for her to step outside. Once the door was safely closed, she questioned, 'What is it?'

'I've been onto Jo. She's on her way in to work; she's going to run Doug's registration through the system, see if he's been picked up by any cameras. I said I'll send her a text with the number.'

'Here, I'll do it,' Nikki said, taking the phone. Despite her fingers trembling she managed to get it sent then she glanced at Diane as she passed the phone back. 'I'm alright.'

'I know,' her lover said quietly. 'I know. Go back in to Liam,' she advised. 'I'll wait for the call in the kitchen. Don't argue,' she added.

Nikki smiled very briefly. 'No, I wouldn't.'

It was nearing nine when Diane returned to the living room and beckoned her outside again. Liam was by now flicking the pages of a television magazine aimlessly and he didn't seem to notice her exit.

'Right,' Diane said, pulling the door to. 'He was picked up about an hour ago on the M2 going south.'

'The M2?' she repeated. 'Have you got a map?'

Diane nodded to the table. 'Got it from the car. It trails off towards the coast, and he was picked up near to the end of it according to Jo.'

Nikki followed her over to the table and examined the atlas. Suddenly, with a jolt she recognised where he was going. 'Whitstable,' she said softly.

'The oyster place?'

'Yeah. That's where he's going.' On Diane's probing look, she continued, 'That's where he proposed. On the beach, in the middle of December.'

Diane was quiet for a minute. Then she said, 'Well, he took his sweet time getting there.'

'No, he probably…' She broke off to formulate it in her mind. 'No, he'd have stopped in a car park or something, to get some rest. He wouldn't drive tired, not with the girls in the car. But he's definitely headed there.'

'I'll get my coat,' Diane said suddenly. 'You get Liam.'

* * *

'Yes, Ma'am, I think it's a virus.'

Nikki glanced sideways to Diane on her mobile then looked back to focus on the motorway. At any other time she'd probably feel guilty about Diane calling in sick but right now she was more concerned about getting to Whitstable as quickly as possible. And, funnily enough, the thought of Diane staying behind hadn't actually occurred to either of them.

Liam, in the back seat, was asleep so it seemed. Not surprising, considering he'd been up all night, alone in that damn house: Nikki was just relieved he was calm. It helped her to be. If Liam was losing it then she'd most likely tip over the edge as well.

'Like I said, Ma'am, I'm very sorry. I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow.' Diane listened for a few seconds longer, grimaced, then hung up. 'That was fun.'

'Sorry, I didn't think.'

'Don't worry about it,' Diane replied, looking back to check Liam was asleep before she slipped a hand over onto her knee. 'You haven't told me exactly what happened yet.'

Her brain felt completely fogged. 'Oh, erm…' She cleared her throat. 'Doug didn't turn up when he said he would. I tried the house phone, it was engaged and his mobile's been off all night. I thought maybe he'd forgotten or just, you know, had a change of heart. I was annoyed with him so I went round at dawn. I didn't want to go before,' she said, 'in case it disturbed the girls. I used my key to get in and found Liam just… He was just sat there. I don't think he'd moved from watching them leave last night. Then I called you,' she finished with a shrug. 'End of.'

Diane squeezed her knee. 'Do you think he planned it?'

'Liam said he had to pack so… No. Maybe it came on when he was about to set off. Maybe he just realised that…'

'That it was over?' Diane concluded quietly.

'Yeah. He'd packed up the rest of my things. I think he was trying to accept it.'

'Call me cynical but I don't think he managed it.'

She laughed tightly then frowned again. 'Why wouldn't he call? He'd know I was worried. And what about Liam? He just left him there!'

'Liam's alright,' objected Diane. 'He's tough.'

'Not this tough,' Nikki argued softly with a glance to the back seat where Liam was still sleeping. 'I can't believe Doug didn't…'

'Well, you can talk to him, can't you?' Diane said firmly. 'When we find him.'

She fell into silently driving, knowing that Diane was watching her each time she tensed a muscle. Surprisingly, it didn't make her as uncomfortable as she'd assumed it might; it made her feel more secure and she actually began to believe that they'd get to the coast and everything'd be fine. But then her copper's edge snuck back in. How many people managed to take kids and were never seen again? You had the Fathers for Justice lot, they were always at it and they got away with it more often than was publicised. Doug knew the loopholes in the law, he knew where to go to remain undetected. If he wanted he could disappear for as long as his savings would allow. That'd be a while as well: she wouldn't see the girls till they were in their twenties if he managed to get them out of the country.

Maybe she should've called it in straight away. But the trouble was, she knew the drill too well. Daisy and Rebecca were with their father and there was no real evidence they were going anywhere apart from on holiday. Why would anyone believe her? Besides, if she called it in she'd have to explain to whatever officers dealt with it why Doug had done it. And bringing up her relationship with Diane in front of Roger Valentine or Terry Perkins wasn't her ideal set of circumstances. Yet if she left it too late and Doug managed to get the girls away from her… Well, she'd never forgive herself. Nothing was worth losing her daughters for, and especially not the slight humiliation she'd endure at the hands of the Sun Hill gossips if the true nature of her relationship with Diane came to light.

Diane's mobile suddenly rang and she answered it. 'Jo?'

Nikki looked towards her anxiously. What was this? Doug and the girls booked on a flight out of England leaving in the next five minutes?

'I know but we want to see if we can talk to him before we make it official,' Diane was saying. 'You stick a child abduction charge on him and he'll lose his job.'

Once again, her lover had surprised her. Nikki reached across and touched her cheek then returned her hands to the wheel as Di continued with the call.

'I'll let you know when there's any news. We'll probably find him safe and sound and go straight home… Oh, and Jo? If Inspector Gold asks, you haven't heard from me, alright?.. Thanks.'

'Was she just checking in?' Nikki questioned as Diane pocketed her phone again. 'No news?'

'No. Which is good news. She's keeping an eye on things, she'll let us know if anything suspicious pops up.'

'Remind me to buy her a drink, will you?'

'Course.' Diane glanced backwards as Liam started to stir. 'I thought he'd sleep longer.'

'I'm surprised he slept at all,' Nikki replied, looking backwards. 'How you feeling?'

'Where are we?' he questioned.

'About twenty miles outside of Whitstable. We shouldn't be that long.'

'You sure he'll be there?'

She exchanged a glance with Diane. 'Yeah. Course I'm sure. He just needed to remember some things, Liam, that's all. We'll be there in no time; you'll see.'

He seemed satisfied with that response. Settling back into his seat, he closed his eyes again. Diane, conversely, leaned closer. 'If I didn't know better, I'd say you were really that confident about all this.'

'I just keep thinking I'll wake up,' she muttered truthfully. 'With any luck.'

* * *

'Well, at least we know where he is.'

Nikki watched the beach for a few more seconds before turning to Diane beside her. 'Yeah, but look at him. He looks…' She sighed. 'He looks lost.'

'He is,' Diane said quietly. 'He's bound to be.' Looking back to Liam in the car a few yards away, she asked, 'What are you gonna do?'

She shook her head. 'I don't know.' Her eyes trailed over the blustery sands to where the girls were sat huddled together a fair distance away from their father. 'What's he told them?'

'Probably that they're having a big adventure.'

'Mmm, probably. But they still…'

'Nikki, they're fine,' Diane interjected. 'Look at them.'

'And look at Liam,' she countered. 'If you didn't know better you'd reckon he was fine, wouldn't you?'

Diane conceded that with a shrug. 'You want me to keep an eye on him?'

'Do you mind?'

'Course not, don't be stupid. And Nikki?' she added when she began walking. 'It'll be alright.'

She smiled as much as she could. She wasn't certain Diane believed it anymore than she did but the words counted for something. It meant that she had someone on her side. Which, she reminded herself as she first approached the girls, was more than Doug felt he had at the moment.

Daisy spotted her first and nudged Rebecca who ran over to greet her. 'Mum!'

Hugging her, then glancing up as Daisy arrived also, she questioned, 'Are you both alright?'

Her eldest daughter nodded. 'Dad's been sat there for ages though. I don't think he's okay.'

Nikki reached out to squeeze Daisy's shoulder. 'You let me talk to him. Liam's just up in that car park.' She pulled out her wallet and handed over a ten pound note. 'And there's a café next to the chemist. You tell him to take you there, alright? And you wait for me and your dad.'

'He won't come, you know,' Rebecca said softly. 'He won't move.'

With that thought in mind, Nikki watched them up the length of the beach before she turned back and walked towards Doug. The air was chilly, she found herself shivering slightly as she approached, but she wasn't sure it was merely the cold that was having that effect on her. She felt cold from the inside out really.

Doug didn't comment on her arrival, just kept staring out into the choppy seas. Hesitatingly, she took a seat on the sand next to him. 'I thought you'd skipped the country,' she said eventually, also watching the waves.

'Did you?' he questioned, his voice low and impersonal.

'You can't blame me,' she replied.

'No, I don't suppose I can.'

'Then again,' she said after a lengthy silence, 'I don't think I believed you'd actually do that.'

'Well, people can surprise you, Nikki,' he answered.

How was she supposed to argue that? 'Doug, I can't change what I've done. You act like I'm proud of it.'

'Out and proud, Nikki. That's you.'

She let out her breath. 'It's not about women! It's about…'

'It's about Diane,' he concluded for her.

'Yes,' she admitted with a brief sideways glance. His voice was worryingly detached and she hadn't heard him say Diane's name devoid of venom since he'd discovered the truth. 'I didn't want it. You think I wanted this? To not wake up to Daisy and Rebecca arguing over who gets the toy out of the cereal and to not have to listen to whatever music Andy's blaring out of his room every night? This isn't what I planned, Doug. I was happy.'

'I just don't understand what changed, Nikki. I don't understand it. One day we're in it for the long haul, practically planning our retirement and the next… You're jumping into bed with one of your female constables! I mean… Allow me a little bit of confusion!'

'You left Liz,' she said quietly. 'You jumped into bed with her best friend.'

'I fell in love with you, Nikki,' he said with a touch of anger.

'I know,' she answered. 'And that's what happened with Diane. I wasn't looking, I didn't want it but… It still happened. I couldn't stop it anymore than you could.'

'If you weren't thinking about me, even if you could do it to me, the girls are…'

'Liam and Andy were both kids themselves; younger than the girls.'

'Stop comparing it to me and Liz! It's completely different!'

'Because she's a woman?'

'Yes!' he said bitterly. 'Because she's a woman and she because just waltzed in and stole my wife as if it was the easiest thing in the world!'

'Is that why you decided to do a runner then?' Nikki queried. 'Was that the easiest thing you could do?'

Finally, he glanced towards her, albeit for only a moment. 'You think I want them seeing that?'

'You know perfectly well that Diane wouldn't have been there! This weekend was about me spending time with my daughters. Because I miss them, Doug!'

'Then why did you leave? I told you! I told you that if you stayed…'

'What was your solution?' she asked, interrupting him. 'That we just carry on as if nothing had happened? I couldn't do that, neither could you.'

'And you wouldn't give her up, would you?'

'No,' she said truthfully. 'I couldn't.'

'You didn't want to, you mean. You made you choice, Nikki. It was your family or your… or your girlfriend and look who you chose!'

Nikki let the silence drag on for a few minutes as another couple walked past them on the beach, leaving a scattered set of footprints that would be washed away in the evening tide. 'I saw your wedding ring on the dresser.'

He shrugged. 'I stopped kidding myself you were coming back, that's all.'

'And then you decided that I wasn't going to see my kids, is that it? You don't have the right to make that decision!'

'I needed to get out of London,' he said eventually. 'I just… I wasn't thinking straight. I had to get away. I can't stand the idea of losing them.'

'I'm not trying to take them away!'

'Oh, come on, Nikki! You get set up in your new flat with your new life then we have an argument and they come and see you and decide they want to live there? We've seen it before.'

'Well, unless you try to kill yourself, I'm not going to take them away from you! I just… I want my daughters to have both parents. A dad to spoil them and…'

Doug halted her by turning his head towards her. 'You see, I think I should know that. But I don't know you anymore.'

'I'm still me, Doug,' she tried. 'I haven't changed that much.'

'No, the old you cared about her family!'

'And the Doug I know wouldn't have left his son on the stairs, practically catatonic,' she retorted, beginning to get frustrated and a little angry. 'You haven't even asked if he's alright while you're making this big speech about family.'

Something flickered over his face. 'I didn't want to leave him there. But he wouldn't move, he wouldn't come with me. I thought you'd be over any minute to find out what was going on...'

'You shouldn't have left him there!'

'I know!' he burst out. 'But what was I supposed to do?'

'I don't know- think first? Liam wouldn't come because he knew you were in the wrong!'

Doug was silent for a few moments. 'I wouldn't blame him if he hated me.'

'Well, he doesn't,' Nikki answered quietly. 'But you let him down again and he might. He just wants his dad, he's practically lost his mum already. Don't let him feel like he hasn't got you either.'

'I've really messed up haven't I?'

'It wasn't one of your greatest ideas,' she agreed with a brief smile. 'I suppose I should just be grateful you're not halfway across the Channel.'

'No, I wouldn't do that, I just…' When he paused, he rubbed his eyes with his finger. 'I wanted to be here. Happy memories.'

'Yeah, I know,' she answered carefully. 'That restaurant that served every dish with hair compliments of the chef?'

He let out a small laugh. 'Mmm, that was an experience.'

'You weren't the one already struggling with morning sickness,' she reminded him. 'I didn't need any other incentives to throw up.'

'See, I just thought you were being over-dramatic.'

'Until we got back to the hotel…'

'And you threw up over that rug,' he added.

Smiling, she tentatively touched his shoulder. 'It was a nice holiday, all in all.'

'I know. It wasn't the only good one either, Nikki.'

'I'm not saying it was. Rebecca's first time abroad in France? And that nice peaceful camping trip in the Lakes? We had some really good times, Doug. I'm not trying to wash over all that.'

'I just can't…' He shook his head. 'I can't believe we won't have anymore, that's all.'

She didn't know what to so she just moved her hand down to his. 'I'm sorry.'

'Yeah,' he said thickly, withdrawing his hand momentarily to wipe his eyes again then he glanced around. 'Where are the girls?'

'I sent them to a café with Liam. They're fine. We can go find them.'

He nodded and stood, helping her to her feet also. 'You know they were safe, don't you?'

'Of course I do,' she replied.

'Good. Because I'd never hurt them. Or you,' he added with a weak smile. 'I couldn't.'

Nikki swallowed and indicated they should start walking. When they reached the edge of the beach she cast a glance towards her car finding Diane just returning to it. Evidently she'd been watching events. With a nod over the road to their right, she muttered, 'That's where they are.'

'What's the betting Daisy's got the most chocolate-infused thing on the menu?'

'Oh, you'll lose your shirt over that one,' she answered, crossing over the road with him by her side. Entering the café they found the trio rather subdued in a window booth. Daisy did indeed have a chocolate sundae but it was practically untouched and the other two only had unfinished drinks. Nikki stepped forward tentatively. 'Hiya.'

Liam looked up- straight at his dad- then refocused his eyes on the table.

Nikki, after glancing to Doug, said, 'Daisy, Rebecca: how about we go for a little walk? I saw an amusement arcade down the road.'

They were unenthusiastic but they complied anyway. Leaving Doug as he sat beside his son heavily, they proceeded down the street, mostly deserted because of the time of year. This time when she looked towards the car she couldn't see Diane, her line of sight was obscured by the few other cars scattered around. Trying to smile, she gave the girls a few coins and watched them on some games.

After half-heartedly attempting a driving game, Daisy came to stand beside her. 'Is Dad alright?'

'I think he'll be okay,' she answered evenly. 'How are you doing?'

'Rebecca was a bit scared,' her daughter said. 'I told her it'd be alright.'

'Good girl.'

'It will be, won't it?' Daisy queried, looking up at her.

Nikki wrapped an arm around her shoulders. 'Course it will. Things might be different, but they won't be bad. I promise.'

'I was scared too, Mum,' Daisy admitted. 'I haven't seen Dad like that before.'

'Well, he didn't mean to scare you. I know that much. And he'll be upset with himself that he did. Your dad loves you to bits and he'd never want to see you scared.'

Her daughter nodded. 'I know.'

Returning to the café almost half an hour later, they found Doug and Liam sitting in silence, though they obviously had been talking because Liam's eyes were still a little red. Not drawing attention to that fact, Nikki queried, 'Isn't it about time we went back to London?'

Doug looked up and met her eye. 'Yeah. You're right.'

They walked as a quintet back to the car park. Doug's silver car was parked a little away from the car she'd driven herself, Diane and Liam down in, but he looked for it- obviously Liam had filled him in on the details of their journey. Diane must have seen them approach in the rear mirror because she got out of the car.

'I'll be back in a minute,' she murmured, going towards her.

Diane's face was strange. 'Alright?'

'Yeah, I think so. Listen, I should probably go back with them for a bit. Don't suppose you could take my car back, could you? I mean, I'll pick it up from yours later but I…'

'It's fine, Nikki,' Diane interrupted, holding out her hand for the keys. 'You go home.'

She dropped the keys into the open palm and said, 'I'll come round later.'

'No. I mean it. Go home. For good.' Diane lowered her head briefly then raised her eyes again. 'You can't do this. I was stupid to think you could. You can't walk away from them; they need you.'

For a second she didn't register Diane's seriousness but the instant she did she felt her stomach fall. 'I need you.'

'You can get over me easy enough,' Diane muttered dismissively.

She shook her head. 'I don't want to.'

'You have to. I mean, look at them. Go on, look at them!'

Reluctantly, she glanced over her shoulder to where Doug and the three kids were stood watching her. 'I know but…'

'No buts,' Diane interjected. 'You know you have to do it.'

'Di,' she said, her voice cracking. 'I love you. Please don't do this. Not now. Not after everything.'

Her lover sighed heavily. 'Nikki, this is what's right. I'll… I'll drop the car off, okay?'

When the constable reached for the car handle, she grasped for her. 'No, I won't let you…'

'And I won't let you throw your life away for me,' Diane interjected, shaking her arm free. 'Go home.'

Her eyes remained glued to the retreating car long after it left the car park. She couldn't comprehend it. Diane had… abandoned her? No. That wasn't right. Broken out of her rampaging thoughts by Doug clearing his throat, she turned back to the group waiting for her. 'Ready?' she asked shakily, walking towards them.

* * *

Throughout the journey home she'd been desperately trying to keep a lid on her emotions. Doug and the kids weren't stupid, though; they'd seen the discussion and they knew something was up. Perhaps Doug was intelligent enough not to assume it was what it looked like but… Well, she couldn't be sure.

When they pulled up outside the house, she followed the kids inside half-reluctantly. To her surprise- and Doug's judging by the look on his face- Andy was stood in the hallway with his coat on. 'Where have you all been?'

'Whitstable,' Liam muttered before climbing the stairs.

'Good trip?' Doug asked after a short silence.

'Yeah, not bad.' His elder son frowned. 'Is something going on here? The phone was out of the socket and…'

'Get yourself sorted and we'll go to the pub,' Doug said then looked sideways. 'Is that alright, Nikki?'

'I'll watch the kids,' she answered, ushering the girls into the kitchen. 'Either of you hungry?' They both shook their heads. 'No. Me neither.'

* * *

Liam hadn't come out of his room for the rest of the day, which was understandable and expected. She half wanted to speak to him but she couldn't find the words, or the inclination really. She didn't know what to say to him that would help, and saying nothing seemed a better prospect than messing it up even more. The girls had bravely kept their eyes open for a few hours but the events of the day caught up with them and they finally disappeared off to bed, making her promise they'd see her tomorrow. She couldn't refuse that, and she didn't want to.

Alone in the living room with a glass of Doug's malt whisky she was able to think at last. She was able to contemplate.

Diane must've seen her on the beach. Watching her conversation with Doug must've pricked her conscience, the notions that had been bubbling away in the background for weeks now must've finally come to the fore. Nikki knew that, despite the act that Diane put on, that she cared about stuff like this. Diane was one of the most complex people she'd ever encountered and it was part of the reason she loved her. There was more to her than with most, even if she did her utmost to hide it. This was Diane doing what she perceived to be the decent thing, putting a family back together the only way she could see how.

And Nikki couldn't deny that it would be easier. Talking to Doug on the beach had brought a few pleasant memories back to the surface and the way Daisy had looked pleadingly at her in the arcade cut into her something rotten. This was a family unit she was mauling; there were lives at stake.

Yet she'd had this debate with herself a hundred times. She couldn't stay with Doug, she couldn't maintain the family, when she felt the way she did about Diane. No matter what she did she couldn't infuse something into her relationship with Doug that didn't exist to the extent that it had before. She couldn't force herself to love him more than she loved Diane. When she went to bed she couldn't dictate the face that popped into her dreams uninvited. She couldn't predict and alter the person she wanted to run to when things went wrong. While she wanted Diane she couldn't be with Doug. That was a simple fact, and one she'd been aware of for several months now.

It didn't even occur to her seriously that Diane was simply trying to get herself out of a situation that she hadn't wanted. A matter of weeks ago it might've been the first prospect that popped into her mind but now she was convinced that what she shared with Diane was more than just a casual fling. If she was honest, she'd been convinced of that since the very beginning. But whenever she'd become certain of that fact, she was positive that Diane was doing this precisely because she loved her. A type of self-sacrifice, something Diane could probably graduate in.

The trouble was, Nikki couldn't accept it. She wouldn't accept it. She hadn't gone through all this to fall at the last hurdle. Resting back against the sofa, she resolved to speak to Diane as soon as humanly possible, whatever hour of the day that turned out to be.

Doug arrived home just after ten. Locating her in the living room, he dropped his keys on the table and sat in the armchair. 'Andy's getting drunk. He asked me to join him but…'

Nikki nodded. 'How did he take it?'

'He'll be alright. It takes a lot to faze him.'

'What about you?' she asked after a short pause. 'Will you be alright?'

Letting out his breath, he shrugged. 'I had a bad day. We've both had plenty of those.'

'I know. I just… I need to know the kids'll be alright, Doug. You understand that. I'm not accusing you of…'

'Nikki,' he interrupted quietly. 'I'm sorry for what I did today. I lost it for a while. I think I finally know how Liz felt. It's easy to just step out of line and not notice. I felt I was being the rational one!'

'I might've done the same,' she said. 'I can't say for certain I wouldn't in your position.'

'They're my girls,' he went on finally. 'I won't lose them.'

'Me neither.'

'Then we're stuck with it, I suppose,' he answered with a grim smile. For a few moments he was silent then he asked, 'What happened earlier?'

She'd been rather hoping he wouldn't ask. 'What do you mean?'

'You know what I mean, Nikki.'

Sighing, she stood and picked up her coat which was draped over the back of the sofa. 'Nothing happened. Listen, the girls asked if I'd come round tomorrow…'

'That's fine,' he said quickly. 'You don't have to clear it with me. You could take them out for the day if you wanted.'

'Give you a bit of peace?'

'Mmm, something like that.'

'Well, how about we see how it goes? Maybe they'll want their dad along too.'

'Fine by me.'

Moving to the front door, she felt him follow her. Turning, she advised, 'Check on Liam. I think he's been up there alone long enough.'

Doug nodded. 'Course. See you tomorrow.'

'Night, Doug.'

* * *

Her car was parked on the street. She hadn't expected Diane to be sat in it but she had hoped a little and she felt herself fade slightly. Still, she gathered her mind together and only opened the door of her flat long enough to pick up the keys that Diane had posted through the letterbox. Then she drove to the constable's.

After loitering outside the building for a while on account of her not wanting to ring the intercom and be stonewalled, she was finally admitted by an elderly resident who she recognised as living in one of the ground floor flats. Climbing the stairs, she suddenly began to feel quite nervous and was forced to recompose herself while resting against the banister outside the flat.

That was where Jo Masters found her when she emerged from the flat. Pulling the door to, but not closing it entirely, the detective questioned, 'What are you doing here?'

Nikki was nearly unwilling to discuss this with anyone else but at least Jo was fully briefed on the situation by the look of it. 'I need to see her.'

Jo sighed and moved her down several steps. 'If you want my advice, you'll leave her be. She's had a few drinks, she's not in the best state.'

'I need to see her.'

'Look…' Jo shook her head. 'The last thing either of you need is this dragging out any longer than it has to.'

'What's she told you?' Nikki asked, frowning.

The detective shrugged. 'She called me to let me know that you'd found Doug and the kids. She seemed alright then I asked about you and…'

'And what?'

'She's hurting,' her friend answered simply. 'And you going in there'll just make it a hundred times worse.'

Nikki was quiet then she asked, 'Does she honestly think I can walk away?'

'Yes! She's convinced it's the right thing to do.'

'Just because it's the right thing to do, doesn't mean I can do it,' she argued. 'Jo, I'm not giving up on this. I can't.'

The DC seemed undecided then eventually she let out her breath. 'You'd better go in then. Don't know what kind of reception you'll get, mind you.'

'Thanks,' she said, moving up the stairs and glancing back to Jo. 'Thanks for looking after her.'

Jo shook her head. 'Pleasure.'

After watching the brunette's head disappear, Nikki turned back to the door and took a steadying breath before pushing it open. The flat had a distinct odour of alcohol so it wasn't a huge surprise to find Diane in a pensive state on the sofa with a glass in her hand. Since her presence wasn't noted immediately, she watched for a few seconds then cleared her throat. 'Hi.'

Diane jumped then swallowed and put her glass down on the table but kept her eyes on the wall. 'What are you doing here?'

'I wanted to see you,' she answered, moving further into the room but halting as she saw Diane stiffening.

'We've said all we've got to,' answered the constable, putting a finger to her eye. The tear might've been almost invisible but Nikki knew it was there and she felt her stomach aching more.

'I haven't,' she said finally.

'Nikki, don't do this,' Diane muttered in a pleading tone. 'Please.'

Feeling something inside her break, she let go of the notion that she should stay at a distance and moved to sit beside her lover on the sofa. 'Di…'

'No.'

'I love you,' she said. 'But that doesn't give you the right to tell me what to do. You can't make me forget the last six months of my life, even if you really wanted to.'

For the first time since she'd entered the room, Diane looked towards her. 'And what if I told you it didn't mean a thing, hmm?'

She smiled sadly. 'I'd be annoyed you were lying to me.'

Diane stared her out for a moment then her resolve appeared to crumble as she refocused her attention onto her hands. 'I'm sorry I ever…'

Nikki reached for her hand. 'Di, listen to me. You don't get rid of me with one little word. I'm not letting you just…'

'Why not?' the constable demanded. 'You can get your life back!'

'What, with my normal happy family? It wouldn't work even if I wanted it to!'

'You want it to, Nikki. I know you do.'

'I want you,' she said firmly, forcing Diane to look at her by guiding her face with her hand. 'You.'

She was completely uncertain what was going to happen next. Either Diane could react and tell her to get out for good or… Letting out a relieved sigh, she accepted her lover into her arms gratefully. Diane was… It seemed unbelievable really. Diane was struggling to hold in her emotions in a manner Nikki had only witnessed at the hospital when she'd come round from being shot.

'I'm not going anywhere, Di,' she whispered, kissing the top of her head. 'Do me a bloody favour and get used to the idea would you?'

Diane spluttered a laugh and Nikki felt her nod. 'Deal.'


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Hello again. Just to inform you all that I've got something in mind to... mix well with the events of this story, but I'll tell you more about that in my final chapter. The songs snippets later in the chapter are all from ABBA's 'Arrival' album.

* * *

_My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you,_

_I've been running round in circles in my mind._

_And it always seems that I'm following you girl,_

_Cos you take me to the places that alone I'd never find._

'Good, you haven't done a runner.'

'It's my flat,' Diane retorted, turning from the kitchen counter in the shirt which had evidently been closest to hand when she'd slipped out of the bed some ten minutes earlier. Nikki had vaguely heard the movement but had stayed in the comfort of the bed for a little longer. It had only then occurred to her that Diane might go back on what they'd said the previous night and she didn't want to have her to chase her half-way across Canley again.

It appeared she didn't have to worry though. Diane immediately dropped what she was doing and came over to kiss her. Nikki smiled. 'Morning.'

'I really wish I didn't have to work sometimes,' Diane commented, pulling back and returning to butter her toast. 'And you can stop grinning like that.'

'Like what?'

Her lover glanced over her shoulder. 'Like you're happy.'

'Sorry, no can do,' Nikki replied.

'Okay, so here's a thought,' Diane said a few minutes later while she munched on her breakfast at the kitchen table. 'Tonight we have a nice, non-stressful evening in at your place.'

'Why my place?' Nikki queried, sipping her coffee.

'Oh, I dunno, because you haven't found out whether your cooker actually works or not yet? Might be something worth knowing before the kids come to stay.'

She shrugged her agreement. 'What do you fancy?'

Diane stood. 'Don't tempt me.'

Nikki also got to her feet and wrapped her arms around the constable's waist. 'I was thinking I should have that discussion with you. With me being back at work tomorrow and everything.'

'Damn, I forgot about that,' Diane said with a small smile.

'Mmm, course you did.'

Kissing her, Diane moved back with obvious reluctance. 'I've gotta get dressed.'

'Me too,' she said. 'Have to pick the girls up.'

'Well, think about me when you're off enjoying yourself, won't you?'

Nikki smiled again and couldn't resist grabbing the constable again. 'Always.'

* * *

'This is nice, Mum,' Daisy said.

'I'm glad you like it,' she said carefully, a little uncertain of whether her daughter was being polite about the room or whether she sincerely liked it. While she wouldn't like the idea of what it represented she could still like the room itself… couldn't she?

'Yeah, I do,' Daisy answered evenly.

'Good,' Nikki replied, following her eldest daughter back into the kitchen where Doug and Rebecca were looking through the television guides. 'Anything on?'

Doug shook his head. 'Nothing. We could go back home and watch a DVD if you wanted.'

Regretfully, she shook her head. 'These two have got school in the morning. And I'm back at work as well.'

Rebecca seemed disappointed. 'What about tomorrow?'

'Well,' she said, putting her hands on the girl's shoulders, 'I should be able to manage that. Might even manage to bring along chocolate fudge ice-cream.'

Daisy grinned. 'You'd better.'

Seeing them to the door, she found Doug hung back a little as they put their coats on. 'It's a nice place,' he said finally. 'And it's close.'

'Yeah,' she agreed. 'I hope it's enough.'

He nodded. 'We'll see how it goes.'

'How's Liam?' she asked as he began to slip on his own raincoat.

'Andy's been talking to him. He's alright. He's not great but he's not…'

'Not climbing onto roofs?' she finished with a soft smile.

'And that's always a positive sign,' Doug confirmed, looking towards the girls. 'I'd best get these two home.'

'I'll see you tomorrow.'

* * *

'That smells gorgeous,' Diane said.

'Mmm, so do you actually,' Nikki said, half-turning as she caught in her nostrils the luxurious whiff of strawberries. 'How much bubble-bath did you use?'

'Just enough, I reckon.'

'Tease,' she commented, looking back to the pasta. 'It'll be about five minutes.'

'Perfect. I'll go stick the telly on.'

'Oh, Di?' she said, drawing her lover back from beyond the threshold. 'Care to enlighten me as to what my new bath's like?'

Diane smiled enticingly. 'Big enough for two.'

With a grin of her own, she concentrated on making sure her pasta didn't stick to the bottom of the supposedly non-stick pan she'd bought in town with the girls and Doug earlier. She never trusted those things, not since she'd had a Teflon-infused spaghetti bolognaise in her hairdressing days.

Thankfully, this wasn't another disaster. They watched some mindless drivel then, after washing-up, settled on the sofa with a bottle of wine and the radio playing in the background. It was then that Diane finally broached the subject that hadn't been mentioned in the hour or so since she'd arrived at the flat. 'How'd it go today?'

'Good. I think.' She shrugged. 'It went well. Daisy didn't go off in a strop and Doug was…'

'He was alright?' Diane queried.

'Yeah,' she admitted with a small smile. 'I think so. We went into town, did a bit of shopping. I'm going round there after work tomorrow,' she added as an afterthought. 'Rebecca asked me to.'

'I'm glad, Nikki,' answered Diane, sipping her wine.

After a brief debate, she asked, 'Have you spoken to Robert since you went down there for Christmas?'

This time Diane's voice sounded strained. 'No. I haven't really had much free time, what with everything. I'll get round to it.'

It'd be a mistake to push it, she realised. There was a lot of things she didn't know about Diane, and how she dealt with her difficult relationship with her son was one of them. She knew she found it hard, but she wasn't sure what that led to exactly. Something to discover, she supposed. So, instead of talking, she inhaled the fragrance of her lover's hair. 'You used that shampoo as well. Smells amazing.'

* * *

'I can't believe we're running late on my first day back!' Nikki muttered, reaching for her jacket and turning to leave the bedroom. Unfortunately, Di was stood in the doorway. 'What?'

'Aren't you forgetting something?'

'What, that I'm late?'

Diane shook her head with a grin. 'That you're not wearing a bra?'

She had to laugh. Having got dressed in such a hurry she'd forgotten about that particular item of clothing. Quickly rectifying the problem, she returned to her partner at the door. 'Better?'

'Much. Come on, let's get going. I'll drive.'

By the time they reached the station Nikki was rather relieved she hadn't had time to snatch a piece of toast or anything for breakfast. Di's driving when she was in a rush attempted to live up to Lewis Hamilton's, though she did manage to always stay just inside the speed limit. As they slid to a relatively smooth stop in the car park, she glanced to Diane. 'That's the last time I let you drive.'

'We're almost on time now!'

Nikki kissed her briefly. 'Consider it a new rule.'

As they got out of the vehicle she noted Superintendent Heaton leaving his own car a few yards away. Not eager to be seen as taking it easy when she was already late, Nikki hastily began walking with Di on her heels.

'PC Noble,' Heaton said loudly. 'A word if you please.'

Nikki glanced to her lover who shrugged. 'Go on,' Diane said, 'I'll see you later.'

Complying, she hurried into the station, only to be met by Gina Gold in the corridor. 'Morning, Ma'am.'

'Was beginning to think you weren't coming back,' Gina commented, nodding they should enter her office a few yards away.

'Sorry, Ma'am, I overslept,' she said honestly after she'd closed the door and sat down opposite the Inspector. 'It won't happen again.'

'I should hope not.' Gina paused. 'It's good to have you back. How're you feeling?'

'Fine, actually. No permanent damage.'

'And what about everything else?'

Having expected this, she was prepared to an extent. 'I've left Doug: rented a flat.'

Gina nodded. 'You say it so matter-of-factly.'

'Well, it was a decision I had to make so… And if it's all the same, I'd rather not go into the details.'

'No, course not, wouldn't expect you to. I do have to ask you one thing though.'

Nikki smiled slightly. 'You know that I wouldn't let any personal situation affect my job here. If I thought for one minute that my relationship…'

'Okay,' the Inspector cut in, 'I'm not saying I don't believe you. Just make sure that it doesn't affect it, alright?'

'Of course, Ma'am.'

'Right. Well, since you're already late, you'd better get changed and get moving.'

* * *

It felt like she'd never been away. A few hours of conversations with irritable prisoners and officers like Reg Hollis and Tony Stamp and she felt completely at ease again. She had been a little nervous, she'd admit. There was always some trepidation involved in returning to work after an incident, but, luckily, it seemed unfounded on this occasion. They were a good team at Sun Hill and she'd slotted right back into it.

She was a little surprised when early-afternoon she was requested to meet Superintendent John Heaton in his office. When she arrived she found him ready and waiting behind his desk, which was a bit disconcerting. 'You wanted to see me, Sir?'

'Yes, sit down.'

Closing the door behind her before she did so, she then attempted a smile, despite the fact that her throat was dry and the anxiety she'd abandoned mid-morning decided to return with a vengeance. 'Is there a problem, Sir?'

He steadily watched her for a few moments before he spoke again. 'Your relationship with PC Noble: is it serious?'

Clearing her throat against the lump which had suddenly formed there, she tried to formulate an answer to that. The Super had evidently seen her with Diane in the car park, that was probably what he'd wanted to discuss with her. The fact that Di and the Super had known each other for years probably should've allayed her fears a little, but it didn't. If anything, it increased her sense of foreboding.

Recognising that Heaton was waiting, she finally replied, 'It's early days, Sir.'

'Well, you've left your husband, Sergeant Wright- you must have some idea whether it's going to last or not.'

'Did Diane tell you this?'

'I asked,' he answered, pursing his lips. 'Now, what I need from you is a solid guarantee that this isn't going to impair your judgement in any way whatsoever.'

'I wouldn't allow that to happen. Sir,' she added quickly, sensing it probably wouldn't be appropriate to let formalities lapse at this precise moment in time.

'Nikki, I'm well aware that you've done this before at Barton Street but this is Sun Hill and you'll agree the situation is rather different.'

'With all due respect, Sir, I'm a little offended by the fact you don't seem to rate my professional judgement.'

He shook his head. 'It isn't a question of that. I don't want anything interfering with the smooth running of my station, whatever and whoever may be behind it.'

'Would you like me to request a transfer?'

For a moment he simply watched her. Then he said, 'Not yet. If you believe as strongly as you seem to that you can work with Diane and not allow it to cloud your professionalism then I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, for now at least. However, if I hear of one incident that contests the theory…'

When he let the statement dangle, she nodded. 'Yes, Sir. Thank you.'

She was at the door when he again spoke and drew her back towards the desk. 'Nikki, Diane is not as straightforward as she may first appear.'

After ascertaining that it was well-intentioned advice, she answered, 'I am aware of that, Sir.'

'Well, as long as you are.'

* * *

'Thought you were going to the pub,' Nikki said when Diane entered the Sergeants office unexpectedly just before she was about to leave herself.

'Yeah, I am,' her partner answered, stepping further into the room and closing the door. 'I just wondered if…'

'The Super?' Nikki concluded for her with a wry smile. 'Yes, I had the pleasure.'

Diane grimaced as she took a seat opposite. 'Sorry. He saw us in the car, he didn't leave me much option than to tell him everything.'

'It's alright,' she said as she closed the file on her desk and stored it for the next shift. 'At least if he knows now then we can't be accused of keeping it a secret if something happens.'

'Like what?'

'Well, let's just say I've been warned that if I show any favouritism then my career here's at a bit of a standstill.'

'Hang on, does that mean I'm rummaging around rubbish tips for the next two years?'

'Mmm, probably,' she answered with a smile. 'Go on, you better get going. I'll see you tomorrow.'

Diane nodded. 'Have a nice night.'

'Yeah, you too.'

* * *

When Rebecca's eyes began to glaze over Nikki knew it was time to get the girls up to bed. It was a shame because they'd had a nice night in front of the box, the four of them, but the girls had school in the morning. Even Doug was looking a little on the tired side, it appeared he could probably do with an extra few hours of sleep himself.

After a little persuading both girls went without a fuss. Nikki watched over them while they brushed their teeth then tucked them into bed with the promise that she'd be round again the next night. Then, before she returned to the kitchen where Doug was making a cuppa for them both, she knocked on Liam's door.

'You could've come downstairs, you know,' she said, sitting on the bed.

'What, and watched _Shrek_?' he queried. 'I was alright, thanks.'

'Fair enough.' Pausing, she watched him for a few seconds. 'How're things?'

'I told Mum to stick it,' he said finally. 'I don't wanna be around there anymore. I'll go back if she can get herself together.'

His maturity didn't really surprise her, but she had rather worried the last few months might've knocked it out of him. She smiled. 'I'm proud of you, Liam.'

'Really?' he questioned.

'Course. Next time I'm round, come down, eh?'

'Only if you get them to watch something decent.'

'You don't ask for much do you?'

Sitting down opposite Doug in the kitchen ten minutes later, she gratefully received the cup of tea he'd made her. When they'd sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, he said, 'I need to discuss something with you.'

Her cup stopped halfway to her lips. 'That sounds ominous,' she said, placing it back on the table.

'No, it's nothing like that,' he said quickly with an attempt at a smile. 'No, I've been shunted over to cover the nightshift for two weeks starting Sunday. I wondered what your schedule was like.'

'Oh… Days,' she said with a shrug. And I'm off Tuesday to Friday next week.'

He nodded. 'Right. So… Well, what I'm asking is…'

'You don't have to ask, Doug' she interrupted. 'I'd love to have them.'

'The boys'll be fine, but I think the girls would be better with you, if you don't mind.'

'Course I don't.' Sipping her tea, she questioned, 'Have you discussed this with them?'

'Mmm-hmm. They seem to like the idea.'

'Good. I'm glad.'

* * *

'I missed you last night.'

Nikki briefly smiled as Diane once again appeared in the office at the end of her shift, dressed to leave. 'I didn't think you'd notice.'

'Got used to not waking up alone.'

She nodded for her lover to close the door and sit down. 'You might get a bit more of that.'

'Oh?'

'Doug's asked me to have the girls for a couple of weeks while he's on nights.'

Diane smiled. 'That's great news.'

'Honestly?'

'Nikki, course. I know how much it means to you. I'll just have to make do with my duvet for company for a while.'

'Well, make sure that's all you've got for company.'

With a grin, Diane questioned, 'So have you got plans tonight?'

'Oh, I think I've got time for one drink. If you're interested.'

'This drink… Couldn't happen at your place, could it?'

'I think that can be arranged.'

* * *

'You're late!' Rebecca whined.

'Sorry, darling,' she apologised. 'It won't happen again.'

'Better not.'

'Oi, madam, who do you think you're giving orders to?'

Her daughter shrugged, grinned, and ran into the living room. 'Mum's here!'

Doug emerged, his face not as clear as it had been recently but she could understand him being a little annoyed at her tardiness- he probably knew what she'd actually been up to in the time since she'd left work. The memory of it brought a smile to her face, one that she tried to match to the occasion as Daisy dragged her into the living room to show her something on the computer. She glanced backwards to Doug as the page loaded, 'Everything alright?'

Unconvincingly, he nodded. 'Fine. You?'

'Yeah, not bad.'

* * *

'Alright, you calm down or you're just gonna make things worse for yourself!'

Nikki watched Will Fletcher attempting to control the irate male prisoner and added, 'He's right, you know. If you calm down this'll go a lot easier.'

When he spat in her direction she knew it was going to be a bad day. Things only got worse throughout the morning, coming to a head when Diane and Tony brought into another struggling teen, this time a female who looked quite malnourished and very agitated.

'Jessie Garrett, Sarge,' Tony said when they reached the desk. 'Arrested for possession of a Class C drug and suspected burglary.'

'Is she alright?' Nikki questioned, taking a closer look at the wobbling figure being held upright by the two constables. 'Maybe we should let the FME look her over.'

'This has only come on in the last two minutes, Sarge,' Diane objected. 'I think she's just buying time.'

'Nevertheless, I think she should be examined.'

Diane conceded that with a reluctant nod as Jessie muttered, 'I wanna make a complaint.'

Nikki glanced back to the prisoner. 'On what grounds?'

'She hit me,' the teenager replied, indicating Diane. 'When she was arresting me.'

Shaking her head, Diane answered, 'I used adequate force, Sarge.'

Letting her eyes meet Diane's briefly, she then looked to Tony. 'What have you got to say?'

He shrugged. 'I was late to the scene. I didn't witness the arrest.'

Nikki sighed. 'Right, let's get her booked in.'

As they continued the process she could feel Diane's eyes frequently landing on her. She knew that her lover was wondering what was going on in her head and questioning whether she was taking the allegation seriously, but at the back of her head she also had Superintendent Heaton reverberating his mantra about professionalism. She had to look at this objectively, and a prisoner had made a complaint: that was that.

'Right,' she said finally. 'You'll be taken to see the FME; that'll ascertain if you've received any significant injuries in the last few hours.'

'What, like a massive whack to the ribs?'

She smiled tightly. 'Yes.'

'Well, good! Bring it on.'

Diane visibly rolled her eyes as Tony led Jessie Garrett off down the corridor. Then she asked, 'What am I supposed to do?'

'Write your report,' Nikki advised. 'Get it over with.'

'I didn't touch her, you know that, don't you?'

'It's not me you've got to convince,' she said carefully, watching Emma lead another prisoner into the custody area. 'Go on.'

'Yes, Sarge,' Diane muttered, a degree of hostility evident in her tone that made Nikki wince.

* * *

When Tony returned with Jessie Garrett half an hour later, Nikki locked her up in cell five before questioning, 'What did the FME say?'

Tony let out his breath. 'Well, she's definitely suffered some kind of assault in the last few hours, she's got bruises on her ribs and arms.'

Nikki frowned. 'Was she alone when you picked her up?'

'Yeah, and she's listed as living alone. That's not to say there was no one else there though.'

'No, course not. What are your thoughts?' she asked after a moment of deliberation.

'Well, it's Diane,' he said with a shrug. 'Case closed, as it were.'

Nodding, she said, 'Well, you find another officer to assist you with the interview, explain her complaint'll be dealt with separately. I'd better inform Inspector Gold.'

When she'd finished filling Gina in a few minutes later, the Inspector sat back in her chair. 'Definite assault marks?'

'Yeah. Diane's writing her report up now.'

'Right. I'll handle the interviews; see if I can get to the bottom of it.'

'Yes, Ma'am.' Glancing back at the door, she said, 'For what it's worth, I don't believe Diane's guilty. I think it was a reaction to the arrest, nothing more than that.'

Gina nodded. 'Is that your professional opinion?'

'As it happens, yes.'

'I'll bear it in mind.'

* * *

After Tony had bought Jessie Garrett back down after interview he reported that she'd confessed, after a little bit of cajoling, to the drugs charge but had insisted that she'd only known about the burglary, not participated in it. With that, he'd handed it up to CID and Terry and Grace were now dealing with it. He did, however, mention a name that Nikki recognised- Brad Dolan. Jessie had referred to him as another drug user which tallied with what was known about him, but the fact that she'd been with him that day was what made Nikki take notice. He didn't have a record of violence but it was certainly something to take into consideration.

Gina hadn't yet interviewed Jessie about the allegation; she was speaking to Diane and Tony first. When Nikki heard staccato sobs coming from the direction of cell five a little later she hesitated but then reasoned that this was her job and it had to be done. Proceeding down to the end cell, she checked that Jessie was well back from the door before she opened it.

Jessie was hurriedly wiping her eyes. 'Get lost.'

'Are you alright?' Nikki questioned, crossing her arms.

'I'm fine.'

'You don't look it.'

'What do you care?'

Nikki sighed and rested her shoulder against the doorframe. 'While you're here, it's my duty to care.'

'Sure you're not planning on kicking my head in cos I pointed the finger at one of you lot?'

'You can't have met many reasonable people in your life, Jessie.'

'What do you know?'

'Not much,' she conceded. 'But from looking at you I'd say it's been a while since you had a decent meal. Am I right?'

The teenager shrugged. 'So?'

'So you've got no one looking out for you.'

'I'm eighteen!'

'Well, we all need someone now and again,' Nikki answered with a small smile. 'Jessie, why did you lie about PC Noble assaulting you?'

'I didn't. She hit me,' the girl said quietly and with a lot less gusto than in her original declaration.

'Okay, supposing she did,' Nikki persisted, watching the prisoner carefully, 'why would she do it?'

'I dunno, maybe she just likes hitting people!'

'So you didn't do anything that would warrant it? You didn't attack her first?'

'No!'

Sighing, Nikki nodded. 'Alright. If you need anything I'm just down here, okay?' When Jessie refused to acknowledge her, she closed the cell door and moved back down the corridor where she found Diane evidently listening in. 'Hi.'

Diane frowned as she watched her lock the gate. 'What was all that about?'

'I'm just doing my job,' she replied, going back to the desk.

'No, you're making her think she can get away with making allegations like that!' Diane argued.

'So what was I supposed to do?' Nikki queried. 'Leave her crying down there and ignore her?'

'Yes! She's a lying little cow!'

'Well, I'm not so sure about that.' When Diane raised an eyebrow, she hastily added, 'I just mean that I think that's she got problems and…'

'You actually think I did it, don't you?' the constable interrupted. 'You think I hit her.'

'Of course I don't! But it has to be investigated, you know that.'

'Yeah,' Diane answered angrily. 'Investigated, not given credibility!'

Nikki shook her head. 'I'm not doing that. It sounded like she needed someone to talk to, that's all.'

'Fine. Sarge,' Diane muttered before storming off down the corridor.

Resting against the desk, Nikki let out her breath. Diane had a right to be frustrated with the allegation, of course she did. Things like that were always frustrating. Yet how could she accuse her of giving the notion credence? She didn't believe the accusation for a minute, but procedures had to be followed. Diane knew that as well as anyone.

* * *

'Sarge,' Tony said when he came into custody later that afternoon. 'I've just had a run-in with Brad Dolan in the front office. He was kicking up a right stink about seeing our little Miss Garrett.'

Nikki frowned. 'Did he get violent?'

'No, but I'd say he definitely had it in him. And he said something strange as well.'

'Really, what?'

'He said that Jessie couldn't have done what she'd been arrested for because she'd been with him all week. Now, either that's a straight lie or…'

'Or he was her accomplice in the burglary,' Nikki concluded for him. 'You didn't find the stolen goods with Jessie, did you?'

'No. We thought she might've sold it on already.'

'But maybe she never had them in the first place. It's worth looking into,' she added.

Tony nodded. 'Anything that helps get Diane off the hook. Maybe she'll be less inclined to lie if he's in custody.'

'Well, we can hope,' she said carefully. 'Oh, and Tony? Mention this to Inspector Gold. She hasn't interviewed Jessie yet and it might help when she does.'

* * *

When Will and Tony brought in Brad Dolan an hour later for possession of stolen goods Nikki barely contained her smile. 'Hello, Brad. Didn't expect to see you again so soon.'

'Got bored, didn't I?' he muttered.

'Shame you didn't just get bored by yourself really,' she commented.

'I'm gonna kill that bitch for dobbing me in,' he snapped.

'You keep talking like that and you won't have a hope of bail,' she warned.

After putting him into his cell, she stopped by number five and looked in. 'How are you feeling?'

Jessie was on her feet and pacing whilst chewing on her nails. 'Was that Brad?'

'Yeah, we found the stolen goods with him. You'd have done yourself a favour if you'd have told us where they were.'

'I wasn't gonna grass him up!'

'He already thinks you did,' Nikki answered.

Jessie groaned. 'You told him I did?'

'Of course we didn't. He jumped to conclusions, that's all. Look, Jessie,' she went on after a moment of deliberation, 'you'd better seriously think about your options. And maybe start telling us the truth. It'll help you in the long run, trust me.'

* * *

'Nikki?'

'Yes, Ma'am?' she said, glancing up as the Inspector approached the desk. 'Is there a problem?'

'I can't get anything out of Jessie Garrett, she's not mentioning the assault or anything now. She's adamant she'll only speak to you.'

She sighed. 'That's a bit inappropriate, isn't it?'

'Yeah, I'm aware of that, but as it stands we've got no confirmation as to whether she wants to make this complaint official. We need to know one way or the other so if you think you can handle it…'

'It's not a question of that, Ma'am,' she interjected. 'I just…'

'Nikki,' Gina interjected, 'you've assured me you can retain your objectivity and I trust that. Alright?'

She nodded. 'Yes, Ma'am.'

* * *

Settling herself into the chair, Nikki watched as Gina switched on the tape and commenced the interview. Then she asked, 'Is there something you wanna tell us, Jessie?'

The teenager played with her fingernails. 'What you said before… You were right. I lied.'

'About the assault?' Nikki queried carefully, mindful that Gina was present. 'Or something else?'

'That copper didn't hit me,' Jessie muttered. 'I tried to run off and she stopped me is all.'

Nodding, she asked, 'Why did you lie, Jessie?'

'I was angry. I wanted to get her into trouble.'

'You could get yourself into serious trouble with allegations like that,' Nikki replied, glancing towards Gina. 'If PC Noble wasn't responsible for your injuries then who was? We had confirmation that they were inflicted today.'

'It was Brad,' said Jessie quietly. 'The burglary didn't go great, I'd been seen and he didn't like it so he whacked me.'

'I don't understand why you blamed it on PC Noble initially,' Nikki persisted. 'You must have known we'd find out the truth eventually.'

'Maybe you'll lock me up then, eh?'

'Is that what you want?'

Jessie shrugged. 'Why not?'

'Because you're eighteen! You've got a chance to turn your life around if you want it. There're support agencies to help you find work, find help if you need it. You're not on your own and you don't have to rely on people like Brad Dolan.'

Finally, the girl nodded. 'I'm really sorry. I didn't get her into trouble did I?'

'No,' Gina answered. 'You've told the truth now, that counts for something.'

As they left the interview room, Nikki placed her hand on Jessie's shoulder. 'Takes a lot of guts to admit you lied, you know.'

'What, you'd know, would you?'

She smiled as she guided her back towards the cells. 'As it happens, I would.' Glancing to her left, she saw Diane waiting in the custody seating area for her. Swallowing, she took Jessie back down to her cell.

'PC Noble,' Gina Gold said curtly. 'A word in my office.'

'Yes, Ma'am,' was the reply and Nikki heard the retreating footsteps as she returned to the desk. Briefly she wondered what Diane was thinking but since she was now off the hook she didn't suppose it mattered all that much. The allegation had been proved false; that was the only important thing.

* * *

'You look like you need a drink.'

Nikki smiled wearily at Gina when she glanced up to find her in the doorway of the Sergeants office. 'Mmm, I probably could.'

'Regretting coming back, are you?' the Inspector queried.

'No. Well, maybe,' she said with a shrug. 'Nothing a good sleep won't cure.'

'Especially if it's induced by a big drink.'

'Something like that,' she answered as Superintendent Heaton appeared next to Gina. 'Hello, Sir.'

'Good work today, Nikki,' he said with a brief smile. 'I was impressed.'

When he'd carried on down the corridor, Gina raised an eyebrow. 'High praise.'

Nikki let out her breath into a snort. 'Mmm.'

Some more footsteps echoed outside, several pairs. Diane appeared behind Gina, alongside Emma Keane and Sally Armstrong, all three were smiling until the grin slid off Diane's face when she noticed her sat there. 'Hello, Ma'am, Sarge.'

'We're just going to the pub if you want to join us,' Emma put in. 'It's been a long day.'

Nikki tried to smile. 'I've got plans.'

Diane wasn't looking at her. 'Come on, I need a drink.'

The trio disappeared and Gina looked back over. 'For crying out loud, I'll buy you a drink!'

She shook her head. 'No, I do actually have to meet the kids. I think I'm seeing more of them now than I did when I was living there. Not that I'm complaining.'

'No, course not. Well, another time.'

'I'll hold you to that, Ma'am.'

* * *

'Now, come on,' Doug said, dropping into the chair opposite her. 'You haven't been right all evening. The girls are settled so you might as well talk to me.'

'It's nothing,' she answered with as much conviction as she could manage. 'Just a nightmare day at work, that's all.'

'It must really have been something to get under your skin.'

Doug could always read her perfectly, about work at least. He'd known her too long and he knew it took a lot to shake her in that environment. Of course, she couldn't explain the entire situation but… 'Just a complaint,' she said finally. 'You know how it is.'

He conceded that with a shrug. 'Don't let it get to you,' he advised. 'It's just a blip.'

Nodding, she tried to smile. 'I know that.'

Doug watched her for a moment then stood. 'Wait here.'

Letting him leave the room, she attempted to infuse a bit of happiness into her face, however difficult a task it proved to be. He was right: she'd been off in her own world most of the night. It was fortunate that the girls didn't notice; they'd both been too hyperactive and argumentative to recognise that her head was elsewhere.

When Doug returned he motioned for her to follow him into the living room. Sitting down on the sofa, she watched him fiddle with the CD player then smiled as the opening bars of one of her favourite albums started up.

_Everybody screamed when I kissed the teacher…_

'Do you want a drink?' Doug questioned. 'I've got a bottle of wine in the fridge.'

'I probably shouldn't, I've got the car.'

'You can always pick it up in the morning. It's not like you lives miles away.'

Considering that, she eventually shrugged. 'Alright, yeah.'

'Good. Beats drinking alone, doesn't it?'

She couldn't argue with that. The alternative at the moment was going back to her cold flat and brooding on the events of the day. At least if she was here her mind would be kept occupied. Settling back into the sofa, she listened to the music with a small smile playing on her lips.

'Always cheers you up, doesn't it?' Doug observed when he came back in as the track was ending. 'Always has.'

'What can I say, I'm easy to please.' she answered, taking the glass of red wine he passed her and placing it on the table.

_You can dance, you can jive,_

_Having the time of your life…_

Suddenly, Doug pulled her to her feet. 'And I know how to make you smile as well.'

She laughed as he began hopelessly dancing, almost to the music. When he held out his hand, she shook her head. 'I'm not dancing with you!'

'At least we're not in public this time.'

That was a good point- no public humiliation like the last time. But she still resisted. 'No!'

He grabbed her nevertheless. 'Come on! You know it'll make you feel better.'

Letting go, she let herself go with the flow for the duration of the track. When it began to fade, she stepped away but Doug twirled her back into his arms as the next track began- this one was slower.

_I've seen it on your face,_

_Tells me more than any worn-out old phrase._

_So now we'll go separate ways,_

_Never again we two,_

_Never again, nothing I can do…_

Nikki felt she should pull away but his arms kept her resting against his chest. Slowly relaxing her tense shoulders, she let him move her slowly around the room, trying not to remember that the lyrics of that particular song were very reminiscent of what they were really going through. It didn't matter all that much; she was just getting lost in the music and she presumed Doug was too.

_I've watched you look away,_

_Tell me, is it really so hard to say?_

'Nikki,' Doug said quietly, surprising her with the fact that his voice was so close and yet so soft, 'Do you feel any better?'

'Not at the moment, no,' she admitted.

His arms wrapped tighter around her, making her breath catch. 'Just forget it all for a while.'

_Yes, I know I don't possess you,_

_So go away, God bless you,_

_You are still my love and my life,_

_Still my one and only._

As the song ended, she pulled back and turned away. 'I should leave.'

'Nikki, hang on,' he muttered, grabbing her arm. 'You don't have to. It's alright.'

'No, it's not, Doug,' she answered. 'I shouldn't be…'

'Dancing?' he interrupted. 'There's nothing wrong with that. But if you're not comfortable with that… just sit down. I don't want you leaving looking like you do.'

'What do I look like?' she questioned, glancing back to him.

'Unhappy,' he said simply with a small shrug. 'And that can't be right, can it? Nikki, sit down. Drink your wine.'

Doing so, she focused back in on the music then, realising the next song was the rather inappropriate 'Knowing Me, Knowing You', said, 'Skip the next track.'

After briefly meeting her eye he did so then came to sit beside her on the sofa with his own glass of wine. 'You know the great thing about work?' he said a few seconds later.

'Go on, enlighten me.'

'You can leave it at the door,' he replied. 'That's where it belongs.'

'I know. Just not always that easy,' she said.

'Now, whoever said it was easy?' he questioned, clinking the rims of their glasses together. 'Cheers.'

'Cheers.'

A minute later she felt herself smiling as her favourite song came on. Doug was watching her and smiled himself.

_Are you sure you wanna hear more?_

_What if I ain't worth the while,_

_Not the style you'd be lookin' for?_

'I dimly recall a karaoke incident,' he murmured.

She looked sideways at him. 'The one that was never gonna be mentioned again?'

'Mmm, that's the one.'

'Don't you dare. Not if you know what's good for you.'

'You know, I always wish I'd got it on camera for posterity.'

'I'd had three bottles of wine!' she argued. 'And you weren't one to talk- who started the conga with the bar staff?'

'Guilty,' he answered with a grin.

_Are you sure you wanna hear more?_

_Won't you have a drink with me,_

_Just to see you're not really sore?_

'Top up?' he asked.

Recognising she was a little low, she nodded and scooted closer to him. As he poured their fingers brushed and she felt him willing her to look up. Suddenly she became aware of the distinct lack of distance between them; their knees were touching and now their eyes were locked. Before she knew it he was kissing her, his arm slowly wrapping around her waist.

Coming to her senses, she pulled away, almost knocking the bottle out of his hand in the process. Stumbling to her feet, she backed out of the room, grasping at her coat in the hallway.

'Nikki,' he said, following her out. 'What are you doing?'

'I'm leaving,' she said, her voice trembling.

'Why?'

'Why?' she repeated incredulously. 'Because this can't happen!'

Approaching her, he reached for her hands. 'Yes, it can. And you want it to.'

Swallowing, she tried to argue that point but her mind was too fogged up from the wine she'd consumed. What if that's what she did want? After all, they'd successfully managed for ten years and…

Shaking her head, she moved out of his reach. 'No, Doug,' she muttered before leaving and letting the brisk night cut into her.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: This was supposed to be the final chapter but when I wrote it I decided I had another couple of things I wanted to explore. So you get two more chapters! As ever, thanks for bothering to read.

* * *

_Cos I can't fight this feeling anymore,_

_I've forgotten what I started fighting for._

'You look terrible, Sarge. If you don't me saying so.'

'I do, as it happens, Reg,' Nikki muttered.

'Sorry. Seems to be an epidemic of it this morning, mind you. Diane Noble just bit my head off for no reason.'

She glanced up immediately at that. 'Pardon?'

'Hmm? Sorry, I didn't mean to gossip.'

'Then why are you here, Reg?' she queried, feeling the even temper she'd battled to bring into work a few hours earlier crumbling rapidly around her ears.

'There's a parcel for you at the front desk,' he answered. 'PC Green asked me to inform you of it, you see.'

'Right, thank you.'

After finishing the report she was working on- because she'd learned already that morning that leaving things unfinished with her frame of mind meant that she spent twenty minutes trying to refocus- Nikki proceeded to the front office. She was surprised when the package turned out to be a bouquet of red roses, with no card. Not that she needed one of those to tell her who they were from: roses were Doug's token and he knew how much she liked them. Yet she wondered what he hoped to achieve by sending them to the station.

As she rounded a corner she suddenly recognised one of his intentions as she almost went flying into Diane. 'Sorry, I didn't see you.'

The constable certainly seemed to be a little worse for wear as Reg had described. Her eyes flicked first to the flowers before she looked up. 'Someone's been a good girl.'

'Anonymous gift,' she answered, feeling her throat dry up. 'Di, I think we should…'

'You wanna do this here?'

'No, of course not,' Nikki replied, watching her lover closely. 'But I do need to talk to you.'

'About Jessie Garrett?' Diane questioned.

'Yes,' she said in part-honesty.

'Well, you needn't bother. Inspector Gold's put me straight, told me how you worked yesterday to get me off the hook. I suppose I should thank you.'

Uncertain, because the tone of Diane's voice was so false, she just nodded. 'I still wanna see you.'

'I'll come round tonight,' Diane muttered, starting to move away. 'If you're gonna be there.'

'Course,' she said, watching her off down the corridor.

* * *

She'd thought about calling Doug but that was only a viable option if she had a clue what she wanted to say to him, and she hadn't really. How to tell him that their kiss meant nothing and had just served as a reminder that she was currently embroiled in an argument with Diane? You couldn't tell someone that, especially not someone you'd loved for so many years.

So she left Doug as a problem to be sorted out later and waited anxiously for Diane at her flat. She wasn't certain yet whether she was going to tell her what had happened the previous evening. Part of her wanted to ignore the whole thing but it could always come back to haunt her at some point in the future. Besides, she didn't want to lie to Diane; there'd been enough of that between them in the recent past.

The knock on the door came just before eight. Steeling herself, she went to answer it and nodded Diane through to the living room. 'Do you want a drink?'

'No. I'm driving.'

'Right.' With a sigh, Nikki sat down and waited for Diane to do the same, though it took her a few moments. 'How are you?'

Diane looked up. 'I'm fine, Nikki. How are you?'

'Alright, I've obviously upset you,' she muttered. 'I'm sorry if I seemed to take Jessie Garrett's side yesterday. I didn't. I just… I had the Super whispering in my ear. I had to take it seriously.' Finishing, she glanced at Di. 'Say something.'

Her lover clasped her hands together tightly. 'Did you really think he wouldn't call me the minute you were out of the door?'

Nikki stared at her. 'What?'

'You know what I'm talking about,' Di answered bitterly.

Taking a moment to steady herself, Nikki then questioned, 'What did he tell you?'

Diane shook her head. 'I want you to tell me what happened.'

She could hardly believe this was happening. Whether to tell Diane should've been down to her, not Doug. That said, whether to tell Doug about her and Diane should've been down to her as well. They seemed to be developing a pattern, and not one she appreciated.

Finally, knowing that she was being watched, she answered, 'I kissed him. Last night. I'm sorry.'

'You kissed him?' Diane repeated, her tone indecipherable.

Nikki nodded. 'Yeah.'

There was a lengthy pause. 'That's funny. Because he was under the impression you'd slept together.'

She refrained from snorting, but only just. 'Pardon?'

'You're saying you didn't?'

'Well, I'd like to think I'd be aware of it,' she said, half-hoping some humour would lighten the situation.

Evidently not. 'Nikki, did you sleep with him or not?'

'Of course I didn't!'

'Then why would he say you had?'

'I don't know!' she replied, watching Diane's face closely. 'But I didn't sleep with him.'

The constable was quiet for a long moment. 'Even if you did…' She let out her breath angrily. 'I can't hate you, Nikki! I just need you to tell me the truth, okay? Tell me what happened last night.'

Shifting closer to Diane, she reached for her hand. 'I kissed him. I regret it and I'm sorry. But I promise you that's all that happened.'

Diane nodded, though Nikki couldn't tell if she believed her or not.

'Have a drink,' she muttered. 'Please.'

'I told you, I'm driving.'

'Di,' she murmured, stroking the back of her hand. 'I promise you I didn't sleep with him. I couldn't.'

'But you kissed him.'

'Yes,' she admitted, allowing the hand in her grasp to fall. 'I'd had a little to drink but it doesn't excuse it.'

'No. It doesn't.'

'Di,' she said, hesitantly placing her hand on her lover's thigh. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen.'

'Then explain it to me,' the constable answered icily.

Withdrawing her hand, Nikki let out her breath heavily. 'I was preoccupied, he tried to cheer me up and it… It got out of hand. I don't know what happened. One minute we were listening to music and dancing and the next… we were kissing. I left then,' she added quickly. 'I couldn't…'

'Cheat on me?'

She almost recoiled at the detached manner of Diane's voice. 'I love you,' she said finally. 'I couldn't ignore that.'

'But you kissed him,' the constable repeated.

'Di, I need you to forgive me,' she said softly.

'You don't get it, do you, Nikki?' Diane said after a lengthy pause. 'Even if I wanted to walk away, I couldn't. But I…'

'I'm telling you the truth,' she interrupted.

Diane slowly nodded. 'Yeah, I know that. I just… I think I need a bit of time.'

Nikki sighed. 'Okay.'

Standing, Di glanced back to her. 'Are you going round there tonight?'

'No. I thought it was a bad idea.' Getting to her feet, Nikki reached tentatively for her lover's hands. 'I really am sorry.'

'I'm not surprised,' Diane said, shrugging. 'I always knew it was a possibility. I mean, you were married to the bloke for ten years, how can I compete with that? He knows you a lot better than I do.'

'I don't think that's true,' she replied. 'Not anymore.'

After examining her face, Di pulled her into her arms. 'I don't know if I can handle this,' she muttered into her ear. 'Every time you go round there I'm wondering whether this is the night something happens between you and him. And it's not a ridiculous idea either, is it?'

'I would never have slept with him. I couldn't.'

'Couldn't you?'

Inhaling the scent of Diane's hair, she briefly laughed. 'No.'

Eventually, they separated. 'I should go.'

'Don't,' Nikki said, refusing to release her hands. 'Stay.'

Di watched her. 'You really think that's a good idea?'

'Personally, I reckon it's the best idea I've had all week,' she answered, raising a small smile. When Diane didn't immediately rebuke the idea, she lifted a finger up to push a hair back behind her left ear then leaned forward to kiss her. 'Please.'

* * *

Holding Diane always felt more than right. It made her feel complete, more complete than she had in a long time: this was one embrace that she wanted to stay locked in forever sometimes. Hearing a light sigh, Nikki shuffled so she could see her lover's face. 'You okay?'

'Just thinking.'

'Oh.' After deliberation, she added, 'Do you wanna talk about it?'

'No. Probably should though.'

Nikki kissed her forehead. 'There's a bottle of wine in the fridge. How about if I crack that open?'

'Sounds like a plan.'

Drawing herself away from the warmth of the bed, she paused at the door to collect her dressing gown and glanced back to Diane still wrapped under the covers. She couldn't help but smile at seeing her there, looking more gorgeous than ever. To think, twenty four earlier she'd almost ruined this.

Going through to the kitchen she poured them both a glass of wine then, as an afterthought, balanced the bottle in her arms as she went back into the bedroom. Diane had shifted up so she was now upright and her face wasn't as bright as Nikki might've hoped.

'Here,' she said, passing her a glass before settling next to her in the bed. 'Cheers.'

Diane was quiet for more than a minute as she sipped her wine. Nikki let her hand rest casually on her lover's knee: it soothed her a little and she hoped it did the same for Diane. Finally, the constable muttered, 'There's a lot you don't know about me. And you haven't asked, which I'm grateful for.'

'I thought you'd tell me if you wanted me to know,' Nikki answered carefully.

'Truth is, I'm not good at talking about stuff like this. Easier to pretend it never happened.'

'Mmm, I think I know the feeling.'

Diane glanced up and smiled briefly. 'Yeah, you're the expert.'

Nikki kissed her lightly. 'Go on.'

Moving her gaze back down, Di took another sip of wine. 'Steve cheated on me with one of my mates. And,' she quickly went on, 'I cheated on him with the next-door neighbour's girlfriend.' She glanced upwards as if anticipating some kind of comment but Nikki just stayed silent, waiting until she continued. 'I didn't love her. I don't think Steve loved Maggie either come to that. But at least we realised that we weren't meant to be together. I think that's why we can still look each other in the face to be honest.'

Nikki still didn't speak; instead she just began massaging Diane's thigh.

'I don't do… this, Nikki. I don't get involved with people. It's easier that way. I can't… It's not me.' Diane paused. 'At least, it didn't used to be. It's all your fault.'

'Well, I apologise.'

'Yeah, so you should. You're the only one who's ever made me break my own rules.'

'I think the same applies,' Nikki replied, entwining their fingers.

Diane chuckled. 'Fair point.'

'Anyway, change can be a good thing.'

'You wouldn't have said that a year ago,' her lover pointed out.

'No,' she conceded. 'But you never know what's round the corner, do you? I could get shot again tomorrow.'

'Not if you know what's good for you, you won't.'

Nikki smiled. 'It was hypothetical.'

'Better have been,' Diane warned. 'I'm not going through that again if I can help it. You were alright; you were unconscious. But… I was just sat there going over and over everything in my head. One of the longest nights of my life,' she added with an attempt at an easy shrug. She failed and recognised it. 'See? I'm a hopeless case.'

'Di, contrary to what you think, showing how you're feeling isn't the end of the world. Can actually help sometimes, strange as it may sound.'

'I just… I can't do it. I don't want to do it. Avoid the mess: it's easier.'

'Yeah, till it catches up with you.'

'No one told me that had to happen,' Diane replied, shaking her head. 'Nikki, can I ask you something?'

'Course.'

'If I hadn't… If I hadn't told Doug when I did, if Liam hadn't seen anything… What would've happened? Would we just still be going along like we were?'

She didn't answer immediately. When she eventually did she made sure that she wasn't being watched. 'I wouldn't have told him. Didn't have the guts. Sorry if that makes me a coward.'

'You're honest about it,' Di said. 'Thanks. Don't suppose it matters much now anyway.'

'Nope. Not really. It doesn't…' Trailing off, she tried to find the right words. 'It doesn't mean I didn't want to tell him, you know? I just…'

'Nikki, it's fine. I knew it. I wasn't stupid enough to believe we were ever gonna make it work. Made me feel safer that way as well.'

'And now?' she asked carefully.

'And now… I don't know what to expect.'

'Makes two of us.'

'But I do know something,' Diane went on suddenly, squeezing her hand. 'We have to find some way of doing this. You know, working together and still… We might not see eye to eye all the time but I don't fancy worrying about whether you're gonna sleep with your ex or not if we have a disagreement.'

'I won'tdo that,' she objected.

'You nearly did, Nikki! I don't know if I can handle that possibility all the time.'

'It's not that simple. I can't exactly cut him out of my life, can I?'

'No, I know that,' Diane replied, half-smiling at her. 'But don't… Don't get drunk with him and don't dance with him. Please.'

Nikki nodded then kissed her. 'Deal. Which reminds me…' Stretching towards the bedside table she placed down her empty glass of wine and picked up her mobile instead.

'What are you doing?'

'Getting in there first,' she muttered, scrolling down her list of contacts before pressing the call button.

Two rings and then it was answered. 'Nikki?'

'Hiya, Doug. I just wanted to check about Sunday,' she continued, glancing to Diane. 'Do you want me to pick the girls up or are you dropping them off?'

He paused. 'Well, aren't you coming round before then?'

'I wasn't planning on it. I mean, you won't be seeing them properly for a couple of weeks, you should spend some time with them.'

'When you put it like that… I suppose it makes sense. Are you alright?'

'Fine.'

'Are you sure? You sound…'

'Doug,' she interjected. 'Sunday?'

'Um… I suppose you could pick them up when you finish work if it's not too much trouble.'

'Course it isn't. They're my kids.'

'Yeah, funnily enough, I realise that. Nikki…'

'I have to go,' she interrupted. 'I'll see you Sunday. And give the girls my love, alright? Bye.'

When she placed the phone back down on the bedside table, Diane was staring at her. 'You sure that was wise? He can make things difficult.'

'Only if we let him,' she answered.

* * *

When she first awoke she wasn't certain what had triggered it until she felt lips teasing down her neck. Smiling, she rolled over. 'Morning.'

'I didn't mean to wake you,' Diane said, looking guilty.

'I've been woken in worse ways,' Nikki replied. 'What time is it?'

'Early. Couldn't sleep.'

'Still thinking?'

'Yeah, off and on. Doesn't matter though.' Pausing for a moment, Di suddenly slipped out of the bed. 'I should shower.'

'Do you want some company?'

'Tempting an offer as that is…'

'You're turning me down?' Nikki queried, raising an eyebrow.

Diane shook her head. 'No. No, I'm not.'

* * *

'You're humming.'

She glanced up apologetically. 'Sorry, am I?'

Gina nodded. 'And it's very distracting.'

'I'll zip it,' she offered, glancing back down to her paperwork briefly. 'Was there a problem, Ma'am?'

'Something to wipe the smile off your face then,' the Inspector answered. 'Your husband's in the front office. And he's not on his own. Diane was showing him into the front interview room last I saw.'

Immediately on her feet, she brushed past Gina. 'Thanks, Ma'am,' she muttered, rushing to reception. She didn't wait for a reply to her curt knock; instead she just pushed open the door to find Diane and Doug sat opposite each other remarkably amicably. 'Hello.'

Diane had her arms crossed yet she seemed perfectly fine. 'Hiya.'

Doug, on closer inspection, seemed a tad annoyed but his voice when he spoke was calm and level. 'I wanted to speak to you.'

'I was keeping him company,' Diane added, standing. 'I'll leave you to it.'

Nikki glanced towards her, meeting her eye. 'Is everything alright?'

Diane shrugged. 'Yeah, fine.'

When the door closed Nikki took the seat her partner had vacated and looked to her estranged husband. 'What is it, Doug?'

Now they were alone he began to relax. 'You seemed on edge last night. I wanted to know if you were okay.'

'I'm at work. You couldn't have asked me some other time?'

'I was passing and I was worried,' he answered. 'It's not a good combination.'

Crossing her arms, Nikki questioned, 'Why did you lie to Diane?'

He didn't seem surprised by her asking that. He eventually shrugged. 'I wanted to shake her up, that's all.'

'You had no right!'

'Right?!' he repeated incredulously, then he took a long breath. 'I know it was wrong and I apologise. It won't happen again.'

'Well, it better hadn't.'

'Did you like the flowers?' he asked after a moment.

Pausing, she eventually nodded. 'They were very nice. Thank you.'

'But don't do it again?' he concluded for her.

'Something like that.'

He stood. 'Right. I suppose I'll see you Sunday then.'

'Are the kids all okay?' she queried, standing herself and opening the door for him.

'Oh, they're fine,' he answered, going out into reception. 'Rebecca's got a bit of a sniffle but it should clear up. And Andy said he'd introduce me to his girlfriend next month.'

Nikki smiled. 'When he starts bringing them home you have to watch him.'

'I said you might want to be there,' Doug went on, glancing at her as the automatic doors opened. 'He said he wouldn't mind.'

'Let's see, eh?' she replied evenly. 'See you Sunday.'

'Bye, Nikki.'

When she turned from the door she found Diane unsuccessfully trying to appear interested in a piece of paper at the desk. 'Haven't you got work to do?' she asked, approaching.

Di shrugged. 'I was just… reading.'

'Course you were. I sent him packing, alright? Happy?'

Her lover grinned slightly. 'Ecstatic.'

'Good. Now get out of here. You're making the place look untidy.'

* * *

In the early hours of Sunday morning she turned over expecting to find Diane sleeping beside her but instead found that side of the bed cold. Slipping out of the warm covers Nikki retrieved her robe before glancing at the clock which read just after three then going through to the kitchen where she found Diane at the table with a glass of water. 'Morning.'

Di glanced towards her, but barely. 'I didn't wake you did I?'

'No,' she replied, sitting down herself. 'How long have you been up?'

'Don't think I really got to sleep to be honest.'

'So you gonna tell me what's going on or do I have to guess? I mean, it's three in the morning; it might take me a while.'

Smiling briefly, Diane shook her head. 'It's nothing.'

'You can tell me, you know.'

'Nikki,' Diane answered, getting to her feet suddenly. 'I said it's nothing. So leave it, okay?'

Watching the constable out of the room she sighed. Diane had been pensive since their disagreement over Jessie Garrett and the ill-advised kiss with Doug but Nikki doubted she'd get her to talk to her about it in the near future. Di was still vastly protective of herself; it grated sometimes. Still, she hadn't exactly been an open-book herself until recently- she couldn't blame Diane for being the same way. It was a difference in people: she'd always known what Doug was thinking, or at least she'd always been able to take a good stab at it, but Di was an unknown quantity, a different matter entirely. It was going to take some adjusting to; she recognised that.

Yet before she could hope to infiltrate Diane's mind she had two weeks of the girls to cope with. That meant trying to get some sleep and waking up relatively refreshed. Going back through to the bedroom she found Diane already under the covers with her eyes closed. As she placed her head down on the pillow though, Nikki heard a soft, 'Goodnight,' and replied with the same. At least Di wasn't annoyed with her then. That made her feel quite a bit better about it all.

* * *

'You look like you've got a headache,' Nikki commented when Doug opened the door to her on Sunday evening.

'Do I?' he questioned, allowing her past. 'Strange.'

A loud thumping on the stairs made her wince as she watched Rebecca bound down towards her. 'Hiya, sweetheart.'

'Daisy's not ready yet!' her daughter whined.

'Well, if you give a hand she might be quicker,' Nikki answered then smiled as Rebecca practically jumped back up the stairs. Turning to Doug, she found him shaking his head. 'What?'

'They'll kill each other,' he replied.

'So long as the mess is here,' she said with a shrug.

'You want a coffee?' he asked, going through to the kitchen. 'They may be a while.'

Recalling her promise to Diane- even though coffee wasn't an alcoholic drink- she shook her head. 'I'm alright, thanks. Where are the boys?'

'Andy's out with this girl of his and Liam's upstairs with his headphones surgically glued to his head. I'm not sure I've actually spoken to him since Wednesday.'

'Nothing new there then,' she answered. 'What do you know about Andy's new girlfriend?'

'Ah, I haven't got a name yet, if that's what you're angling for. But give me time.'

'He can run rings around you,' she reminded him.

'I'm deeply offended by that,' Doug said with a mock-frown. 'I am a copper, you know.'

'Mmm, I had heard.' Turning around, she saw Daisy coming through. 'Hiya.'

'Rebecca stole my Nintendo DS.'

Nikki glanced backwards to Doug. 'Good. In that case you'll have to talk to me. Come on, get a move on. Your dad needs to relax before work.'

'That's a funny one,' he answered.

* * *

'You look exhausted,' Diane said when they passed in the corridor on Monday afternoon.

Drawing to a halt, Nikki shrugged. 'Rebecca's sniffle turned into flu. It'll be a miracle if Daisy doesn't catch it as well.'

'Someone's gonna have a fun-filled few days.'

'Yep,' she answered. 'You okay?'

'Fine. Who's looking after Rebecca while you're working?'

Nikki rolled her eyes. 'Auntie Annie volunteered. Probably wants something in return but I didn't ask.'

'For the best,' Diane said with a small smile. 'Have to meet your sister sometime.'

'I'd rather you didn't. Annie's got a bit of a vivid imagination.'

'What, seems to think you were a wild teenager?'

'See, completely off the mark,' Nikki replied. 'I'll see you later.'

'Wait, do you want a lift home tonight? I've got the car.'

She nodded. 'Yeah, thanks.'

* * *

Diane hadn't been overly talkative during the journey home but Nikki hadn't pressed it. She enjoyed the fact that they weren't expected to constantly entertain each other and just liked being in Diane's company. She even managed to smile at that fact; considering that things had been so hectic in the last few months it was nice to enjoy some smooth road. Besides, she was going to have to adjust to being in a situation with Diane that wasn't crazy and didn't involve constant anguish for all involved. Part of her worried that they might not be able to achieve that. What if all they had together was because of the danger and the adrenalin?

Yet Nikki shook that thought from her head by recalling the simple glance Diane had thrown her before she'd left the car. Simple but breathtaking. It made her smile just to think of it. Surely that meant, then, they were going to be fine.

Which was more than could be said of her daughters if they didn't stop driving her mad. The illnesses she could cope with, the arguments were what was going to make her jump out of the kitchen window.

'Give that back to your sister!'

'It's mine!' Rebecca moaned.

'No. No, it's not. I bought it, I should know.'

'Well, I'm just using it!'

Glancing to her elder daughter frowning on the sofa, Nikki shook her head and moved out into the hallway. 'You can do what you want!' As there was a knock on the door, she concluded, 'Rip each other into little bits if you want! I mean, what do I care? I'll only the one who has to clean it up!'

Opening the door, she found Diane staring quizzically at her. 'Having fun?'

Nikki found herself smiling, despite the pounding headache that was beginning to form. 'It's a joy. Really.'

Diane held up her mobile phone. 'You left this in my car. Thought you might need it since you're off for a few days.'

'I didn't even notice,' she said honestly, taking it. 'Things have been...'

'Mum!' Daisy shouted.

'Hectic,' she finished with a shrug. 'Come in for a minute.'

'I don't think I…'

'They don't bite,' Nikki interrupted.

Diane still hesitated on the opposite side of the threshold. 'Doug wouldn't like it.'

That she'd concede but… 'He's not here, is here? Just for a bit?'

Very reluctantly it seemed, Diane nodded and stepped inside, removing her jacket. 'They'll hate me.'

Nikki shook her head. 'Why do you say that?'

'Call it a copper's hunch.'

With that Diane took off into the living room and Nikki followed after a brief pause. 'You two be polite. This is my friend, Diane.'

Rebecca merely muttered an acknowledgement to the doorway while not taking her eyes off the television but Daisy, ever nosy and always trying to be mature, stood up. 'I'm always polite!'

Nikki raised an eyebrow. 'You are? First I've heard of it. What were you shouting me for?'

Daisy flopped back down onto the sofa. 'Have you got that medicine?'

'What medicine?' she questioned, moving forward and rearranging the blankets so both girls were covered. 'I haven't seen any.'

'Dad said he'd give it to you.'

'Well, he didn't,' Nikki answered, stepping back.

'But we need it!' Daisy moaned. 'It helps!'

Sighing, Nikki looked to Diane who immediately shook her head. 'Don't even think about it.'

Indicating they move through into the kitchen, Nikki closed the door. 'I'll be there and back in twenty minutes.'

'No, you can't leave me with them!'

'They're too ill to cause problems!'

'You told them to rip into each other if they wanted!'

'Well, they won't,' she tried with a shrug. 'Di, you just have to make sure they don't move. You'd be doing me a really big favour.'

She could see her lover was wavering. 'I just…'

'Please?' Nikki asked, running her finger down Diane's cheek.

Finally, the constable nodded. 'Alright. But don't be long. I'm no good at this.'

* * *

The stench hit her as soon as she entered the house. Liver, she'd guess. Instead of going straight up to the bathroom as she'd planned Nikki went into the kitchen, only to find Liam gingerly taking a shrivelled packet from the microwave and depositing it in the bin before scratching his head.

Trying not to smile, she questioned, 'Everything alright, Liam?'

He spun on the spot, evidently embarrassed. 'Nikki, hi. Didn't hear you come in.'

'No, obviously. What happened?'

Shrugging, he went to the sink and wet a cloth. 'Microwave meal kind of exploded.'

Watching him for a moment, she then looked over the kitchen. 'Just the one?'

'Well, no,' he admitted. 'I was having pasta first but I dropped it. Cleaned it up though.'

'That was over there, was it?' she queried, pointing to a sticky patch by the washing machine.

'Oh, can you still see it?'

'Take it your Dad's gone already?' she asked, moving to get the bucket from under the sink.

'Yeah. About an hour ago.'

'Andy not around?'

'He said he'd be late,' Liam said with a shrug. 'I can look after myself.'

Nikki laughed. 'You can, can you?'

He was probably about to retort but then he sniffed. 'What is that smell?'

Barely containing another smile, she told him, 'I'll sort this out. You go get your sleeping bag.'

'Why, where am I going?'

'I've got a sofa. And food in the fridge that won't explode.'

Liam looked uncomfortable. 'I don't know.'

'If you're worried about your dad,' Nikki replied carefully, 'I can call him and ask him how he feels about it. But I'm sure he'd think it's better than you staying here on your own with nothing to eat.'

'I know but…' He shook his head. 'He's been alright this week and I don't wanna…'

'Liam,' she interrupted. 'I'm not forcing you out the door. But what do you want to do?'

Finally, he shrugged. 'I don't really wanna stay here on my own.'

'That's sorted then. I'll give him a call. You go get yourself ready. And bring some fresh socks this time.'

Grinning, he moved to the door. 'That wasn't me, that was Andy.'

'Yeah, so you kept saying.'

* * *

Doug had been fine about it. She hadn't thought he would kick up a fuss, not when he was still building bridges with Liam, and she was thankful he hadn't. The kitchen was sparkling, though minus a mop after she noticed that it was coated in Liam's pasta, which at least explained why the house smelled quite as much as it did. Leaving a note for Andy, they left and were actually drawing up outside the block of flats before she realised that Liam was about to come face to face with Diane.

Shutting off the engine, she turned to him. 'Liam, I didn't think…'

'What, you forgot you don't want me here or something?' he questioned, fidgeting.

'Don't be stupid,' she warned. 'No, I just…'

'She's in there,' he interjected, glancing back out of the window. 'I know. You couldn't leave Daisy and Rebecca on their own. It's not a big deal.'

'It is,' Nikki answered with a soft smile. 'If you're feeling uncomfortable…'

'Don't expect me to like her.'

'Of course I don't expect that. Liam, she'll leave as soon as we get in there if that's what you want.'

'No,' he said instantly. 'It's fine.'

Unsure, she pressed, 'I really think that it'd…'

'No, Nikki!' he objected. 'I can handle this. Stop treating me like a kid, okay?'

A little surprised by his determinedness, she contemplated arguing the fact but recognised his stubborn streak would probably win out in the end. Besides, if he really believed he could cope with being near Diane, who was she to dampen his spirits? Perhaps he could, she wasn't certain. Knowing him as well as she did up until six months ago, she would've supposed he could manage a difficult situation but this… This wasn't a difficult situation. This was meeting up with someone you trusted who had, as Liam saw it, used him and betrayed him. Diane hadn't done that: Nikki wouldn't believe that her lover would ever have manipulated Liam for her own ends. Diane was many things- persistent, strong-willed, intelligent- but she wasn't a bitch. Nikki was sure of that and believed it wholeheartedly.

Reaching for the door handle, she glanced back to the passenger seat and said, rather hesitantly, 'Diane never meant to hurt you. Or anyone else for that matter.'

Liam's expression was indecipherable. 'She just wanted you. I get it.'

'I'm not treating you like a kid if I say that I'm worried about what might happen in there, am I?' Nikki queried finally.

After a moment he shrugged. 'I want to talk to her.'

'Can I ask why?'

'No.'

'Well, then, I don't think I'm willing to…'

'Nikki,' Liam interrupted. 'I thought you weren't treating me like a kid.'

'I'm not,' she argued. 'But can you understand, Liam, that me seeing your sisters is the most important thing in the world to me? If they're upset by anything then…'

'I know that. I'm not an idiot.'

'You know very well I'm not saying that.'

'Then let's go inside,' Liam retorted.

Shrugging, she acquiesced. When they reached the landing, she almost hesitated again but knew that she wasn't escaping from this one. And Liam did have the right, if he wanted, to tell Diane precisely what he thought of her. She couldn't deny him that anymore than she could deny Doug his resentment. Besides, she couldn't deny Liam anything after the events of the last couple of months: she felt as though she owed him.

Opening the door, she heard voices from the living room. Not drawing attention to the fact she was back, she ushered Liam in and closed the door quietly.

'How can you like spiders?' Diane was asking.

'Well, I'm not scared of them,' Daisy answered in her best adult voice. Nikki could almost imagine her sat there with her arms crossed, watching Diane like a hawk.

'I didn't say I was scared of them,' Diane objected, through a full mouth. 'I said I didn't trust them.'

'They're alright,' replied Daisy.

'I don't trust anything with more legs than me.'

'What about dogs?' Rebecca questioned suddenly. 'They've got more legs than you.'

'And you turn your back on a dog it wees on you,' Diane said. 'Honest.'

Nikki smiled then nodded to Liam that they could go through. Rebecca tried to jump up when she saw them but flopped back down onto the sofa through exhaustion. The girls were on either side of Diane, with a box of biscuits resting on the constable's knee.

Swallowing what she was chewing, Diane ran her gaze over to Liam. 'Hiya.'

'Hi,' Liam said carefully, lowering his head slightly. 'My tea blew up so I…'

'You don't have to explain, Liam,' Diane interjected. 'I was just going.'

'You weren't,' Daisy put in.

Diane smiled uncomfortably. 'Well, I should. You two need to get to bed.'

'Actually…' Liam said then trailed off and cleared his throat. 'Can I talk to you please?'

When Diane looked questioningly towards her, Nikki muttered, 'You can use the kitchen. Get yourself something to eat as well, Liam,' she added. 'There's plenty in the fridge.'

He nodded and Diane, with one more apprehensive glance, followed him through into the kitchen where the door closed behind them. Shaking away her bad feeling about that, Nikki looked to the girls. 'You both okay?'

Daisy shrugged. 'Diane's cool.'

She smiled. 'Is she?'

'Yeah, I like her. But she's scared of spiders!'

'No,' she's not,' Rebecca said quietly. 'She doesn't trust them. And I don't either.'

Pulling out the medicine she'd picked up from the bathroom at Doug's house, Nikki instructed, 'You two go get ready for bed and I'll bring this into you in a minute.'

'Is Diane going?' Daisy asked.

'Yep. But I'll ask her to say goodbye first, alright?'

Rebecca gave her a hug as she passed. 'Thanks, Mum.'

Ten minutes later, Diane emerged alone and sat beside her on the sofa. 'He's making himself a sandwich.'

'Is he okay?' Nikki questioned as casually as she could.

Diane shrugged. 'He's the most mature teenager I've ever met, I'll give him that one.'

Frowning, Nikki turned her body to face the constable's. 'What? What did he want? What did he say?'

'He said,' Diane answered eventually, 'thank you. He thanked me for getting him down off that roof without him doing anything stupid. He said he won't turn out like his mum has and that if I hadn't have stopped him then he would've probably would've hit rock bottom.'

'He actually thanked you?' Nikki said dubiously.

'I was more surprised than you. But he's just being straight with me about it. He still blames me for what happened, don't get me wrong: but I think he's accepted I wasn't using him to get to you. Which I wasn't. I mean, I…'

'You wouldn't do that,' she interrupted, squeezing her hand. 'I know that.'

'One of the few things you do know,' Diane muttered, withdrawing her hand.

'What do you mean by that?' Nikki questioned.

Diane shook her head. 'Have the girls gone to bed?'

'Yeah. I said you'd pop in before you left. If you don't mind.'

'Course not. I'll do it now.'

When Diane had disappeared down the hall, Nikki went through into the kitchen where she found Liam munching on a ham sandwich. 'No incidents with the butter then?'

'It tried to fight back, I wouldn't let it.'

'Good. You're learning. You okay, Liam?'

Swallowing, he nodded. 'I'm alright. You?'

'What, with Daisy and Rebecca both having the flu? You having a laugh?'

He grinned. 'Dad had steam coming out of his ears. He was happy when you picked them up.'

'Yeah, I'll bet he was.' Nikki paused. 'Is he okay, your dad?'

Liam shrugged. 'Think so. He's almost back to normal. I think he's trying to make things normal. But they won't be so…'

'Liam,' she said tentatively, leaning against the counter, 'since you're so hell-bent on being treated like an adult, can I tell you something?'

'Is it about Dad?'

'Yeah, in a way. I do miss him, Liam. And I miss you and Andy and your sisters, I miss you all like you wouldn't believe. I'm even missing that horrible noise that Daisy makes when she doesn't get her own way.'

Liam smiled a little. 'The one that sounds like a squealing pig?'

'Mmm, that one. Sometimes all I want is to be back with you lot running around, making the house look untidy. But…' Taking a moment, she then shrugged. 'It wouldn't have been the same. I didn't want your dad ever looking at me the way that…'

'The way that Mum looks at him,' Liam finished.

'Exactly. When I see you, I don't want arguments, I don't want you getting upset, or Andy getting angry or whatever. I just want… I won't say I want it to be painless because that'd be stupid but… I want it to be easier for you. I don't want you being unhappy, Liam.'

'I'll be alright,' he answered.

'Will you? It's not going down as the best year of your life, is it? What with Greg Clarke on top of everything else.'

'Yeah, but I'm not the one spending three years behind bars, am I?' he reasoned. 'I'm alright. As long as I don't…'

'You know something?' Nikki said, stepping forward. 'There's a difference between you and your mum. Because your mum's all sorts of wonderful things. I know she is, I remember. She's got a great sense of humour, she's around when you need her- she's a great listener, a great friend. But she's terrified, Liam. She's terrified of being left on her own. She always was, even before she split up with your dad. You're different,' she said with a smile. 'You know the fear's there but you don't let it control you. You stood up to Greg Clarke, I know how hard that was. And I know she told you not to. You can do anything you want to, just so long as you remember that anything you're scared of isn't worth all that much. It's just an obstacle to get over. And you will get over all of them. I promise you. You've got a lot of people who care about you, Liam. Me, for one. And I'm not about to let you fail at anything. It'd mess up my nice clean record,' she finished, nudging him.

Liam was quiet for a moment then he briefly hugged her. 'Can I get back to my sandwich now?'

'Be my guest,' she answered, going back through to the living room where she found Diane leaning against the doorway with a strange look on her face. 'How much of that did you hear?'

'Enough,' her lover answered, pushing the door to. 'You're pretty amazing, you know that?'

'Well, I have been told…' she said, kissing her cheek.

'No, I… I mean it, Nikki.' With a frown, Diane went to sit down on the sofa. 'There's something I've gotta do. I should've… I didn't do it before because I'm a coward, plain and simple.'

Starting to get a little concerned, Nikki sat down beside her. 'Don't leave me in suspense.'

It took Diane more than a minute to answer but, when she did, she turned and took her hand. 'I saw you with the girls earlier. You're so natural with them. And Liam… He's not even your own son and you're still better with him than…'

Running her thumb over the palm of the hand she was holding, Nikki said, 'Di, what are you trying to say?'

'I want… No, I need,' she amended with a mild shrug, 'us to book some leave together. I think we should…' Diane looked up and smiled weakly in a manner that Nikki had never seen before. It was a mix of worry and love, she supposed, but the emergence of it was enough to throw her off-balance, even before Diane continued. 'I want us to visit Robert. Together. I think it's time.'

Pondering this for a moment, Nikki then said, 'I didn't think you'd ever suggest it.'

'I don't think I was planning to. But I want this. I need to…'

Nikki cut her off with a long kiss. 'I'm not gonna say no am I?'

Diane smiled and glanced to the floor. 'I thought you might.'

She shook her head. 'No, you didn't. Not really.'


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: I am officially an over-sentimentalized nitwit! The song in this chapter is 'You Needed Me' by Boyzone and if you ignore the cheese of who sang it, it's got some damn fitting lyrics to the Nikki/Di relationship as a whole. Stay tuned for an announcement in the next and final chapter.

* * *

_You needed me._

It was a still April night. Neither cold nor warm for the time of year, just an average evening really. Nikki walked with her hands resting in her coat pockets, more for the comfort of it than anything else. She half wanted to reach over and take her lover's hand as they walked but, considering the evening they'd just had, she wasn't sure if Di wanted to be left alone in her head or not. She didn't want to impose until they were both ready to talk about it.

If she was honest, the easy silence gave her a little processing time as well. The last few days had been fairly hectic, what with Rebecca's birthday and a full-scale kidnap investigation at work, and to go straight from that into a dinner with Diane's son and ex was a bit of a tall task. As much as she felt embarrassed at even the thought, Nikki had to admit the evening had concerned her beforehand. She wanted to know more about Di- it sometimes really frustrated her that she had no idea what was going round the constable's head- but she didn't want to discover something that might change them in any way. Though, truthfully, she felt she needed Di too much now to let anything stand in their way. Still, however, the thought had niggled that meeting Robert and Steve could change everything.

_I cried a tear, you wiped it dry._

'You're not talking,' Diane said eventually after they'd crossed at a busy junction and moved onto a quieter street.

'Neither are you,' Nikki pointed out.

'I was waiting for you to.'

'That's what I was doing.'

Diane plunged her hands into her pockets. 'Go on. I know there's loads of things you're dying to ask me. Might as well get it over with.'

She didn't speak right away. Instead, she collected her thoughts as best she could. 'Why didn't you tell me?' she questioned finally, glancing sideways.

Shrugging, her lover answered, 'No one at Sun Hill knows. Well, except John.'

'Okay, but…'

'I know it's different, Nikki,' Diane interrupted. 'Why do you think we're here now?'

'You still haven't actually told me anything yourself. You let them do it.'

'I don't talk about it much if I can help it.'

'But you do think about it?'

'Yeah. More than I care to.'

Nikki let the silence drag on as they walked the length of the street. 'This isn't the way back to the hotel is it?' she inquired.

'I thought we'd take a walk,' Diane replied. 'If you don't mind.'

She shrugged. 'Course not.'

_I was confused, you cleared my mind._

There was something endearing in the way Diane wasn't looking at her. It was a side Nikki had barely encountered before. The closest she'd seen Diane to open had been… Well, a few occasions sprung to mind. When she'd woken up in the hospital to find Diane there waiting; the day before that when she'd begged her to listen- and that had been the first time she'd actually accepted Jo's admission of how Di felt, seeing the pain harboured within her face when she was pushed away. And after she'd kissed Doug… Diane had begun to open up then about her marriage.

If Nikki didn't know any better she'd document Diane's state of mind at the moment as being fearful. But Diane didn't do scared, at least PC Diane Noble didn't. That was half the trouble: Nikki could guess at what was the façade and what wasn't but she could never be certain. Not until Diane started talking to her at any rate.

However, she was aware she had little room to criticise on this one. How long had it been before she'd seriously started opening up to Diane about how she really felt? It had taken her getting shot before she could even admit she loved her. And Diane had just taken the rebuttals and accepted the fact that she might be being used. Of course, she probably knew deep down that wasn't the case but, even so, she hadn't pressed for answers when perhaps she had the right to.

_I sold my soul, you bought it back for me._

'Steve seems nice.'

Diane briefly smiled. 'Yeah, he is. We just weren't right for each other, that's all.'

Nikki didn't answer straight away. She watched her lover for a few seconds before saying, 'You do know he took me into the kitchen and gave me his blessing while you were in the loo, don't you?'

The constable blushed slightly. 'Did he?'

'Mmm. Surprised me a bit.'

'Yeah, well…' Diane shrugged and glanced to her. 'Let's just say I'd had a few on Christmas Day and ended up blurting out a few things.'

'Really?'

'Nothing I'm likely to repeat either,' Di answered casting her a knowing look.

'Shame,' Nikki commented. 'Sure I couldn't persuade you?'

'There's not enough booze in the universe.'

'It wasn't alcohol I was thinking of using,' she replied.

_And held me up and gave me dignity._

'I haven't lied,' Diane said suddenly. 'I've just been a bit economical with the truth.'

'I didn't say anything,' Nikki objected.

'No, but you were thinking it.'

'I wasn't, I was just…' Shrugging, she went on, 'I can't understand how we've gone so long without you mentioning it. It feels like you've always been guarding it.'

'Mmm, I know the feeling,' answered Diane with a soft smile. 'Only difference is, you were guarding yourself, not some… secret.'

'It doesn't make it all that different. You were protecting yourself too. You thought I'd reject you because of it.'

'A couple of months ago, you might've,' argued her lover. 'You know that as well as I do.'

'So you're saying you trust me now, is that it?'

Diane didn't answer. Instead she watched a teenage cyclist jittering around on the opposite pavement. When she did speak she didn't respond to the question; something Nikki had expected. After all, that was a little too easy. 'Ask me about the accident, if that's what you want.'

_And held me up, and gave me dignity._

The cyclist fell off after swerving to miss a pedestrian and Nikki half-smiled. Then she refocused her attention on the woman walking next to her. 'How long was he in the wheelchair for?'

'Six months. They thought it might be permanent at first but…'

'He was lucky then,' Nikki replied. 'He certainly seems to think so.'

'He's got a good outlook, I guess. Gets that from his dad.' Glancing over, she shook her head. 'Don't look at me like that.'

'Like what?'

'He's nothing like me, Nikki. Gets nothing from me.'

'I disagree,' she answered. 'He's got your smile.'

Diane looked back to the ground. 'Let's hope that's it.'

That was the essence of the problem really, wasn't it? Diane was confident in herself because she'd come to terms with the person she was; she'd learned to live with that. But to have to imagine the qualities that you yourself disliked being passed on to the next generation was difficult. Liz and Liam were prime examples. Liz at some point had to come to terms with the fact that her son was too much like her and liable to crack somewhere down the line. What you passed onto your children wasn't always pleasant. Inherent fear, maybe. The ability to lie, perhaps. God knows she hoped neither of the girls had inherited that from her because, apparently, she was quite good at deception. Their teenage years would be a nightmare had they got her ability to look someone in the face and lie to them.

Still, she thought, looking sideways, there were some things that you had to lie about. At least at first. You had to be ready to tell the truth, else you might not actually know what the truth was. She couldn't have told Doug about her and Diane because, until she'd been shot, she couldn't admit how she felt. And perhaps that was why Diane had kept her own past secret for so long- she had to be ready.

_Somehow you needed me._

'I was the pessimist,' Diane said, interrupting her train of thought. 'I didn't think he'd walk again. See, unlike Steve, I looked it up. Saw all the possible outcomes, looked at the figures, and I just… Well, I've never believed in miracles so…'

'Steve did?' Nikki questioned quietly.

'He just believed in Robert. I suppose I didn't.'

'There's a fine line between pessimism and realism, you know.'

Diane faintly smiled. 'My pessimistic streak reckoned you'd give me a slap the first time I kissed you.'

'And I probably should've,' she concurred. 'There you go: realism.'

Sighing, Di muttered, 'I'm sorry.'

'What for?'

'Not leaving you well alone.'

Nikki shook her head. 'Don't apologise for that.'

_You gave me strength to stand alone again._

They were getting further away from the hotel but she didn't draw attention to the fact. She knew Diane was walking with a destination in mind and she supposed she'd understand when they got there. In the meantime, she still had some things she wanted to clarify.

'You were driving weren't you?' she asked carefully.

Diane's head immediately turned and she said, half-disbelieving, 'Robert told you that?'

'No. But I am a copper, you know.'

'Should've known I couldn't fool you, eh?'

'It's best not to try,' she retorted with a shrug.

For more than a minute Diane seemed to concentrate on simply putting one foot in front of the other. 'Yeah,' she said abruptly. 'I was driving him home from his mate's. Eight o'clock, Tuesday night. August 12th if you wanna know. The other car came out of nowhere. I didn't see it and…'

When she trailed off, Nikki tentatively prompted, 'Robert said you were injured too.'

Diane shook her head dismissively. 'My back. Nothing half as bad him.'

'That scar near the base of your spine?' she probed.

'Yeah. Debris flying through the rear window as we… It's fine. It healed.'

'So did Robert,' Nikki reminded her.

_To face the world out on my own again._

'The back of the car got the worst of it. I lost control, the other car clipped us so we spun out and… It was ruled as mechanical failure. No human error. But I still…' She shrugged. 'It's a long time ago, you know? Hindsight's pointless. Makes you think you could've changed things when you couldn't have; not really. Most of the time I know I couldn't have done anything different. It's just… When you lie awake at night and you end up thinking and you can't sleep so you…'

'You know it wasn't your fault though,' Nikki interrupted. 'Mechanical failure can't be predicted.'

'Doesn't stop me thinking I could've done something sometimes. I was in the car, I was supposed to be looking after him.'

'By the look of it, Steve doesn't blame you.'

'Maybe he should,' Diane replied. 'I was arguing with Robert right before the accident. Maybe it was a lapse of concentration, I don't know. Sometimes I think I caused it, sometimes I don't. Think it depends on my mood. And how many I've had to drink.'

_You put me high upon a pedestal. _

'It wasn't the crash, you know.'

'What wasn't?'

'I wasn't the ideal mother before it. Never could get my head round the concept. I mean, I look at you and…'

'Everybody's different,' Nikki cut in.

Diane shook her head. 'I was planning on leaving before the accident. I couldn't hack being a full-time parent. And afterwards, I just… I ran off and joined the police force the second he was out of that chair. Couldn't hack being there anymore.'

There was another lengthy silence. Nikki was working out what to say next in her head; something that wouldn't give Di any false impressions about how she was reacting to all this. 'I reckon,' she said finally, 'that I'm like I am because of having to look after Annie most of her life. There's a five year gap between us, my parents were always working, trying to make ends meet; I ended up practically raising her. I just got used to being like that, I suppose.'

'Only child,' Diane said. 'Tomboy. Always the centre of attention, always hated it. Had my mum down the school every other week for chats with the teachers.'

'Troublemaker?'

'Misunderstood,' replied the constable with a smirk.

_So high that I could almost see eternity._

'When I was eighteen,' Nikki began after a long inward debate, 'Annie was thirteen. Just getting rebellious, just starting to hate everybody. You know how it is.'

'Liam skipping that stage, is he?'

She smiled briefly. 'I hope so. Andy didn't and that was a barrel of laughs.'

'Then there's the girls to think about…' Diane began with an innocent glance towards her.

'I'm not thinking about that till it happens,' Nikki warned. 'Anyway, Annie didn't want anything to do with me anymore. Which was fine, I didn't particularly wanna be running around after my little sister when I had better things to do. And, no,' she added quickly, 'you don't get to know what they were either.'

'Spoilsport.'

'I'd lose my indefinable sense of mystery.'

'Oh, that's what that smell is!'

Nikki slapped her. 'I was going somewhere with this, you know.'

'I thought you were just rambling,' Diane answered with a slight grin. 'As per usual.'

_You needed me._

After they'd crossed the next road, she continued, 'One night I'm supposed to be watching Annie but there's this bloke down the road I really wanna go out with. Annie reckons she'll be fine, I believe her and I go. The date's a complete wash-out and I'm back by nine o'clock to find Annie with an older lad. He was coming on heavy, scared her half to death I think. Now that one was my fault. I shouldn't have left her.'

'Is that why you always let her walk over you? Guilt?'

'I don't let her walk all over me!' she objected.

'Nikki, she's turned up drunk on your doorstep twice in the last three months to my knowledge.'

'I had to let her in!'

'Yeah, and you kicked me out!' Diane answered. 'Really nice, that was.'

'She's my sister,' Nikki argued softly. 'I can't turn my back on her.'

'She's a mess,' Diane replied plainly.

'So's Liz. Liam'll never turn his back on her, like I can never do it to Annie.'

_You needed me._

'And what about those people who can do it?'

Nikki shook her head. 'You haven't turned your back on Robert. You're still around.'

'Yeah, barely,' Diane replied with a touch of bitterness. 'If Steve didn't make the effort to keep me in the loop I wouldn't know the first thing about what was going on in his life.'

'Well, you obviously wanna be more involved,' Nikki said eventually. 'What's stopping you?'

Diane shrugged. 'Maybe me not knowing what I want and what I don't. And there's a big difference between wanting to be more involved and actually being there. I don't stick around when things get difficult, that's not what I do.'

'Right, so the last six months have been smooth sailing for us, have they?'

'That's different.'

'How is it?'

'I don't know, it just is.'

'You know what I think?' Nikki asked.

Diane glanced sideways. 'I'm sure you're gonna enlighten me.'

'You're scared,' she answered simply.

_And I can't believe it's you._

They seemed to have arrived somewhere. It was what would be a busy junction, Nikki supposed, during the rush hour but at night just a few cars whizzed aimlessly by, their headlights gleaming harshly against the glass front of an office building nestled on one of the corners.

Diane halted and rested her back against a lamppost, her eyes focused on the opposite side of the road to where they were. Then she held up her hand. 'Over there, that was where we were coming from.' She then pointed to the road coming from their right. 'Other car came down there, went through the lights, clipped the front as we were coming across and it ended up in that field there. We,' she went on, 'spun one hundred and eighty degrees, catapulted backwards into an old warehouse; used to be where the offices are.'

'You're lucky you both weren't killed,' Nikki muttered, following the accident in her mind.

'It was luck that damaged his spine was it?' Diane queried.

'Why, what would you call it?'

'It just didn't feel very lucky, that's all.'

'Robert thinks it was.'

'Yeah, well, he was the fortunate one. He was unconscious for three days. He didn't have to see it all.'

_I can't believe it's true._

'Were you conscious?' Nikki questioned. 'Straight after the crash?'

'Off and on. First thing I remember clearly was this pain in my back. I was practically pinned to the seat by this shard of piping that had come through. I managed to turn my head and…' Pausing, she then grimly smiled. 'Well, it wasn't pretty, put it that way. I thought he was dead,' she added honestly.

Nikki squeezed her arm after a moment of deliberation. 'You don't have to tell me this.'

'But I do, don't I?' Diane replied. 'Because this is different now. It's not just a bit of fun.'

'Can I ask you something?' Nikki said carefully.

'Yeah, go ahead.'

'When was the last time you properly talked about this?'

Diane exhaled and shrugged. 'Day after the accident to the investigation team.'

'You haven't talked about it in five years?'

'I didn't see the point '

Nikki frowned. 'I don't understand how you can keep something like this to yourself for so long. Or why, for that matter.'

'Steve,' Diane chipped in, correctly pre-empting her, 'had enough on his plate. He had Robert to think of.'

'You still could've…'

'I couldn't talk to him, Nikki,' her partner interjected. 'I never felt… right doing it.'

_I needed you and you were there._

Even Nikki had to admit the absurdness of the situation. Had she been asked a year ago if she and Diane Noble would ever be… right… for each other she'd have laughed. So would everyone else, she imagined. But it was no laughing matter now. She'd known the mask was protecting something but she hadn't expected all this. But what probably worried Diane most in telling her was likely the notion that she'd run away because of it all. That was far from the case.

Diane was biting down on her lower lip. 'You okay?'

Smiling, Nikki kissed her briefly. 'Fine.'

'You wanna get back to the hotel?'

She nodded. 'Yeah.'

Diane began walking. 'Suppose you're getting ready to pack.'

Nikki chuckled. 'You'd like that, wouldn't you?' Catching her up, she took her hand. 'No chance.'

_And I'll never leave, why should I leave?_

When they arrived back at the hotel twenty minutes later after an almost silent journey, Diane locked herself in the bathroom. Nikki took the opportunity to check her voicemail messages. Having turned off her mobile to avoid interruptions through dinner she found she had two voicemails and three text messages. All from Doug's phone, though evidently not courtesy of him.

Diane emerged from the bathroom drying her face on a towel. 'Anything interesting?'

'Rebecca wants a hamster. Doug's told her she can have it at my place.'

'That your punishment for leaving for a couple of days, is it?'

'Seems to be.' Noticing Diane's red eyes, she asked, 'Have you been crying?'

'No, course not.'

'Right.'

There was a pause then her lover looked up. 'Nikki, I… I don't know if I did the right thing. You know, bringing you here.'

Nikki smiled and approached Diane, wrapping both arms around her waist and forcing her to look her in the eye. 'You did the right thing.'

'I feel like hell,' Diane confessed. 'I feel…'

She broke her off with a deep kiss, pressing their bodies closer together. 'It hasn't changed anything.'

'Hasn't it?'

Nikki slowly nuzzled into her neck. 'No.'

_I'd be a fool._

Diane had been quiet for a while now. Nikki didn't so much mind- she never stopped being surprised by how right the sensation of holding her partner after making love felt- but she was worried that Di was lost in her own negative thoughts. She half wanted to speak and make certain that everything was okay, but she didn't want to intrude. She contented herself with dropping a kiss onto the top of her head.

Diane glanced up. 'What was that for?'

'Do I need a reason?'

'I'm alright, you know.'

'I didn't say otherwise, did I?'

Settling back down, Di muttered, 'No, but it's what you were thinking.'

'Well, you are being a bit quiet,' Nikki admitted, beginning to unconsciously massage her shoulders. 'And you're tense.'

'I'm just going over some stuff, that's all. I suppose you'll wanna know what.'

'I'm nosy.'

'Tell me about it.' Diane cleared her throat. 'If you must know, I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing here.'

_Cos I've finally found someone who really cares._

'Charming,' Nikki commented.

Diane shuffled upwards, leaving her skin feeling suddenly rather cool and bereft. For a moment Nikki thought she might leave the bed altogether but instead Di rested back against the headboard and slipped a hand over onto her knee. 'I didn't mean it like that.'

Running her nails up her arm Nikki rested her fingers on her lover's shoulder. 'Go on.'

There was a short silence. 'I didn't have it all planned out,' Diane said finally, 'but I never expected to be here with you. I thought… Oh, I dunno. Nikki, I've never held out for anything in my life. If you do that you just get trampled on. I didn't want that. I've always avoided it if I could.'

'So what changed?' Nikki queried tentatively, running a couple of strands of silky hair through her fingers.

'I couldn't sleep,' the constable went on eventually. 'I felt like I couldn't do the job properly. Half the time I felt like I was walking around with a neon sign plastered to my head telling everyone that I… Then the rest of the time I could stick it. I kept telling myself that it wasn't real. It was just different. And being a bit different doesn't make something right.'

_You held my hand when it was cold._

'I promised myself I'd back off,' she continued after a lengthy pause. 'I didn't like you most of the time, the idea that there was anything else was completely crazy. Besides, I didn't do serious.' Diane sighed and glanced to her. 'I'm sorry, I'm rambling.'

Nikki shook her head and gently drew her closer for a tender kiss. 'No, you're not.'

'You want me to carry on?'

'Mmm-hmm.'

'Do I have to?'

'Mmm-hmm.'

Diane slowly nodded. 'Okay.' Looking back to the opposite wall, she went on, 'All I wanted for months was to get you out of my head. I mean, I even blamed you for it at the beginning, as if you'd planned it or something. I almost hated you sometimes. But then… When I…' She trailed off. 'I can't…'

'Come here,' Nikki instructed, enveloping her in something of a sideways hug. 'You don't have to.'

Her lover pulled away. 'I do though. It's not fair to just expect you to… I should've told you about Robert before.'

'I understand why you didn't.'

'Do you?'

_When I was lost you took me home._

After taking a steadying breath, Diane said, 'I kissed you because I let my guard down. I couldn't help it.'

'Because of the anniversary?' Nikki queried quietly.

Diane seemed slightly surprised she'd connected the dots. 'Yeah. Things just got on top of me, that's all.'

Watching her, Nikki murmured, 'Are you ever going to believe that's not a terrible thing?'

'What, so it's fine to have people knowing what's going in your head all the time?'

'Some people, yes! You can't keep everything bottled up! It just doesn't work like that.'

'It feels safer that way.'

'So you decided you didn't fancy playing safe anymore, is that why you're telling me all this?'

'I'm telling you,' Diane answered, 'because if I didn't, I'd lose you. I mean, you might not think so but… This is me. This is what I do. I wreck things.'

'What happened with Robert wasn't your fault!'

'What happened with Doug was!'

Nikki fell silent as she found she didn't have an immediate retort for that. Slipping her hand back over Diane's exposed thigh, she finally said, 'It happened, that's all.'

'I pushed too hard.'

'No, you made me… You made me feel again,' she said, frowning at her own inadequacy with words. 'I didn't even know I was missing something.'

_You gave me love when I was at the end._

'When you took your leave, I think that's when I accepted it. That what I felt was more than… It was more than I knew how to handle at first. I didn't set out to ruin everything for you but… I guess I'd never really been in love before. Didn't know how to cope. End of story. You know the rest. Breaking up your marriage, ruining your life: blah, blah, blah.'

When Diane made to slip out of the bed, Nikki gripped her arm. 'Di, I love you. And it's different to everything else I've ever known. I can't explain it. And I don't try too hard to be honest. I'll start thinking I've gone mad.'

'Well, you must've,' Diane muttered, relenting and moving back beside her. 'No other logical explanation.'

'Can you do me a favour please?' Nikki asked.

'What?'

'Stop trying to get rid of me. Because it won't work. You've gone and got yourself stuck with me now.'

'My own stupid fault, was it?' Di questioned, a hint of a smile tugging at her lips.

'Completely,' Nikki replied, squeezing her hand. 'Nothing you can do about it.'

Diane's face slowly grew serious again. 'You were right,' she said suddenly. 'I am scared. I'm petrified. I don't know how to do this- you and me. And I don't know what to do about Robert. I mean, I know that he's close to hating me and…'

'He doesn't hate you,' Nikki interrupted. 'He's your son.'

_And turned my life back into truth again._

'I didn't like my mum much,' Diane said. 'Always trying to make me into something I wasn't. She wanted me to do ballet, I wanted to do football. Downhill from then on really.'

'I did ballet,' Nikki admitted. 'And tap till I was thirteen.'

Diane grinned. 'Really? You kept that quiet.'

'It's not something I broadcast.'

'Shame. Nikki?'

'Yep?'

'Will you do me a favour now?'

As Diane shifted her weight so her legs rested over her own, Nikki merely nodded. She wasn't in the right state of mind to say no. Somehow she rarely was with Diane.

'Admit you let Annie walk all over you.'

She exhaled. 'Why is that so important to you?'

'I like being right,' she said with a shrug.

'Okay,' Nikki conceded, 'Maybe I do a bit. But she's my sister. If you can't help out family…'

'My family,' Diane interrupted, 'never gave a damn about anyone who couldn't do something for them. Always had to be a point to it.'

'And that's how you've lived your life?'

'It's not such a bad way of doing things. No worrying if you've offended someone, if you don't need them you just forget about them. Simple.'

_You even called me friend._

Breaking the silence after a few minutes, Di muttered, 'I'm sorry. I'm talking crap.'

'Mmm,' she agreed. 'But you're talking. It's a novelty. I like it.'

'Don't know why.'

'Maybe because I'm finally getting to know what goes on in your head?' she offered.

Diane smiled softly. 'You wanna know something?'

'I'm all ears,' Nikki replied, resting her hand once again on her lover's leg.

'In the last few months I've been happier than I can ever remember being in my life. For once I'm not… I haven't been hiding anything. I haven't tried to be someone I'm not. I haven't had to pretend and, you know what, it's been fantastic. I'm happy,' she concluded with a shrug. 'And I have to admit, it scares me.'

'Why?'

'I don't wanna mess things up. I'm terrifed I'm gonna hurt you…'

'You haven't so far,' Nikki reminded her, squeezing her thigh.

'Don't worry, it'll happen. It's just the way it goes.'

'Di,' she said after a moment, 'You can't live your life like that, always wondering if what's around the next corner'll ruin everything. That's not a life.'

'I know that but… This is the problem: I haven't done this before and I haven't ever made someone else happy before, Nikki.'

_You gave me strength to stand alone again._

Instead of replying, Nikki just began massaging little circles on Diane's skin. How to explain that she was happy now, more content than she'd been for a while despite still struggling with the concept of not living with her daughters? It was strange, and occasionally she almost laughed aloud at the fact that she was having these kind of conversations with Diane Noble. Who'd ever have thought it?

Yet here they were. And she could say with sincerity that there was nowhere else she'd rather be. She was contented; happy. And while she wasn't stupid enough to believe they'd remain on an even keel for very long- how could they with them both working at Sun Hill- she was optimistic that it wouldn't finish what they had together.

She needed Diane and she was growing to accept the fact the constable needed her as well. What they shared went beyond what she'd had with Doug, bizarrely enough. At the time she'd thought that was the most intense experience of her life but this… Sometimes she thought she was crazy, other times she thought this was the sanest she'd ever been.

_To face the world out on my own again._

'You've gone quiet again,' Di commented.

'Have I?' she said, smiling as she rested her head back.

'What you thinking about?'

'You really wanna know?'

'Why else would I ask?'

She ran her fingers up to nestle in Diane's palm. 'I was thinking how happy I am.'

Diane snorted. 'Liar.'

'Nope. Honestly.'

'You're sleep-deprived.'

'Yeah, course that's it,' Nikki answered with a grin.

Letting out her breath, Diane slowly nodded. 'I hate the idea of hurting you, Nikki.'

'You can't shield yourself from doing that. If you try, you're not really being honest with them in the first place. Defeats the object.'

'You've made me feel guilty, you know,' Diane continued suddenly.

'Guilty about what?'

'The way I am with Robert. I've let him down so much he doesn't care whether I'm around or not. Daisy and Rebecca'll never feel that way about you.'

Nikki sighed. 'You can't change the past but you do have a hand in your future. In his future.'

'What am I supposed to do, push back in and just pray I can handle it this time? That's not fair on him.'

'I get the feeling that he'd like you to give it a shot, you know. But no teenage lad's gonna admit he wants his mum around.'

'So how about I just wait until he…'

'Gets married?' Nikki offered.

_You put me high upon a pedestal._

'Don't rush it,' she advised a few moments later. 'I thought tonight went really well.'

'Well, you were there.'

'So it was all an act for my benefit was it?'

'Course.'

'Now who's lying?'

Diane turned her head and kissed her. 'Do you really think I can handle it? In all seriousness.'

'You can do anything you want to,' Nikki replied. 'You just need to give it a decent go.'

'I'm not like you,' Di warned.

'I know that. I wouldn't want you to be anything like me anyway.'

'So maybe,' her lover went on after pause, 'we could come back in the summer. For a week or something. Bring the girls, if Doug doesn't mind.'

The way Diane steadfastly avoided looking towards her made Nikki smile. 'I think that can be arranged. One condition though.'

'Go on,' Di muttered suspiciously.

'Well,' Nikki said slowly, tickling her fingers up Diane's thigh, 'You should be able to figure it out.'

_So high that I could almost see eternity._

Nikki closed her eyes, wanting to stay as happy as she was at that precise moment for as long as possible. Diane settled down behind her, snaking an arm around her waist and she let out a contented sigh. 'I wish we didn't have to go home tomorrow,' she murmured.

'Mmm. I could just stay like this.'

'If it wasn't for work…'

'Don't give me any more incentives to stay here,' Diane warned swiftly. 'I really won't move.'

'And here was me thinking you enjoyed your work,' Nikki said innocently.

'Well, let's just say I had hoped sleeping with my Sergeant might not get me lumbered with rubbish tip duty for the last four months.'

'I can't show any favouritism, you know.'

'Oh, but stick Sally or Nate in there for once please! I'm sick of smelling like old kebab!'

Nikki wrinkled her nose. 'Have to admit, it's not your best perfume.'

_Oh, yes, you needed me._

'Are you asleep yet?'

Mumbling a reply, Nikki eventually shook her head and rolled over, opening her eyes and adjusting them to the darkness of the room. 'What's up?'

'I just…' Diane was hesitant. 'Thank you,' she went on finally. 'For coming here and… everything.'

She smiled and sought out Diane's lips with her own. 'Don't be stupid.'

'I really do love you, you know that?'

Laughing, she kissed her partner again. 'I had an inkling.'

_You needed me._


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: The final curtain, so to speak. Except it isn't really. I'd like to say a huge thank you to everyone who's been so enthusiastic about this story, I think you might've enjoyed reading it as much as I've loved writing it and that's really something! So I decided I couldn't let the characters go. Yup, that means more Nikki/Di at an indefinite time in the (near) future and, in the meantime, another story in what I'm coming to call the 'I'm Not in Love' universe with a different pairing but still hanging on the fact that Nikki and Di are together. Let me know your thoughts and let me know if there's anything mentioned in Nikki and Di's relationship that you'd like to see developed more. I'm open to ideas and I'd love to please anyone! (Now don't take that wrong way!) In all seriousness, thank you. And especially thank you to Lou, who originally gave me the ideas for this story. A hundred thousand words later I think I can be sure it grew out of all proportion! The song in this chapter is 'Something About the Way You Look Tonight' by Elton John. Enjoy x.

* * *

_There was a time,_

Diane grinned as she heard the phone begin to bleat for the fourth time that evening. Deciding she'd allow Nikki to get it- since the last calls had been Rebecca, Daisy, Rebecca and Liam respectively- she instead moved over to the mirror and examined her reflection in the glass.

Not too shabby, if she did say so herself. Realising she was missing the simple necklace she'd bought for the occasion, she retrieved it from the dresser before returning to the mirror and slipping it around her neck.

She vaguely heard Nikki talking on the phone but couldn't decipher any individual words. Besides, she was too concerned with that minor jolt in her stomach that had been present off and on throughout the day to worry about phone calls regarding Bert the incredible hamster.

'It's Robert for you,' Nikki called through from the living room.

'Coming!' Going through she grasped the receiver from her partner and muttered, 'You'd better get dressed. I want to see what you've hiding from me.' When Nikki chuckled and disappeared towards the bedroom, she lifted the phone to her ear. 'Hiya, what's up?'

'Dad wanted to know what time you'd be here on Boxing Day,' her son replied casually.

'What, and he nagged you to call me?'

'No, I offered to.'

_I was everything and nothing all in one._

Diane half-smiled and then answered, 'We'll be there around lunchtime, depends on how the traffic is.'

'Is Liam still coming?' Robert questioned.

'Yeah, if his dad's still alright with it,' she said carefully, not wanting to give him absolute confirmation just yet. The lads had met in the autumn holiday when Robert and Steve had come to London for a few days and they'd seemed to get on, bonding over the fact their parents were so uncool and irritating apparently. And, since Doug was trying to keep his son happy and relatively normal, he hadn't objected to the friendship or the original notion that she and Nikki take the girls and Liam away between Christmas and New Year. Since she and Nikki had both drawn the short straw and were working on Christmas Day while Doug wasn't it seemed like a good solution.

'What've you got me for Christmas?'

'Who says I've got you anything?'

'Nikki told me?'

'Yeah, nice try,' she said. 'Listen, mate, I've gotta go. It's the work Christmas party tonight.'

'Oh, is that tonight?'

'Yup.'

'Good luck.'

'Cheers. Think we'll need it.'

_And when you found me, I was feeling a cloud across the sun._

After putting the phone back in the cradle she returned to the bedroom, stopping short as she caught sight of the dress Nikki was wearing, the one that she'd deliberately kept from her for the past week. 'Wow.'

Nikki glanced over her shoulder. 'You like it?'

She let out her breath into a light laugh. 'Yeah, you could say that.' Examining the folds of black fabric that hovered just above the floor, Diane lifted her gaze slowly up her lover's entire body. 'I'm not sure I want you out in public dressed like that though.'

Smiling, Nikki queried, 'Can you zip me up?'

Walking over, she did as requested, then turned Nikki towards her. 'You look absolutely gorgeous. I mean it.'

Her partner blushed. 'Thanks.'

Briefly kissing her, Diane questioned, 'You nearly ready to go? I'll call a cab.'

'You're eager.'

'Well, let's just say if I look at you for much longer while you're in that dress, you won't be in it for much longer.'

Nikki playfully teased a finger around her neck. 'I could live with that.'

'Don't tempt me,' she warned. 'I'm deadly serious.'

_I need to tell you how you light up every second of the day._

Reaching across the taxi to hold Nikki's hand, she whispered, 'Are you okay? You look a bit… green.'

'I'm just a bit nervous, that's all.'

Di sighed and squeezed her hand. 'You know, we don't have to…'

'No, we do,' Nikki interjected. 'And I want to! I'm sick of people asking me if I've found someone else yet. I want them to know.'

Since it had been Nikki's idea initially to let the Sun Hill gossips in on their secret Diane was willing to leave her be. It hadn't been a prospect she'd particularly liked- Roger Valentine questioning her on why she was attracted to women, Nate trying his luck etc, but… No, part of her was secretly pleased. If the suggestion they ever went public was going to come, she'd always imagined it would have to come from her. And she'd never have voiced that idea anyway, for fear of scaring Nikki half to death. But for Nikki to have broached it like she did- hesitantly over a romantic dinner- was fantastic and, yeah, while things probably would get a bit rough at work in the coming weeks she was prepared to deal with it. After all, she'd put Nikki through worse than that in the past, hadn't she? This was payback of sorts. Or, she supposed, just a sacrifice of love.

_But in the moonlight you just shine like a beacon on the bay._

When they walked into the hall rented out for the occasion, Diane glanced to Nikki to make sure she was still alright and hadn't fled without her noticing. Her lover squeezed her hand discreetly. 'You don't have to keep looking at me like that. I'm fine.'

'I know you are, I just… Sorry, I'll shut up.'

'Probably for the best,' Nikki commented.

Going further into the hall, Diane remarked, 'Anyway, we won't be the centre of attention. Not with the DI pregnant with the DCI's kid.'

Nikki conceded that with a slight laugh. 'Mmm. Look, there's Jo and Lorna.'

'I'll get the drinks in,' Di announced. 'I'll see you over there in a minute. Oh, and Nikki?'

Her girlfriend looked back to her. 'What?'

'I meant it when I said you look gorgeous.'

_And I can't explain, but there's something about the way you look tonight._

While she was waiting at the bar she felt a presence beside her. Glancing sideways, she relaxed. 'Hi.'

John Heaton nodded to the ten-pound note in her hand. 'I'll get these.'

'Should I be worried?' she questioned, popping the money back into her bag.

'What, of me?'

'Mmm. Of you.'

John smiled and waited until he'd finished his transaction with the barmaid before he queried, 'You're happy, aren't you?'

She took a sip of her pint then threw him a quizzical glance. 'Beg your pardon?'

He motioned for them to move away from the bar. 'I've been watching you these last couple of months.'

'That's one way to make a girl paranoid,' she replied then shrugged. 'So I'm happy. So what?'

'Well, nothing. I'm in favour of it. I wasn't too sure about your relationship with Nikki at first but…'

'John,' she interrupted, 'you don't have to do the brotherly act. I'm fine.'

'I know,' he answered. 'And you'll most likely tell me it's none of my business and I should keep my nose out of your personal life but I just wanted to tell you that I'm pleased for you. Is that allowed?'

She nodded. 'I suppose I can allow it.'

_Takes my breath away, is that feeling I get about you deep inside._

Passing Nikki her drink, Di smiled at Jo and Lorna. 'Hiya.'

'What was the Super bending your ear about?' Jo questioned.

Diane rolled her eyes. 'Do you ever switch off from being a copper?'

Lorna shook her head. 'She doesn't.'

'Well, it's a mite better than this morbid woman who spends all her time talking about dead bodies!'

Diane glanced to Nikki who shook her head and muttered, 'Don't go there.'

Taking the good advice, she changed the subject. 'Have you seen the DI yet?'

'I'd be surprised if she shows up,' Lorna answered, sipping her wine.

'Oh, it's Samantha Nixon,' Jo retorted. 'She'll be here. Trust me.'

'I don't know,' Diane argued. 'The point of a Christmas party is to get bladdered, go home with some stranger, vomit over their carpet then pass out on the bathroom floor. Can't do that if you're four months pregnant.'

Nikki glanced to her. 'Thanks for that enlightening analysis.'

'Think you might be going home alone, Di,' Jo commented with a wicked smile.

Looking sideways to Nikki, she grinned. 'No chance.'

_And I can't describe, but there's something about the way you look tonight._

When they were stood alone again twenty minutes later- Jo had dragged Lorna over to the bar where the view of Samantha and Jack was apparently best- Nikki queried quietly, 'So, what were you and John talking about?'

Since the truth was practically the same as a lie anyway in this case, she just shrugged. 'He reckons I'm happy. Think he's getting sentimental in his old age.'

'Must be,' Nikki agreed, allowing their hands to meet in the shadows. 'Looking forward to Christmas this year?'

'You wanna know the truth?' she questioned.

'Always.'

'I'm terrified,' she admitted with a slight smile. 'You, me, Steve, Robert, Liam and the girls all in one room? Recipe for disaster really, isn't it?'

'I dunno,' Nikki argued mildly. 'I'm warming to the idea.'

'Are you sure you didn't start drinking before we left the flat?'

Her lover glanced over at her. 'Feel free to tell me I'm wrong, but I reckon you secretly love the idea.'

'You're wrong,' she lied smoothly, knowing that Nikki didn't believe a word of it. Finishing her pint, she placed the glass down on a nearby table and questioned, 'Are you sure about this?'

Reaching out, Nikki pushed a stray hair clear of her face and tucked it behind her ear. 'Positive.'

'There'll be no going back,' Di warned.

'I know that.'

_Takes my breath away, the way you look tonight._

The song had switched to a slow ballad. Leading Nikki out into the midst of the couples on the floor, who were all switching from the gyrating movements of the previous number to close romantic poses, she wrapped her arms around her lover's waist as they began slowly circling the floor. 'Close your eyes,' she instructed softly. Instinctively, she knew Nikki had done so and she tightened her grip as she rested her head against her shoulder. 'Just remember I love you. And remember I'm not going anywhere either, whatever happens.'

'Right back at you,' Nikki replied quietly, her nails scraping over the bare skin on her back.

'Have I told you how bloody gorgeous you look tonight?'

She felt Nikki smile. 'You might've mentioned it once or twice.'

'Can't wait to get you home. Want you all to myself again. Okay, Nikki,' she said suddenly, feeling her courage bubble to the surface as the alcohol she'd consumed finally hit her, 'look at me.'

Her lover did so, albeit half-reluctantly. 'Di, I…'

Not giving her time to conclude her doubts, Diane pressed her lips tenderly against her partner's, relieved as the response was positive. Nikki yielded completely into her arms, something she never tired of experiencing. Holding her tighter, Diane continued the kiss for more than a minute before she gently drew back and muttered, 'You keep your eyes closed.'

Nikki complied until the end of the dance. When all the couples were breaking apart, they managed to slip off the dance floor mostly undetected, although Diane recognised from a couple of glances tossed towards them that their little display of affection hadn't been in vain.

_With that smile, you pull the deepest secrets from my heart._

Practically as soon as they were safely off to the side, Gina Gold appeared with a drink for them both. 'Thought you might need this.'

Nikki took hers and swallowed it almost in one gulp. 'Thanks.'

Diane looked to her nervously. 'Nikki?'

'I'm alright. Just keep 'em coming.'

Gina shook her head then disappeared back towards the bar muttering something about alcoholic sergeants. Meanwhile, they were approached by Jo, minus Lorna this time. 'You're brave, aren't you?'

Di shrugged. 'Or stupid.'

Jo shook her head. 'Nah, I reckon you did the right thing actually. People have been talking a bit, you know.'

Nikki looked up immediately. 'What?'

The detective smiled. 'Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore, do you?'

Reaching for Nikki's hand to calm her, Di asked, 'So what were they saying- just out of interest?'

'There was a lot of speculation about what happened with Doug: why you left him,' Jo elaborated with a glance at Nikki. 'Mickey was willing to bet you were the one having an affair with the DCI before Sam came clean.'

To Diane's surprise, Nikki burst out laughing. 'Sometimes the truth doesn't seem that bad.'

_I'm speechless and I don't know where to start._

There were people examining them in their little corner but Diane didn't mind it as much as she'd thought she might. The six or seven drinks she'd had since arriving had worked their magic and she was too distracted with thinking about what she wanted when they finally returned to Nikki's flat to care what the gossips were muttering.

Grasping Nikki by the waist, she kissed her then murmured, 'I love being able to do that in public.'

Nikki let out a contented sigh. 'I do believe you managed to get me drunk, PC Noble.'

'See, I had my wicked intentions, after all.'

'And I went along with them.'

'Does kind of make you the guilty party,' Di conceded with a playful smile.

'Tell me something,' Nikki said after a few minutes of watching Samantha dancing with her head resting on Jack's shoulder. 'Are you happy?'

'Yeah,' she said with a sincere smile. 'I am. I'm closer to Robert now, more than I've ever been, work's great and you're… Here. Which is amazing.'

_And I can't explain, but there's something about the way you look tonight._

'Nikki,' she said, watching a drunken Lorna drag a very reluctant Jo onto the dance floor, 'are you?'

When her lover opened her mouth to reply Smithy rudely interrupted with, 'So how long you two been hiding things from me then?'

Quickly switching track, much to Diane's dismay, Nikki answered, 'Oh, about a year.'

He raised an eyebrow. 'That long and you didn't tell me about it?'

'Well, I'd have thought a top-notch copper like yourself would've had it worked out already.'

Smithy grinned. 'I came to ask you whether you wanted another drink but now I don't reckon I'll bother.'

'Oh, go on,' Nikki said, throwing him an innocent glance. 'In fact, I'll give you a hand with them.'

Di watched them move off to the bar together then sighed and rested back against the wall. Usually it was her who neglected to answer intimate questions; not Nikki. Which led her to ancipate the reply wasn't as positive as she might've hoped. Still, tricky didn't start to explain the things were with Doug at present. They were getting along on, but Nikki was practically walking on eggshells around him. Probably due to her wanting desperately to see the girls at Christmas yet…

_Takes my breath away, is that feeling I get about you deep inside._

'You and Nikki Wright. Didn't see that one coming.'

Refraining from rolling her eyes, she attempted an easy smile. 'Alright, Roger? Having a good time?'

'It's been entertaining,' he answered, leaning against the wall beside her.

'If you've got something to say, Roger; just say it.'

After a moment he shrugged. 'Okay. I think it's unprofessional behaviour, sleeping with your superior officer. And I'd like to know how your little display is going to go down with the top brass.'

Diane smiled, properly this time. 'Actually, Inspector Gold and Superintendent Heaton were informed… hmm, almost a year ago now. We wanted to keep things as professional as possible.'

'Then maybe one of you should transfer,' he suggested, glancing at her.

'Well, yeah, if we were the ones with the problem,' she replied. 'I do my job, Nikki does hers. And if you've noticed anything that says otherwise in the last year then please fill me in. Otherwise, keep your nose out.'

'If you didn't want people to know, why the big scene?'

'We don't mind people knowing, Roger. It's just them telling us what we should be doing that's not on.'

Conceding that with a swig of his drink, he then said, 'Good luck to you.'

_And I can't describe, but there's something about the way you look tonight._

She'd hardly seen Nikki alone for the remainder of the night. First they'd been accosted by Reg offering his congratulations (and advice) then Beth, then even Jack Meadows had decided to stick his oar in. No more negativity though, which boded well. That was, of course, if they were actually on steady ground in the first place.

Saying goodbye to Jo while Lorna was getting her coat, she said, 'Can I ask you something?'

Jo shrugged. 'Sure.'

'When you first found out about me and Nikki… Did you think it stood a hope in hell of lasting?'

'Not really,' the detective answered with a small smile. 'Not at first anyhow. It's a bit late to be having your doubts, isn't it? A year down the line.'

'I'm not having doubts,' she replied with a shake of her head. 'I just…'

'Me neither,' muttered a voice behind her as an arm snaked round her waist. Jo made her getaway as Nikki added, 'I'm about ready to leave if you are.'

Di nodded, feeling a blush rising on her cheeks. 'Yeah.'

_Takes my breath away, the way you look tonight._

'Don't be so insecure,' Nikki advised as they waited outside for the taxi.

'Haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.'

'No, course not.' Lifting her hand up, Nikki turned her face gently and kissed her.

Di smiled as she drew back. 'Alright, maybe I've got an idea. But it's not important.'

The black cab pulled up and they bundled in quickly, grateful to be out of the biting December cold. After they'd driven for a few minutes, Nikki murmured, 'I am happy. If there's a problem it's just that half the time I feel guilty for it, that's all. You know, guilty for leaving the kids, guilty for what I did to Doug. But most of the time… Yeah, Di, I'm more than happy.'

Luckily, the darkness masked most of her reaction to that. Clearing her throat, Diane squeezed her hand. 'I think I just needed to hear it. I'm sorry.'

'Don't be,' Nikki replied, entwining their fingers. 'Just don't forget it.'

'So…' Diane said after a lengthy pause. 'Are you ready for facing work after tonight?'

'Nope,' her lover answered with a smile that was evident even in the darkness. 'But let's do it anyway.'

_The way you look tonight._


End file.
